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Being a doctor had been my dream job. No one in my family was a doctor so you wouldn't say I got my inspiration from my family. I just loved helping people. I hated it when someone was in pain and maybe this was the way I could help in my own way.
A child in pain was my weakness. I just wanted to take that pain away. I was born and raised in a good and well off family but not everyone was fortunate enough to enjoy that. Not everyone had the luxuries of enjoying what I had enjoyed growing up so I wanted to be good to the kids.
That doesn't mean my childhood was plain luxury.
No.
I had my share of emotional instability too. I went through problems like any other person but I guess that's what makes me understand pain more? Take away the pain when I could.
I wanted to comfort them because I had needed comfort too, so I know exactly what it felt when you weren't being comforted.
I wanted to be their favorite doctor. The one that smiles and happily plays with them.
I wanted to give my charity in that manner. To give back to the society for what I had enjoyed while not everyone could.
'Please bring me coffee Tatyana on your way back from the cafe?' I handed her the money for the coffee.
It was midnight and I was on night shift so I had to stay awake for the night.
'Sure, you hate the coffee in the doctors lounge.'
'Yep.' I smiled at her as I made my way upstairs to my patients rooms for night rounds. There were a lot of problems in this hospital. First of all, it was a government hospital so most of the times the funds weren't as sufficient. The budget was tight. People lost their jobs every now and then so you really had to work to keep your job.
I walked in to a room and found Kieran awake as his mother was sleeping on the coach in his room.
'Hey you, are you okay? Why are you not sleeping? Are you in pain?'
'No doctor Aqsa. I just slept so much in the afternoon and I'm sleepless. I wish i could watch some tv.'
He had just gotten out of surgery yesterday and I had been in it, ofcourse not the leading surgeon. I wasn't qualified enough yet and I was waiting for the day that I'd be the lead pediatric surgeon but for now I spent most time in pediatrics but the hospital pushed me here and there until I fully specialize.
'Well you really need to rest, but we could play a little game on my phone.' I wasn't a game person but I had some games in my phone because of my nieces and nephews andI had a lot of them.
So I handed him my phone as I sat next to him on the bed. He was just 6 and had gone through a lot. I just hope this was his last surgery. So we were keeping him under observation for a while just to be sure.
Soon he started feeling sleepy and that was my escape, I continued with the rounds and finally I got to sleep a little at almost 3am.
I woke up in time to get ready for fajr prayer. So I went for a shower freshened up completely, changed my uniforms then spread my prayer mat inside the women staff resting place where I had rested for the two-three Hours of the last quarter of the night.
After fajr I finally made my way to the 24 hour cafeteria downstairs to have breakfast before finishing the final hours of my long 30hour shift.
'Dr Parker, I did as you instructed. Lisa is well now.'
'Who?' She just had a thing with remembering people's names.
I actually thought it was rude initially. I mean why and how can't you remember someone's name. I don't understand that logic. But now, I was used to her and she was my mentor. She was the most understanding and gifted person and I was glad I was learning from her.
'The girl, broken arm and stitched thigh?'
She then remembered and nodded.
'Did you call child welfare? She is terrified by the sight of her foster parents. They are abusing her as much as she's trying to hide it.'
'Yes I did. They said they are on their way. I'll wait for them and leave after.'
I adjusted my grey jersey hijab that was looking disastrous rightnow after all these in and outs.
Lisa came in today at almost 7:15 in the morning in her school uniform. She rushed here alone in pain and horrified. The nurse called her parents before Lisa opened up about the whole truth.
She initially claimed that she fell terribly on her way to school but it just didn't make sense.
After assuring her that she'll be okay, she finally confided in me saying that her foster father hit her and this wasn't the first time. She was just 12 but someone was doing horrible things to her and now we had to make sure that they never see her again.
After sorting the affair with social welfare, I left the building as I walked to the parking lot where I parked my full black BMW X6 and made my way out of the compound making my way home.
Well you're probably wondering how can I afford that car with the job I'm working. My salary was quite basic but I came from a well off family. My father owned manufacturing industries so he was quite rich if you'd ask me. He managed to spoil all his kids.
As tired as I was, I drove back home and thank God the traffic wasn't so heavy. I reached home after half an hour got inside only to find a lot of movements.
The maids were moving here and there,my nieces and nephews, my two older sisters, my younger twin sisters. So I had two brothers and four sisters, a total of 7 kids.
'A'mmah Aqsa, Khaala Aqsa!' Repeatedly as the kids ran to me. [paternal and maternal aunt respectively]
'Aww how are you my sweeties. Say Salaam.' Each now came kissing my hand with the Islamic greeting.
I was so tired but that could wait for some minutes. I greeted my sisters and then finally my mother.
