Please play 'Over' by Johnnyswim for this chapter. Thank you SO much for over 12 THOUSAND views on FFTGB! Please don't forget to vote and comment! :)
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"Pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up," I begged. I wasn't crying, not yet anyways. I yanked open the car door and sat behind the steering wheel. Thanking God that I had remembered to grab my keys.
Ever since Blake and I moved in together, he'd been distant and we got into a lot of fights. I had a feeing that I wasn't the only girl in his life, but some naive part of me hoped I was wrong. Of all the times that I wanted to be right about something, why did it have to be now?
"Rae?" James' voice was husky and my heart fluttered.
"You know how I told you that I'd call you? Last year?"
"Of course." I could tell that James was alert now, hanging on to my every word.
"Well, I've been kind of busy but I'm calling you now. If you still want me."
"Rae, what happened? What's wrong?"
"I saw Blake-" I couldn't even finish the sentence because a lump was rising in my throat. No matter how many times I tried to swallow it down, it was too persistent.
"I know you're in America but I don't know what else to do. I've bothered Alice and Beth too many times about things like this and I don't know who to go to. I just feel very alone right now and I'm scared."
I heard James breathing heavily on the other end.
"I don't want to be alone right now, but I am. I don't have a clue about what to do anymore and I'm scared." I looked up and saw Blake stumbling through the door to the parking garage. I turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking space.
"Raelene!" I heard him shout over the engine and through the thin pane of glass that was my window.
"Rae, be careful on the road."
"Will you buy me a plane ticket home? I'll pay you back, I swear. I just need to get out of here." I put the phone on speaker and set it in my lap so both of my shaking hands would be on the wheel.
"Yeah, yeah. Which airport?" I told James the airport that was closest to me.
"I can get there in about thirty minutes. When does the next flight leave?" There was silence on the other end of the line and I choked on a sob again.
"James, when is the next flight?"
"Tomorrow at nine in the morning." I pulled to the side of the road, ignoring the horns of other cars. I cut the engine and rested my head against the steering wheel.
"It's six in the evening right now," I told him pathetically.
"Go find a hotel. He'll go looking for you and then you can stop by the apartment and pack some things."
"That's a good idea." I think I would've stayed on the side of the road for hours if James wasn't helping me. I started the car again and merged back onto the road. I didn't bother googling the nearest hotel, I just drove until I found one.
The call with James was now reaching twenty minutes.
"You're still there?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Well, I found a hotel so will you text me the information about the flight?"
"Yeah. I'll see you soon." I ended the call. I never heard the beeps that signaled a waiting call while I was driving, but I guess I had missed fifteen calls from Blake.
My voice mail had three messages but I deleted them all, knowing that if I heard his voice I'd forgive him. I don't remember ever signing into the hotel, but I had a room and I was sitting on the bed inside of it.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the wall silently and listening to my pounding heartbeat.
There was a knock on my door and I stood up and walked over to the door to answer it without a thought.
"Raelene!" Blake sighed. I tried the slam the door shut but Blake had propped his boot between the frame and the door.
"I'm confused," he told me with the expression of an idiot.
"You're confused? Why are you confused?" He still looked at me with that dumbfound expression. "You knew the truth about what you were doing. I didn't know anything! You knew that everything you were telling me were lies. I didn't. So why are you confused?!" I was screaming so I lowered my voice to keep from disturbing the other residents.
"Raelene..." he murmured, stepping closer to me. I stepped back fearfully and relished the look of hurt that passed over his features.
"No. You don't get to lay a hand on me. You know, before I moved to LA, I learned that every cell in your body is replaced in seven years. Give me those years, and you'll never have touched me."
"I don't want that!" Blake shouted. "I don't want you to never have been touched by me! I don't want anyone else to touch you. I want you to have only felt my hands."
"Why?!" My voice was frantic, but I knew it would drop to be eerily calm in an instant.
"Because you're mine. No one else's," he tried to convince me that I was only his.
"I'm not anyone's." There it was, my scary calm tone.
"Raelene, please hear me out," he begged.
"Please go." I didn't really want him to leave, but I knew he had to. I was going to forgive him if he didn't and I couldn't make that mistake again.
And then he did the thing that I asked him to do, but didn't want him to. He left, leaving me feeling twice as alone as I was before.
