3 Stepbrothers

The Kingdom Has Fallen

Shawn's POV

It was the chirping birds and fighting squirrels that set off my mood. Just the way that some of the leaves danced in the wind like they were partners, set me off. Spring time really was beautiful, with the flowers and animals. Buzzing bees that would move from flowers, to dandelions, then back to the hive. Caterpillars crawling around, soon to be butterflies. The day was beautiful...only making me plummet deeper into the dark abyss of sadness.

It's funny how life works really. We're born, we grow up, we grow old, we die. Every animal, every species has methods of survival. We just want to reproduce and flourish. With humans at the top of the food chain, we don't fear a lot. What's there to fear anyways? The only thing we should truly be scared of is each other. Our lives can be so...pointless at times. If you really think about it, most of us go to school for more than half of our lives. We all want to be something or we have to be something. It's the only way we'd all live a good life.

Money was like the center of the universe to us. We're probably the only species that relies on paper to help our lives. Birds find their mates, make kids, then do it over. Herds of animals such as zebras, wildebeest, even fish. They stick together like a giant family. Packs of wolves or lions, their main goal is to eat, sleep, reproduce. So what makes us so different? Why must we always dawn on deaths or disabilities? We are so absorbed in living longer, in flourishing longer. It's this era of our nature.

In a herd, if you're sick you're left behind. If you're injured in a pack, you're kicked out like an outcast. If you die, you're left to rot and become part of the earth. Not for us. For us it's different. If we're sick, we're treated. If we're injured we're not abandoned. If we die, we're put into a casket. Or burned to ashes. Why is it that we care so much? Why can't we move on like all the other animals? What makes us so different?

My eyes stayed planted on the grass as I folded my hands in front of me. "We're all gathered here today to not mourn about the death of this young lady, but to praise the wonderful life she had."

Death was something that is part of us. We can't live forever yet we try to figure knew methods to live longer. Why? Once we're in our sixties or seventies what use do we have? We're just wasting air on the earth, space for others. Our world is slowly dying and it's our fault. We are not meant to live so long, it hurts everything around us and we're blinded by the fact. Sure, I want to live for a long time, but it's true. Once I retire will I really be able to do things I've dreamed of? 

This is different though. This was a young girl that had a lot to live for. A good family with people that love her. Friends that are caring and understanding. A young man who is madly in love with her. She didn't have a chance to enjoy life. Once you're sixty or seventy all you have to give is wisdom from everything you learned in your youth. But she didn't have the chance to experience any of that.

Life can sometimes be hard. It makes you fight and never backs down easily. Everyone has something to live for. Maybe it's a dream of becoming famous or something as wild as falling in love. So life can be pointless at times but once you get on the right track it's worth living for. Maybe that's why we want to flourish. Because we dream, love, and hope.

The Adam's apple in my throat bobbed while I tried not to cry. Like the man had said, we will not mourn but praise. "Do you ever wonder what life really is?" I looked to my side where I saw FooFoo. His head was bowed down and his rainbow mane was shaded in blue to match his mood.

"Life is misery. But it's worth it in the end..." I answered with a sigh, my hand started petting his head just around his horn where he likes it. Everyone was attending the Princess' funeral. Sir LanceVicTovan was here with his guards. Even his Majesty was sad of the death of the Princess. Duke Hollischolar was attending the funeral as well. He is the brightest scholar in all the lands, making everyone feel dumb in his presence. It was strange though because everyone thought he was dumb until he answered the riddle to one of the witches. He luckily was not turned into a fish.

"It's short too." FooFoo sighed. "What will we do Shawn?"

I shook my head. "Don't look at me. Sir LanceVicTovan is the king."

"But you're the Royal Joker."

My lips curled in the smallest smile. "I travel to much. The Princess was...a sister to me."

FooFoo smirked slightly. "It's funny really...you, the King, the Scholar. All so close. All of you are treated with the highest respects in the Kingdom. Then, the Princess comes. You favor her, the Duke favors her, finally the King takes to his liking. After that, the whole Kingdom loves her."

I shook my head. "I can't believe the Chocolate Elk were in the way while she was riding. It was the horse that lost control. She wasn't holding onto the reins and now look at her..."

We both looked at her lifeless body. It was decorated with flowers that surrounded her like bushes. There was a bouquet of flowers in her hands as she was laid back on a small boat. It was also decorated with beautiful carvings on the sides and flowers floating behind."I'm going to miss her." FooFoo looked down a huff escaping his muzzle. "I was starting to like her Ninja guards. They made me laugh."

"Her Kingdom will fall into despair." I watched as they sent the boat with the Princess' body out into the Sea of Fairies. Everyone watched as it sailed against the still water. It was only the wind that was carrying it away from us. "She has a little sister though."

"She's too young." FooFoo and I watched the boat until it was merely a spec on the water. "Besides, the Prince isn't in any shape to take over. He was suppose to join the King's army in a while, now all he does is sulk in his room. They're keeping a close eye on him. Before he does something stupid."

"He truly loves her." My voice caught. "I truly love her as well."

"She will be ok." FooFoo nudged his muzzle into my shoulder. "She's with your father now."

I woke up when I heard the monitor ring. It was the long short beep signifying no heartbeat. When I looked at the screen, my stomach turned at the flat line. My breathing got heavier and I felt the bile in the back of my throat. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare. Blake was already up, he shouted something but I couldn't hear. I was too busy hyperventilating in my chair to do anything. I told myself a thousand times she'd be ok. That she'd make it out of this trance.

My cheeks became wet with the tears falling down my face. If my dream wasn't bad enough, waking up to this was. Tori couldn't leave me. She's my sister, my best friend. She's helped me through so much. Her brilliance helped me with math when I was failing. She helped me think of a date with Emily. She helped get Em and I back together when we broke up. She was the best thing that could have happened to me. Tori was the reason I wasn't stuck as Blake's shadow. The reason I became more independent. She couldn't leave.

"Shawn we have to go." Blake grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. My knees collapsed below me as I watched the nurses and doctors rush in. "Shawn!" Blake shouted in my ear. I hated it when people yelled at me. Especially in a situation like this. All it does is make me stress more and feel like my skull is shrinking around my brain.

I closed my eyes and started sobbing. Tori can't leave me. She's my everything right now. Dad and I were never as close as Tori and me are. She played games with me, she was part of my life, my life. I wished I had met her before we became siblings so we could have been the best of friends. She was a combination of all of us. She had an attitude like Blake. Smart like Cole. And crazy like me. We were all able to bond with her because of that. I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to stay by her side and hold her hand. I wanted her to wake up. My body wouldn't move though, I just wanted to crawl under the bed and cry. Cry all day and night.

"You two need to leave." One of the nurses said to us. This was actually happening, Tori's heart stopped beating.

Blake cursed and picked me up. He took me out of the room where I found Cole pacing with his hands behind his head as tears streaked down his face. Bill was holding onto Suzie while she kicked and screamed as sobs didn't stop. Bill's face was deadly pale, he looked fatigue and weak. Finally he gave up and handed Suzie to mom who held onto her with a different strength. Bill placed his hands on his eyes trying to stop the tears.

I wasn't paying attention. There was a buzzing in my ear and I felt my stomach drop. Beads of sweat started forming on the sides of my head and back. There was a taste of bile in the back of my throat and my hands trembled slightly.

Hold it in Shawn! My voice yelled in my head.

I can't. I answered when I felt my stomach grumble. It started hurting with a pain I knew before. My eyes blinked away the tears as I felt everything rising.

Abort! Abort mission! It yelled. Find a trash can now! Eee-rrr! Eee-rrr!

Blake put me down when I squirmed out of his grip. There was a small trash beside the seats and I rushed to it. I knelt in front of it letting everything come out. My lungs screamed for me to breathe but my body kept throwing everything up. I'd choke and gag feeling my face turn red and hot. I had barely eaten but even so, bile and coffee ended up at the bottom of the trash. While I threw up, someone started rubbing my back trying to soothe my shaking body. Even after I was done, I lent over the trashcan breathing deeply as tears started to stream down my face and join the vomit at the bottom of the trash.

My arms were shaking with the nerves racking through me. I wanted to throw up again but there was nothing left. The back of my throat was dry and stung from the acid in my stomach. My taste buds were complaining with the disgusting taste that played on my tongue. I looked up at everyone and they all stared at me. "Does anyone by any chance have gum?" I asked closing my eyes and laying my head against the wall.

"You feeling ok?" Blake knelt down to eye level with me.

I shook my head squeezing my hands into fists. My nails started digging into my palms as we heard the doctors and nurses in Tori's room. Please oh dear God let her be ok. I prayed. Hiccups started forming in my mouth. Don't let this happen. Not again...

Blake sat beside me, putting the trashcan far away from us. His arms went around my shaking body, hugging me into his warm chest. I clung onto his jacket and cried on his shoulder. Part of me was crying over Tori, the other part because I could barely even remember the time Blake hugged me like this. It was after dad died. He'd do this on a daily basis where he'd just hold me and tell me the world wasn't over. It was the most comforting thing anyone could ever had done for me and I missed it. I missed having  my brother around to tell me that it'll be ok as soon as the pain goes away.

He never cried. He'd come close many times but he'd never cry. It gave me some strength to know that he was in the same pain yet wouldn't shed the tears. It made me realize that I shouldn't cry as hard. Right now was the same. Blake would rub my back until my shaking went away. I knew I couldn't look at his face, if I did I'd have a new reason to cry. He was emotionless. There wasn't a single thing that looked to be on his mind. It was like staring at a wall. 

My sobs slowed down to hiccups as I tried to regain myself. Tori died. Her heart gave out. She's dead. All the memories of her started reappearing in my head. The wedding when she was sitting alone eating the cake like she hated life. The day she moved in, with all the brown boxes. Her kindergarten explanation about how trees are miracles. When we went to lake house and had the best time ever even when we did hate ourselves. The first time I actually started warming up to her when we were doing my math. After that everything was great. The nicknames, the jokes, the laughs. When she'd play Ninja with me. I'd make her laugh with my random comments as we watched movies, TV, or games. Even with all her seriousness, she started acting a bit like me. She became more than a sister, she became my friend.

"Mommy don't take her." I heard Suzie say. Her head was buried into dad's arm. "I know you miss her mom but please don't take her. She's my big sister I need her. I need her to give me all that stupid girl advice for when I get older. She may not be the girly-est person but she promised to teach me how to wear make up when I'm fifteen. She said she'd shop with me when I go to Prom. She's the only person I have left mom." Suzie sobbed and took a sharp in take of air. "Don't take her."

Blake's grip tightened around me until Cole decided to join. His head came against mine but I kept my eyes tightly sealed and clung onto my brother like my life depended on it. Blake didn't seem to mind. He kept whispering small things like, "Don't worry. It'll all go away." Or, "Just sleep you guys. When you wake up it'll be over."

I couldn't sleep though. If I fell asleep again something could happen. I wouldn't sleep now. I'd stay awake and watch over Tori so nothing would happen. Maybe if I focused hard enough, I could transfer positive energy and make sure nothing bad happens. At the idea my voice said, You're crazy.

I'm trying to stay positive.

It didn't answer but I didn't care. It was still about twenty minutes before a doctor came out to speak with us. A lot had gone in the room, sometimes coming out but rushing down the hall to get someone else. We were left clueless. Doctor Garcia had been called and walked in without giving us a glance. When he came out he had a small smile, "She's fine."

The pressure in my chest floated away. Exhaustion creeped in me as the nerves in my stomach whispered away like leaves in the wind. I sighed out in relief like the rest of my family. "She's not...dead, right?" Blake asked.

"No." Doctor Garcia said. "Sometimes comatose patients go into these cardiac arrests. We're trained to bring them back. A coma doesn't effect the body. Just the brain. So we have tools to keep the body alive while the brain tries to repare itself."

"She's ok now right?" Cole asked. I couldn't find myself to talk. All I concentrated on was my breathing. I took deep breaths, in and out. In and out. My heart rate, that had picked up in the scare, was slowing down.

"For now yes." Garcia said. I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up at him but he then glanced at Suzie. "Usually when I have a patient like this I give the same advice to all the families."

Blake frowned. "What's that doc?"

"Get back to your regular lives." He said. "You all have school I assume. Warm beds at home that are much more comfortable than the chairs in the room. Plus," He looked at mom and dad, "You probably have jobs as well. We'd of course call if anything happ-"

"I do not have a job." Bill said with a half smile. "So I'll stay here with my daughter if that's all the same to you."

Garcia nodded. "As for your family, I just suggest getting back to the regular routine."

"It doesn't work like that," Blake said. "My sister was part of my regular routine. You can't expect us to go home and act like everything is...normal."

I closed my eyes again. I didn't want to have any part of this conversation but I listened to it. The metallic taste of vomit was still present in my mouth. There was just so much in my eyes. I was exhausted from what just happened. That was the biggest scare of my life. At least with my dad I had held onto hope but knew he probably wouldn't make it. I thought Tori was gone. I thought she'd never come back. Like she really did join my dad. I couldn't handle that, I wanted to sob under a rock and never come out.

"That's not what I meant," Doctor Garcia said, "I'm sure you boys have friends at school. Maybe sports. I'm just saying it'd be best to get back to that to try and clear your head. It's your choice though. But sooner or later you'll have to go. I'm sorry, you just can't stay here forever."

"I don't want to go." I muttered. "I wanna be here with Tori."

"You and me both." Cole whispered to me.

The doctor exchanged a few more words with dad before heading down the hall. They could have given us a fair warning. If they knew weird stuff like this could happen to someone when they're in a coma, they could have told us. Instead they hid it so we wouldn't worry. Doctors think they know everything. Half of them probably don't know how to grieve or what it feels like to be scared. Like Blake had said, they'd said sorry to so many people it's just part of their job. They don't feel remorse, just disappointment they let another patient die or they couldn't help.

It was about two hours later when I felt like I could go back into Tori's room. She looked the same except now her heart was beating. The nurses kept coming in and out more frequently to make sure there wasn't another...surprise like the one we had. I took my seat in the chair and brought my knees to my chest. My stomach kept churning as I stared at the red line that beat with Tori's heart.

