[Quick A/N: Dedication to Assshhleey for being the first person to take an interest in my story with hilarious comments. Means the world. Thank you for making me smile <3
Song for chapter:
- Ellie Goulding // The Writer]
A stream of sunlight peeked out of a crack in the curtain, warming my entire face and making everything behind my lids orange. Squirming uncomfortably, I buried my head deeper into my rock hard pillow, surprised that it was emanating a delicious warmth that toasted me from head to toe.
Now that I was no longer spotlighted by the annoying sun's glare, I focused on the throbbing kicks that induced pain behind my skull, like somebody was hitting my skull as if it was a piñata. I groaned, breathing deeply to ease my pounding headache. Confusion clouded my judgement when the mouthwatering scent of sandalwood, soap detergent and lemon aftershave filled my nostrils.
My bed sheets usually smelt like jasmine with the slight hint of strawberry from my shampoo. This particular smell made my nose ache for a greater whiff, so I inhaled deeply and sighed with satisfaction. I made a mental note to ask Mom to use this soap detergent more often when I could summon the energy to roll out of my bed and make an appearance for breakfast.
Slowly, I willed my lids to open, wincing that I was still wearing my contact lenses from last night. They were stinging slightly, but the discomfort was nowhere near as bad as my pounding head. My eyes landed on a navy blanket dotted with stars and for a moment I thought I was outside, waking up to the night sky. But then I looked across the room at the blinding ray of sunlight that woke me up.
Where the hell was I?
"Holy shi–" I broke off when it dawned upon me that my pillow was in fact a human being.
My first instinct should have been to scramble out of the bed and scream Tyler's bedroom down until the foundations of the house shook.
But I didn't.
Instead I lifted my head to gawk at my sleeping pillow, relishing at the serene mask he wore as he snored lightly.
Tyler's golden hair was sprawled messily over his forehead and I bit back the urge to push it back. His eyelashes, thick and long, were several shades darker than his hair and rested on his cheeks. A ghost of a smile pulled the corners of his lips up just a fraction and I marvelled at how beautiful he was.
I wondered if he was having a good dream and I smiled at the comforting fact that I didn't have a single nightmare last night. If there wasn't a drum being struck repeatedly against my skull, I would have gladly admitted that this sleep was the best I had ever had.
Pushing the bed sheets down so that they were no longer tucked under my chin, I gasped at the revelation that Tyler wasn't wearing a shirt. Alarmed that my pillow for the night had been chiselled pectoral muscles, I tried to scramble back, only to find that I was stuck.
I was literally stuck.
Tyler had a leg strung over my thigh, sandwiching both my legs between his. His ankles were wrapped around mine and I wondered how on earth I was going to untangle my body from his.
Squirming gently, I tried to detach myself but his arms tightened around me, plastering my body against his.
With a defeated sigh, I reluctantly relaxed against Tyler's chest, burying my face into his neck. The conscious voice in my mind screamed that it wasn't good idea to be so close to him, but my head fit perfectly into the crook of his neck so I couldn't care less.
Resting my chin resting against his collarbone, his delicious scent wafted around me, mingling with the sharp tangy beer that came from my stiff curls.
A loud groan rumbled from Tyler before he let loose a roaring yawn. His eyelids were still closed but the smile on his lips made me certain that he was awake.
"Morning Ash," His voice was husky and thick with sleep.
"Morning," I croaked back.
Cracking one lid open, he eyed me with a foreign expression that made my toes curl. His lazy smile widened and my heart leapt at the fact that he had called me by my nickname. Flustered by his soft gaze, I rubbed my chest, startled by my rapid heartbeat.
We lay there, staring at one another until I broke the silence with an awkward cough.
"Can you, umm..." I trailed off, wriggling back until my head flopped onto the pillow beside him. However, his limbs were still enclosed around me like a cage. "...let go of me?"
A mischievous glint lit up his eyes and I squealed when he pressed me closer to his bare chest.
"Tyler!"
"Mmm hmm?"
"Let me go," I pressed my hands against his chest, frowning at his rapid heartbeat.
