Josh's POV
Being the only openly gay person I knew caused some good and bad memories to regularly flood my mind each and every day, whether they were great moments like the sidemen accepting me and allowing me to continue working so closely with them, even though they all knew I found them attractive in one aspect or another. Or even when Harry thought he might bat for both teams so we kissed, he decided it was different and that he wasn't feeling those same feelings afterward so he knew he was straight but was thankful for my help. But then there was also the bad memories, like the daily abuse I get for being gay on Twitter and even in my Instagram, Freya, one of my closest friends has always told me that the anonymous nature of the internet makes it easy for us to get lost in everything going on. But here's the thing though.
Josh: "I can't just not accept it or ignore it, every time I read the hate people sew online, it gets harder to push away."
Vik: "Have you tried, you know, not getting on twitter for a day to rest your mind?"
Josh: "You and I both know what happens if one of us isn't on Twitter for a even a few hours in a day. I'll never forget the instant grace period I got from the evil world just because everyone wanted to know if Simon was OK because he missed an upload and didn't say anything."
Vik: "Yeah true, it is hard sometimes but even though it does hurt and it is hard, you know we all get it right? Albeit a much smaller scale but we all know how it feels."
Josh: "I'm not making it out like I'm the only one that gets it. But at the severity it does come. It sucks man."
I looked up at the smaller man as he smiled at me and walked over, hugging me with his arms going around my neck.
Vik: "You'll be right mate, it hurts now but it will eventually get better, I promise. Try and focus on the positive comments yeah? It might not completely work but it's something at least."
As he let go and headed out of our kitchen and up to his room, I couldn't help but feel slightly deflated. It's not that I try not to pay attention, it's just that I know when you don't know the voice behind what a person has said, you read it in your own voice. And that's what makes it so hard. But I let out a sigh, finished my warm dinner and headed up to my room. Getting ready to edit a video but honestly, I just didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like editing anything right now, so when I did sit in my chair, I just picked up something off of my desk and began to play with it. It was barely entertaining but I guess it took my mind off of the video I was supposed to be doing. Maybe I should take a small break for a little bit? I wonder if I'd get any praise outside of the few I do get from fans who don't care. I know none of my friends care where I like to stick my dick but it's just annoying when I'm trying so hard to make myself and my content better, and all I get is people mostly calling me horrible things that people their age shouldn't even know about. Why would their parents fail at their job of not raising their child properly. Seriously.
Simon: "Hi."
I out my thing down and turned to my door, seeing Simon standing there with his shirt and shorts combo but be looked, upset?
Josh: "Simon are you ok? You aren't standing with your back straight, and your face looks a little red."
Simon: "Heh, trust you to notice if something is off. Uh, when are uh, you going to bed?"
Josh: "Honestly, I'm thinking about going to sleep now, it's already getting late but still, I don't know if I want to edit or not. I might take a break for a day or so."
Simon: "Are you sure? Make sure you let people know on twitter, remember what happened when I forgot to mention I got sick. Oh man shit went down."
Josh: "Yeah I know it's OK. What's up mate? You seem upset?"
Simon: "Yeah uh, I was wondering if I could sleep with you tonight?"
I don't think in my life, I've ever had someone ask if they could sleep with me, obviously not sexually he's not into that but he is my best friend, I can't say no.
Josh: "Yeah of course, just hop in and I'll go get changed. Are you ok though? Be honest with me Si."
Simon: "Uh, I'm fine, I promise I just. Need someone else right now."
I looked around me and thought fuck it, walking over to my drawers and getting changed, I didn't care that Simon was right next to me, it's not the first time I've seen their dick and it likely won't be the last. As I finished changing and turned to see Simon already curled up in my bed. A wave of fear washed over me and I don't know where it came from, maybe the fact my best friend is in my bed, who is completely straight, and hasn't told me what's wrong? Or maybe it's the fact that he is in a dark place right now? I don't know and frankly, I don't care. He is my best friend, I'm always going to be there for him.
Josh: "Hey,"
As I lifted my blanket up and over my own body, I was facing Simon who had now curled up into a ball of sorts, I reached out one arm to him and wrapped it around him, leading him closer to me until his hands were balled in a fist and rest on my chest, with him shaking a little bit.
Josh: "I won't ask what's wrong, I won't ask why you are so upset. Just know that I'm always here for you ok? I love you Simon like the best friend you are to me, no matter what, any time of any day. I'm here for you ok?"