I hate this place. So much. The hospital always scares me. It gives me creeps and makes me feel weird. The way the doctors just cut and poke people open like they're frogs in a biology lab. They put wires in people and have strange machines that read different things. The doctors themselves wear werid lab coats that remind me of my ninth grade biology teacher. All the instruments doctors use for surgery look like torture devices, only making chills roll down my back. I hate this place. It's creepier than a haunted house on Halloween night.

I sunk down in the chair and pulled a book from mom's purse. I didn't bother learning the title, I just started reading it hoping to be placed in a different world. I fell into something different. A story about a book and a little boy. How he too fell into a different world, only quiet literally. The book he was reading absorbed him into the story. It was about a magical kingdom with dragons and animals I'd never heard of. When I finished reading I turned the book over and stared at the title, The Never Ending Story.

"Mom," I looked towards my mother. "I need a new book."

She sighed, "I'm not going back downstairs. You're burning the money into these books faster than a light on a candle."

I thought about it before turning to look at Cole. "You got a job...help a brother out."

Cole stared at me for a second before sighing in defeat. "Fine. But I'm going with you." He stood up giving a glance at Blake. The look said it all, at least I could read it. I wasn't sure if anyone else could but Blake reassured that if something happened he'd call us. Cole and I walked through the halls of the hospital. It was chilly so I stuffed my hands in my pockets. When we passed by a few laughing nurses I couldn't help but shudder. They were probably laughing at a patient. Or how they're about to operate on someone. They're all creepy.

"You ok dude?" Cole asked. I shrugged not wanting to talk. As if Cole read my mind he said, "Shawn you have to talk man. Don't go mute on me."

"It's just scaring me Cole." I looked down at my feet. "What more do you want me to say? I just want to go home and have everything the way it was."

"I know. I want to go home too."

I wanted to go home and wake up with Tori at the table. I wanted to play Ninja with her and share the bag of chips as we watched a soccer game. Throw popcorn in the air while watching a scary movie. Screaming down the halls and singing to random songs that would pop into my head. Thinking about all the things we could be doing made my heart squeeze. I just want her home, to be ok. To wish this had never happened. My throat felt like it was closing so I quickly pushed all my thoughts away before I started crying again. "So any books you've read recently?" I asked Cole trying to change subject.

Cole smiled a bit. "War and Peace."

"Was it good?" I asked. Sure I've heard of it, I just don't know what it's about.

"I liked it," Cole looked at me. "Maybe you would but you like fantasy and distopia."

"Yeah." I laughed softly. "But you should know by now I'd read anything."

"Really?" Cole smirked like he was planning something.

My eyebrows lifted as I blurted out the first thing that came to my head. "I swear Cole if you think I'm going to read Fifty Shades of Grey you're wrong."

He laughed. "No but-"

I interrupted, "It's like reading a porn scenes. I will pass. I'm pretty sure that's the one book Em doesn't want me to read."

Cole smiled and put his arm over my shoulders. "I love you man." It made me smile. Blake never blurts out the L-word. Cole does sometimes making me feel better.

"Which part?" I asked as we reached the gift shop. It was small with a lot of figures on glass stands. There was a small section of books beside the magazines and cards. "My killer looks, unicorn obsession, or the fact I get puffed out of an ass?"

Cole gave me a strange look. "Huh?"

"Uh," I tried covering it up by grabbing a random book that was on a stand. "What about this one?"

Cole stared at it. Then looked back at me. "The History of Small Pox?"

I looked at the cover and sure enough it was the large of title of the history of small pox. "Um..." I glanced at Cole. "Yes. I'm trying to get into the medical field...obviously."

"Obviously." Cole repeated walking deeper into the store. I put the book down and followed him in. The prices were high like at an airport. There were giant stuffed bears that held hearts reading, Get Well Soon. They were large and varied from pink, green, to blue. I couldn't help it, I wrapped my arms around the giant green bear and hugged it close. Cole raised his eyebrow and stared at me.

"It smells like cotton candy." I muttered while inhaling the smell. Sure enough the small tag said it had cotton candy scent. "Can I keep him?"

"If we buy it, it's for Tori." Cole picked up a book and skimmed through it before setting it back down. "All these books are..."

He didn't have to finish the sentence. I knew what he meant. They were all weird adult books that I prefer not reading. They looked awkwardly huge and something that really wouldn't entertain my mind. It was either the adult books or the little kid ones that had pictures on every page. Even I am more advanced than that. "Poop." I filled in Cole's hanging sentence.

"Yeah..." He picked another up and set it back down. His eyes scanned through the magazines and books. There were different sections in the store. If there weren't cards or books, there were small figurines, expensive chocolate bars, and other random things. The elderly lady behind the cash register looked bored out of her mind but read a book while sitting on a stool. She looked like an old librarian in my perspective. "Here." Cole handed me a leather book with a string wrapped around it.

"What is it?" I opened it up only to find blank pages.

"A notebook." Cole grabbed a pen from the counter and placed it in front of the old lady. "Instead of reading, write."

My eyebrows knitted together. Write?

Yes Shawn. It's when you get a pencil or pen, some paper and move your ha-

I know what writing is!

"Write what?" I asked Cole as he payed for the notebook and pen.

Cole shrugged, "Whatever you want. A play, poem, story. Or what Tori is missing out. Just...something."

He handed me the plastic bag with the notebook and pen. I stared at it for a second before I saw Cole was walking out of the small store. I caught up to him, walking at his side. "Did you try to call Mark again?" I asked. We'd been calling Mark all day. Yesterday Bill told us that he had tried calling but he wouldn't pick up. It was obvious he was avoiding us, if only he knew what happened. The moment he finds out, he'll regret not picking up the phone.

"No." Cole sighed, "I've called him at least ten times."

"I've called him fifteen." I added pulling my phone out to see if there was a message. There was nothing new. A few texts from people at school. Nicknames only I understood would flash on the screen giving me a small preview to the message. "I left voice mails and texts but I think he blocked my number." I added after checking for a message from Mark.

"Why would he do that?"

"He hates us. Period." I sighed. I wasn't sure if hate was the real word Mark felt towards us. He was just mad, angry with us. I started considering him a friend and I knew he started considering me one too. Especially since he hangs around Em some of the time. Cole and I didn't talk again as we made our way back to Tori's room. My stomach started feeling nauseous and queasy at the thought of going back in there. I didn't want another scare like this morning. Tori just has to wake up. I can't possibly start to believe she'd leave me. I can't think about it. If I do I'll probably start crying all over again.

She was going to wake up and say something stupid. We'd all pour our hearts to her and then she'll ruin the moment like she always does. Then we'd all go home and do random stuff together. We'd go to school, see each others friends, enjoy the last couple months. Stress over final exams before Prom. Just like the school thought of us as kings, she was the queen for being our sister. 

"You boys ok?" Mom asked when we walked back into the room. Cole nodded taking his seat as I sat in the chair beside him. I didn't want to answer the question, I was most definitely not ok. "We've been talking," Mom said catching our attention. "You should all go to school."

"No." Blake instantly said.

Suzie, who was sitting in Bill's lap, nodded. "I'm not going either."

"Same." Cole added. "We're all staying here with Tori."

My words were caught in my throat. I didn't want to leave here. No matter how scared of hospitals I was, it was worse to know that something could happen while I'm at school. I barely pay attention in class as it is but now I'll have something else to worry about. School never appealed to me. It was boring and I thought it was useless. When I finally realized it was super important for a career, it was too late. So I just gave up. Decided I'd enjoy high school while it lasted since I was never going to head anywhere else in life.

Now I have Em, so I'd try to get a job somewhere. In twenty years it might not mean as much or it still may mean a lot. I'd just take the chance and hope for the best. Now I'd just do worse in class. With my mind here at the hospital, there was no way I could pay attention at school. I could try to get my mind off things though I don't think it'd work well. Soccer was my only escape right now. Basketball was suppose to start also but with soccer I doubt I'd be able to try out.

Even with me wanting to stay beside Tori, I hate this place. I hate the hospital so much. School could clear my mind even if I was concentrated on only coming back here to be with Tori. Maybe soccer could clear my head. Or being around other people might help also. Just to get out of this stuffy room. I didn't want to become another science experiment to the doctors.

"Boys," Dad sighed. "You guys have classes to look at. Clubs. Sports. You can't be here all day."

"But what if something happens?" I asked as the fear started setting in. I wouldn't forgive myself if I was stuck in school while Tori fought for her life. She deserved to be surrounded by her family and know we're here. Nothing will happen, I reassured myself, just if something does, I want to be here.

"We'll call you." Mom said. "It'll be ok. We'll give you updates on what's happening ok?"

"No." Blake stood up. "No mom. We're staying here!"

"Honey we don't know how long she'll be in this state." Mom added with desperation. I looked down at the notebook in my lap and ran my hand on the cover. It was fake leather tinted as a dark brown. My hands opened the book and I stared at the small lines that spaced the blank pages. I grabbed the pen and kept the point at the beginning of the first line. "Right Shawn?" Mom asked.

I looked up from the notebook and saw everyone had their eyes trained on me. "What was the question?"

"You should all go to school." Mom said.

I shrugged, "I'm not a valid source. I thought hamsters were slices of ham you stir."

Mom sighed knowing I didn't help at all right now. She just stared at me oddly, probably wondering what goes on in my head. The answer to that question would be, a lot. "You're still going." She said.

"No mom," Cole argued. "Why can't we stay here?"

I looked towards dad. His eyes were trained on Tori as if he were hoping that any second now she'd wake up. He finally looked towards us and said, "I promise we'll call you if something happens. We'll send you messages throughout the da-"

"Well I'm staying here." Blake crossed his arms and sat in his seat. He looked like a little kid that didn't want to move out of his spot. This week was important to Blake. The soccer scouts were coming. It had taken Coach a lot of convincing for them to come. It was Blake's shot at Pro Soccer. To play alongside the 'big boys' and work on having the fame we all knew he'd gain one day.

I looked towards Blake. "Dude you gotta go."

"No I don-"

"Your soccer scholarship. You need to go." I added before looking towards Cole. "And you have a tournament."

Cole's eyes went wide. "How did you..."

I always tried to somewhat know what was going on in Blake and Cole's lives. After I found out Cole was actually super smart, I went to our principal and asked for Cole's schedule and what clubs he's in. I wasn't even questioned thoroughly because the principal just automatically thinks we're all connected. "Know all that?" I smiled. "I went under cover like the secret 007 I am."

008. My voice corrected. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"What tournament?" Sue asked.

Cole's cheeks turned a light red. "It's just a chess tournament."

Nerd! My voice yelled.

Hey! I shouted back. Leave our brother out of this.

You're the one thinking it...

Stop, I whined, You make me feel crazy.

"You're in the chess club?" Blake asked with bewilderment. He'd always make fun of people that were in clubs such as: Chess, Book, Debate, Math, Science. He'd always laugh and call them names. But if people liked that kind of stuff, they shouldn't care what other people think. Society today is judged way to harshly in my opinion. Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they're a nerd. Just because someone is good at sports doesn't mean they're stupid. Just because someone is blonde doesn't mean they have a low IQ.

"Uh," Cole rubbed the back of his neck. He seemed embarrassed admitting he's in chess club. "Yeah..."

I smirked to myself. I found way too much out about Cole's secret life. I never knew he was so complicated yet he was. He had been hiding all this information from us for so long. I wouldn't have mind if he told me but I knew he wasn't worried about me. Just Blake. The only threat with telling me is that one day it might accidentallyy slip when I'm going on my weird rants. So he did good not telling me his secret. Even if I do feel bad for not being able to be part of that life and support him.

"I didn't know you played chess." Dad said.

"I didn't know you liked chess." Blake added quietly.

"See," Mom pointed out looking at Cole. "You guys need to go to school."

"Mom I really don't think we sh-"

"I think we should go." I said all of a sudden. Even I was shocked of what left my mouth. I never had a habit of thinking before speaking. I looked towards Blake, he stared at me with wide eyes. Just as he opened his mouth I cut him off. "Tori would want you to go to school Blake. She'd want you to get the scholarship. And Cole, she wouldn't want you to completely block your life. Tori would want us to get out. You know? She'd hate to know we'd been in here all day."

They seemed to have thought it over. I glanced at Tori and my throat tightened. I hope this is what she'd want. Tori always wanted us to have fun, no matter what. She'd push me out of the house and make me play soccer with her even if I didn't want to. We'd end up playing something completely different and have a blast. If one of us was on that bed, she'd try to get our heads cleared. She'd want us to play around so we wouldn't get caught up in bad thoughts.

"Come on guys." I added when their looks didn't convince me. "What would Tori do?" I asked them.
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Cole's POV

It's been four days. Four days and nothing has changed. First, my brothers and I didn't want to go to school. Then, Coach called and asked where Blake was. We didn't really have a choice considering mom said she'd drive us herself. Blake was finally driving again, so we dropped Sue at school, then headed for ours. Everyone was surprised when they saw us pull up. We got asked thousands of questions but pushed them all away. We weren't in the mood and only came because we had to. It seemed that the school missed us. Our assistant principal, Mr. Johnson, asked if we were ok when he passed by in the hall.

We are certainly not ok. Shawn has big bags under his eyes while holding a large cup of coffee. My face was probably just like his. Pale, empty, tired. Blake, he held no emotion. There was nothing there. Just by looking at him, being around him, I knew something wasn't right. We could wave a hand in front of his face and he wouldn't even blink. Shawn finally just slapped him across the cheek. Blake stood there rubbing his face and muttering, "Ow." Underneath his breath.

I went to my councilors and told them I can't compete in the tournament. I wasn't feeling up to it. My stomach was constantly filled with butterflies and I can't help the constant worry in the back of my head. When Shawn said he knew about my match, I was beyond shocked. No one really knows about the second life I'm living. It sounds weird, like I'm from a TV show or something, but no one knows about it except a few sets of people. It felt strange having Shawn point out my chess match. Out of all the clubs I chose, he pointed out the one that means social suicide. I love chess but let's face it. No matter how nerdy someone is, they're still embarrassed to mention it. Especially at school. People at school go by the stereotypes and lies. Chess wasn't something you'd want to point out freely. People would give you weird looks. Unless you rank as one of the best players in the world. Which in this case is highly unlikely.

My mind kept repeating five words in my head: She's going to be ok.