With one last soul-crushing squeeze, he released me and rolled over, slipping an arm under his head as he watched me sit up up.
Kicking back the duvet on my side, I hopped out of the bed, clutching my head as it throbbed.
"Do you have aspirin? My head is going to split in half," I groaned, grabbing his desk to steady myself.
Tyler propped himself up using his elbows and the bed sheets pooled around his waist, giving me a perfect view of his sculpted abs.
"Yeah but you're not having any until you eat." His voice was firm before they lit up with amusement. "And before that, you have to shower because frankly, you smell like you took a plunge into a pool of beer."
Horror fleeted over my face as I gripped my stiff curls and sniffed them. Recoiling back, I tried to rack my brains as to how I smelt this awful. Jonah's face, scarlet with fury, flashed behind my lips and I winced as snippets of the party returned to me.
"Ashley," Tyler eyed me warily, concerned by my pale face. "What exactly happened at the party?"
Ridding myself of any Jonah related thoughts, I pressed my fingers on my temples and sighed heavily.
"I can't...I can't remember," I lied, adding a loud groan to reinforce my terrible acting.
Tyler's unconvinced expression made me avert my gaze to my feet, only to be welcomed by the sight of my bare legs.
Why was I half naked?
"Did we..." I trailed off, opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish before my expression hardened into stone. How had this slipped past me? Why didn't I question the reason why I woke up, half naked with barely a recollection of the last night besides Tyler? More importantly, why was he more than half naked? "Tyler Miller, you have ten seconds to explain yourself before I tear you apart, limb from fucking limb!"
Terror flitted across his features when I stomped towards his side of the bed, until irritation twisted his lips into a deep scowl.
"Don't you remember anything from last night?"
I frowned, narrowing my eyes into slits.
"No!" I snapped hotly, "So you better tell me why I'm wearing your clothes or I'll make you regret the day you left your mom's vagina."
Tyler seemed unfazed by my threat, swinging his legs over the bed and rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.
"Well you called me an hour before midnight, crying over something you didn't care to share and since you were tired I let you crash here."
The events of last night started to return to me in small snapshots, like photographs from a hazy slideshow. My stomach twisted as Jonah's words echoed in my mind, but I pushed it back down along with the bile that burned my throat.
"You let me crash in the same bed as you?" I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest accusingly. "I'm pretty sure you have like a million guest rooms."
Tyler scoffed, raking a hand through his disheveled hair. "You're the one who begged me to stay, asking for cuddles and god knows what else!"
My cheeks burned and I tried to recall the minutes before I fell asleep, coming up with nothing but a gap in my memory.
"Did I seriously do that?" I buried my face into my hands and turned my back to him.
Tyler chuckled and stood up, towering over me. Latching onto my wrists, he pulled my hands down, forcing me to meet his gaze.
"Don't worry, it was cute."
I froze for a split second. Did he just call me cute?
Tyler bit his lip to hold back a laugh at my confusion when I furrowed my eyebrows. Eventually he breathed heavily and scrutinised my face before asking, "How are you feeling?"
The question caught me off guard just like the heart-melting concern that burned behind his bright eyes.
I wasn't sure if he was asking about what happened to me last night at the party or about my horrible hangover.
I didn't want to talk about the first option with him. In fact, I wanted to push Jonah's words to the far corner of my mind so that I never had to think about it again. But I knew that I would have to face him in class on Monday.
At least I had two days to forget about his measly existence, for now.
"My head hurts a lot," I grunted, focusing on the delicate skin around my wrist that tingled underneath Tyler's fingers.
He breathed a laugh and stepped back, letting go of me and stalking across his room to pull back the curtains.
"You shouldn't have downed so much alcohol in such a short space of time."
Admiring his broad, muscular shoulders, I rubbed my temples.
"I need a hot shower," I grumbled, crossing the room towards his ensuite bathroom. "Hope you don't mind me using your towel."
Wrenching the door open, I shot Tyler a glare when he stifled a laugh. What was so funny?