The door slammed shut behind him and I jumped. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water so it was a little hotter than I'd want it to be. I stepped inside, eventually zoning out into my own world.
I was numb, completely numb. I just stared at the wall in front of me. I kind of felt like everything was over. I didn't have a home. No one to hold me while I cried.
I finally grasped a few emotions. I felt pathetic, lost and disappointed. Pathetic, because I didn't even have an ounce of pride left, Blake took it all from me. Lost, because I didn't know where to go before my flight, I didn't have anyone to run to. Disappointed, because I was stupid enough to believe that Blake wouldn't hurt me again and because he actually did.
The water was freezing now.
I just wanted to be pulled down into the drain with the water, to just melt away and leave no evidence I was ever there.
What if I never went shopping? What if I stayed home for an hour? Or left an hour earlier? I probably never would've seen what I did. Then, I told myself that I would've found out either way. Sooner or later, I would've gotten hurt.
I turned the water off, but stayed standing in the shower. Once my hair had dried, I stepped out and changed into the clothes I was wearing before. I needed my clothes back so I got into my car and started driving to the apartment, praying that Blake wasn't there.
I pulled into the spot I usually did and walked inside, glancing back to see if Blake's car was parked. It was.
"Raelene?" I opened the door and saw a few beer bottles scattered around the coffee table, Blake sitting on the couch.
"Raelene! Are you coming home?" His speech wasn't slurred yet, but it was slowed down and I knew that he'd get too drunk for his own good soon.
If we were in America, I would've wondered where he got the beer, but here in Australia, it was legal to drink at 18 and we were 19.
"I'm going home."
"Raelene, you are home."
"This was my home until you screwed it up." I laughed dryly at the memory of me thinking that I was going to ruin everything. Maybe I did. Maybe I just wasn't enough for Blake.
"No, it still is your home. You're just mad," he fights back.
"This isn't my home, Blake! Can't you see that? When I'm at home, I want to be happy and comfortable. When I'm here, I'm just sad and feel awkward. At least I do now. I used to love it here, but now it's just a reminder of my mistakes."
"Where is your home then?" he asked me drunkenly.
"I don't know. I guess I don't have one." I pull out my suitcase and start piling clothes inside.
"Where are you going?" He falls onto the bed and stares at me.
"To America," I tell him. "To James," I add, knowing how badly that'll hurt him. It was low, but I was feeling like I was pointless anyway.
"Hell no." It seemed like he had sobered up a little since my crude remark only a few seconds ago.
I zipped the case up and tugged it behind me as I walked through the apartment, leaving for good.
"You need to graduate still!" he tried to get me to stay. He had a good point, but I just couldn't do it right now. I'd just come back in a week or so to finish. But I'd sure as hell stay away from him.
I took of the apartment key from my key chain and set it on the counter as I walked by it.
"Raelene! Please!" he shouted. I twisted the door knob and started to leave.
"Please don't leave me."
I shut the door behind me and made my way down to my car again.
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The next day, I woke up and left for the airport right away. I followed James' instructions from his texts and I walked onto the plane, dreading the long flight.
Seventeen hours later, I landed in Los Angeles. I was ready to hail a taxi, but I spotted a familiar, silver Hummer parked outside of the doors with a familiar person leaning against it.
I tried to smile, but I was too exhausted of fighting everything, so the grin just fell from my face. Even at two in the morning, James was waiting for me.
He walked around to the back of the car and opened the trunk when he saw me. He took my only bag from me and put it into the trunk and opened the passenger door for me.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly as he turned started the engine.
I shook my head 'no' and pulled the seat belt over my shoulder.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he pressed.
I shook my head 'no' again and rested my head against the window. James stopped asking me questions and drove me to his house.
"Are you going to college?" I asked as we pulled into the garage.
"Yeah, just the UCLA for now. Until I find what I want to do." I nodded and got out of the car. I wanted to ask James a million questions, but the lump in my throat stopped my from speaking.
"Where do you want to sleep? You can have my room, or his, or the couch..." I just stared at James, hoping that he'd come to a decision because I had no idea about what I wanted right now.
"You can have my room. I'll take his," he decided, leading me into his room. I sat on the bed without a word and James stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed.
I finally found my voice. "Thank you. For everything." James nodded and left the room, leaving me alone again.
I didn't want to be alone. Being alone brought on memories and thoughts that I didn't want.