yuuri's pov
i was torn.
i was so, so so torn.
you're probably thinking 'yuuri you fucking idiot, you have to go back to japan for your mom. you can literally see victor next week if you wanted,' and what you think is true. but victor is busy, i'm busy, coach will be so pissed if i miss my first competition, and if i miss this competition i'm basically out for the season.
victor would be so disappointed. he's the one who convinced me to come back to the competitive world in the first place, and now i've just completely thrown that back in his face.
although all these thoughts were still swarming my brain like wasps- gritty, and raw- phichit was still looking up the first flight to japan, insisting i get on it and he'll speak to celestino and it'll all be okay. he tried to reassure me with all the comforting words in the book, and shared some past experiences with loosing a family member, but my mind was a mental wall. nothing was going through, and the thoughts and decision making was all happening on the inside; where no one could reach them.
mostly everything in me was screaming to go back home. there was a flight that left in 7 hours, if i pack rapidly and sprint out the door i could still make it.
'fuck it.' i bolted up and forcibly pulled my suitcase out my cupboard, furiously throwing in as much clothes and chargers as i can (some i can't even remember if they're mine or not; me and phichit are the same size in hoodies anyway.) speaking of phichit, he was currently pacing up and down our narrow hallway, on the phone to the airport telling them this was an emergency and "you better make sure that goddamn boy is on that fucking plane."
i knew what would come out of me going home. the guilt of leaving victor, the constant worry aching every muscle that i'm missing my first competition and technically that whole season, the sinking feeling that i've let everyone i know around me down. but in this moment, i knew what was right.
so i gave phichit a long, lingering hug, slugged in the taxi outside, and prayed to god this wasn't the beginning of the end for my mom.
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yuurikatsudon- ...hi
v-nikiforov- phichit told me what happened
v-nikiforov- you need to go to japan
yuurikatsudon- i'm on my way :,) but i feel terrible. every single conversation for the past 40 days, every ounce of excitement, all down the drain. you must be so pissed
v-nikiforov - i'm not pissed angel. i could never be pissed at you for something like this. i know how much your mom means to you, we can wait. i'm here for you every step of the way. we'll just have to put us on hold for a bit, okay? please focus on your family for now. i'm always here if you need me
yuurikatsudon- can i even love you any more
v-nikiforov - not as much as i love you baby, you are so brave for doing this all by yourself
yuurikatsudon- but i'm not by myself, i have you, phichit, my dad, minako, yuuko, mari, everyone back home. and that why things like this feel so new now. before i was fighting everything all by myself, but i don't feel that way anymore
v-nikiforov- i'm so proud of you angel
v-nikiforov - i don't say i love you enough but i love you so so much you'll never know
yuurikatsudon- i love you even more :,( i promise, i'll see you soon. even if i have to give every penny i have, i don't care, i'll be with you someday
v-nikiforov- i'm excited already. but for now, go to your mom. she needs you <3
yuurikatsudon- i'll keep you updated. xx
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the flight to japan didn't feel as long as i thought, i guess victor had the power to make time go faster whenever you texted him.
god, if that power was real i would skip this part of my life completely. it sucks. literally nothing good is coming out of this right now.
security was stressful, but when is it not? finding minako was stressful but again, when is it not? the woman probably has springs on the bottom of her shoes.
eventually, i spotted her.
and she was so different.
usually she was bouncing off the walls, but she was family to us too. her parents never cared for her much, so the katsuki's pretty much raised her since the age of 2.
her steps were heavy, her eye bags were more distended than they've ever been. but that was expected.
i sludged up to her, and instead of burying my face in her chest i merely placed a hand on her shoulder, and she sighed in response and guided me to her car.
"i know this is the last thing you wanna talk about right now but... what actually happened?" i queried, as minako flinched at the thought and took a deep breath.
this isn't good.
"i don't even know. she said she felt a bit off, but we all just brushed it off and told her to take a nap or something. then before you know it she's in the floor, struggling to take a breath, and then she's whisked away by doctors and we're standing in the hospital waiting room. we all got called in to a small room and were told that she's had cancer. cancer, yuuri!! none of us even knew it. not even her."
i couldn't move. i stared at the same speck of dust on the window, unable to process anything.
minako's tears didn't help that either.
i looked at her in complete disbelief. that was my mom!! that was hiroko katsuki, the most caring person in hatsetsu! the woman who gave me life, showed me happiness, cared for me, loved me, showed me the art of dance and skating, and gave me the most beautiful, priceless gifts in life.
she would care for me when i was sick. she would hug me when i would tell her about the kids teasing me in school. we would laugh while messing up the cooking together, we would spend countless hours snuggled up on the couch watching movies, even though she had so much work to do she put my happiness over it all.
she was the most accepting when i came out to her, only a few months back. she would stroke my hair and hold me close to her when i was having panic attacks, placing my hand on her heartbeat to show me everything is going to work out.
that heart. it calmed me, it showed me everything in life.
her heart told me to get back on the ice, that the ice was where i belong.
her heart whispered to me to follow my dreams slightly, as it could lead to amazing things.
her heart showed me that no one's opinion matters. i shouldn't change myself to make others happy, because that heart would be beating for me no matter what.
her heart told me not to take that blade to my precious forearm. that heart couldn't bare to see me harm its finest creation, and the thought of me harming that heart makes my heart ache in return.
that heart whispered to me i need victor. it spoke quietly, telling me 'he's the one. he'll care for you when i can't. he'll love you almost as much as i do. he needs you as much as you need him.'
the thought for that heart- that wonderful, loving, ever-lasting heart- to stop beating made my heart strings tug tightly.
mom.
please, please, please keep that heart beating.
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i love momma katsuki so much, sorry this was so long and i hope it was good :/
okay, a couple things-
firstly, dorks is currently number 2 on the aesthetic tag and i'm so proud of it :,) thank you all so, so much for reading. i hope you're ready for the next part of this! you're all my precious kids and i love you all. big hugs <3
secondly, me and my wife (she's not rly my wife but like. basically she is. her name is skye. she's cool, i'm currently writing a whole story basically about her, so stay tuned for that i guess? :P) are going to summer in the city! so if ur going pls comment on this telling me cos we need friends and I'll give you hugs what more do u want in life (I'm so ugly irl tho ew)
so yes. thank you for making this happen :)) i'm super sappy right now
c xxx