Mabilis kong itinulak ang glass door na naghihiwalay sa lobby at sa rooms. Kaagad akong dumiretso sa aking kwarto at hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman sa puntong ito. Nakaawang ang pintuan.
"Naya!"
Paulit-ulit na tawag ko ngunit walang Naya ang nagpapakita sa akin. I checked the bathroom but there was no sign of her. And tell me I am stupid for checking my walk in closet, but I did! I am so desperate to find her.
Kaagad akong lumabas ng aking kwarto at sa pagkataranta ko ay muntik na akong matapilok.
"Leigh!" kaagad akog napalingon ng marinig ang boses nina Naya at Louise sa aking likuran nang akmang pipihitin ko na ang door knob ng glass door.
"Naya. Shit. Where have you been?" nag-aalalang tanong ko rito at kaagad ko siyang dinaluhan ng yakap.
"I am sorry Leigh. I took her as soon as I heard the gunshots. Okay ka lang ba?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Louise sa akin ngunit gusto ko man siyang sagutin ay hindi ko magawa.
Kung ano ang kabang nararamdaman ko ay ganoon din ang bigat ng nararamdaman ni Naya.
"W-wala bang nangyaring masama sa inyong dalawa? Wala bang nakapasok dito?" tanong ko sa kanila nang humiwalay ako sa pagkakayakap kay Naya.
"24/7 na bantay sarado ang dormitory buildings Aleighna. There is nothing to worry about. Ikaw? Shit! What happened to you, huh?"nababakas ko sa mga tinig ni Louise ang labis na pag-aalala sa akin.
Iginiya ko sila sa loob ng aking dorm at kaagad na ni-lock ang pinto. Louise gave both Naya and I glasses of water. Nang napakalma ko na ang aking sarili ay saka pa lang ako nagkapag-kwento kay Louise. I turned to my side and saw Naya peacefully sleeping already.
"I dropped by at the grocery and the fire from the bar welcomed me when I got out. I thought that was the only problem but minutes later, series of gunshots when fired and heard. And damn, Louise!" ani ko at ramdam ko na ang namumuong luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata, "The bar exploded. Nakita kong tumilapon ang ilang mga estudyante. There were bombs, Louise! For goodness sake! How could that be even possible?"
"Oh my, God, Leigh," gulat na saad ni Louise at hindi rin alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya sa nangyari kani-kanina lang.
"And Louise," dugtong ko at dahil sa panlalamig ng aking kamay ay kaagad kong naramdaman ang init ng kanyang kamay nang hawakan ko ito, "Someone fired his gun directly towards me."
"What the hell, Leigh?"
Naihilamos niya ang kanyang mga kamay sa kanyang mukha.
Louise spent the night here. Hindi na rin siya nagpumilit pang umuwi sa kanyang dorm nang pinakusapan ko siyang dito na muna dahil natatakot pa rin ako sa nangyari. It was traumatizing for Pete's sake!
Kinaumagahan ay magkakasabay kaming gumising na tatlo dahil sa kalabog sa pintuan at kaagad kaming napatayo ni Louise nang bumukas ito.
"I am sorry for crashing in but Nyazel what the hell are you doing here!?"
Tila nawala ang antok ko dahil sa nagngingit na boses ni Nazaire. Tatanungin ko pa sana siya kung paano niya nagawang makapasok dito nang maalala kong maaari niyang buksan ang mga dorm gamit ang kanyang fingerprint.
"Kuya!" kaagad na napatayo si Naya at napayakap sa kanyang kapatid. Nagkakatitigan na lamang kami ni Louise.
Napansin ko ang dugo sa gawing tyan ni Nazaire. It was the same cloth he was wearing last night! Nagsimula akong kabahan nang maalala ko ang huling sinabi ni Jax na unstable pa rin ang lagay ni Nazaire.
"Shit! Zel! Anong ginagawa mo rito!?" ulit niya nang hindi sumagot ang kapatid.
"It is a nice hello after some years, Kuya," magkahalong lungkot at sarkastiko ang tono ng pananalita ni Naya at humkabang pa ito ng ilan palayo sa kapatid.
"I guess I'll be kicking some ass back to L.A.," dagdag niya pa.
I could see Nazaire's frustration. Marahas siyang pumikit at nakita ko ang nakakuyom niyang kamao.
"Zel, are you aware of what happened last night!? Everything here is a complete mess right now. Bakit ka pa pumunta rito!?" ramdama ko ang bigat sa bawat salitang binibitiwan ni Nazaire.
"Bakit ako pumunta rito? Well, because everything is a mess and I am not living this academy without you," matigas na saad ni Naya sa kanyang kapatid.
"Bullshit, Zel. Bullshit!" sigaw ni Nazaire at nagmartsa na ito palabas.
