Chapter 74
Zayn picked me up, and carried me inside with two strong arms as I continued to pretend I was asleep. He couldn't sleep, because he was watching me sleep? I think most people would be creeped out... but I didn't know what I was feeling. It definitely wasn't creepiness though; it was more of this insane, twisted feeling: but a good feeling, that made my stomach get butterflies.
"Would you get the door?" Zayn asked.
"Sorry," Niall chuckled, and I heard the front door open.
"I'm gonna take her up to her room, can you-"
"I'll take her." Harry insisted, sending a giddy feeling through my body, like a child.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Liam asked.
"It's probably one of the best ideas I've had in a while." Harry responded.
"He has a point." Louis laughed.
"Fine." Zayn huffed, and Harry's familiar hands slipped under my legs and back. I shifted bodies, leaving Zayn's warm one, and entering Harry's warm, yet familiar one. Instinctively, I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck, and planted a soft kiss under his ear. I heard his heart beat excelerate, and I smiled when he didn't remove my arms from their grip.
"Don't do anything stupid," Zayn warned him.
"Stupid's his middle name." Louis cracked up.
Harry ignored them, and walked up the stairs, to the end of the hallway, and to my room. He gently laid me down on the bed, but I didn't let go of him. I kept my arms wrapped around his neck, and he tried to loosen my grip, but I wouldn't let him. Eventually he gave in, and laid down on the other side of the bed next to me.
"Harry?" I whispered after a few minutes of silence. He seemed startled, like he had really thought I had been asleep the whole time.
"Yes?"
"I heard what you said in the car." I admitted in fear. Was he going to be mad? Probably.
I was mistaken when he pulled me closer to him, and I laid my head on his chest.
"Of course you fucking did." He shook his head, and I caught a glimpse of a smile play on his perfect lips.
"I'm sorry." I apologized.
"For what?"
"For keeping you up last night. And listening to your conversation." I explained.
"Don't be, you have nothing to be sorry for." He kissed the top of my head. He was taking this much better then I had expected him to.
We're completely acting like a couple now... are we? No. No matter how much I want to be, I can't forgive him. He basically said he didn't want to get married. So that meant if we got back together, then we would only be dating.
"I still love you." He whispered, and I wanted to say the same. Instead I got out of bed, and stood up straight.
"You don't love me anymore... do you?" Worry and sadness spread across his face, and I wanted to melt in his arms and tell him it was going to be okay. It pained me to see him this way, and I hated every bit of it.
"Of course I still love you," I shook my head, and crossed my arms. "But we can't keep doing this. Acting like we're together, when we're not."
"Then let's get together." He suggested.
"But you told me you didn't want to get married. So what happens next? We just go back to dating?"
"Yes..." He trailed off, and looked like he was about to say something else.
"Yes?" I laughed. "I actually thought you might've said no, or put up more of a fight."
"But we can go back to dating with a promise ring." He was sitting upright in the bed now.
"Are you serious?" Tears started to form in my eyes.
"Ariana, please. Please don't cry." He shook his head, and stood up, putting his hands on my shoulders.
"You just brought up the promise ring! Of which I gave back to you! Don't even get me started on the promise ring," My bottom lip quivered, and tears dared to form in his eyes. Maybe that was one of his weaknesses: when I cried. It usually did result in him crying too.
"No, no." He ran a hand through his hair. "Don't talk about the promise ring."
"Now you don't even want to talk about it?" Tears were spilling out now. "I can't believe this. You promised me we would get married, and you promised me you would take care of me. You promised me we could start a family!"
"And we did!"
"And she's dead!" I yelled, and I heard the boys walk in the room. Harry's eyes flickered to the door, but mine stayed where they were, on him.
"Ariana-" he started, but I cut him off.
"And you know what the worst part was?" I cried, and a tear fell from his eye. He looked away, away from me, and away from the boys.
"The worst part was I believed you. I believed all of it. All of the promises... everything."
"Ariana, please don't do this-"
"And you broke your promise." I reminded him, before walking away. I pushed past the boys, and ran down the stairs, wiping the tears away as I went along. His words replayed in my mind. About the promise ring, about starting a family, about the tears.
"You don't love me anymore... do you?"
These words in particular haunted me. Of course I still loved him, how could I ever stop loving him? He was my everything.
But that was the problem.
I flopped down on the couch, and turned on the tv. I wish I could go back upstairs, but I didn't want to see them all again.
I had to do something.
I had to find a way to get rid of this pain. I had to make it stop; make it go away.
I stood up and walked over into the kitchen, looking for something, anything to-
My eyes landed on a pair of scissors.
I heard all five boys coming down the stairs, so I quickly tucked the scissors in my pocket, and pulled my shirt down over it, so they weren't visible. I ran right past them, and walked upstairs, down the hall, and right into my room.
I headed straight for the bathroom.
"Harry!" Louis yelled.
"C'mon, you asshole!" Liam yelled.
"What the fuck did you just call me?" Harry yelled. Luckily I didn't hear a crash or anything. I think even with one arm, Liam was really strong, and Harry wasn't up for the challenge.
"Harry, you're family's leaving tomorrow, go home." Zayn ordered. They're leaving tomorrow? I really want to say goodbye, but I feel like...
"Don't tell me what to do." Harry scoffed.
"Hey guys, where are the scissors?" Niall asked, and my heart dropped.
Shit.
I quickly grazed over my skin, leaving a mark, but not a huge one. It barely did any damage at all.
I heard some more chatter downstairs, and I locked the door. I walked to the back of the bathroom, and sunk down against the wall.
"Ariana!" Louis yelled, and I heard footsteps bolting up the stairs. My bedroom door flung open, and the bathroom door handle jiggled.
I had barely even gotten that far along.
"Ariana, open the door!" Harry's loud, booming voice demanded.
"Ariana, please open the door." Zayn begged in a much sweeter tone. Zayn and Harry have both dealt with this before, because they were both worried about me. But when Zayn helped me last time, it was much easier then when Harry had.
When I didn't respond, they started banging on the door. I got one more cut in, this time a little bit deeper, and then I threw the scissors away. Just in time.
The door flew open, and Harry stood in front, with the four other boys behind him. Harry's eyes grew worried, and he started panting as he looked at my wrist.
"Liam, get the first aid kit." Niall said, and rushed over to my side. He bent down beside me, and the other three followed, as Liam ran off.
"Please, stop." I started, but they ignored me, and continued to examine my wrist like I was some sort of experiment in a lab.
At this point, I might as well be.
"Oh my god." Harry ran all of his fingers through his hair, and tugged at the roots.
Liam rushed back in after he had retrieved the kit, and they used a bunch of different stuff to cover up and attempt to heal the cuts.
"Ow." I sucked in a breath.
"This one's deeper." Louis apologized.
"Are you guys like doctors or something?" I asked. They all looked so serious.
"We're just worried." Harry said.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"You're obviously not." Harry said again.
After they used some stinging stuff that hurt worse then the actual harm done, they all cleared out. Well, all except Harry of course.
He sat against the door, directly across from me in the bathroom.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked, seriously.
"You don't want to know."
"Yes I do." He nodded.
"You either don't want to know, or you already do know. And you just want to hear me say it aloud for my sake." I explained, because that was the truth.
"Tell me." He pleaded, his eyes sparkling.
"Fine." I huffed. "Want to know why I do it?"
"Yes."
"Because I love too many things in this world that can easily be broken. That's why I think I love them so much; and when they fall, so do I."
And a tear rolled down both of our cheeks.