SEULGI'S POV
It was almost as if I had been dragged into an ocean without warning. I had to fight to get a breath in. But once I got that breath in I was instantly pulled back under swallowing the water making me choke. Everything and everyone was moving so fast. Nobody was slowing down. I kept trying to catch up but it was one thing after another.
It all started when the ambulance arrived. Irene was crying and she was being restrained by one of the paramedics. I took her from the paramedic as soon as they were off the ambulance and rushed in with her after the paramedics pushing the gurney into the E.R. As soon as the doctors and nurses came into sight they began to work to bring Caleb from unconsciousness.
I tried keeping my focus on them but Irene… she was beyond hysterical. I don’t think I’d ever seen her like this. The paramedics told me that they didn’t want to sedate her because her reaction was quite understandable. They found her on the floor with Caleb while he passed out. I held my grip on her while the doctors continued working.
The next few minutes…those…those were probably the hardest.
I realized I was holding my breath when Caleb opened his eyes because when he did I finally felt a gush of oxygen travel through my lungs. But only to go back to holding it when I heard the dreadful flat line sound that the machine keeping the vitals made. I looked at the monitor waiting for a something to appear letting us know that it was computer error. But nothing happened.
I did not want to admit that my brother had just gone into cardiac arrest. Seeing someone go into cardiac arrest was nothing new during the practicals. I’d seen it many times here in the E.R. and it was heartbreaking. But it was a new kind of heartbreak knowing it was someone I loved on the bed. It was my brother.
It couldn’t be. I tried and tried for denial. I was waiting to be woken up. All of this had to be a bad dream, a nightmare I would soon be waking up from. It was a screaming Irene that kept me from achieving a full state of denial. My arms tightened around her holding her back from the herd of doctors and nurses around my brother.
“No! No! No! You can’t get out of this so easily! You stupid jerk! What are you doing!” Irene yelled. “You can’t do this to me! You can’t!” Irene was distraught to the max. And I agreed with her. Caleb couldn’t do this to Irene or me or mom and dad or even Sana. He just couldn’t.
Dr. Minatozaki ran into the room I had been told he was in surgery. I’m assuming he was now done, as he was still in his surgical scrubs. He stopped to look at Irene and I and gave me a sympathetic before rushing to Caleb. The space closed of by curtains was a confusing mixture of sound between the series of yells from the doctors calling out for medication in between the CPR and Irene yelling.
“You can’t give up you asshole! I forgive you but please come back! You’re such an asshole! You can’t do this to me! I love you! You’re mine! Fight! Please! Please, Caleb! Please!” Those around us didn’t need an x-ray to know that Irene’s heart was breaking.
I wasn’t even sure why I was holding Irene's back because I felt like we needed to exert all possibilities and maybe she could be the one to bring Caleb back. Especially when I heard Dr. Minatozaki ask to bring in the cart ready and charged.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the doctors were burning through the short list of options they had to bring my brother back. I was praying. Probably more than a thousand sinners together when I heard Dr. Minatozaki yell clear! Like in a theatrical ensemble every one lifted their arms at the same time as Dr. Minatozaki reached over to place the paddles against his chest.
First shock: Nothing. Even when his chest rose from the bed as it was shocked. I felt my self-shiver as I thought about the electricity that was running through him.
Irene then fell to her knees and I let her. I wasn’t even sure if my own legs could sustain themselves let alone hold back Irene. Everyone in the room switched their gaze from my brother to Dr. Minatozaki to the nonexistent vitals on the machine. Everyone but Irene, she was focused on my brother, just waiting. Waiting for a vital sign that we weren’t sure would show.
After no reaction Dr. Minatozaki yelled, “Charge to 300!” Followed by a Clear!
Second shock: Still nothing. Everyone’s eyes were on Dr. Minatozaki as he continued with CPR. The only thing that has changed was Irene’s cry. It wasn’t livid or loud anymore it was more of a soft desperate cry.
“Please, baby, please. I need you. I will wait. I’ll wait forever. Just please don’t go" It was probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. She was on her knees and her face damp with tears while her hands gripped on her skirt wanting to hold on to something.
I wanted to tell her for Caleb that everything would be alright but I couldn’t even manage to believe that myself. I think Dr. Minatozaki’s desperation grew even more as Irene pleaded. Everyone’s did. They all wanted to save my brother. But after listening to Irene they all wanted to save Caleb for her too.
"Charge again!” Dr. Minatozaki yelled while he rubbed the paddles together. I closed my eyes. I closed them as tight as possible the only things escaping were my tears. I didn’t want to look. The only thing going over and over in my head was: third time is the charm. Third time is the charm. Third time is the charm. “Clear!” He yelled and I thought here goes everything.
Third Shock: Less than nothing. The moment after the paddles left your chest it seemed as if everyone within those curtains in the E.R. had agreed to hold their breaths. As if holding our breaths would give my brother’s heart the strength to beat once again. A last beam of hope from all of us.
Hope is an interesting thing. I never thought I would every really so much on hope as I had these last minutes. I kept praying on those last few grams of hope I had left that Caleb would open his eyes.