It helped a little bit. To just know there was still hope in having her around. When I had gone home, to get a few things, I realized how empty everything felt without Tori. I've been living in the same house my whole life and it always seemed full. Now it's empty. There's no video game noises coming from Tori's room. Screaming and shouting from the girls. The food in the pantry looks untouched. Our pantry constantly looks like a tornado passed by. We're always fighting for the Double-Stuffed Oreo cookies.

I took Mr. Cuddles to the hospital and set it under Tori's casted arm. I knew she'd want it with her. It had rough patches from where Blake had tried sewing fabric back together and part of its ear was missing. Mr. Cuddles was still ok though. His little red tongue sticking out of his doggy mouth. Whenever I wasn't talking to Tori, I'd be playing music to her. I had taken Cori, her guitar, to the hospital room and sometimes played. I wasn't good. It just soothed all of us. Helping us slightly calm down.

Dad was a complete mess. It looked like a lot more strands of white hair started sprouting. His figure looked sick. It was the only description, sick. Even the nurse became concerned for his health. He wouldn't eat or sleep. When he walked he looked weak and broken. Mom was always there to support him. She looked strong on the outside but I knew in the inside she was scared too. My mom is a strong person. She raised triplets with our dad until he passed away. Even after his death she was still able to plaster a smile on her face when she handed us our lunch boxes to go to school. Her career is one of the hardest and most working of all. It isn't easy for her to pay attention to us when she has a case at court. Her office is completely stacked with papers yet she managed.

Suzie would sleep a lot during the day. She was the only one of us that didn't look sleep deprived. Her firery spirit washed out like a tide sinking back. Usually Sue was filled with daring and crazy acts that made us laugh. Or random things she would say that she learned at school. There was always something she felt the need to share with us. Not now. Now she was as still as a stone. When she fell asleep in my lap one day I realized she was only nine. Sure I've known that the whole time but it hit me. She's still just a kid. Around the same age when Tori's mom died. It truly was like a repetition in history. I found myself pushing thoughts like that away. I wouldn't even think about any of that, Tori would wake up and ask why we're all acting so thrilled and happy. I could just imagine Tori waking up. Giving us her mothers smile. It was the only physical evidence that connected Tori to her real mom. Her smile.

Blake was acting the same way he acted when dad died. He started hugging Shawn and I more. He'd tell us everything will be alright when we know it's not. We know nothing is alright yet somehow I find myself believing Blake. He probably doesn't believe his own words but when he hugs Shawn and me and tells us it's not the end of the world I feel...better almost. Blake rarely shows his brotherly side. He's always fooling around and making jokes knowing there's a limit but it's far off from other people because we're brothers. All siblings have that love that's hid behind a shield. You don't want to show it because...they're your sibling. Blake's shield is the thickest of the group. He never sets it down unless it's needed. When I'm just happy, I set the shield down and tell Blake or Shawn that I love them. Sometimes, it's good to be told you're loved. Blake's not good at that. Shawn sets his shield down more than the both of us. Sometimes sharing too much love.

Speaking of the crazed devil, Shawn was taking it harder than the rest of us. Sure we were all getting lack of sleep, barely eating, feeling like zombies all day, but he somehow was different. When he and Emily had gone through their short break he was heartbroken. This was something else. He'd zone out, concentrate on other things. He looked hopeful, like he knew she'd pull through. Therefor he'd crack jokes and try to look like himself. Then he'd lay his eyes on Tori and tears would well up. Most of the time he would roam the halls of the hospital. He has a fear for hospitals that I will never understand. He's always hated them, saying the doctors and nurses are evil.

As for myself, I'm trying to hold onto the hope. Maybe this time it'll pull through instead of die out like what happened with dad. This time it won't fail me, it'll manage its way. I was never a fan of crying. It makes me feel weak and wimpy. Guys aren't really viewed as people that cry but we're only human. To look at Tori on that bed, seeing her so...lifeless, is like stabbing a knife in my heart. Over the months I never thought I could have a relationship with a girl like her. I didn't think I'd get the chance to have a sister. I thought that we'd ignore each other. Stay in our rooms or go do our own things, instead I found myself hanging out with her. Sharing laughs and smiles. Figuring out my place in life. It's something only family can help you do. Something only a friend can help you do.

She is a true friend. Not like the ones that only hang out with me because I'm a Parris, but because even with the smallest of problems I know I can ask her to help me and she will. She won't laugh or post it on her Twitter trying to get likes and comments. She genuinely cares. It was someone like that which I truly wanted in my life. Not a fake ghost friend but a real friend that I can trust. For so long I could only confine secrets to Blake and Shawn, now I have someone else. Someone different that doesn't have the same opinions or knows exactly what to say. Blake would be blunt or clearly not care about my situations. Shawn would crack jokes and never take it seriously. Tori actually talks to me. Gives me advice. I'd always have to go to my mom. It feels good to go to a teenager that actually understands what I'm going through, especially since she knows my life at school.

We stopped by Shawn's locker when we arrived to school. People would still walk by and whisper. Some had the nerve to walk up to us and ask where we've been. "Guys," A group of my former friends came up to us. They consisted of the guys on the football team. Most of them were still upset we didn't send invitations to our birthday party. Shawn went up to one and asked if he was five. Then he saw a penny on the ground, picked it up, and ranted about how shiny it was. Shawn in a huge hypocrite...

"What?" Blake asked with a bored expression. Shawn ignored them and pulled out his math textbook before sliding it into his backpack.

"Where have y'all been?" One asked with his country accent. I recognized him as one of the quarterbacks on the team. He was surrounded by other guys that I had once considered friends.

"Busy." Blake added. I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out instantly. There were only two people that I really cared about checking on: Mom and Jodee. I opened up the message Jodee just sent.

Jojo: You're not feeling better are you?

Me: No. I still feel like shit.

Jojo: Hopefully she'll get better Cole.

Me: She will...she has to.

Jojo: I know babes. Are you at school?

Me: Yeah.

Jojo: Just try to get your mind clear ok?

Me: Yeah ok.

She didn't answer back so I figured she went back to sleep. Jodee would take naps at weird times of the day. Usually waking up around six in the morning, then sleeping until lunch, and again another nap around dinner. It was a weird schedule but she got sleep. So it must be ok.

"I don't care," I heard Blake say. I looked up in his direction.

"How can't you care?" Another guy in the group asked. "Dude what is wrong with you? Are you ok?"

Shawn bursted out laughing like an evil man. He was swinging his head side to side with a very creepy smile on his face. He looked like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story when he was having tea at Sid's house. It was the only comparison. In other terms, he just looked like he was high on something. "Oh yeah," Shawn said with a higher pitch in his voice. "He's totally ok. We're all ok. Get it? The O to the K. Ok is like the only universal word. So even weird ass aliens that abducted me, I don't know when, also use the term ok because it's universal! You get it pal we're all ok!" Shawn shoved a finger in the guys chest before continuing. "I mean why wouldn't we be ok? It's a beautiful day. The sun is out, a few clouds that look like giant feet, and the birds are singing. Did I forget to mention it's Valentine's? Whoop-Doogidy-Doo." He stopped talking for a second and went out of whatever character he was playing. "Shit it's Valentine's..."

It is? I thought to myself. I had completely forgotten. All my days have jumbled up. I didn't know the date or the day of the week. The days would blur together or feel like a lifetime, so I wasn't surprised I had forgotten. I'd probably stop by and get mom something. Maybe dad will remember but just in case he doesn't, I'd get her a few flowers. I'd also have to text Jodee and tell her sorry for forgetting. Although we fight, she's understanding. So my hopes are up that she'll understand this one. If Tori were awake I'd probably get her something too. Valentine's is a weird holiday to me. It's basically testing how much we care about girls. Then girls start to say that they either love it or they're forever alone. Why can't they bring chocolates to me? Why do I have to bring it to them? Exactly. I wouldn't mind getting a three pound Hershey kiss. This is a test for guys.

Shawn and I just failed it.

"Um..." The guy held his hands up. "Are you ok-I mean-alright Shawn?"

Shawn blinked his eyes a few times before slapping himself across the face. He started muttering a few things under his breath as he walked towards one of the jumbo trash bins that were situated outside a teachers door. He looked at the bottom of the trashcan before jumping in head first. "Ugh!" He groaned in the trashcan. He kept making noises while his legs hung in the air. People would walk by and stare.

"Just leave him alone." I said catching everyone's attention. "He needs a moment."

"Yeah I can see that..." One guy said with narrowed eyebrows. He turned to look at Blake and I. "So I'm having a party Saturday. They'll be a pool and really hot girls."

"Not interested." Blake replied so quickly I didn't have time to say anything. I think everyone turned to stare at Blake. He was leaning against the wall of lockers, looking down at his phone. He didn't seem to understand how big of a deal we all thought this was. Blake just turned down a party. He's never done that. Sure he's going through some changes, even I was. Every bit of me was worried about Tori. But Blake? He had to worry about Tori, Cali, Shawn, and me. Then there were people like Suzie and Mark.

Mark who still hasn't answered my phone calls and messages...

Still...Blake turned a party down.

One boy started to laugh. Blake didn't change his posture, he just moved his eyes to look upwards through his eyelashes. "Did you just say no?" He laughed more. "To a party? With a pool and hot chicks?"

"I have more important things to do than screw around with people I don't care about." Blake stated bluntly. "Why would I spend time with people like you anyways? Damn I need to straighten up. I'm surrounded my losers..." He muttered looking back down at the screen of his phone.

Shawn groaned in the background. "There's a banana peel down here..."

I crossed one arm over my chest and leaned my other onto it while my hand cupped my mouth and chin. This was definitely an interesting sight. Shawn in a trashcan, Blake turning down a party and calling his 'friends' losers, not to mention there's at least five guys here that could maybe beat the pulp out of us if they really wanted to. Of course they wouldn't dare touch a Parris.

If Tori were here she'd be proud...My stomach dropped at the thought. If Tori were here what would she do? Step up? Watch? Either way she would be proud. Of Blake though. I'm just watching and Shawn...well...there needn't be say what he's doing.

"What did you just say?" I tried remembering the kids name. It was at the tip of my tongue but I honestly never paid much attention to him considering he was more associated with Blake.

Blake rolled his eyes, "Do you want me to spell it Alex? I knew your scores were bad but really? L-O-S-E-R-S. Losers."

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Alex boomed catching other peoples attention.

"What's going on?" Someone whispered quietly behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Emily. She had her books pulled to her chest as she stared at all the guys that were surrounding Blake and I.

"Blake is sorta telling them off. Your boyfriend is the trashcan. And I'm just watching." I whispered back. Em and I haven't gotten close but we talk every so often. Whenever I do talk with her I truly wonder how Shawn ended up with her. She's smart and the complete opposite of Shawn. Yet they get along like PB&J. It was something different. Watching them be a couple. It was different than Jodee and I's relationship. No bickering or yelling. But when I spend time with Jodee I wouldn't change it for the world. I knew Shawn felt the same about Em, his feelings were ranked higher than mine though. He was already in love while I'm still trying to figure it out.

"Oh ok," She said glancing between the three of us. Her locker was situated right beside Shawn's, so I wasn't surprised to see her. "Why is Shawn in the trashcan?"

"I don't know." I answered truthfully. "He's just being..."

"Shawn." Em answered for me. One end of her lip tilted upwards as she stared at her groaning boyfriend. I looked back at Blake and realized he wasn't against the wall of lockers anymore. He was face to face with the kid named Alex. Alex had small beads of sweat already forming on his forehead as Blake towered over him like a cat with a mouse.

"Get lost Alex." Blake snapped. "Are you sure you even want me at your party? I mean hell, it was fun screwing your girlfriend last time. But I don't think you'd like it if we did it...again." Alex blinked twice and looked lost of words. Blake rolled his eyes, "You didn't still think she was a virgin did you? Damn Alex, catch up."

Shawn groaned again and started swinging his legs. "Guys," He said as he started wiggling. The trashcan started rocking back and forth. "There's too much blood in my head. Please get me out."

"Your girlfriend is watching you like you're crazy Shawn." I said as he shook in the trash. While Blake dealt with his ex-friends, I walked towards the trash bin. What had gotten over Blake was beyond me. Usually it was easy to figure out what he wanted, right now he was like trying to decipher a Rosetta Stone for the first time. Part of me thinks it's because of what happened to Tori but also what happened with Cali. This was all just too much drama and I was never a fan, yet drama decides to stick around in my life.

I grabbed Shawn's legs and Em tilted the trash bin as I pulled her boyfriend out. His face was red from the blood supply, other than that he seemed fine. His eyes landed on Emily and he got down on his knees and begged, "I'm sorry. I'm really really really really really sorry."

Em and I both raised an eyebrow. Shawn begging was something we were accustomed to, it still got weird looks from people that walked by. They all knew Em was Shawn's girlfriend by now. No one really messes with her. The guys stay away knowing they wouldn't have a face left if they messed with Emily. Girls were raging in jealousy but backed off turning their attention to Blake and I. Once they found out I was taken too, they all started to panic. In full honestly, it was funny to watch. They started hovering around Blake basically shoving their cleavage at him. It was like having a Las Vegas strip show right in the halls of the school. This generation is truly one to worry about.

Blake stopped having sex so often. It's surprising to say he hadn't already gotten someone else pregnant. Then again, most of the girls he's slept with take birth control pills. He wears the condom and they have extra protection. It still made the population of sluts in the school panic. They don't know whats happened to the Parris Trips. All of them, even the guys are wondering what happened to us. Why we didn't go to so many parties, why we don't drink a lot, why we were being so...different.

We've all done a lot of bad things. Taken it a step ahead like we always do. Now we're trying to calm the waters, relax on the shore and enjoy the sun. It's not possible. We're all good at the sports, work very efficiently as a team. Blake is just there for looks and show. He's always been the leader in the group, the one that's in the middle when we walk down the halls. Shawn makes everyone laugh. The class clown of the school. Then me. I was like the social network who also is secretly smart. We all have something that makes us a whole. Now we have Tori, she's our last piece of this puzzle. The one we were missing. It was the one that brought us to reality. That stopped our bad habits and gave us a better life.

Without Tori, I would still be drinking. I'd have ruined my life as an alcoholic. My concentration was already set on being someone important, now it's raging at full force. If I ever do happen to get a beer in my hand, I stare down at it and just think. It would ruin my life even if it was just a small cup. A small cup would lead to a bottle. A bottle to maybe three. Then three to many would lead to me being completely wasted. I had made myself a vow that I wouldn't drink. If I did, I might just not be able to stop.