Kasabay ng pabalang na pagsara ng pinto ay siya pa ring pagbigay ni Naya. Kaagad siyang dinaluhan ni Louise.
"Sssshhhh. Things will be alright, Zel," pang-aalo ni Louise sa kanya habang niyayakap ito.
"I want him back with me. I want him back with us. I miss him," Naya said in between her sobs.
Tila kinukurot ang aking puso sa aking nasaksihan. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko at sa halip na daluhan si Naya ay mas pinili kong lumabas. I could not stand seeing her. She seemed so helpless with his brother.
Naramdaman ko ang pagbagsak ng aking luha at kaagad ko itong pinunasan. I did not know what pushed me to ring Nazaire's doorbell. I did not know if he was there. But I was hoping. After pushing the button for the sixth time ay nagbukas din ito.
"What do you need?"
I was stopped by his presence. He was shirtless and my eyes got glued on his bleeding stomach. It was covered with bandaged but the blood just would not stop.
"Nazaire 'yong tahi mo," ani ko at umiling lang siya kasabay ng paglalakad niya papasok.
I was left at the door. Nakita kong tinatanggal niya ang kanyang bandage at tila nahihirapan siya rito kaya roon lamang ako nagkalakas ng loob na tuluyang pumasok at tulungan siya.
"I can lend a hand," saad ko sa kanya at hinayaan niya naman ako.
Ilang buntong hininga ang narinig ko. Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang bandage na nakaikot sa kanyang katawan. Sa bawat buntong-hininga na binibitawan niya ay para bang may gusto siyang sabihin na hindi niya alam kung sasabihin niya ba o hindi.
He put his hands on the table and he was tapping it, frustrated he was.
I let him sit on the stool. Dahan dahan kong dinampihan ng cotton ball na may betadine ang kanyang sugat. Halos sariwa pa ang ilang tahi at habang dinadampihan ko ito ay tila bumabalik lang ako sa gabing iyon. He got six stabs! Six fucking stabs!
Agad kong nabitiwan ang cotton ball at napaatras. A tear suddenly fell. I cannot do this.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." paulit-ulit na saad ko sa kanya.
"Why are you so sorry? It was not your fault," tanging saad niya kasabay ng kanyang pagtayo ngunit ilang iling ang ibinigay ko sa kanya.
"No. I could have done something. I could have stopped that man," napatakip ako sa aking bibig.
Oh, God. Spare me from the conscience. Please.
"You were able to stop, him. He was just a total psychopath. Stop blaming yourself, Aleighna." he said and it made me froze a little.
Aleighna. He called me, Aleighna. It was for the first time!
Nanatili lang akong nakatayo roon habang pinapanood siyang linisin ang kanyang sugat. I could not bare putting my hands near his stitches. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko. Saka lang ako natauhan nang ilalagay niya na ang panibagong bandaged kaya agad ko siyang tinulungan.
"They told me that you were so worried about me," aniya habang pinapaikot ko ito sa kanyang katawan, "And that you kept on asking my whereabouts."
Hindi ko masyadong inintindi ang mga sinasabi niya. It just felt like I was obliged to take good care of him while those stitches were still visible.
"You were worried, Aleighna. Weren't you?" tanong niyang muli at gumawa ako ng tatlong hakbang palayo sa kanya upang magkaroon ng distansya sa pagitan namin.
"I saw how you were stabbed multiple times. I saw you fell on my shoulder. And those were really things to be worried about. I have not been into a peaceful sleep since that night," sagot ko sa kanya at hindi ko magawang tumingin sa mga mata niya.
Hindi ako nakarinig ng kahit na ano mula sa kanya dahilan nang pagtingin ko rito at para bang gusto ko na lamang bawiin ang mga mata ko sa hindi malamang dahilan. He was looking at me, meaningfully. It seemed like he already got into my soul.
Nakita ko ang pag-angat ng kanyang labi at kasunod nito ay ang kanyang pag-iling.
"Remember the time that I took your card key?" biglang saad niya habang ininiligpit ang first aid kit. "How about the time that you shouted at me in the atrium?"
Sinundan ko na lamang siya ng tingin habang inilalagay ang first aid kit sa isang cabinet at pagkatapos nito ay kinuha niya ang kanyang puting damit na nakapatong sa lamesa.
"And the time that I threatened you at the detention office?"
"What are you trying to say, Nazaire?" naguguluhang kong tanong sa kanya.
Bago siya sumagot ay nakita ko ang paglandas ng malungkot niyang pag-ngiti.
"Just a damn wrong time and place, Aleighna. I cannot wait for this chaos to end soon," makahulugan niyang pahayag na hindi ko na nasundan nang bigla niyang ibahin ang usapan, "How long have my sister been here? How long have you been with her?" bigla na lamang sumeryoso ang kanyang pananalita.