I sat down next to Irene and I took one of her fidgeting hands away from her skirt and held on tight needing some familiarity. I couldn’t keep looking at Dr. Minatozaki and the others. I was scared that if I looked I would lose those few grams of hope that I had in me. I didn’t want to lose my brother.
“Please Seulgi. tell him that I love him. Tell him that. Tell him please”
I took Irene into my arms. “He knows that Irene. I don’t need to tell him that. He knows” I told her.
"Just tell him please. Tell him because I think he’s forgotten. I don’t think he’s listening anymore. Just tell him again” Irene spoke and I could tell she had even less hope on her than I did.
“He knows. He’s just being an idiot as always. Don’t give up on him” That last part I wasn’t sure if I was telling her, Dr. Minatozaki or myself or maybe the three of us. I had to keep believing.
“Caleb can’t do this to me. I love him, Seulgi. I love him so much and I need him. I need him with me” Irene cried into my shoulder.
“Me too, Irene. Trust me when I say me too”
We were just hitting the four-minute mark of no heartbeat. I know that we were close to the end if no vitals showed. I was yearning for that the next minute to be the slowest minute known to mankind. I didn’t not want it that minute to pass because I couldn’t imagine what would come after that if my brother didn’t make it.
That’s when the curtains around the few square feet surrounding us all moved and an out of breath Sana scampered in. Her cheeks, eyes and nose were red. She looked around the room in panic. From Dr. Minatozaki, to Irene and I, to Caleb.
“Appa. Save him. Please Appa” Sana whispered. And just like Irene it was like something inside her had broken. It was like her favorite doll had torn and she needed her sewn back together. Almost as if her life depended on that doll being sewn back together.
Dr. Minatozaki yelled, “Charge again!”
Everything from here escalated to another level of intensity. Dr. Minatozaki shocked her once more and I let go of Irene. Mom and dad walked in through the curtains. The nurses and doctors were switching taking turns with CPR. All the while I just stayed in the floor bundled up with my head down. Not hoping, not praying, just waiting.
“You!” Irene yelled picking herself up from the floor. “This is all your fault! He was fine before you came along! You took him from me and now I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back. You took him from me!” In a blink of an eye she had tackled Sana to the ground. Seconds later Sana was struggling to take Irene off of her. Irene had translated her sadness into rage and was putting all of it to use against Sana. I should have probably rushed to separate them but I couldn’t. I saw dad and a few nurses trying to pull them apart. But I just closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to block everything and everyone out. I know mom was trying to get me to stand up but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I heard one of the doctors yell for a sedative for Irene and a gurney for Sana because she was bleeding from somewhere. I couldn’t see but I could hear Irene refuse and refuse until she didn’t anymore. I assume that at that point she was sedated. And in that moment everyone was in limbo.
One breath later it seemed like the world had paused until I heard the words: we have a heartbeat and the sound of the machine along with it to confirm it. That moment breathing again didn’t seem so difficult anymore and I agreed with Irene 100 percent. CALEB, you fucking asshole slash jerk. How dare you almost die on all of us?
————————————————————
CALEB'S POV
“I’m…so…sorry Seulgi” Seeing my sister this vulnerable only added to my already sore chest.
“I honestly thought you where going to—, fuck, I can’t even say it"
"Hey don’t.…worry….about it….anymore….I’m alive….and kicking” I told Seulgi squeezing her hand.
“Are you sure you don’t need more oxygen?” Seulgi said looking at the levels on the machine.
“No….it just….hurts….everything….hurts”
“Well yeah, dude, you died and they shocked you three times. You’ll probably be sore for quite a bit”
“Is.…is—” I didn’t think coming back from the dead would hurt this much.
“Irene? She’s doing better now. I think she is a few doors down from your room. They had to give her two doses of sedatives. The first one didn’t do much on her so they had to apply another one. She is going to be resting for a while. Mom and dad are with her. They are waiting for Taeyeon and Heechul to get here”
“That’s….good. Well….not good….that she’s.…sedated but….good that….she’s safe” This was a lot to swallow from just one afternoon.
“What about….Sana?”
“Dude. So, Irene broke her nose when she tackled her”
I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my sockets. “Are.…you….serious?”
“Yeah. I didn’t think she had done that much damage until Dr. Minatozaki came in to check on you once they had given you a room. They took Sana after they sedated Irene. And I know she went home a few hours ago with her mom. But she didn’t want to leave. She stopped by while you were sleeping and asked me to keep her updated with everything that happened”
“Whoa” was all I could say.
“You look like you are about to throw up” Seulgi said looking at me worried.
“That’s what I….feel.…like doing. This is….all.…too much. Not to….mention what happened….before….all of this”
“Hey” Seulgi said making me look into her eyes. “Don’t think about it too much for right now. You should get some rest. You can think about it tomorrow when you have your robot gear in you. Go to sleep. I’ll be here keeping an eye on you” I nodded at Seulgi and closed my eyes. It was probably the exhaustion making it easy to fall asleep.