Without Tori, Shawn wouldn't be who he is. He always depended on us. Followed Blake and I like a shadow. For him, he always felt out of the group. I didn't see how he couldn't just handle himself, he is a great guy once you get to understand all his sides. He was the first of us to mature, which is utterly shocking. With all the craziness and child-ness in his head, I'd have placed my money on him being the last. But no, he warmed up to Tori first. He stopped being the player first. He even got the girl first. Now he's moving to New York to be with Emily while she goes to college. We even talked about visiting each other weekends when we have nothing to do. Out of the three of us, he was the first to open his eyes.

Without Tori, Blake wouldn't be who he is right now. He would play around with us, laugh, we'd always have fun, it was just never the same as it is now. He seems truly happy. His rock hard exterior was now turning out to be nothing but a soft pillow. His way of thinking is still progressing but many of his opinions have changed. Like right now, he turned down a party. Just like Shawn and I, he's trying to clean himself. Take away the bad habits that had formed over the years and replace it with good habits. He isn't just a big jerk like everyone says he is, he's really just a softie that doesn't want to show. I would know, I'm his brother. Now his softer side is starting to take hold. He won't come to terms with it but now he's more gentle. More caring towards us instead of just being playful. He'll sit and laugh at the dinner table while we told stories, something he'd rarely do.

Without Tori, we wouldn't be a family. I would have never talked to her, never looked at her. We all knew who she was but we didn't care. She wasn't important to us. Now she is. She's our little sister, along with Suzie. It's incredible how much one person could change us. Someone we completely ignored. I'm happy dad found mom. Happy he married her and bonded his family with ours. Sure it was hard, trying to keep this whole thing a secret. I couldn't believe we had managed for so long. I don't care now. Everyone could know, I could tell the whole world and I'd be proud to say that my mom is now called Mrs. Linean instead of Ms. Parris.

Just as the smile formed on my lips it washed away. What would I do without Tori? I bit my lip. She needs to wake up...

"I'm sorry." Shawn repeated standing up. When I glanced towards Blake I realized his so-called-friends had left. Shawn pulled his girlfriend into a tight hug. "I'll make it up to you I promise." Emily didn't try fighting. She looked comfortable in Shawn's arms as she hugged him back.

I couldn't help but wonder...Does Jodee look like that in my arms? I'd really want her to...I know I like having her in my arms just like Shawn likes having Emily in his.

"What are you even rambling on about?" Em muttered.

Shawn pulled back and looked down at Emily before kissing her forehead. "I forgot it's Valentine's. I'll make it up, I promise."

Emily smiled before shooting him a playful glare. "Do you really think I care about a small holiday with what you're facing right now?" She wrapped her arms around Shawn's torso and placed her chin on his chest looking up at him. "How's Tori?" She said just above a whisper. Just like Jodee, Emily must know about Tori. I wasn't sure if she told Mark since they're friends or if she told Cali, but something was telling me she didn't. If she did, I'm pretty sure Mark would have gone to the hospital.

My shoulders slumped and I glanced at Blake. He was staring down at his shoes, arms crossed, leaning back against the wall. "I'm scared..." Shawn whispered making me look up at him again. He placed his forehead on Emily's shoulder and she rubbed small circles on his back.

"Come on man," Blake said after a while. "Cheer up you're making me even more depressed." He pushed himself off the lockers and walked toward us. "How about a little joke to cheer you up?"

Shawn looked up and nodded. "Yeah ok."

"Why is Valentine's day sometimes called V-Day?" Blake asked.

"Oh brother..." Em muttered under her breath.

Shawn smiled, "Why?"

"Because it's the day of the vagina's." Blake answered with a grin. "Girls hand out V-Cards all day and night."

I couldn't help it. It was pretty clever so I laughed along with Shawn. "Did you make that one up?" I asked. Blake nodded with a small shrug.

Shawn grinned and looked down at Em. "Wanna give me a V-Card babe?"

"I thought you already had one." Em huffed crossing her arms. Blake laughed at that, even took it as far as giving Emily a high-five. Shawn had a pout on his lips as he tried to look offended. "But if you really wanna know," She added pulling her backpack off her shoulder. She looked through it before pulling out a rolled up t-shirt that was held on by some red ribbon. "I did get you a gift."

"Presents!" Shawn shouted taking the gift in his hand. A frown appeared on his face just as he was about to undo the knot around the shirt. "But now I feel bad I didn't get you anything..."

"Just open it." Emily rolled her eyes. "I saw it and couldn't help but think of you."

Shawn kissed Emily's nose. "I'll make it up. Promise." He grinned and opened the gift, showing off what the shirt said. I'm not crazy, I just think crazy. It said in bold letters. "This is so me!" Shawn said while taking his jacket off.

"Um..." Em said with a small blush appearing on her face. "Shouldn't you wait until you're in the locker room?"

"No," Shawn simply said as he grabbed the back of his shirt and threw it over his body. "I'm putting your present on now. Besides," He grinned, "It's not like I'm stripping."

"Not that Emily would mind." Blake trailed off. Emily blushed so hard it looked like a tomato suddenly attached to her face. "See," Blake added, "She didn't deny it."

I decided trying to back up the clearly embarrassed Em by placing my arm around her shoulder. "Blake we shouldn't be embarrassing her. She is our sister-in-law after all."

"You married her?" Shawn shouted as he patted down the new shirt. "I'm telling Jodee! And we're gonna call in the navy to kick your ass you littl-"

"I meant married to you." I rolled my eyes. "She's my sis-in-law too." I wasn't sure if Shawn ever means what he says or if he just finds the appropriate phrase to say something funny to.  Some times he seems smarter than he lets out, he just chooses not to show that side.

"Oh," Shawn grinned giving Emily a wink. She started staring down at her shoes, they didn't look all to interesting though. Shawn patted the shirt down and stared at it. "How's it look?"

I'm not crazy, I just think crazy. I read as I looked upon my brother. "Like it was made for you," I answered.

He grinned before lifting an eyebrow at Em and I. He quickly took her away from me, not even bothering to mask the small amount of anger on his face. "I no touchy your girl," Shawn said to me as he wrapped Emily in a hug. "You no touchy mine."

Blake laughed before mocking his voice. "I touchy whatever I want to touchy."

"No no no my friend." Shawn said adding an accent. "You no touchy. No touchy for Blake." Em and I exchanged glances as Blake and Shawn kept at their small game. It got to a point where I rolled my eyes, pulled out my phone, and stepped in front of Shawn showing him the picture I found with the small caption on the bottom. I knew it would entertain him, I also expected...."Booby's!" Shawn shouted loudly as a giant grin spread on his face. He took my phone and kept swiping for more pictures as giggles escaped his lips. "Can I get some Cole?"

Both Blake and Em gawked at me. Blake with both humor and shock. Well jokes on him because it's not what he's thinking. Emily just looked really angry by the way her boyfriend reacted. I raised my hands up. "It's not what you think. It's a picture of a bird. It's name is the Blue-Footed Booby."

"Em!" Shawn showed her a picture of the bird. I knew he'd find it amusing. I had been roaming the web when I saw it, a bird with blue feet. It would easily entertain Shawn's mind. "Can I get one Em? Please? I want a Booby!"

"Why Cole," Em directed towards me. "Why?"

"Look at its feet!" Shawn kept going. He laughed more. "It has blue feet...what a funny animal."

Emily rolled her eyes. "I'm heading to class." She squirmed her way out of Shawn's grasp and started heading down the hall. I hope she wasn't angry with me. Em rarely got angry. She was a good girl, I just couldn't figure out how she ended up with Shawn. She's a book worm. Constantly reading. Another question is how she got him to read. Either Emily is brilliant or Shawn is overly whipped.

"No Emily wait!" Shawn chased her down the hall. They were both running away, causing students to have to move to the side as the went through. "Look at the Booby's Em! They're so cute!"

Shawn in overly whipped...and he just took my phone!

"Well I'm glad that's over." Blake sighed grabbing my arm as we walked down the hallway. "He does need to get his mind off of things."

"Don't we all?" I asked staring at the ground as we continued walking. He didn't answer at first. Something was bothering him, something I couldn't pick up. It was the way he looked ahead and locked his jaw. He was nervous and anxious. "What's bothering you man?" I finally asked with a sigh. "Something is majorly wrong with you. What is it?"

"Nothing," Blake answered almost immediately. He kept walking to his class but I stayed put and stared at his back. Now I knew that something really is wrong. The way he was acting, concealing everything was off. I've gotten used to it over the years but sometimes I wished he'd just tell me what's on his mind.

"You don't expect me to believe that do you?" I asked stopping him in his tracks. His shoulders sagged down and I heard him sigh. "Come on Blake, I know you feel you need to be there for Shawn and me but you need to know that we're here for you too. You need to let your walls down and let us in because ever since dad died you've been nothing but a rock." I walked towards him and stepped in front. He was staring at his feet, gripping the straps of his backpack. "What's bothering you?"

His jaws clenched tighter. "Everything." He said. "Everything is bothering me. There's just too much going on right now and I don't have the time or patience to talk about it. Please just leave me alone."

He shoved his shoulder against mine as he stormed off. It killed me inside thinking that Blake can't trust me. I'd do anything for him, sometimes I feel like it's different. A one way street. Even before dad died he was distant. If anything we became closer after our father's death. I thought he'd be able to let me in. To tell me what's on his mind yet that rarely happens. When he comes for advice it's over stupid drama, not anything important. Right now, with everything happening to him, I'd think he'd want to talk about it, but he still doesn't move. When will he open his eyes and realize that Shawn and I are there for him just as he's there for us. Sure he's our rock, our anchor, but we have to mean something to him too right? I refuse to accept the fact that I'm nothing but a bother, an annoyance to Blake's life.

Before the bell rang I quickly sprinted to class barely making it in. Once inside I walked to one of the empty seats in the back and placed my backpack to the side. Everyone watched me carefully, like they expected a story as to why I've been missing out on a lot of days. Even our teacher looked fascinated. I ignored them all and made a wall with my arms where I settled my head for a nap. This way no one could see my face. Sleeping in class isn't one of my favorite habits but I'm purely exhausted.

The hospital wasn't exactly comfortable. The chairs are worn down cushions and when I lay my head back there's nothing supporting my neck. If I do manage to fall asleep, when I wake up my neck is stiff and feel worse than when I was awake. I sighed in my arms, making the small amount of air I was breathing hot. Blake isn't the only one who thinks he's facing problems. I have plenty of my own. 

First, there's my job. Over the last couple days I haven't been able to go. Even though Dalton never seems serious about firing someone, it could still potentially happen. I've been having Jodee cover me. I took a sick day and after that she said not to worry that she'll have it handled. I didn't know what she meant, as long as I don't get fired or in trouble I didn't really care. I like my job. I thought it would be stupid and just for the money but I actually enjoy going to work. Sure I have those days when I'm moaning and groaning wishing I don't go but it's like school. Once you get there and start talking with friends you just think about home and then you're done with the day.

Second, Jodee. After our small incident the night Tori had her crash we haven't had much time to talk. I've been focusing on Tori but of course my mind always wanders off. What else am I suppose to do as I stare at a white wall the whole day? I can't help but think about our relationship. Just how and if it could work out once we move our separate ways. It was highly unlikely. Not only was there distance but time change as well. It's funny the way I was feeling. It's nothing I've really experienced. Just hearing Jodee's name put a smile on my face. Work was exceptionally awesome since we'd usually go hang out when our shifts were over. Holding her hand, hugging her close to me, it was something different. Something I'd never really felt. Was it love? I have no idea. How I'd feel when we move was oblivious too. We'd always keep that small distance between us, knowing we shouldn't get to far into a relationship.

Third, my sisters. Suzie was terrified going to school today. She doesn't have a phone yet so she won't know what's going on. We promised her that if something happened we'd pick her up and take her to the hospital with us. Even when I close my eyes all I could think about was Tori. The tube down her throat to help her breathe, the machines linked up all making different sounds, her heartbeat on the monitor. When I'd sleep I'd hear the constant beep making it a nightmare. I want her to wake up. She's my little sister and I need her to wake up and be here for my brothers and I. For her to laugh and say it's no big deal. I want her to be around my life now. Life without Tori seems empty. I want to call her when I'm in college and ask what's going on, spend hours talking to her about the people and experiences we've encountered. Talk about hanging out and doing something fun like heading to the lake house for break. Something, anything. I just want her here.

My eyes shut as I tried to get some sleep. Now adding to my problems was Blake. Does he not trust me? Am I even a good brother to him? I can understand his issues. I've put a lot of thought into it. Maybe not as much as him but I want him to know that I care too. He has his soccer career on the line right now. He's suppose to be a father in a few months. His sister is in the hospital and something is obviously wrong. Tomorrow was suppose to be the first day the scouts were coming. They're suppose to watch him at practice and then the game we have this week. I'm not sure the last time he talked to Cali, he just needs to know that I'll support him no matter what. As for Tori, whatever Blake is thinking, I wish he'd just tell me.

I bit my lip willing myself not to tear up. Everything around was slowly crashing down. Over the last couple months, we've built a small empire only for us. We'd barely talk to the outside world and I realized it's not everything. Sure its fun going to a friends house, partying a bit to loosen up, but it's not the end of the world if you don't go. Everything for us used to be like that. We were social and we'd basically feed off of people. Being locked up at home was like Rapunzel in a tower. Only it was fun. It was ok being locked up because we had Tori and Sue. They'd brighten our days and ask us to have fun with them. We'd even play old board games and start fighting over them. Everything was like a battlefield. The Oreos, the TV remote, even the toilet paper was a war.

To think that all this we'd built up in months could crash down in a few seconds. Why'd this have to happen to Tori? She was never a very popular person but she managed to worm her way into my heart. If my brothers and I were to die in a car wreck no one would really mourn over us. We'd be missed but mourned? Never. We'd be remembered maybe, if someone decided to dedicate a stone, bench, or tree to the courtyard of our school but we wouldn't be mourned. People will just miss us. Say we had bright futures and it's a shame. For Tori though, there's no way I'd be able to let her go so easily. Not only me but other people as well. Shawn has cried more these last couple days then I've seen him cry in years.