"Kahapon lang siya dumating dito and I have been with her since then," kunot-noo kong sagot sa kanya.
"She is a great trouble. She will surely worsen things up. Aleighna, will you do me a favor?" baling niya sa akin at kaagad naman akong tumayo, "Do not tell and do not let anyone know that we are siblings."
Bahagya kong ipinilig ang aking ulo at nakuha ko naman ang nais niyang iparating.
"I will still talk to them if I can have her out of here. Hindi siya pwedeng madamay dito. I have been risking my life for this academy and I cannot risk my sister's safety. Please stay with her, Aleighna. Stick with her. You, Naya, and Louise. Do not leave each other's side," bilin niya sa akin na kaagad ko namang sinang-ayunan.
I get it. Naya is another burden to him. May panibago na naman siyang aalalahanin. At hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit bahagyang kinurot ang puso ko ang banggitin niya si Louise. No. It is not that I do not to stay with Louise. Of course, I want to. She is my friend. Bigla ko na lang napagtanto na labis ngang mahalaga si Louise sa kanya. And so is he to Louise.
Because of what happened last night, class were declared suspended for today. Pinayagan din ang ilan na lumabas ng campus given the fact that it was Friday and we would be having a long weekend. It was good for me to lie low after everything that happened.
Nagpaalam ako kina Naya at Louise na aalis ako at sa Linggo na ng gabi ang magiging balik ko. Ilang beses ko silang sinabihan na mag-ingat. As much as I hated the feeling, I could not calm down knowing that there were still possible killers roaming around the premises.
Bago ako lumabas ng campus ay dumaan muna ako sa Don Lennar Heartfilia Building upang mag-fill up ng form sa aking paglabas. Tahimik nang pumasok ako roon. Walang masyadong tao ngunit nagulat na lamang ako nang marinig ang pasigaw na boses ni Nazaire.
"I want her out of this!"
Hinanap ko ang kanyang boses at nakitang nanggaling ito sa opisina ni Mrs. Smurvin. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang lumapit doon dahil hanggang dito sa kinatatayuan ko ay dinig ko ang sagutan ng dalawa.
"Nazaire, you know you can't. And we can't. Nakapasok na siya rito at magiging delikado kung basta basta na lamang natin siyang palalabasin. Do you want what happened to Hali happened to your sister, too?" rinig kong pahayag ni Mrs. Smurvin.
"We warned you about this already, young man. If you want your family out of it, better be sure that they will not step a foot on the premises," hindi ko kilala mabosesan ang nagsalita. Her voice is not familiar.
"Damn it!" narinig ko ang kalabog ng lamesa at huli na upang umiwas ako dahil kaagad na sumalubong kay Nazaire ang natataranta kong mukha pagkalabas niya sa opisina ni Mrs. Smurvin.
"H-hindi ko sinasadyang marinig-," hindi ko natapos pa ang dapat kong sabihin nang bigla niya akong higitin palabas doon. Saka niya lang ako binitiwan nang nakalayo na kami at saka ko lang napagtantong nasa circle kami.
Nagpatiuna nang maglakad si Nazaire and I saw how his body clenched. I am no help for him. Magulo man sa akin ang lahat sa ngayon pero isang bagay ang malinaw sa akin. Natatakot siya para sa kapatid niya. The untouchable Nazaire Bernards can become touchable because of Naya's presence and whoever the enemy is, they could use her against him.
Kaagad akong napaayos ng tayo nang lumingon siya sa akin at walang ano-ano ay niyakap niya ako. Ramdam ko ang init ng katawan at bigat ng kanyang paghinga. Mahigpit ang ginawa niyang pagyakap sa akin and his hug felt like longing for something.
Sinubukan kong pakalmahin siya sa pamamagitan ng paghagod ko ng kanyang likuran. He must have gone through a lot. Hinayaan ko lang siyang ganoon hanggang sa siya na mismo ang kusang kumalas.
Agad niyang hinawakan ang kanyang sentido at napansin ko ang pamumula ng kanyang mga mata. He was struggling to stop his tears from falling and it pained me that I could not do anything for him but just stand there in front of him.
"I am sorry Aleighna, it's just that, I am worried for her. I cannot let go of that thought that what if she was there last night? Damn it! I won't forgive myself," aniya at huminga ito ng malalim.
Kaagad naman akong napailing.
"No. She's fine. There is nothing to worry about."
"No, Leigh. Her presence is everything for me to worry about."