"Aren't you going to invite me to join you?" He smirked, sloping towards me and the twinkle in his eyes made me smack my forehead as a fleeting moment from last night came rushing back.
"Did I honestly say that last night?" I blushed as he leaned against his doorway, crossing his arms over his bare chest.
"Yup, and so much more," He chuckled in his deep voice, teasing me by snatching one of my curls and toying with it teasingly. "You were a total seductress last night."
Smacking his hand away, I jumped back as he lunged for my hair again and slammed the bathroom door shut in his face.
But despite the thin layer of wood that divided us, I could still hear Tyler's deep laughter on the other side.
"Shut up!" I yelled over the rushing water after turning the hot water knob on the shower.
**
I clambered down the stairs, fresh and alert, smelling like lemons and sandalwood as I followed the ravishing scent of pancakes.
"Mmm that smells so good," I burst into the kitchen, coming to a halt when Rosemary spun around, pausing midway through a pancake flip.
"Ashley?" She seemed astonished to see me. Hadn't Tyler filled her in and explained my unexpected sleepover? "I didn't realise you stayed the night because I just cleaned all the guest rooms."
Uncomfortably, I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and focused on the fraying hemline of Tyler's favourite soccer jersey.
"I, umm, slept in Tyler's room."
She raised an eyebrow, raking her gaze over my body to drink in my borrowed outfit. Colour began to seep into my cheeks.
I looked at Tyler, hoping he would help me out but he was studying his mug of hot chocolate, suddenly fascinated by the soggy marshmallows. He poked them and I felt the urge to possess his body and use that finger to poke his eyes out.
What was he playing at? Stupid jerk.
"I see." Rosemary turned around slowly, frowning slightly as she skilfully flipped a pancake. With a pointed look she said in a stern voice, "I'll assume that you two were being safe."
Suddenly, Tyler began to choke. "W-What? We d-didn't do anything inappropriate Rosemary!"
Unconvinced, she rolled her eyes and flipped another pancake, carefully tossing it on top of the towering stack on the table.
"Well now that you two are finally together - and may I add that I have waited years for Tyler to swallow his pride and ask you out dearie - I expect you both to remember that no glove means no love so safety comes fi-"
I staggered backwards, holding up my hands, my eyes wide as saucers. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold your horses right there. Who said that we were...oh mother of Jesus!"
I coughed, terrified that if I said the impossible, it would turn my tongue into ash. My eyes darted to Tyler's perplexed grimace. Heat filled my cheeks and I stared at the ground, desperately hoping that it would open up and swallow me whole.
"Rosemary!" Tyler bellowed giving her a warning glare.
Alarmed by his booming voice, her gaze flickered between us, drinking in our stiff stances.
"Oh dear! Oh my...I-I'm sorry, I just thought...Well, I don't know what I thought really," Rosemary's remorseful, chocolate eyes landed on the sizzling pan in front of her. Rubbing her hands on her apron, she muttered something incoherent under her breath but Tyler managed to catch it.
He glowered at her but she just looked sad; not because Tyler raised his voice at her but because her assumption was incorrect. Pressing my palms to my fiery cheeks, I tried to hide my blush by hanging my head so that my damp curls could curtain my face. I understood why Tyler raised his voice: to silence her wild idea of us dating - worse, the idea of us hooking up - but she was his mother figure and deserved more respect, no matter how uncomfortable she made us both. I mean Mrs Miller was cool and everything, but she stopped being his mother after Taylor died, leaving him alone in a house to wallow in his own grief.
Shooting me an apologetic look - like he was responsible for Rosemary's crazy assumption - Tyler's voice chilled me to the bone when he hissed at his housekeeper.
"We're just friends for Christ's sake! Stop reading into everything."
The last line came out extremely harsh and hurt flickered across Rosemary's face before she mumbled an apology. Instantly his features softened a fraction, but his scowl stayed put.
"Ty, give her break," My voice came out as a warning and he huffed, glancing at me before letting out a ragged breath.
Unable to hold his piercing gaze any longer, I stared at my bare feet, wriggling my toes as I rocked back and forth on my heels. A knife-edge silence cut through the kitchen, holding us imprisoned for a perpetual minute until I glanced up, surprised to find Tyler's pained eyes on me.