'Full house today maa.' And she laughed.
'I told you that we are having visitors for dinner.'
'Yes you did. Well I'm so tired maa, I'll go rest so I can join all of you later in sha Allah.'
'Sure my child.' I kissed her forehead and left. She was busy instructing everyone so I bid my laters to everyone then walked upstairs to lock myself inside my room.
I rushed to pray dhuhr because if i sleep now I'm sure I'll miss my prayers. After praying I set the alarm for my asr prayers then slept not even thinking about lunch, I decided to save my appetite for later.
When i woke up for Asr prayer I heard my oldest sister Fatma knock at my door.
'Aqsa open up.'
Fatma was married with one daughter Amal.
'Fatma trust you to interrupt my resting time.' As I opened the door.
'Well I'm dodging all the noise downstairs and this is the safest place.' She sneaked into my room then directly under my blankets.
So immature I laughed then locked the door.
'I swear Amal is killing me with her screaming. I just want to dump her here for a week.' She joked.
She couldn't even stay a day without her naughty daughter.
She had complications giving birth and Amal was her only child, well you know how that turns out.
'Well, you can dump her here with her grandmother. She turns out to love the noise.'
I joined her on bed as I reached for my phone from the bedside table as I checked my messages. My friend Laura was back in town. She was American and she had gone to America for her holidays and now she's back. We went to college together. So I sat there texting and texting back after some minutes I was tired and decided to go back to sleep. I wasn't a texter to be honest.
An hour before the visitors arrival, I was getting ready. Took my shower applied very light make up I wasn't even a make up freak. Just the basics. Very light lip gloss to compliment my natural pink lips. I wore my brown and black caftan with a chiffon white hijab. I tied it smartly then walked downstairs to help everyone recieve the visitors and I noticed my dad, brothers Zayn and Sayeed were here too.
Obviously back from work a short while ago.
So my father's brother walked in with his wife and his only son Abdul-Aziz.
After greetings we all left them there to talk. Me,My sisters and the kids all walked to the other sitting room in the same floor. We sat listening to the funny school stories from the kids. My teenage twin sisters were busy on their phones, typical teenagers today.
After sometime dinner was ready and all girls sat together while all the men sat together too.
After dinner and clearing everything with the visitors talking to mom and the men in the family, Zayn came to call us to go say goodbye to them, my older sisters didn't come though.
Aunty was talking to me while my uncle and Baba were talking to Safiyya and Ruqqayya(the twins), Abdul Aziz was talking to Zayn and Sayeed
'How is your job, your mother was telling me you are so tired today.'
'Yes, I had such a long shift but I've rested well already Alhamdulillah.'
She smiled, her kind smile so bright reaching her eyes as they came out shining. I remembered how she'd send us presents whenever she traveled. She was so sweet and I adored her as much as she did me.
'Okay my dear all the best see you soon in sha Allah.'
After that little conversation they left and now it was just us with Sayeed and Zayn. Shortly Fatma and Asyah joined us for some little family time before they all left. Safiyya and Ruqqayya grabbed my nieces and nephews on their way out of the sitting room as my mother instructed.
Adult talk? Almost like everything was so common here. I've seen this happen a couple of times but mostly I joined Ruqqayya and Safiyya but not today. My mother had held my hand since the minute the visitors left. So we sat there and I sat next to my mother.
My father then began.
'Aqsa my brother Malik and his family have come to ask for your hand in marriage for Abdul-Aziz.'
Horrified. I felt all the blood in my face get drained. I was horrified not only with the idea of marriage, I wasn't totally against it now, perhaps I was old enough and this scenario had happened a couple of times.
Strangers asking for my hand in marriage, my father's business associates sons but I was in Med school and my family respected that. Then they stopped for a while because I had told my family expressly that I wasn't getting married anytime soon because of my career.
But now, what could I say? I had graduated and completed my internship. But Abdul-Aziz, among all people not him. Oh my God, not him.
My eyes were almost popping out and I'm glad he wasn't here nor was his parents.
His parents had spoilt him rotten. I wasn't going to even consider it.
'No!' I said blankly.
'What?' My father seemed surprised.
'No I will not marry your nephew.' I saw Sayeed smile and surpress a laugh.
'Why not? He comes from a good family. He has a good Job can take care of you well. Why not?'
All my siblings were quiet just looking at me and my father.
'Why do you want me to have problems with my own brother.'
'Because your brother and his wife have spoiled that boy rotten.' I saw the flames in my father's eyes. If I was close he would slap me. I felt my mother's hand leave me while she was sitting next to me.
'How dare you speak ill of your elders.'
Sayeed interrupted in my defense.
'I don't think she meant to disrespect you or anyone.'