Trying to stay calm and collective with all the recent events hasn't been easy. When dad died we all went into some sort of transformation that makes us who we are today. Blake became a lot more distant but cared about us at the same time. He had weird ways of showing it, but he cares, in some twisted way. Shawn started to laugh a lot more. He'd make other people laugh as well. I had freaked out so much when dad died. I didn't know what to do. I'd panic and wouldn't think through everything straight. So I'd count to ten. I taught myself not to look so worried, sad, or angry all at once. It not only makes me panic but others as well. So I'd try to relax or at least calm down. By now, I don't need to think about being calm. It's instinct. But with all the drama we're facing, it's hard to calm down and stay relaxed.

Everyone at some point in their lives just wants to take a trip to Fiji and relax while sipping out of a coconut that has a paper pink umbrella. I really need a vacation...

"Cole," The girl beside me poked my arm. "Cole are you ok?"

"Yeah...I'm just not feeling well." I mumbled in arms. I was exhausted, hungry, and scared. The pit of my stomach remained empty with jitters. There were bags under my eyes and I could feel my cheeks stained with a silent tears. I felt gross from not showering in a couple days and I'm sure I look horrid. When I looked up at everyone I realized that the class was staring at me. Even our teacher looked at me like she didn't know what to do. People looked utterly confused. Why wouldn't they be? I've been missing a few days along with Blake and Shawn, suddenly we all come back looking like crap.

"Would you like to go to the nurses office?" My teacher asked.

I shook my head. "No..." I tried to think of a quick excuse. "I just didn't get good sleep and I'm hungry."

It was almost embarrassing how nearly everyone around me started looking into their backpacks for a snack. It's like something in a movie. A celebrity asks for a pen and suddenly everyone around them starts shoving pens in their faces. A few kids pulled out granola bars or yogurts. "Here," The girl beside me urged me to take the apple in her hand. I looked at it hesitantly feeling bad if I take it. Not only that but I wasn't sure if my stomach would be able to hold onto it. "I have another just take it." She said pushing it closer to me.

"Thanks," I muttered taking the apple from her hand. I took a bite, trying not to feel sick as I chewed on the apple. It's unrealistic how these people act. My classmates all looked worried for my well being but to what extent? Just so I could score another trophy for our school. Some looked disappointed I hadn't taken their offer on their snacks. How can people act this way? Sure last year I would do it for fun, ask people for pencils or paper just to see their reactions. Now it's an annoyance. Who cares if I'm hungry? You don't have to always give me something for every thought I say. Don't these people have better things to do than make my brothers and I happy?

I kept eating the apple, still getting looks from some of my classmates. Our teacher was giving her lecture, she'd eye me every so often to see if I changed posture. I was laying back in my chair, the hood of my jacket up, while staring at the spot on my table. It felt good eating though. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I was halfway through the apple. I ate it to the core until there was nothing left. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't focus on the lesson.

Classes moved by painful slow. Math was both a savior yet nightmare. It was the only class I had with Blake and Shawn, along with Tori. I tried to keep my eyes averted from the desk she'd normally sit at. In the middle of class I had moved to sit beside Shawn who was trying his best to keep calm. To anyone else I realize he probably looks weak or unstable. To me he looks strong from holding everything in. I wasn't surprised Shawn was taking it worse than Blake and I. He was always the most sensitive in our group but also, he was the first to warm up to Tori. She helped him through stages this year that I don't think I'd have been able to help with. He and Tori bonded perfectly with their little games and ways to have fun. To Shawn it was being exceptionally hard.

Then there was Mark. He was in the same math class but he wouldn't even glance at us. He didn't seem in any way concerned. I wanted to scream and punch him senseless for being so stupid! Every time we tried to get near him he'd walk away with a group of friends. A cruel part of me didn't want to tell him. He was acting like a complete jerk. He didn't deserve to know what happened. Then the other part of me knew he was Tori's best friend. And he deserved to know. Even if he didn't answer my calls or texts. I doubt he even looked at them. He probably deleted them instantly.

By the end of the day, Shawn and I went to go talk to him only to be stopped by Blake. "Don't," He said as we all watched Mark get into his red pickup. "He's being a douche. He doesn't deserve to know. We'll tell him later."

With that we all headed towards the locker rooms where we'd have to change for soccer practice. "What if he already knows?" Shawn asked as headed towards the field. "I know Em hasn't told him. But like, what if he already knows?"

"He doesn't." I answered simply. "Even if he is acting up he wouldn't leave Tori in the hospital. He doesn't know."

"Where have you all been these days?" Coach asked as soon as he saw us. "We've been worried sick! No seriously, I think some of these kids are sick. You're all bascially a drug to this school, it's nasty." He shuddered quickly waving at a few of our teammates as they walked by. "Get in there and give everyone a dose of Parris because if you don't I think they'll all turn into zombies."

We nodded and stepped around him. He grabbed my arm, causing the three of us to stop. "Yeah Coach?" I asked.

He was staring me down for a second. His eyebrows knitted together as if he was thinking something through. "Somethings not right...are you boys ok? Your mother didn't sound very pleasant when I called."

"We're fine." Blake gritted his teeth and yanked my arm away from Coach. "Why do people keep asking us that? We're ok. We're fine."

Coach crossed his arm over his chest, "Where's your sister?"

Blake's face softened just as his grip on my arm did. "She won't make it." He muttered under his breath.

"Don't say it like that!" Shawn boomed hitting Blake's head. "You make me scared all over again."

I looked down at my feet as I rubbed the back of my neck. Blake's choice of wording was uncalled for. "She's sick." I directed to Coach. "I don't know when she'll get better."

He knew there was more to the story but didn't push it. His eyes landed on Blake, "Scouts will be coming."

"I don't care." Blake grumbled.

Coach looked shocked. "What?"

Blake shrugged, "I don't care." Even I didn't know what to say. This is his dream. Just like mine is Harvard and Shawn's is gumdrop unicorns and muffin fairies. This is his dream.

"I'll let you three talk about this." Coach walked away leaving my brothers and I standing. Blake looked unconcerned unlike Shawn and me. We both stared at our brother with open mouths and wide eyes. We weren't going to let Blake throw everything away. Not like it was nothing. In twenty years he'll be regretting not doing this. I'm praying that Shawn will act serious this time and back me up.

"What the actual hell was that?" Shawn broke the silence first. "What in the name of glitter purple prancing ponies was that?!"

Oh dear Lord, I prayed, Please let him be serious. If not, give me a sign that he's not always going to say things such as glitter purple prancing ponies. Is he always going to be like this? Will his children be like this? If you can't help Shawn, just please make sure my niece or nephew isn't like this. I would pity Emily.

Blake sighed. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" I exclaimed. "Are you kidding Blake you can't throw this away. This isn't just any opportunity, you need this scholarship."

"Yeah," Shawn added. "You were suppose to become famous and then I'd have you sign merchandise and I'd sell it on eBay. How else am I suppose to make money?"

"Ok that calls it." I turned Shawn around and started looking through his backpack. There was so much junk I was actually shocked. I saw dinosaur figures and a large ball of yarn. There was a rubber band ball along with a super glue tube. As I kept looking through I found a pouch filled with bouncy balls. Beside his binders and notebooks was a coloring book with a box of crayons. I finally found the duct tape and grabbed a strip before smacking it on Shawn's mouth. "If you try to take it off I will hide your unicorn horn." His hands instantly went down.

"He has duct tape in there?" Blake asked a bit shocked. I wasn't surprised at all. It was like looking through a prankers bag. I half expected a rubber chicken.

"You'd be surprised what you'd find in there." I quickly went back to the problem at hand. "Dude you can't just give up this chance. You've wanted this since we were kids."

"I know Cole," Blake sighed, "But now that it's here I don't want it."

He'll regret that in a few years if I don't stop him from committing a huge mistake. "Well now you need  it. How are you going to make a living? You've been depending on this forever. Have you even applied to a college or were you waiting for this? What about Cali? If you are expecting a child how are you going to support him or her? Not going to lie, if you do become this famous soccer player you'll be racking millions and be set for life. But if you're a McDonald's cashier, you won't make it out of our basement. And Tori." I knew that for him that was the last straw. "You think she'd want this for you? When she wakes up-"

"If." Blake interrupted.

"What?"

"If she wakes up." He corrected. I pushed the bile back down trying not to get that to bother me. It seemed like Blake wasn't even trying to hold onto some hope. To him it almost seems like he's already considered Tori dead. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that, she'll be ok.

Shawn mumbled something against the duct tape. "Whatever," I said to Blake. "Point is, you can't throw this away. Why suddenly stop caring? You want this Blake, you need it. You need it because it's what dad wanted. It's what you want. Just think about dad."

I grabbed Shawn's arm and we headed into the locker room. We may be a couple minutes late, all the other guys were already done changing. Shawn kept mumbling stuff against the duct tape. I reached up and yanked it off his skin. "Ow!" He yelled making everyone turn to look at us. Some looked confused and others looked entertained. "I was trying to grow a mustache! Oh my god! How do girls do that?"

I shook my head, even though there was a small grin on my face. "Where have you three been?" Austin asked. I wasn't sure why Tori always calls him Sunshine but after she sang him a song at the pizza place, we're all calling him Sunshine. It's his new nickname and he hates it.

"Yeah and where's Tori?" Trent asked as he put on some deodorant.

"She's been gone same amount as you guys." Hayden added as he tied his shoes.

"I think she's sick." I said quietly. I headed to my locker while Shawn kept muttering things about first losing his frap then his mustache. He'll just never let anything go. Slowly I got dressed into a regular t-shirt and the shorts. I placed my shin guards underneath the socks and tied my cleats. By then everyone was already outside starting drills. Blake, Shawn, and I were the only ones left.

"Thanks you guys." I heard Blake say.

"For what?" I asked just as Shawn and I looked up at him. He was finishing to tie his shoes.

He shrugged, "Being my brothers."

Shawn and I looked at each other as big smiles took our faces. We shared the same thought process. Blake never really showed that side to him. Like I said, he had that shield up constantly. Even though what he just said was only three words, it made me feel better. It made me feel like I was his brother and not just a nuisance. He let his shield down an inch but it was something. It was moments like these that I don't think I'd ever want to forget. Both Shawn and I felt like the world came off our shoulders. It's natural instinct to love your brother or sister even if they are annoying. Yet we'd like to be told every so often so we don't just feel hatred. Right now meant something, even if it was something little.
******************************
Blake's POV

After practice we had headed back to the hospital. First we picked up Suzie from the After School Program, ASP for short. When we arrived at the hospital nothing had changed. Mom and Bill were still seated on the chairs that surrounded Tori's bed. Nothing changed for her. Her eyes were still closed and I wasn't sure if they were ever going to open again. The last time I saw them open, there was nothing but hurt. I would give anything to just see joy in her eyes again but I know that won't happen. She's battling a fight that can't be won. She'll leave like the rest of them. It's inevitable that this point, might as well accept it now. She's not coming back.

It was another sleepless night. There wasn't much to do at the hospital. Shawn started reading books on his phone after mom got upset with him since he kept stacking hardcover books on the floor. He'd sometimes grab the journal Cole bought him and write in that. Cole would play guitar trying to calm our nerves. I thought that Sue would start complaining, sometimes she does but most of the time she's silent. It's as if once we all enter Tori's room the atmosphere sinks. Sooner or later the doctors are going to tell us to start sleeping at home. I wasn't going to lie, I miss my bed. The chairs here were giving me stiff neck and back. The problem is Tori's room. It's one of the very first we have to pass by in the hallway.

The night had dragged on again. I'd go to the coffee station and pour another cup for myself. One of the late night nurses had to tap me on the shoulder because I was falling asleep. With all the sleep I was lacking I wasn't sure how I'd be able to play soccer. Cole was right. I don't want this anymore, I need it. How else am I suppose to be a good dad? I want to be just like my dad. He always got us stuff but knew where to draw the line. He'd rarely yell at us when we'd get in trouble. Instead he'd say he's disappointed, making us feel worse. Dad was a great parent. I want to be just like him.

I watched as the sun started to rise in the horizon. Soon we'd have to go to school. I yawned and grabbed the backpack underneath my chair, rummaging through it until I found some clean clothes. I shook Cole's shoulder, waking him up as he slept on the chair. While he slowly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes I headed to the bathroom where I changed into my spare clothing. One by one we moved across the small room getting ready for another pointless day in school. We were like zombies, barely saying anything, barely showing emotion.

"Bye Tori," Suzie said to our sister as she hoisted herself on the bed kissing Tori's forehead.

"Dream of FooFoo." Shawn told her as he took his turn to kiss Tori's head. It was a thing for us to all line up and say bye to Tori.

"See ya later sis." Cole kissed her cheek and followed Shawn and Sue to the door. They waited there for me while I glanced down at Tori.

I placed the palm of my hand on the top of Tori's head while my thumb rubbed small circles on her forehead. I leant over kissing her cheek and whispered in her ear. "If you see your mom, tell her I say hi. And that I loved the double chocolate stuffing cupcakes she made when we were celebrating your birthday in kindergarten."

I stacked another brick to the wall I was starting to form. It was a process I taught myself. Accept the worse and start forming the wall. Don't let anyone in because it'll only result into devastation. It was like building a fortress. Only specific people are allowed inside and even then it's hard for them to get permission to enter. Every time I let someone in something like this happens. It's bound to be a curse in the family or something. Maybe it's just me then. Everyone that gets close to me ends up badly.

I drove everyone to school. First we stopped at the elementary so Suzie could go. It was interesting watching all the little kids running around with Spider-man or Barbie backpacks. Suzie stopped to give us all a kiss on the cheek before she hopped out of the car and joined the other kids. Her crutches didn't let her run and the thick layer of bandages didn't allow her to wear jeans so she was in shorts. She didn't look as happy as the others but finally found a friend as they all crowded to get into the school. "I think she's depressed." Cole sighed. Mom had agreed to pick her up from school. We had soccer practice and Sue doesn't really like ASP.

"No." Shawn gasped loudly as he held the word out. "I thought she was sprouting poppies and daisies out of her little noggin."

Cole sighed, "I'm just saying she's not herself."

"We're all not ourselves." Shawn added. Both Cole and I turned around to stare at Shawn. "Ok ok, maybe I'm a bit like myself. I'm just trying to crack jokes so I don't start crying..."

