REMEMBER: VOTE FIRST!
November, Wednesday
Vanessa
"Joseline Brown?" I call out in the waiting-room that is almost way too full of sick individuals. But I love my job. I love being a doctor. I imagine the way today will go. Some patients will receive great news and some won't.
My goal is to make sure that everyone leaves with at least an encouraging smile on their face. Don't dare tell me it's not possible, because, nothing is impossible.
"Joseline Brown?" I call again, my eyes searching over the crowd. As if startled awake from a slumber, the short, African-American woman that I've been seeing for the past months, rises to stand.
I instantly smile upon seeing her. She doesn't look too good. Good as in, not too healthy.
"Good morning Dr.Coleman" She greets in her usual soft tone.
I hold the door open for her, my back pressed against it to keep it from closing. "Good morning Joseline. Nice to see you again" I close the door behind us after she entered.
"Oh Doc, you know I ain't got no choice" She sighs, speeding down the hallway to her destination. Our usual check up room.
"I sure wish you did" I place a hand on her shoulder and give it an encouraging pat.
As soon as she settles in her usual position, I do the same by standing before her. She looks up at me and smiles. "You have a new glow today Doc. That man of yours took care of you this mornin', didn't he?"
I laugh. "So naughty Mrs. Brown"
"How you think you got here child? Your mama had to be naughty in some way" she reaches for my hand, with my wedding ring, and squeeze. "So tell me child, what's got you glowing this mornin?" She smiles.
Instinctively I feel the instant need to rub my still very flat stomach. But I resist, with great hesitation that she'd figure it out in an instant. "Well Mrs. Brown, my husband sure does have something to do with it" I say with a playful wink.
My husband has a big something to do with it.
"Oh sweetheart" Joseline drops my hand and reaches for my stomach. I resist the urge to move. "That fine man of yours put a baby in you, didn't he?"
"Um" I swallow, in pure shock. I can't be that obvious, right?
"Congratulations my child! No wonder why you glowing. It must've have been the best news" She slightly rubs my stomach before removing her hand.
"It was" a bile of emotions form in my throat. "It sure was Mrs. Brown" I place my hand over my stomach and rub.
I'm going to be a mommy. After wanting this for so long, I'm finally going to be a mommy.
"Ain't God just amazing?" She continues to smile at me, and I nod, completely agreeing with her statement. "He does everything for a reason. And he's always on time"
"Amen" I chuckle. Mrs. Brown just sits there watching me rub the spot where my child is growing. I don't think anything can ruin this moment, until I remember exactly why Joseline's here.
"Oh God Mrs. Brown, I'm sorry" I break out of my trance and move towards the sink to put a pair of gloves on.
"Child, hearing your great news just made my day a lot better. I feel more brave to hear my news now" she sighs and lay back on the bed.
"How're you feeling today Mrs. Brown?"
"Really tired" she sighs again
****** ******
I'm crying. I'm gasping. The water from the shower that I'm taking all flying into my mouth. I'm losing it. My legs are giving up on me. I slowly slide down shower wall until my butt hit the floor.
I can't control my emotions. That's why I try so hard to not get close to any of my patients. But somehow, I'm connected to them all. Whatever they feel, I feel. Whatever news I deliver to them, I receive as well.
So when I told Mrs. Brown today that the cancer is expanding in her lungs, I received the news as well. I felt her pain, but I kept strong for her. I held her hand through her break down. I prayed that I could make it better.
But I can't. So I cry more. I don't know for how long, but I just cry. I rake my brain to find a reason as in to why someone so wonderful like her has to go through something like that. My body starts to shake.
It hurts.
"Oh God, why?" I cry for Mrs Brown. I know that I'm not supposed to question God because he has a reason behind everything he does, but I can't help it.
Am I losing my faith?
I don't know how long I sit here and cry, but I just keep on going, because I just can't seem to stop.
"Baby?" I hear my husband call behind the locked bathroom door. But I just shake my head as though he can see me. I don't want him to see me like this. "Vanessa? Baby, open the door"
"I-I'm fi-fine babe, just need some alone time" I wipe my eyes but the tears just keep on coming.
"Baby I can hear you crying. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. Really. I'll be out in a few"
He doesn't respond for a few minutes. There's no movement behind the door, so I release a deep breath, glad that he didn't push much. But my gratefulness doesn't last long, because a few minutes later, the bathroom door unlocks and my husband joins me in the shower with his work clothes on.
"Baby" He reaches for the knob and turn off the water. "Beautiful. What happened?" He squats down before me and capture my face in his hands.
I look deeply into my husband's gray eyes, full of concern, and I die a little more inside. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I rush to my feet and out the shower.
He follows right behind me.
I grab the biggest towel we have in our bathroom and wrap it around me, before walking out. My husband follows my every move of course. "Was it—" he starts to say but I quickly turn and smash my lips against his.
"I don't want to talk about it" I peck his lips with every word. He frowns, but kisses me back. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen our kiss, moaning into his mouth upon tasting his tongue.
Swiftly I'm lifted off the ground with all my limbs wrapped around my husband. He walks with me, reaching underneath my towel to grab my butt. I moan even louder into his mouth.
As soon as my back hits our bed, I wrestle with him to get on top, and I discard my body of the towel immediately.
"Jesus, wife" he reaches up to cup my breasts and I grind down on him, due to the fact that my boobs are more sensitive now. "Wait babe, I have something to tell you"
"W-what?" I bring my lips down to meet his. "Mm you taste so mighty fine husband"
"Baby, Jesus, wait" he moans, gripping my hair to keep me from kissing him again. "Wait beautiful"
I reach underneath me and grip his hard region "For what?"
"Sh*t, my mom and my sister are coming tomorrow" he blurts out and I quickly stop any movement.
My mom and my sister are coming tomorrow.
The words echo in my head and I instantly feel my good mood vanish.
"Babe—"
"I thought they weren't coming this year Jerome" I snap because Lord knows I can't deal with his racist family right now.
My husband sits up with me still on top him, and cups my face in between his hands. "I'm sorry baby, I thought so too. But they said they wanted to surprise us" he tries to kiss me but I turn away.
"You. They want to surprise you Jerome, not me" I get off him and pick the towel off the ground.
"Well, we're married baby. That means we're one package deal" he gets off the bed and follows me into my closet. "It's all going to be fine baby" his arms encircle my waist and he kisses my bare shoulder. "I promise"
"You promise me that every year. But thanksgiving is always a living hell for me" I move out of his grasp to search through my undergarments drawer.
He sighs.
"I get it Jerome. They're your family, and I won't ask you to not welcome them into our home. But this year, it's different. I'm pregnant now. And I won't let anything harm our baby. Not even your family" I pull on my underwear and move past him out of the closet.
"You think I'd let anyone harm you Nessa?" He follows behind me again. "Cause that's the most stupidest thing you could ever say to me"
I stop dead in my tracks and turn to look at him.
"Dammit. What do you want me to do baby? You want me to tell them not to come?" He gives me an exasperated look.
I almost say yes. I know that he'd do it. But I've been dealing with his family for years now. How much damage can one more do?
"And give them one more reason to hate me? No thanks, let them come. But like I've said Jerome, this year is different. It will be" I walk out of our room.
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