'You shut up.' My father silenced Sayeed.
'Baba.' Zayn began. He was older than Sayeed and my father listened to him more but I wasn't sure if he was going to speak in my defense. His eyes shut for a second before continuing.
'Calm down Baba. We can speak about this calmly.'
I breathed too. Two people were on my side, my brothers were.
'I think we should listen to Aqsa.' Fatma said again in my defense. I was counting the votes as if they mattered when it came to my father.
'And what does she have to say?'
Tears were threatening to leave my eyes. I felt a huge lump in my throat that made it so hard to not let go these tears.
'Abdul-Aziz is spoilt and boastful ever since we were kids everyone knows that. I can't take that for the rest of my life.' I heard Asiyah, Sayeed and Fatma laugh.
'Is anyone good enough for you Aqsa?' Mother said.
Ouch. That hurt. Just like that all the tears that I was fighting so hard to control left me.
I stood up wanting to leave, my angry father threatened to come after me for criticizing his brother's parenting. Sayeed stopped him.
I heard mother say before I left.
'I don't know if she'll ever get married if this is how it is everytime.'
I ran upstairs into my room away from all of them. Sayeed then followed me right after.
'Aqsa open up for me habibty.'
He had never failed to stand up for me. Never doubted me. Understood me most than all of them. Stood up for me without question.
He came in and hugged me.
'Is this another reason for you to avoid marriage?' He held my hand as he looked into my eyes. He stood tall infront of me in his bright white Kandoora.
'Wallahi no. I'm not avoiding anything. Just dig deeper you'll find out he is not what you want for me.' He wiped my tears.
'You are such a big girl to be crying now. I'll talk to Baba. I won't let him force you.'
I nodded, almost immediately I heard my mother's voice.
'Go down Sayeed let me talk to her.'
Sayeed hesitated a little bit but I nodded.
He knew I was strong and that I could stand up for myself. Not that I misbehaved or mistreated my parents. Quite the contrary, I was the one who always kept my priorities last. I tried my best to please everyone. I tried so much to not have conflicts with any of my siblings. I just didn't like it when someone crossed the line. I fiercely defended myself and he knew that. So, he knew that I wasn't going to let anyone force me into anything. He walked away and left me there with mother.
'Aqsa, your father is very angry with you.'
I just looked down. How can my father not understand this I thought.
'I am sorry for that mother. I didn't intend to hurt anybody's feelings.'
'I am worried for you Aqsa. Why do you push every person that comes to ask for your hand. You will ruin the good name of your father, mine and your brothers.'
'What about my name Mother? I don't want to be forced into anything. I'm old enough to know what is right for me.'
'You insulted your father's brother and you know how close they are.'
'I never intended to. But it's the truth.' I said my voice not shaking a bit.
'Maybe you will change your mind. He is not ready to call Malik and give him No for an answer. His own brother, he won't.' Mother left my room and walked out.
I said nothing. I was just quiet. If he was going to choose his brother's happiness over his own daughter then I don't know what to say. But I am not getting married to him. Never. I just didn't want to tell anyone more but I was not going to marry him.
Heck, no.
Just a minute or two Asiyah and Fatma walked into my room and they already had their abayas on ready to leave.
' Aqsa, just sleep on it. You know how dad gets, don't push his buttons too much. Let him cool off then talk to him okay? I'm sure he'll understand.' Fatma said as she kissed my cheek then stepped back to leave my room.
'Bye sis.' Asiyah just kissed my cheek then left not saying anything. Well me and her weren't the best of friends. She was so invested in herself and wasn't the type to socialize much with anyone, particularly not me maybe. But yeah she was all about herself, just a little bit too much.
I let out a sigh as I broke down into tears.
I'm not exaggerating anything. This proposal was so different because it came from them. Because my father never said no to his brother. He was so close to him . I knew it wasn't going to be easy to convince him otherwise. Heck, he believed everything his brother told him. Prioritizing him a lot of times but over his own daughter?
He got so offended because I said his nephew was spoilt and boastful but I swear there was a lot I wasn't saying. When I was in Medschool, he was dating a girl in my class and although he tried to be discrete the girl wasn't as discrete as him. I knew everything and I just never told anyone.
Again, he was also asking my cousin out at the same time he had that relationship with the girl in my class and she told me everything.
Hanaan showed me how shameless he was. The advances he was making at her and atleast she's married now but no. I wasn't going to say yes to him. He was a liar and a shameless guy. I wouldn't tell anyone this because it's not good to reveal someone's sins as Allah conceals our own but I wasn't going to say yes to him knowing very well what he was capable of.
Maybe he changed but I didn't know that.
I wanted to marry someone for their good habits, Aziz wasn't that person.
I am sorry dad. I said to myself.