The rest of the car ride was silent. When I finally pulled up in my usual parking space we all got out only to be greeted by a few friends or people we were supposedly acquainted to. We all slipped away in search for different people. Shawn was looking for Emily, Cole was looking for Mark, while I kept my eye out for Cali. I just want to talk to her. If I did screw up and I am suppose to become a father, I want to take care of the kid. To just be a good dad. One that will love him or her like my dad loved me.

"Mark!" Cole called out. Shawn and I turned to look in the direction Cole was looking. Mark was standing around with some of his other friends. They were all discussing something until Cole called his name, making everyone stare at us in confusion. I was beyond mad knowing that Mark was being such a douche. He doesn't even know what's going on. I don't know how many times we tried calling him. We didn't go to his house to tell him because we wanted to stay with Tori. Also, we didn't agree it was right how he was acting.

"I'll catch you guys later." I heard Mark say as he walked down the hall away from his friends and us.

"Mark wait!" Cole sprinted towards him and stepped in front of him putting his arms up to stop him. "You don't understand. Tori is at-"

"I know where she is." Mark said.

Cole's face scrunched up in confusion. "You do?"

"Yeah." Mark shrugged. "She's at home sick. That's what Em told me."

Shawn's face paled. "What else did Em tell you?"

"That you three have been missing because you've been taking care of her." Mark sighed. "Congrats. Sibling bonding and stuff right? That's why you've been missing days lately. You've been staying with her and making sure she's ok. I'm glad you guys care about her. At least I can leave knowing she's fine."

My eyebrows came together. Is he talking about training and getting stationed off somewhere? Is that really what he's doing? Pushing the girl he loves back, making not only her feel heartbreak but himself. What an idiot. I grabbed Mark's arm just as he tried walking past me. I didn't bother looking at him but I knew his eyes were trained on me. "You care about Tori. I know you do. But do us all a favor and stop being a jackass. If she weren't on her deathbed, I would have beaten you up by now."

I let go of his arm and grabbed Cole and Shawn hauling them away. Mark looked frustrated and confused. I'd let him think this over. Let the words sink in. Hopefully he'll realize now that he shouldn't be treating Tori like this. I know he cares about her. Even loves her. If he really loved her though, would he treat her like this? It's official. I hate love. It's so complicated and stupid. It's so powerful and it's nothing. Even kingdoms, civilizations have been destroyed because of love. It's the most dramatic thing in the world. Yesterday was pure hell with all the lovey-dovey couples and their chocolates and hearts.

Where does love end you? In a bottomless pit of hurt. Even I find myself falling in love with people. I wish I couldn't but everyone loves someone or something. Even raging psychopaths love. Whether it's their mom or cat, even something like a brand of potato chips, they love. I never expected my family to grow. I thought it would be my mom and brothers taking the world like a superhero pack. Letting more people into my sealed fortress scared me. But I let Tori and Suzie in. I became attached to them. Now, I wish I never did. It only made me have to strengthen my walls again.

Classes were even more boring than usual. I tried to pay attention but found myself falling asleep. I swear these classes are like singing a lullaby to a baby. Maybe if I videotaped the lessons I could watch them at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. The teacher was constantly shaking me awake and asking me to pay attention. Students kept staring at me probably wondering what's going on, like I cared what they thought. I don't know what sort of rumors are going to be traveling the school but something is bound to come up.

When lunch finally came around I didn't feel like eating so I quickly scanned the faces around the tables until I located Shawn. He was sitting with Emily while they whispered to each other. I noticed Cole was getting food in the lunch line, it made me feel a little better seeing him eat. "Are you feeling better?" I asked Shawn when I took the seat beside him.

He shrugged, "On a scale of blueberry oatmeal muffins to chocolate rainbow wedding cake, I'd say I'm chocolate muffin."

I stared at Shawn for a second before looking at Em for help. "Translation," Em said, "He's a five or six on a scale from one to ten, ten being perfect."

Shawn smiled, "She knows me so well."

"So what were you guys talking about?" Cole asked as he set his tray down on one of the empty seats. I took one of his french fries. Everyone was watching us now. They're all wondering why we've moved tables. Sometimes people try to sit with us but we quickly give them a glare that has them leaving the table in seconds. When we do sit with friends, it's usually the soccer team. Now that football was over, we just pushed those guys away.

"I was asking Em why she lied." Shawn answered before turning his head to look at Em. "You told Mark that Tori was just sick."

Em sighed and looked down at her food. "You've seen how he gets over Tori. I was scared to tell him for three reasons. One, what if he freaks out and starts punching holes in walls. Two, he could have a melt down. Three, he'll hunt you guys down and interrogate you. I thought this through, I wasn't going to just blurt it out."

"Blurt it out..." Cole said slowly. He was chewing on some of his french fries before looking directly at Shawn. "How did you end up with her? I expected you to end up with some girl that acts like Jennifer Lawrence. Or worse! You."

Shawn's smile widened as he put his arm around Em's waist pulling her closer. He looked down at her with pure adoration in his eyes. "Ew..." I accidentallyy said aloud.

"What?" Shawn raised an eyebrow before his eyes went wide. "Whatever you think I did, there is a possibility it was me, but because I don't want to get in trouble, it was the wall."

"Ok seriously," Cole stared at Emily. "How did you end up with him?"

Em blushed. "You'd be surprised."

Shawn's smile faltered as he looked behind me. Someone placed their hand on my shoulder and I sighed getting ready to tell them to go away. I wasn't up for people bothering me today. Girl or guy. They can all just get lost. "I'm not in the mo-"

The person shoved my shoulder to face him. "What do you mean Tori is on her deathbed?" Mark asked. I looked up at him and realized just how angry he looked. If the guy was a cartoon, steam would be blowing out of his ears. But then his eyes looked worried and confused. His complexion had gone a little white making him look more pale than usual. He was probably thinking about this for a while now.

I knew 'deathbed' was an exaggeration. But since Tori was going to die on there, I figured it'd be considered one. "Well a deathbed is a bed where someone is dy-"

"Don't play with me Blake." Mark's fist clenched at his side before going loose. All the anger seemed to have washed away replaced with worry. "Where is she?"

I sighed before standing up. "Lets go talk in the hall." Mark's expression turned even more confused. He nodded so I took the opportunity of leading him out of the lunch room. I heard more footsteps joining us, so I knew that Cole and Shawn weren't far behind. People turned to look, they didn't look at all shocked. I've been sitting at Tori's table most of the time and since Mark was there I figured people thought we were acquainted. Also, he and Shawn were sort of friends, if not still.

"Where's Tori?" Mark repeated once we were out in the hallway. We had taken a few turns into the empty hall, just to stay away from the couples or people that were running errands. We were by the band room, it was the only isolated hallway due to the music. Most teachers said that they enjoyed listening to their practices but it didn't help students concentrate. So the room was moved to an isolated area.

"I already told you that." I rolled my eyes and leaned on my shoulder. Cole, Shawn, even Emily watched me with narrowed eyes. Every once in a while Cole would look at the ground, kicking an invisible pebble. Or Shawn would fiddle with his fingers until Emily held his hand.

Mark started looking irritated. I knew he was holding his anger back. I was just trying to determine whether he really deserves to know. He's been being distant to Tori ever since he found out we're siblings. Not to mention he broke her heart with all those words. I shouldn't even be talking to him. I should be beating him up for doing that to my sister. "I'm not playing games Blake." Mark added.

I shrugged, "Neither am I." Mark stepped in front of me and grabbed my collar clenching it tightly. I gagged when I felt his breath fan my face, "Dude there's this thing called gum."

"I have some." Shawn blurted out. He shoved his hand down his pockets pulling out all sorts of things. A bouncy ball, some string, a paper clip, a mini water gun, and a gum wrapper. "Er...I had some." He pulled the trigger on the water gun and it squirted on Cole's cheek.

Mark stared at me clenching his teeth tightly. "Where is Tori?" My eyebrow went up listening to his hostile voice. I wasn't scared of him. I was amused by the way he was acting. If this was love, we're all doomed. I'd never act this way over a girl. A girl is a girl, that's it.

"Curiosity killed the cat." I said with an emotionless smirk. I knew he was trying to threaten me. Or to make me feel small as he tried to look superior. I wasn't afraid of him. I've seen how Mark is. I think Tori is the only one that doesn't see it. He's a bulky guy that can easily beat someone up, if he had the upper hand. But to Tori he becomes a total softie. Like she puts it, a teddy bear. Shawn is right though. Maybe he is a teddy bear to Tori, but for everyone else, he's a giant grizzly that isn't afraid to maul you. It still doesn't cover up the fact he's soft.

"I'm not scared of you Blake." Now he smirked. "Besides, the cat had nine lives."

"That's good that's good." Shawn side commented. "I'm going to use that."

Cole pinched Shawn's shoulder. "Don't interrupt."

"Ow," Shawn complained. "Fine mom. Jeez."

"Just tell him Blake." Emily said. "What's the point of stalling?"

I quickly looked up at her before glaring down at Mark. He didn't understand everything he had put Tori through. He's even been ignoring the calls. It doesn't matter if he's joining the military, he's acting like a little kid. Pushing himself away from the girl he likes. "You know you broke Tori's heart right?"

Mark's hard exterior fell just as his hands loosen slightly. His anger crumbled down to something else: Regret. "I was just trying to-"

"To what?" I snapped. "To stay away from her so you can soak in your self misery about leaving? Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now? I may not know anything about loving someone but I know that you could work it out if you actually tried. A lot of military relationships have worked. What makes you so different? Didn't your parents work? So why couldn't you and Tori?"

Mark's anger was slowly returning. "You don't know anything about it."

"Why couldn't you and Tori work?" I repeated. "Oh that's right, because you're taking the easy way out. You're cowering away from your problems thinking it'll go away. How are you suppose to fight for our country if you can't even fight for a girl?"

"Shut up!" Mark yelled. He pulled his fist back and in a second I managed to shove his shoulders just to move out of the way as his fist collided with the wall behind me just where my head had been. I backed away while Mark kept glaring in my direction. I'd just keep this up. Words instead of fists. A punch can inflict damage but the pain will pass. It might leave a bruise but it'd only last a couple days. Words though, they'll replay in your head forever.

"Take cover!" I heard Shawn yell. "The grizzly bear is lose. I repeat, the grizzly bear is lose!" I quickly glanced at him and saw him hiding behind Cole while making siren noises. He grabbed Em's purse and put it on his head like a helmet.

I looked back at Mark. His fists were clenched at his sides, knuckles white. "You know I'm right," I said casually. "It's truly pathetic. I mean you both care about each other but your pushing her away. You don't even sound like a guy. You haven't even given her a second thought these last couple days have you? You're not even fighting to keep her you're letting her get away. Do you even care?"

"Yes I do." Mark's voice started to fail him.

"Really?" I smirked. "You've been ignoring our calls, every time you see me or my brothers you give us a look of disgust. You flat out told Tori to forget about you two ever having something. You're not only breaking her heart but you're breaking yours."

Mark looked so frustrated it slightly amused me. "Well at least I didn't get her pregnant." He spat out.

Thoughts of Cali invaded my mind until I pushed them away. I wouldn't let Mark's words get to me right now. Not when I'm playing this game. I will win this game. I gave a fake smile. "Well in this case I don't think you'll ever get the opportunity."

"Wait wait wait," Em stopped us. "Who's pregnant?"

So she is a bit like Shawn.

Cole check the time on his phone. "Yeah if you guys don't finish in fifteen minutes we're going have to head to class. Just saying."

"Shh!" Shawn silenced them. "I'm enjoying the show. Why'd I have to leave the popcorn at home?"

Mark ran a hand through his hair. "This is ridiculous." He turned around starting to walk away. "I don't know why I'm fighting with you. You're Blake Parris. You only care about yourself and no one but yourself. Just leave me al-"

"She's in the hospital." I crossed my arms over my chest as he stopped dead in his tracks. I think I would respect Mark more if he didn't treat Tori this way. Then again, I treated her worse. It's my fault she's in the crash in the first place. Suzie told us that Tori was out of it. That she was focusing on something else. But Mark isn't even fighting for her. I may not know about fighting for a girl but when I believe in something I fight till I get it. Whether it's getting a soccer scholarship or keeping a baby. If I want it, I push all my efforts to get it.

Tori's accident is different. I never meant to get her hurt yet I did. It's safe to say that everything is my fault. I've gotten so used to having the blame on me I don't know what to do. It's my fault I lost Tori as a friend when we were younger.  It's my fault she and Mark are fighting now. It's my fault I got her friend pregnant. It's my fault she's dead. Everything is my fault, one way or another I'll just accept it. Even if it's not my fault, I'm not letting other people take blame for my actions. I could have fought harder for Tori when we were kids. I should've told Mark about the siblings thing when I had the chance. I knew it was wrong to sleep with Cali but I did it anyways. And my jacked up brain explained how love never works out. Everything is on my shoulders because I refuse to let anyone else take the blame.

"What do you mean she's in the hospital?" Mark was facing us. He looked just like us when we received the news. Scared and confused. Maybe he does care about Tori, he just has a weird way of showing it.

"There was a car accident." I didn't even get the full story out before Mark was already leaning against the wall for support. "Suzie's ok. She's got some crutches for her leg because she needed stitches. But she's fine."

Mark nodded taking deep breaths. "Tori?"

I hesitated. Here comes down the hard exterior I was talking about. Now all that's going to be left is the teddy bear that Tori loves. "She's in a coma-"

"No no no no." Mark started to mutter. His hands went up to cover his ears like he didn't want to hear it anymore. I stared at him as he pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes. "I don't believe you."

I repeated what the doctor told us. "She hit her head against the glass. They don't know if she's going to wake up. She's already gone in cardiac arrest once. She made it out but it could happen again."

"She's my best friend." Mark said in a shaky voice. "The last thing I told her was I was going to blow up in a god forsaken desert and she'll come to my funeral." He paused, sniffling before he continued. "You're right. I am jealous. Jealousy was what made me realize that I liked Tori more than a friend. I started viewing her differently and the reason I didn't make a move was because I just wanted to keep her safe. To keep her away from all this stupid drama. I thought you were stealing her away from me, I thought you were using her. After what happened with Cali I got scared it'd happen again. I just..." Mark's eyes glazed, "I just wanted her to be happy. But I miss her. I miss her so much. I miss holding her hand and having her in my arms. And yeah, I'm breaking both of us but I just thought it was for the better."