Exhaling heavily, he turned to Rosemary. "Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you, but Ash's clothes were soaked through last night when I picked her up from the opening game party. I brought her home so she could shower but like an idiot she fell asleep. Nothing went down, I promise that, umm, I'm still your innocent little boy who's pure enough to wear a white dress on their wedding day."
I brought a fist to my mouth as I sniggered at Rosemary's incredulous expression. With a scoff, I raised an eyebrow at him.
"First of all, you can't wear a dress to your wedding because you're a damn dude and tainted beyond belief. And secondly, you lost your virginity when you were in like second grade."
"Ninth grade," Tyler corrected me before pursing his lips into a sheepish smile when his housekeeper's eyebrows shot up.
I swallowed the bile that shot up my throat, ignoring the acrid taste that followed shortly after. I had to remind myself that Michelle was part of his past but my stomach churned at the thought of the two of them together.
"Same thing sunshine," I snapped. "Your balls were still pea-sized. Lord knows how that pencil of yours functioned well enough to stand straight."
His lips parted with surprise before they curled back into smirk.
"My pencil has written over many chicks thank you very much."
"Yeah," I drawled with an eye roll. "And I'm sure it was long enough to give them a tickle."
Tyler choked on his spoonful and Rosemary drew back with disgust at our bickering.
"And you kids expect me to believe you innocently lay beside each other the entire night?" Her gaze flickered between us and I suddenly realised she had heard our small exchange.
"Seriously Rosemary," Tyler flashed her his widest, disarming grin. "Nothing went down last night. I just put this munchkin to bed like I used to do with Taylor's drunk ass after every party."
His hasty synopsis made me smile because it was completely innocent and factual. Although last night felt anything but innocent.
Something had changed.
When he woke up, Tyler was smiling at me and hadn't stopped grinning until a few minutes ago. The soft ache in my chest tried to speak to me in a language I had long forgotten but I could decipher that something had changed between us.
Maybe it was the way his smiles came easy to him, or his flirtatious, mocking joke earlier about joining me for my shower.
I had no idea what had changed, but there was a major shift in our friendship.
It was like we had kicked down a hurdle, feeling comfortable enough to be ourselves around each other. It was really pleasant.
"That was a nice thing for you to do dear," Rosemary chuckled, finally deciding to drop the uneasy grimace she wore since the mention of Tyler's extracurricular activities. A warm smile graced her lips when she turned to me. "You're welcome here any time dear. You know that right?"
Hesitantly, I looked at Tyler and he nodded. Warmth filled my chest and I rubbed my clammy palms on his jersey.
"Thank you," I replied in a quiet voice.
I was lost for words so I took a seat next to Tyler and reached for a clean plate, stacking it with three pancakes before drowning it in maple syrup. After Rosemary disappeared upstairs, we ate in silence, occasionally stealing glances at each other. Neither of us knew what to say after his housekeeper's bombshell, planting the idea of us hooking up. I wondered if it would wedge our friendship apart and force us to take a step back when we were finally getting closer.
Once my stomach was full to the brim, I pushed my plate back and groaned. Rubbing my belly, I leaned forward and sipped my hot chocolate.
"So what's the plan for today?" I asked in cheery voice, breaking the slightly awkward silence.
Tyler set his steaming mug down, running a finger along the rim as he studied me carefully.
"I need to drop you off and then I've got another appointment with Dr Jillian."
My eyebrows shot up with surprise. "Already? But it hasn't even been two weeks."
He nodded, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
"I know, but the last session was really helpful so I called up and booked another one."
I smiled, ecstatic that the therapy was working out for him and reached over to squeeze his biceps. Raking my eyes over his bare chest, I bit my bottom lip, willing myself to look away but I just couldn't.
"Ash?"
My head snapped to the side, facing him with wide eyes as heat filled my cheek. A smirk threatened to break out on Tyler's lips, making the corners of his mouth quiver.
