Chapter EIGHTEEN
It is not a good idea to go out with my friends right now. Not right after I kissed Theo. I should’ve said no to Izzy when she called me, but I can’t say no to her. She’s like whining when she notices that I’m about to reject the invitation. I haven’t seen them in days and I miss them, but after what I did? I don’t think I can face Theo with an indifferent look on my face.
In a matter of a second, a warmth crawl up to my cheek, embracing it. I can remember how our lips moved in sync and the way we held on to each other. I know that I’m falling for Theo now, but I still don’t want to believe it. Is that my hormones taking over me now? Am I being the normal girl my mom wants me to be?
Of course, before I can have a boyfriend, I should fall for someone first. Wait. Is that how being in a relationship is? Falling for the other person first? I don’t know. I simply don’t have any idea and I don’t want to rake my head off thinking about it.
I grab my sunglass, my phone and get out of my room. I’m wearing a swimsuit inside the white cover-up I’m wearing. I’m going to see my friends at the beach. I put my earphone in my ear and play She looks so perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer in full volume so that I will not hear any noise in the background. Including Theo calling me.
I gave grandma a call and told her to just stay at Ann’s until dinner then I’m just going to pick her up. She is fine with it, thank God. As I walk out of the house, I see Theo sitting on the couch with the phone in his hand. He hasn’t notices me so I watch him still. His brows are furrowing at something that is written on his phone. Maybe a not so nice text message was sent to him. Or maybe someone sent him a very ugly picture. I shake my head. Why do I care anyway?
I continue my way out but then he calls me.
“Reese, please stay,” he says, with a tone of pleading.
I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you saying? I have to go out to see my friends and I don’t want to be around you,” I answer. It’s kind of harsh to say those words to him but I know that he’s used to it already.
“What happened earlier—”
“Was nothing,” I finish for him, cutting him off. I sigh. “Theo, that kiss is nothing. Don’t overthink it. Maybe it was just hormones. You’re a guy; I’m a girl and we’re in a heated conversation and that happened. But I assure you that that won’t happen ever again.”
It’s kind of different saying those words to him. Actually, I feel like I’m a different person after those words have slipped out of my mouth. I haven’t been in a relationship and saying those words don’t assure him anything. I bet he’s thinking that I maybe falling for him now.
Which is damn true. Such a shame.
He looks up at me. “I know there’s something in there now,” he says. His eyes are focus on me, like he is watching my every move. If I move an inch, he will notice and that will give him the idea that I’m getting uncomfortable, which will mean, I do feel something already.
So instead of looking away, I hold his gaze and match the stare he is giving to me. I won’t let him know the real feelings that I have. No one will know.
“There’s something in your eyes that tells me you’re feeling something already.” He stands up and heads to where I am. I take a step back but I hit the back of the door right away. He is coming closer and closer and there’s nothing I can do but to…
“Run!” I tell myself.
So I run towards the staircase to get to my room where there is safety and no temptation of Theo. Because seriously, my mind is telling me something I don’t like to do. As I’m about to take a step to the stair, a hand grab my hand, forcing me to stop in an instant. I almost trip and hit my nose on the handrail!
“Theo!” I yelp in annoyance. “Put me down!”
Theo puts me on his shoulder and walks over to the couch. Slowly, he lays me down but he is not about to let go off me just yet. I bet there’s still a lot of things he wants to say or do to me.
“Reese—”
“Theo—” I repeat with the same tone of voice as Theo.
He grunts, ruffling his hair. “Come on.”
I peer down at him and see how irritated he is. I grin at him and say, “You know, you’re cute like that.”
His head snaps at me, making his neck cricks in pain. “What did you say?”
Suddenly, it dawns on me. Did I just call him cute? I shake my head; my eyes widen in surprise. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You said something.” A wide grin slowly appears on his face. “You call me cute. Aw, that is so sweet, Reese.”
I frown. “That’s nothing,” I say with a sour tone in my voice. I have to snap at him. What should I say? Uh, think.
“No, it’s not nothing. That is a sign of affection, you know,” he says with a smug look on his face. “And that would also mean that—”
“How did cute become a sign of affection? It’s an adjective used to describe a pet, preferably a dog. So that doesn’t mean anything,” I say, cutting him off. I have to think of any alibis I can think of and then think of a way on how I will snap at him.
Then my phone rings, showing Izzy’s cute picture from the beach at our first meeting when I got here two weeks ago. I answer right away.
“Hello?”
“Reese, where in the world are you? I thought you’d be here in five?” she asks, a little annoy. Well, leave it to Izzy to wait.
“I’m on my way now actually. There’s just this someone who blocked my way out. I’m going now,” I say, standing up.
But then, Theo has a better idea. He reaches for my phone and takes it out of my grasp and says to the other line, “She’s with me, Izzy and we’re having some bonding time. Can she—”
Theo isn’t able to finish his statement because the twins start squealing on the other line. I also hear Scott says, “Use protection.” That makes my face crimson red. How can guys just joke about something like that?
“Okay. Enjoy your day with Theo, Reese!” the twins echo before hanging up on me.
I’m about to protest but then there’s no point since they already hang up. They won’t hear whatever I’m going to say. How can they just let me go like that? Don’t they miss me?
“Your friends are really nice to let you go with me,” Theo says, smiling widely.
I scowl at him. “I hate you. I hate you.”