I didn't know what to say. We all just stood frozen in place unsure what to do. Mark's eyes were trained on his arms. He was quiet for a minutes before tears started welling up in his eyes. His eyes vibrated as he tried to hold the water back but eventually it accumulated so much it rolled out of his eyes.

"Dammit." I cursed under my breath when I realized he was crying. It was one thing to watch Cole and Shawn cry. I knew how to comfort them. Partially because they're my brothers. Also because I've seen them both at their lowest. Mark was a different story. I barely knew him. Most of the facts I knew about him came from Tori. So I don't really know him.

"Please tell me she's going to be ok." Mark sniffled and started rubbing his eyes but the tears didn't stop.

I took a seat beside him and stared at my hands. "I don't know man." I quickly glanced at him. He shattered into pieces. His teeth were biting into his lip until I saw the first droplet of blood. Tears were streaking down his red cheeks as his eyes started to puff out. "Don't cry dude. It's not your fault."

I didn't have a heart to tell him about what I said to Tori before she got into the accident. Mark was blaming himself about it. The way he was looking down at his hands I could tell. He had that worried expression, combined with the fear I've been noticing in Cole and Shawn. It looked like Mark was also getting his hopes up. He probably couldn't think about a life without Tori. She's been there for him forever, all his memories consisted of him and Tori. It's a shame his hopes will be crushed.

Tori's dead, I thought to myself. She's not waking up.

I built another brick to the wall forming in me. Mark was that other brick. Knowing he'd be devastated when it happens, I imagined his face. Crying and sobbing for Tori to wake up. He'd be sputtering I love you's knowing it wouldn't make a difference because she was gone. I could imagine him still leaving for the army, rarely wanting to come home. His devastation was just another brick I used to form my wall. I stacked it up knowing that when that time comes, I'll have to never let him in. It was like a spell that rebounded when it happened. All these bricks with all these qualities that showed different scenarios and ideas to what could happen. And when they happen and the curve ball is thrown at me, it'll rebound off the brick I had planted. Nothing would tear my wall down. Nothing.

 "I just didn't want to hurt her." Mark let out a shaky breath. "I love her so much. She's my everything. We've done everything together since we're kids. It's hard not to love someone when you've known them that long. When I told her she's my whole world I meant it. What am I suppose to do without her? Every time I think of when I was little, Tori pops up too. It's because she's my best friend. That's why I love her. Not just because she's pretty, sporty, funny, even weird in her own way. But because she's my best friend and I can trust her with anything. I love her for being my pretty, sporty, funny, weird best friend. You can't buy that kind of friendship."

Everyone was left speechless while Mark tried composing himself. It looked like he was happy to get some of his thoughts off his chest. Shawn exaggerated a sigh. He looked up at the ceiling and screamed angrily, "Why didn't I bring the popcorn!?"

"This is so sweet." Em said running her hand under her eye. "You got me crying."

"I apologize for their behavior." Cole muttered. "Should I get the duct tape again?"

I chuckled, even Mark cracked a small smile. "Nah you're good." I looked back at Tori's best friend and sighed. "You want to come to the hospital with us later?

Mark glared my direction but I knew he was just playing around. "What kind of question is that?"

******************************

If I thought Mark's crying was bad before he arrived to the hospital, I couldn't imagine what I had in store.

After lunch he was able to compose himself for the rest of the day. Part of him was probably thinking it wouldn't be as bad as he imagined. Of course he was still worried, like the rest of us. He also turned zombie, like the rest of us. His face took a turn to pale and ghost, like the rest of us. Just by looking at him I knew he was feeling the nerves that were acting up. I swear that when the four of us walked outside to the parking lot after school, we looked like a group of white ghosts. It was inevitable to feel sick.

Mark was surprisingly patient. While my brothers and I had soccer practice, he went to pick his brother up. Conlan was joining us because Mark said that he would be able to comfort Suzie and Tori is a big sister to Conlan. During practice, I spent more time trying to impress the scouts. We were having a game soon, so that's when I really have to show off my skills. The scouts were alright. I thought the moment I'd meet them would be the most exhilarating day of my life. Instead I was calm, relaxed. Coach would butter them up with my qualities while I take my anger out on the ball. Every time I shot for goal, I'd push all my anger in my kick, getting a better result. It's funny how we make such a big deal about such small things, when really there are bigger problems in the world.

Emily had said she wanted to come and visit Tori as well. But then her aunt called and said she needed help setting up dinner because they were having guests. Shawn was disappointed until I mentioned Emily coming later to meet our mom and step-dad. Mom had been wondering about Shawn's girlfriend. Actually, mom had an argument with Shawn asking why he hadn't brought his girlfriend home one day to meet her. Mom and Bill were always wondering where he'd go off to. Even with the bad circumstances, I think it'd be a good thing for mom to meet Emily. Em is a good person, one that keeps Shawn on track while still being funny. She and Tori are good friends too, now she's starting to get along with Cole and I myself am warming up to her. Mom and Bill will definitely love her.

It was moments like these when we need to focus on the good and not the bad. Have good things happen so they don't add into the pile of bad things. It's hard with our situation but it's always hard. Periods like these are difficult to deal with. Like having a tree trunk blocking the road causing you to stop. You'd have to wait the time out, hope for the best. But once people come and take the trunk out of the way, the whole road is yours.

Mark was still upset we didn't let him leave earlier. He wanted to go directly to the hospital after school but Cole said he was going to have some problems getting past Bob. Mark was still patient, I was surprised how calm he was. I expected him to be steaming like he was earlier today but he wasn't. He was scared, terrified of seeing Tori. Just like we had been. He wants to see her yet at the same time he doesn't. I wouldn't blame him, Tori doesn't even looking alive. This was all pointless to me. Mark should come to the realization that seeing Tori right now is just going to hurt more. She may be alive now but I know her heartbeat is going to permanently come to an end. Knowing Tori was alive and fighting is going to hurt more than just realizing she died. She's going to lose the fight and everything will be worse. There's not point in seeing her.

I had to take him though. He has a right to know what happen, to see her. Even though he's been a jerk to her and to himself, he still cares. He hasn't been answering our calls knowing it was probably something to do with Tori. No matter how hard he tried to push her away, he still loves her. I don't understand love but from what I pick up from Shawn, Cole, or even stories, love is hard to forget. It makes no sense to me. Why can't we forget it? It's just another emotion. Just like anger or sadness. We forget those. I could be angry of not getting the last popsicle in the freezer but after and hour I forget about it. What makes love so different?

When we arrived to the hospital, I had parked in an empty spot. Mark wasn't far behind, he had followed us in his pick up. In shot gun with him was his brother Conlan. I don't know anything about the kid other than he's one of Suzie's good friends. I didn't worry much about it. From the looks, Cole had it all covered. He was taking the role of protective brother, interrogating the poor twelve year old. They were stupid questions too. I didn't see the point in that either. It's not like Cole will be living with Suzie in another year. He'll be off in Harvard using big fancy terms that will leave Shawn and I staring. If that doesn't happen, the whole stereotype is going to go down the gutter.

"So you play hockey?" Cole asked Conlan as we walked down the halls of the hospital. Mark was fiddling with his fingers barely listening to the conversation. Over the last couple days I was able to manage my way around the hospital. If I did get lost, I'd have to get a nurse to help me.

"Yeah." Conlan smiled softly. "I like it because it's different. Instead of a ball we have a puck. And I like the ice, so why not?"

"Cool." Cole answered shortly. I smirked to myself watching his expression. He was having a hard time trying to hate Conlan. "You like any girls at your school?"

"Nah." Conlan shrugged. "My dad tells me to wait. He says better not to have a girlfriend now because when I get older I'll meet The One. That's how he puts it. Besides, the girls at my school are all crazy." He rolled his fingers around the sides of his head. "I'm not interested in any."

Cole's face fell further. It was entertaining watching him fail at hating Conlan. The kid is pretty cool for a twelve year old. "Do you think you'll meet The One?"

"I don't know." Conlan's eyebrows knitted together before he glanced at Mark. A smile suddenly spread against Conlan's face. "I might have already. I mean, Mark met The One in third grade."

"Ha ha." Mark said stalely. "You're so funny I forgot to laugh."

"Don't worry man. I'll do it for you." Shawn waved his hand like it wasn't a bother. He then placed his hand on his stomach and let out a full blown laugh. "There see?" He said when he was done. "I got your back."

Mark didn't even respond, he just rolled his eyes and stayed behind me. "I still can't believe I'm walking with the Parris Trips." Conlan said excitedly. "You guys are like legends." He paused for a second, causing us all to smirk. "Could I take samples?"

"Samples?" I asked almost stopping in my tracks

"Yeah." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I could get so much money. Those crazy girls I was talking about, they'd do anything for a signature or a piece of hair or nail. I could get fifty bucks easy out of a signature. If you had an old pair of shoes I could bid one hundred and fifty at it's lowest."

"Oh my god." Shawn put his arm around Conlan. "I love this kid! Mark can I have him?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Take him, he's all yours." Shawn and Conlan started talking behind us. Whispering to each other about splitting the money that they could make out of vials filled with our sweat. "I thought that was only in movies." Mark grumbled.

"It is," Shawn said, "We're going to make it a reality."

We reached the turn that would lead to the hallway where Tori was at. I turned around letting Cole and Shawn pass by me. They knew where to go, they were probably going ahead to take their usual seats as well. I faced Mark and Conlan who were both staring at me slightly confused. "We're almost there." I said quickly. "Just...don't panic when you see Tori. She doesn't look like herself."

Mark took a deep breath and Conlan nodded before staring at his feet. "I'm just letting you guys know now." I turned back around leading them into the hallway. "So you don't freak out when you see her. Trust me, she's been worse."

Of course they were going to freak out. Luckily Tori didn't look as bad anymore. Her heartbeat was stronger and her face wasn't ghostly pale. She was still pale but it wasn't as bad as other days. It looked like she was finally healing. But she wouldn't wake up. Not now or ever. The doctor already explained that a large percentage of coma patients come out or die in two to four weeks but some remain sleeping for months or even years. I wouldn't keep the hope because there was none. There wasn't any hope left in me.

I sighed when I saw the door that led into Tori's room. My hand stretched out to the door handle. Behind me Mark held his breath and Conlan just seemed curious. I pushed the door open and let them walk in first. "Mark." I heard Bill state as Mark walked in.

Conlan followed after his brother earning a shout from Suzie. I stayed out in the hall a minute, letting Bill explain everything. I had my arms crossed over my chest as I leaned on the wall. My mind was trying to wrap around the idea of why Mark was being such a jerk. It's obvious my mind isn't the only one that works wrong because even I would have fought for a girl if I really cared.

I scoffed at myself for even thinking that. Me and a girl? What are the odds of that ever happening? I'd never fall for a girl. Not like Shawn, Cole, Mark, not even Conlan. There's no such thing as falling in love. I either automatically love them or they warm up to me. It's instinct to love your parents unless they do something that makes you hate them. Even teenagers that get abused by their parents can't find themselves to turn them in because they're their parents. Love has more negative effects than positive.

There's pain. Misery. Suffering. It's sickening. Love should never be symbolized by hearts and cupids. Happy couples shouldn't be the first image that comes to mind. Love should be symbolized by destruction. Fires. Catastrophes. That's all love ever brings. Whether it's bringing down a civilization or just crushing your heart in two, love isn't positive.

Just to prove my point, when I walked into the room, Mark was clutching to Tori's hand while tears streamed down his face. Bill was explaining what happened and Conlan let Sue sit on him as he hugged her close. It was Mark though that was trembling with sobs that were being locked in. I was so confused, even my facial expression read confusion. My eyebrows were scrunched up as I stared at Mark.

"It's going to be ok man." Shawn tried to cheer him up. It was happening all over again to Shawn. He couldn't handle other people crying when he was also unstable. So he grabbed the journal that Cole gave him and planted his face in one of the pages like he was trying to block the world.

I watched Mark closely. My head even tilted to the side in slight confusion. He was blaming himself. Just by looking at him, the guilt was written clear on his face. He regretted everything. There was no going back now. It's my fault. It's not his or anyone elses, it's my fault. Of course he's too stubborn in the head to pay attention to me if I actually tried to explain it to him.

Mark placed his forehead on the edge of the bed and freely cried. He let out all his sobs of frustration. Shawn had cried because he cares about Tori. He loves her like a sister and he was scared. Cole had cried because he wanted her back. He wanted to spend more time with her and make more memories. Mark cried for a completely different reason. So many tears fell on the floor it made a small puddle the size of my palm.

He looked completely miserable. There didn't seem to be any part of him that was looking at the bright side. It was as if he suddenly fell into Hell. The way he cried and sobbed over Tori. Asking her to wake up just like we all did. He held onto her hand gently but his other hand clenched the bed sheets like his life depended on it. There was no use. Nothing he could do. She's gone and Mark should just accept that like I did.

I'd never seen someone look so broken-hearted. Not when Shawn and Emily broke up, not when Tori cried. Not even when dad died. When dad died we were all broken, but we knew that dad had left with a loving family. We all accepted he'd have to leave one day. At least he died a happy man, with a good family and life.  But Mark, he just sat there crying. Sobbing. He took in deep breaths unable to breathe while he cried. He wasn't embarrassed or shy letting his feelings out. Unlike Cole and Shawn who try to control themselves, Mark let everything out. Frustration, anger, hurt, even love. It all came flowing out in his tears and sobs.

"I-I want to go." Conlan finally managed. He was the first to speak as Mark's crying slowed down to whimpers. I changed my gaze from Mark to his younger brother. Conlan was holding Suzie close to him as she buried her face in his chest. Conlan looked scared. He kept his eyes on his older brother like he couldn't believe what he was watching.

I wouldn't blame the kid. By the way Mark acted even I was shocked by his meltdown. Conlan had probably never seen his brother at a low. And even if he did, it was never like this. The only other time I had seen Mark cry was when he was yelling at Tori about us being her stepbrothers. At that time his crying wasn't like this, it was frustration and anger. This was a combination of everything. Every little detail he's been stressing over the last few days has come out.