Hours later the loud ringing of the phone in my room woke me up making me jolt and wince in pain at the same time. I was recuperating from the sudden movement when I saw Seulgi answering the phone.
She pulled the chord towards me and let me know that it was Irene.
Caleb: Front…..desk how…..can I help…..you?
A little joke couldn’t hurt anybody at this point.
Irene: Hi.
Caleb: How’s it…..going?
Irene: Where do I even begin? I could hear the strain in Irene’s voice.
Caleb: Rough…..day?
Irene: You can say that again.
Caleb: Really? Mine…..was…..uneventful.
It made her laugh. It was nice to hear Irene laugh after having her push me against the wall and the way she looked when I was about to pass out.
Caleb: Are you…..okay?
Irene: Yeah.
Caleb: I want to…..talk. When I…..can actually…..talk about…..everything.
Irene: Okay.
Caleb: You should…..probably rest it’s….been a long day.
I wasn’t really sure if she wanted to talk about something since she was being very short.
Irene: No! Please.
Caleb: Oh…..okay. Well…..stay on the…..line. Don’t…..worry.
Irene: I just need to hear your voice. I needed to make sure you’re were…alive. I know you can’t really talk but if I can at least listen to your breathing that will do for now. Just please don’t hang up.
Caleb: Hey…..I’m right…..here.
I could hear small whimpers letting me know that she was crying. I hated that I couldn’t get to her and hug her. Hug her until she fell asleep reassured that I was there.
Caleb: Please don’t…..cry because…..I can’t go…..to you. But I promise…..you….that I am still…..kicking.
Irene: Yeah but you almost died on me today.
Caleb: I’m…..so…..sorry.
Irene: It’s the second time it happened.
Caleb: Joohyun…..I’m getting…..surgery tomorrow and…..I’m going to be…..part robot but I…..hope that…..that will work…..so it won’t happen…..again.
Irene: You promise?
Caleb: Yes.
I probably shouldn’t be promising anything as big as that because it’s not like I have a choice in the matter but I’d do anything to make her feel better at this point.
Irene: I’m going to hold you to that promise more than anything.
Caleb: Okay. I’ll have a…..serious talk…. with my heart. But will you…..I have a….more….serious question to…..ask you?
Irene: What is it?
Caleb: Will you still love me if I’m part robot? I asked her, trying to lighten the mood and make her forget.
Irene: At this point I would love you if you were half goat.
Caleb: Good.
An hour passed and we remained on the phone. It was actually very soothing to be able to hear Irene breathing on the other side. I understood what she meant by just wanting to listen. It was quite a reassuring feeling.
Caleb: Irene? You….awake?
Irene: Yeah. Do you need to go to sleep now?
Caleb: No. I just wanted to….tell you….because I cant….wait….till tomorrow. I’m…..going to make this…..right. I can’t…..take it back…..but I will spend….. my days making it…..up to you. I want to…..be with…..you. Only…..you.
Irene: I need you to be sure of what you are saying. After today my heart is so worn-out from everything. I love you and I will wait. God knows I would wait forever. But if you take too long I don’t know how well my worn-out heart will love.
Caleb: No, Irene. I love….you. Please…. believe me when….I say that.
Irene: I always do baby.
Caleb: Good.
And for another few minutes we went back to the silence because I think we both needed to process what I had just said.
Irene: Changing the subject. Tomorrow when you go to surgery. The device they are putting in you is supposed to shock your heart every time it starts beating erratically right? That was what I understood from what your mom told me.
Caleb: Yeah, that’s….pretty much…..it.
Irene: I have a request.
Caleb: Oh lord.
I loved the change in tone in Irene’s voice. It was like she could make a comeback and maybe just maybe we wouldn’t be a lost cause after all.
Irene: You should ask for a control remote. Since it shocks you, I would like to have that remote so that I can shock you whenever you’re being a jerk.
Because only Irene would think about asking for a remote control to my cardioverter defibrillator.
Caleb: I’m sure…..that’s the deluxe…..package….but I’ll see what I…..can do.
Irene: Thanks, baby.
Caleb: No…..problem good…..looking.... What song…..were…..you humming earlier?
Irene: What do I have to do to make you see? She can’t love you like me? Why don’t you stay? There is one thing you should know, we don’t have to live this way. Don’t I give you what you need? Baby, why don’t you stay?
I didn’t even need to ask her to sing but she did. We both had had enough of all the crap I had put us through. I’m glad it was finally over.
Caleb: You…..give me more than…..I deserve, Joohyun. I’m not.....leaving…. anymore.
Irene: I love you my soon to be part robot.
A/N:
>Chapter 15 is out. Sorry I haven't updated yesterday but I hope you like this angsty chapter. It was heart breaking writing this😭
>Please don't forget to vote and give me feedbacks. Ilovechuuu Kkuys😘 pls continue on supporting my stories.
>Btw do you guys like the kdrama called I'm Not A Robot? I swear to god it's so cute and funny at the same time😍 but the sad thing is, it is going to finish next week😭