Hinayaan kong huminga si Nazaire doon. I cannot just leave him. My phone that for the first time after the UNATEX ay nai-charge ko na, keeps on vibrating. It was probably Iana and they were probably already outside. But I cannot really love Nazaire like this. Hindi ko alam kung gaano na kabigat ang kanyang dinadala. But it must have been tough for him. His action is screaming of how it gets tough everyday. And I wish I could help him more than I can do.
"Zel, I am accepting you here, but I will not without negotiation," ani Nazaire nang makarating kami sa dorm.
Mula rito sa kitchen ay naririnig namin ni Louise ang pinag-uusapan nila.
"Sure. What is it?" kaagad na tugon ni Naya.
"Hindi ka lalayo kay Louise at Aleighna kapag nasa campus ka."
"What? No. Kuya. I mean that is impossible. They are one year ahead of me," protesta ni Naya at tahimik lang kaming nagkatitigan ni Louise.
"So what am I being the SCB President of this academy?" balik sa kanya ni Nazaire.
"Okay fine. In whatever way you want it to be done as long as I am staying here," tugon ni Naya rito at napansin ko ang pag-irap ni Louise.
"Second, do not let Zevi go here. Hinding-hindi siya pwede umapak sa Pilipinas."
"You're late. He's here already with Daddy's body guard."
"What the hell? Are you serious, Zel? Damn. Call him. Now."
"Before I do that, I want to have mine first and that is after this academic year, I want you out of it. You are going with me back to Los Angeles. Is that a deal, Kuya?" paghahamon ni Naya sa kapatid at nakita ko ang pagbagsak ng balikat ni Louise.
"Louise is just third year now, Zel. I will wait for her to graduate before leaving this academy."
Kaagad na nabaling ang tingin ko kay Louise at hindi ito makatingin ng diretso sa akin.
"Well, we will be both waiting for her then."
"No Zel. You are going to leave after this academic year."
"Fine. Then there will be no calling Zevi and stopping him from enrolling here."
Sandaling nanahimik sa loob bago ko narinig ang tikhim ni Nazaire at saka ito muling nagsalita.
"Fine! Contact him and tell him to go back to L.A. right away," ani nito sa kapatid at maya-maya lang ay narinig ko na na may kausap si Naya sa kanyang cellphone.
"Louise, aren't you telling me something?" kaagad na tanong ko rito ngunit mahina lang ito upang hindi kami marinig sa labas.
"What is it?" tanong niya at kaagad na sumimsim sa kanyang juice.
"I get it, okay? Nazaire matters to you and you matter to him. But in what way Louise?"
Hindi ko nagawa pang dugtungan ang tanong ko. Siguro ay natatakot ako na marinig ang maaaring kasagutan ni Louise. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.
"Aleighna can we talk?" parehong nabaling ang atensyon namin sa pintuan at doon ay nakita si Nazaire, "I want to have a minute with her Louise, if you do not mind."
"Go ahead," sagot ni Louise at kaagad na bumaling sa akin, "Sige Leigh," dugtong niya at iniwan kami ni Nazaire sa kusina.
Binalot kami ng katahimikan. Tila nangungusap ang aming presensya. Narinig ko ang kanyang pagtikhim at bahgya akong napalingon sa kanya.
"Are you... going out today?" panimula niya at sa gilid ng aking mga mata ay nakita ko ang dahan-dahan niyang paghakbang palapit sa kinaroroonan ko.
Bago pa man ako makasagot ay dinugtungan niya na ang kanyang sinasabi.
"When you leave the premises, Aleighna. I want you to leave everything behind, too. As the Student Central Board President, I want everything inside the box to stay where they should be. You are the transferee. You are the newbie. That is why I am telling you this. I do not want anything to spill out from your mouth when you take as step outside."
Nakuha niya na ang aking paningin ngunit kasabay nang aking paglingon sa kanya ay kanya ring pag-iwas ng tingin sa akin. I knew it. I understand him. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit tila bigla nagkaroon ako ng pasan? He was sincere. He was so damn sincere.
"Even a little leak of information can cause danger and I do not want that happen," huminga siya ng malalim bago muling nagpatuloy, "This may be hard you but as long as you are inside our walls, you are left with no choice but to follow. Am I making this clear, Lowrie?"
Naramdaman ko ang pangingilid ng aking luha. Damn it! Bakit parang sinasaksak ako?
"'Y-yes," tanging sagot ko.
Tila may malaking tinik na nakabara sa lalamunan ko na kahit simpleng salita lamang ay hindi ko masabi.
Tinanguan niya na lamang ako bago nagmartsa paalis sa kusina.
Maybe he just broke down a while ago. Maybe he just needed some shoulder. Maybe... maybe he just. Bullshit! I am still and just Aleighna Cassidy Harth Lowrie. An exchange student from Karringstyn University who suddenly came out of nowhere!