Bill looked at Mark sadly before looking towards Conlan. "I'll take you home." Bill stood up pushing his hands in his pockets. "I should probably get some fresh air. Try to relax a little."

Mom placed her hand on his arm and gave him a small smile. "Could you drop me off at home? I need to get some more clothes. We're running out."

Bill nodded and glanced at Conlan and Sue. "Conlan do you think your parents would mind if Suzie slept at your house tonight?"

Suzie actually seemed to cheer up a bit. It was like a magic word. "No." Conlan answered instantly. "I know they'll understand. Mark told them what happened. They wanted to come but he made them stay at home."

Bill nodded and picked Suzie up before grabbing her crutches. "You need a break." He told her. "You want to stay at Conlan's?"

Suzie nodded her head slowly, glancing at Mark. "What about Mark?" He was still trying to calm himself. His breathing was off and sometime's he'd hiccup. Mark was in his own world. Thinking about everything that would sometimes cause him to break into more tears. It was a process I had seen Cole and Shawn go through.

"He's going want to stay." I answered for Mark. "Let him have a few minutes with Tori. Come on." I waved my arm for Cole and Shawn to follow. We'd probably wait in the hall unless they had to go home to get something too.

Bill was the first to walk out, giving Mark a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. Mom followed after him waiting in the hallway with Bill. Conlan gave Mark a hug and held on a couple seconds until Mark showed some sort of reaction. Cole and Shawn quickly stood up going out into the hall. I left the door opened a crack so just to make sure Mark didn't do anything stupid. Mom, Bill, Conlan, and Sue quickly went away from the room until they were out of view.

Cole's phone buzzed as we sat in the chairs set in the hall. He quickly checked it before sighing. "Guys I need to go to work. My boss says he might actually fire me if I don't show up."

"Could you drop me off at Em's?" Shawn asked. "I'll sneak in through her window and wait there until her guests leave. Then I'll come out of the shadows and declare I'm a vampire."

"You're going to scare the living crap out of her." Cole ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah I'll drop you off if you promise to videotape her reaction."

"Will do." Shawn glanced at me. "What about you?"

I shrugged, "I'm going to stay. Make sure Mark doesn't do something dumb."

They nodded and walked away making me promise to keep them updated. I sagged down in my seat with my arms crossed as I watched the clock. It was annoying hearing every second pass by. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. After a full minute I stood up and headed down the hall to get some coffee. I got two cups, one for me and one for Mark.

I tapped on the door when I got back. "Mark want some coffee?" There was silence so I pushed the door open. Not a lot changed. Mark was still hunched over the bed, only now he wasn't crying. His breathing was ragged and loud but at least his tears had stopped. "I got you a cup of coffee..." I stated awkwardly. "And I brought the bags of sugar if you..."

I stood there for a minute waiting to see him react. He was a statue right now. Breathing but never moving. I tapped my finger against the cup of coffee. "Alright well," I felt like I was talking to myself more than him. "If you want the coffee I'll leave it here." I placed the cup of coffee on the ground beside Mark's seat. Shawn is the only one that can deal with awkwardness.

I walked back out of the room until I heart Mark's scratchy voice. "Blake wait." He said as I was about to close the door behind me.

I wasn't sure if I preferred dealing with the statue Mark or the crying Mark. I poked my head intot he room. "Yeah?"

"This is going to sound really weird..." Mark started off. "But I really don't want to be alone right now."

Shawn is the only one that can crack the tension right now...

"Uh," I rubbed the back of my neck. "Sure thing." I stepped back in the room and closed the door behind me. I crossed my hands over each other, tapping my finger on my coffee cup.

Mark sighed. "Why don't you sit down?"

"You're kinda in my seat." I blurted out. I realized how rude it sounded and Mark stood up but I quickly stopped him. "Don't worry about, I'll sit on the other side."

He sat back down as I walked around to the other side of Tori's bed. I was facing Mark, his eyes were bloodshot and cheeks were stained with dried tears. There was something different with Mark. A distant look that made it seem like he wasn't even in our world. His lip had a small scab from where he bit into. He looked older. His face grave and features pale or worn out. Already he looked exhausted and it's not even late at night.

"Wow..." I said accidentally. It was just shocking how...changed Mark looked. He wasn't himself. Almost like he's drunk in sadness. I wasn't sure what to say and that had been the first thing that came to mind when I saw the state he's in. I was never very social with people. I don't have real friends. Whenever I was with a group of guys we'd only talk about sports, parties, and girls. I never had a heart-filled conversation unless it was with my siblings. Tori included. So being here with Mark made me feel a different kind of uncomfortable and awkward. I wasn't used to talking so I didn't know how to break the silence that formed between us.

Mark looked up at me. "What?"

I was still so confused. How does he love Tori? Or any girl in general. How does this work? "You really, actually, sincerely, love her." He simply nodded looking back down at his feet. "How?" I asked. "How do you love a girl? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Tori. But as a little sister. I just don't understand how you can fall in love with someone."

"You can't really explain it." Mark sighed and looked up placing his hand beside Tori's face. He gently rubbed Tori's cheek with his thumb. A sad smile formed on his lips. "You don't really know you're in love until it hits you like a ton of bricks. I know a lot of couples and relationships don't automatically go to the L-word. Usually they have to bond and start trusting each other. But with Tori it's different. We've been friends forever so I already bonded with her. We've told each other everything so I know I can trust her. I guess once you get those two, you're all good."

Suddenly I was interested. "How'd you meet Tori?" I asked.

"It's really stupid actually." Mark crack a small laugh that sounded more of a huff. "We were assigned to sit next to each other in the beginning of the year in third grade. She just appealed to me so I made her promise to be my friend forever. We pinky swore, so that made if official I guess. Either way, after that day I kinda pushed myself into being her friend. She was having a rough time. I found out later it's because her dad's boss was giving their family hell. Tori would barely see her dad because he was out for work. Mr. Linean's boss was getting a divorce with his wife. I don't blame the poor lady."

I nodded remembering the night Chief Deliv came for dinner. He was like a devil spawn from Hell. "You know Bill quit his job?" I said causing Mark to stare at me with wide eyes. He probably also knows that Bill loved his job. "The first night Tori was in the accident Chief called Bill to go to work. Sue had a meltdown so Bill stayed. He called Chief a motherfucker and told him to fuck off."

"I wish I was here to see that." Mark muttered. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up my phone or answer your texts. I deleted your voice mails once they were added to my inbox. Same with the texts."

"It's fine. At least you know now." I laid back in my chair, wondering what else I could ask or add. "So you forced yourself on Tori to be her friend?"

"I guess you could say I was persistent." Mark chuckled. "It was the best decision in my life though. I don't know who I'd be without her. Like I said before, you can't buy this kind of friendship. It's the kind you only have one chance to make. It either happens or it doesn't. I know how cliche it is. How stupid I must sound, but really I pity all the people that look at me and say I'm that other guy that fell for my girl best friend. They wouldn't understand. No one ever will unless you're put in the same situation. When someone says cliche, I hear classic."

It made sense in a weird way. I never understood the term cliche. It always seemed as over-used or repetitive but the way Mark explained it made it seem like it was just a classic. Like something everyone loves or wants. There was something that was still bothering me. Something I needed to get out. "You were scared of me because you thought I was stealing Tori away." I stated. "But you should know, it's kinda the opposite."

"What do you mean?"

"In kindergarten and first grade Tori and me were best friends." I sighed. "One reason I didn't let her tell you about my brothers and I is because I knew that once you found out, you'd be hanging around more. She'd go to your house and you'd come to ours. So I was scared that I'd lose her again. In second grade she went distant, now I know why. It was déjà vu for me. Losing her a second time to the same guy."

Mark thought it over. The silence came back while he replayed my words in his head. "You remember kindergarten and first grade?" Mark finally asked. "I can't even remember what I had for breakfast."

I didn't know why but I found his comment funny. I started laughing softly. After a few seconds of me laughing Mark joined in with his small chuckles. At least we were able to calm the waters for a while. When our laughing subsided we went quiet again. Mark's eyes went back to Tori. His smile instantly faded as he continued to rub small circles on her cheek. "You know," I said after a while. "The doctor says sometimes they can hear you. That they wake up for some periods of time and actually hear whats going on around them..."

"I'm just afraid." Mark's eyes glazed over again. "I can't lose her..."

I lied smoothly. "You won't...she won't ever leave you." Just like dad promised he'd never leave me.

Mark nodded and leaned in kissing Tori's cheek. "I love you Tori. I'm sorry I've been jerk these last couple weeks. I'm sorry I said those things to you. Please come back. I hate myself for doing that to you, for seeing you like this. It shouldn't be this way. I was always worried it'd be the other way around. But feeling like this is ten times worse. You need to wake up so I can tell you just how much I care. You have no idea how much I just want to hold you. To just feel you in my arms. Whenever it's just you and me I feel like the world stops. I never want it to end. I never want to lose you. Ever."

Is that how being in love feels? Like a constant high on emotions. It sounded good, appealing almost, but I'd never fall for it. No matter how much Mark loved being with Tori, look at him now. Tearing up at simple words that mean a lot to him but not to the world. I stacked up another brick watching Mark. Although I didn't say much the time flied on. He would talk to Tori or sometimes we'd talk for a couple minutes before he went on telling more stories of when they were kids. There were so many, it would take an entire book to cover them all.

There were a few that caught my attention. Like the one where they pranked the clown that had come for Conlan's birthday. Mark and Tori had a pair of slingshots. Their inspiration was Mr. Bennett telling them that when he was a kid and there weren't any video games or electronics, he'd go out with his friends and play with slingshots. So on Conlan's birthday Mark and Tori both hid in a pair of bushes and every so often, while the clown was making balloons for the little kids, they'd pelt the clown with blueberries. In the end they were both caught and had to apologize to the clown. Of course they didn't mean their apology, they thought it was hilarious how some of the blueberries had left stains on the clowns red suit.

Mark talked about every year together. From elementary school to high school. How they always pulled pranks or had fun. They'd go hiking or camping whenever Mr. Bennett was at home. Their one camping trip where Mr. Bennett lit his shoes on fire. Or Bill trying to teach them how to hunt. Apparently Tori had missed hitting the squirrel, but Mark was straight on target. Then it moved on to stories like when Tori had her first boyfriend and Mark made sure to give him a talk not to hurt her. I wasn't shocked when I found out that Mark had dumped his first girlfriend because she had gotten jealous of Tori. The girlfriend bossed Mark around saying he wasn't allowed to see Tori anymore. That's when he ended it.

I couldn't believe how many stories there were. It was like one after the other. Like a line for a roller coaster. It just kept accumulating with people until the wait was so long, people didn't want to get on. As Mark kept  telling their stories, it got harder and harder for him to talk. Having all the memories come up and seeing the state Tori was in now wasn't helping him. "I remember when you pushed me off that tree." Mark spoke to Tori, his voice cracking. "We were twelve. And we both wanted that apple at the top. So to get the apple, you pushed me off. I landed on my arm and broke it, so at the hospital you brought the apple and shared it with me. You were with me that whole night because you felt guilty. You sang to me until I fell asleep."

It was already dark outside. I wasn't sure where everyone was at. The nurses had come in a couple times already to move Tori around. They said visitor hours would end soon, Mark obviously didn't want to leave. I was pretty sure that Bill would be here soon. He probably talked to Mr. and Mrs. Bennett a while. "She pushed you?" I asked.

Mark nodded through the tears. "She felt bad later so she sang to me until I fell asleep." He paused before he kept going. "In sophomore year me and her went to singing classes. Well, mostly her. She didn't have a ride, so she made me drive her. I don't know how but she managed to convince me to take the lessons with her. Sue would tag along. We never had to pay for her but she also learned."

"You sing?" I smirked.

"I didn't say I sing." He countered, "Just that I took the classes with Tori. She's the real artist."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No no," I said, "Let's hear Mark's beautiful singing voice."

Mark sighed and thought over a minute. "Tori went through this phase of only buying slow love songs you know?"

"So you're going to sing a lovey-dovey song?"

"It's the only one I know by heart because she'd play it all the time." Mark countered as a small blush appeared on his cheeks. "Just don't laugh."

"Whatever man." I tried not to laugh to fulfill the promise. "Sing to her then. You said she sung to you when you were in the hospital, you sing to her and call it even."

Mark didn't glance at me again. He grabbed Tori's hand and placed his head beside Tori's. His eyes shut as he controlled his breathing. I felt weird watching him, like I was invading his space, so I turned my head to look out the window. 

"What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time."

The song seemed oddly familiar to me. I wasn't used to listening a guy sing. Usually Shawn would randomly start singing things but listening to Mark felt like he was putting everything out into this one song. I was never an emotion filled guy, so this was new to me.

"'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you."

Mark didn't even finish the whole song before his voice failed him. He wiped some tears away, wringing his hands when he was done. After his meltdown he was able to control himself better. He breaks into tears but never sobs. Right now he was close to sobbing but quickly stopped and controlled his breathing. "Well you're not horrible." I stated in the silence.

"Thanks..." Mark muttered. "I guess."

To stop the awkwardness that was forming again I casually checked my phone. "You're alright Mark." I stated with a sigh. "Even if you did steal Tori from me when were kids, then broke her heart all while being a jerk."

Mark lifted an eyebrow. "Was that suppose to make me feel better?"

"Yeah but it didn't work did it?"

"In a weird way it did..." We went silent for a few minutes. It seemed like we were both thinking things over. Mark finally looked up at me and asked a question that had me giving a full laugh. "Are my balls small since my heart is big? Because I don't know if I should be proud or offended..."

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Few things, ta-da! Hope you liked it. It was an 'eh' chapter for me. But I hope you liked it :) Please comment on what you think. It was more of a filler but I figured it was needed. I don't want to rush this process but I hope you liked it. The song Mark sand is on the side, if you want to listen to it.

Also, if you have Pinterest check out Shawn's account. I promise it'll make you smile. www.pinterest.com/NinjaShawnator/ 

I think that's all I really have. I'll try to get next chapter up soon. It's my birthday soon so I'm going to be spending time with family. Hope you all understand. Also the reason Mark wasn't in last chapter was because I felt it was more of a family thing. But this had Mark, sorry for all those non-Mark lovers but...yeah sorry.

Anyways, that's everything. I'll try to update soon. Comment and vote :)

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