It's a week after me and James spent the evening at Yo Sushi and we had stayed in most days except one day when we went to the cinema. I spoke to Milly and Tilly on Skype as well. The two of them were missing their boyfriends like crazy but they did say they missed me, pfft, yeah right! Everyday I had been thinking about what James asked me "would you tell me about your past?" I need to but how can I, just thinking about it makes me tremble with fear. I should tell him in pieces, maybe that'll be easier.
After contemplating how I was going to tell James I dragged myself off of my bed, pulled my dressing gown on and wandered into the kitchen where my dad was sat eating his breakfast. I hardly see my dad either I'm with the boys or he's at work.
"Morning dad!" I said to him as I kissed him on his cheek. He looks exhausted and I can't blame him he's working his butt off to pay for this apartment!
"Morning sweetie! Are you going to sit with me today?" He asked hopeful that I would, I think he misses his daddy daughter days! I nodded and poured my cereal and milk in a bowl before joining him on a stool.
"Are you at work today?"
"No I've got the day off. Are you going out with James or are you staying in?"
"I'll stay in I think unless us two go out and do something?"
"Delilah you're full of good ideas." My dad wrapped his arm round me and pulled me into a hug before kissing my temple. "So where shall we go?"
"How about we go have a picnic like we used to do when I was just this high?" I asked him gesturing to my height when I was 6. He smiled but his expression soon turned to sorrow.
"Your mum loved those kind of days." he dropped his spoon and looked up taking deeper breathes.
"We don't have to if you don't want?"
He took a while to reply but I know losing mum was the hardest for him because he had known mum since he was just 4 years old. The two of them started dating at 17 years old and my mum passed away when I was 14. She was 40 when she passed away and my dad was 41. Three years hasn't been long enough for my dad to move on and I can't blame him, he spent 34 years of his life with her by his side.
"No, let's go have a picnic I'll pack the basket seeing as I'm dressed." he got up and washed up our bowls. I went into my room and had a shower before putting my short dungarees, The Kooks old band T-shirt and midnight blue docs on.
When I returned to the kitchen dad has packed my favourite sandwiches, smoked salmon and goats cheese. The basket was full of everything that I remember we used to have when we went for a picnic, the only thing missing was the food mum would've had.
"I'm going to go tell the boys that I'm going out. I'll be back in a minute!" I said to my dad as I left the apartment. I knocked on the boys' door and Tris answered today.
"Delilah, hey!" he said he was a lot happier today maybe he's spoken to Tilly.
"Hey Tris, I'm going out with my dad today tell James to get to the gym because he won't be able to go tomorrow!" I said to him trying to be stern but I ended up laughing at the end.
"Okay, I will. You two have fun!" he pulled me into a hug then out me down. He then did a creepy wave, which I returned, as he shut the door. I walked back into my apartment and my dad was stood basket in one hand and the car keys in the other. I took a handle of the basket seeing that he was struggling with it.
When we arrived at the park we lay the mat out and placed the basket on it before sitting down and starting to eat.
"Mmm, dad this is delicious!" I said my mouth half full.
"Well I try my best." he said chuckling slightly. The sandwich tastes just like it did when mum made them.
"I know you do and I appreciate that." I said to him as I tried to hide the sorrow that was stirring in the pit of my stomach. "How's work been then?"
"You know, the usual, boring and tedious. How are the lads?"
"Yeah they're good James has been asking about you, he's worried you work too hard."
"Tell him not to worry and that I've got you helping me out."
"I will when I next see him." We then talked and finished everything that my dad had packed. We tidied our rubbish before taking a stroll. My dad went silent when we started walking and I know it was because this is what we used to do, the three of us.
"Your mum would've loved it here..." my dad blurted out and I looked at him. His eyes were fixed on looking in front of him. "She loved parks and taking walks along the edge of a forest where you could hear the birds tweeting in the trees..." I could tell he was fighting against tears.
"She would've..." I didn't know what to say to help him cheer up.
"She always wanted to travel the world and she wanted to take you with us. She wanted the world for you, she loved you with all her heart..." at the word a tear escaped his glistening eye. I hugged him tightly and he returned the hug. "Delilah you're such a strong girl...you're just like her, your mother." This made me cry, I looked up to my mum so much and I always wanted to be like her.
My mother died from a heart failure however she did suffer from heart disease, that's why my dad cried when he said the word 'heart'. She was in extreme pain for the last few years of her life, me and dad had to visit her in hospital quite often and no matter how bad she was, she'd be smiling that winning smile of hers. For a woman in pain she was so cheerful...
"Come on dad, let's go..." I said as we turned back the way we had come from. My dad's sniffling was the only thing to break the silence on the way back to the apartment. My dad grabbed the basket and I followed him back into the apartment. He put the basket on the kitchen counter and stormed off to his room. I just left him and threw out the rubbish from the picnic. The tears started streaming down my face and I decided to text James to see if he would come over.
1 message to - James <3 xxx
Hey James if you're home can you come over if not then it's fine. Thanks. Xxx
I got an instant reply.
1 message from - James <3 xxx
I'm outside. Xxx
I got up and answered the door. I hugged him instantly and he wrapped his arms around me making me feel safe. We stood there for 5 minutes while I cried into his chest.
"Come on let's sit down." James said as I pulled away and he kept his arm around my shoulder. We sat down in the sofa and I rested my head on his shoulder. James stroked my hair and tucked it behind my ear. "Do you want to tell me?"
I didn't answer for quite some time because he wouldn't have understood for my tears would've messed up my breathing. I sat up and turned to face him.
"Me and my dad went on a picnic. You may think that's nothing but to us it's memories, memories of my mum. He made smoked salmon and goats cheese sandwiches the same way mum did and we walked along the edge of the forest like the of us used to do when I was six. The memories came flooding back and three years just isn't enough not for me and definitely not for him...he said...he said that I'm..." I couldn't finish more tears flooded my eyes and James pulled me into his chest.
"It's okay. I know enough." he's so reassuring and forgiving. I can't keep him in the dark about my past forever! James deserves to know!
"James, I'm going to tell you about my past..."
"I know you are but don't rush, okay?"
"Okay." after we had cuddled for another 10 minutes I decided I was going to tell him what had happened today.
"James, today my dad told me that I'm just like her, my mum that is. He also said that mum would love it here and she would've loved to travel the world with the two of us. It just made me upset knowing that she couldn't do all the things she wanted to do." I paused so the tears wouldn't return. "My mum died of heart failure and before she passed away she suffered from heart disease and she'd have heart attacks. We never knew whether we'd see her again after she had one. Me and my dad would visit her in hospital and no matter what state she was on she'd be smiling, she always had a positive outlook in life. I remember the day we arrived at the hospital and the nurse told us that she had passed away ten minutes before we arrived. I was devastated, I wished that I could've done more, James, I felt helpless..."
"Delilah, there was nothing more you could do. You loved your mum and so did your dad that's all she could ever have asked for. She'll be looking down on you now and asking 'why are you crying, Delilah?' she's looking down on you and she's proud of the daughter she has." James had pulled me up so that I was looking in his eyes. Every word he said made me feel happier. Without James, the boys and my dad I don't think I could get through this.
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This chapter is just to tell you a hit more about her mum and to show the relationship between herself, her mum and dad. It was quite upsetting to write this bit you've got to have a few upsetting ones.
Thanks Fin! <3