He shakes his head, tsking. “Hate is such a strong word, Reese.”
“I don’t care! Just let me go!”
Theo’s voice suddenly softens. He looks down and moves a little further away from me. “Why can’t you just admit the obvious? I only have less than two weeks to make you believe in love and not all guys hurt girls. What I’m happy about is that, I can see that I’ve made some progress. I think I finally made you believe in love.” Then he looks directly in my eyes. “But… I don’t know. You seem to be ignoring that feeling. Reese, I can get tired too, you know.”
There is a lump forming in my throat. What is going on right now? Theo is okay earlier. But right now, he is like telling me he is giving up already. Should I tell him what I really feeling now? I don’t want to just yet because I still don’t believe it. I don’t want to believe in it. I think what’s going on right now is a good thing. Right? But what is this thing I’m feeling? Why is it like I’m hurting with Theo’s every word?
“Do you really hate me?” He moves closer, so close that there’s only an inch left between our faces. His strong gaze is almost melting me. “Do you—”
“I do,” I say, locking my gaze to show the sincerity in what I’m saying. “I do hate you. I hate you for trying to make me believe in something that I know will not happen. Just give up, Theo. You won’t and you will never be able to make me believe in love.”
He doesn’t say any words. He backs away, smiles a little then walks out of the house. Yes, he walks out of the house. I wonder where he will go. Will he go to his mom and tell her what happened? Or is he going to see some friends and get drunk to release the pain I inflicted?
This is good, I thought. I hope I’m close to annoying him. I just want him to stay away to me. I’m not ready to feel love. I might be able to take the consequences once I take the leap and accept it.
* * *
It has been four hours since Theo went out and he still hasn’t come back. I know I shouldn’t worry but there’s this gnawing feeling inside of me that’s saying I should. So instead of staring at the clock for another hour, I go out and look for him? Am I really going to look for him?
I stop just outside the house. Why should I look for him anyway? This is what I wanted and it’s happening. He’s distancing himself to me which is a good thing. I shouldn’t look for him.
I grit my teeth in annoyance. I feel attach to him now. That is why I want to look out for him, because I’m worried. But I shouldn’t be!
My eyes narrow when I see someone walks up to me. It would have been fine if the person coming is one of my friends, but no, he’s not. Well, he’s my friend before but I don’t know if he still is now.
Cory smiles a little, stopping a good two feet away from where I am. He shoves his hands into his pocket before saying, “Hey.”
I sigh. “Hi,” is all I say.
I don’t know how should I approach him now. The kiss that happened before is something I want to forget but everytime I see him, it all just comes back in a flash. Like a boomerang immediately hitting me on the head, reminding me that, “Hey, you liked that guy before and he kissed you. What should you do?”
“Listen, I know you’ve been avoiding me this past few days and—”
“What?” I interject. “No, I don’t,” I say, shaking my head. “I’ve just been really busy with some things and you know, it’s summer.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. Of course.”
I watch him intently. He seems uncomfortable. “Is there something you want to tell me?” I ask now.
It’s his turn to sigh now. “There is, actually.”
My heart starts hammering in my chest. I am finally becoming a girl, I can tell. There are butterflies forming in my stomach and it’s because of nervousness… of what he is going to say to me. I never feel this way whenever someone would approach me and tell me they have something to tell me. But now, it’s different.
“Shoot,” I say.
He smiles, walking a step closer. He cups my cheek and says, “Go out with me, Reese.”
My mind stops thinking for a while as I try to process what Cory says. Those words… Go out with me, Reese. So unusual to hear. I never thought I will hear someone to say those words to me. Not to mention, Cory. He is my first childhood crush. If it hasn’t for the experiences of pain I’ve seen with my mom and best friend, I would have agreed to him right away. I would have been jumping in excitement, being this girly girl I should be.
“I know your thoughts about guys but I think, Reese, I can change that. Let me change that,” he adds, getting closer than he is.
He nuzzles his nose to mine, making me close my eyes. Why am I closing my eyes? Then the next thing I know, I feel his soft lips pressed on mine. He’s waiting for me, waiting if I’m going to move back and push him away. But when I don’t, he starts to deepen the kiss.
In just one day, I’ve kissed two guys. Two guys! I can’t believe myself. I should stop kissing guys because I’m afraid of what is going to happen after today.
“Reese?” Then I hear Theo’s voice, making me move away from Cory’s arms.
He looks shock; surprise is filling his facial expression. What should I say to him? But then again, why should I explain myself?
“What’s going on?” he asks, looking to me then to Cory then to me again. He walks towards me, shoving Cory to the side. He cups my face to his hands. “Tell me what I’ve seen isn’t real. Tell me, Reese that that isn’t what it is.”
I’m speechless. What should I exactly say to him?
“Theo, I… I…” I stutter. I never stutter. Why am I stuttering right now? I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my pulsating nerves and say, “It’s none of your business.”
Then there’s this look I’ve seen in most girls eyes. The pain… the horror of getting hurt; it is there on Theo’s face. I’m a horrible person.
---
And I'm back! Finally I have a much reliable internet connection this time. Three weeks without internet was like ugh... I don't know. But on the bright side, I was at Taylor Swift's RED Tour and I still have the concert hangover! Gaaahhhh. I love her so much, so seeing her perform live is just so amazing. I just wished I was with someone though, because I was on my own .-. Anyway, I had so much fun.