"Yeah?" I breathed, hiding behind my hair, wide eyed that he had just caught me checking him out.
"You don't have to hide your appreciation for my body," He chuckled and a crooked smirk stretched across his lips. "I mean, it's sculpted to perfection so you might as well–"
Tyler sucked in his harsh breath when my flat hand smack his arm, leaving a bright red hand print behind.
"You said I was hot last night," He grunted at my sickly sweet smile when I raised my hand again, this time threatening to take a swing at his head.
Cockiness was one of the traits that was slowly seeping back into Tyler's personality as he recovered parts of his old self. I was thrilled he was finding himself again I wasn't sure if I could last without blushing at his narcissistic and crude comments.
"I'll slam your balls into your stomach if you don't shut up," I hissed, shooting his washboard abs one last lingering look before I scraped my chair back to dump my plate and my mug in the dishwasher.
Tyler followed me, deliberately pressing his chest against my back when he reached over my shoulder to place his dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
Rigid as a plank, I froze and stared straight ahead, unsure of how to react. The smartest move would have been to shove him away, but that was the reaction Tyler wanted. He enjoyed riling me up to the point where I just wanted to explode. But that was the main flaw in his stupid plan to annoy me - I could never stay mad at him, not for one second.
And as much as I hated to admit it, his body felt extremely good pressed against mine and the skin beneath my thin jersey prickled with the strangest sensations. Turning around so that there was only a sliver of air dividing us, I wore an impassive mask when Tyler retracted his hand from the dishwasher and stood up to his full weight. I craned my head and leaned against the counter behind me, waiting for Tyler to move but he just blinked at me.
"So what time are we leaving?" I asked, keeping my voice level even though my grip on the graphite counter was tight enough to discolour my knuckles.
Dazed, he flashed me a questioning look. "Leaving?"
When I rolled my eyes, Tyler's eyes came back into focus.
"Yeah," I breathed, reaching for my half full mug of hot chocolate. "Aren't we going to see Dr Jillian?"
He began to protest before pausing mid-sentence at the mention of 'we'. A strange emotion flitted across his eyes and suddenly the proximity between us felt extremely overwhelming. Tyler was looking at me, really looking at me - studying hard and unravelling me layer by layer until he could see into my soul.
Being under his scrutiny terrified me, rattling the very foundations of the tight barrier I kept around my heart - that very same barrier that kept my darkest secrets intact and now it was shuddering from intensity of Tyler's gaze.
It was the same barrier that suppressed the old, powerful emotions I used to feel for him. And now it was shaking like there was an earthquake riveting through my chest, shaking my entire heart until it leapt to my throat.
A ninth grader with a broken heart put that barrier up for a reason, learning the hard way that chasing after her best friend's twin was the worst possible idea. She ignored her best friend's pleas to back off, to avoid suffering the collateral damage when he chose somebody else.
That little girl knew why it was vital to keep her guard up, so I should have known better.
I should have looked away.
But gazing into Tyler's eyes made me forget all that he had ever done to me. I was drowning amidst a sea of green and blue that wavered with an emotion that terrified my core of existence. He managed to resurface all my old feelings and they bubbled beneath my skin, itching to escape. They seeped past the scars he left behind in ninth grade and I had to suck my breath in to hold myself upright.
My mind fought to break the spell we were under but instead my eyes refused to move, frozen and unblinking, completely mesmerised and intoxicated.
"You're actually willing to come with me? Again?" He broke the trance he had me under, staring at me like I was a glorious superhuman.
"I just want you to be happy without this guilt you carry around because you feel like you owe it to Taylor to grieve for her. Therapy seems to be helping. You said it yourself, didn't you?" I replied honestly, strangely unnerve by the awestruck look on his face.
We stared at each other until Tyler shook his head to protest. "You know you don't have to come. I don't want to burden you with my probl–"
Latching my thumb around the ear of the mug, I raised it to my lips and chugged down my lukewarm hot chocolate in three long gulps.
"Nonsense. I'm coming with you even if I have to strap myself to the roof of your car," I cut him off, giving him a wide toothed grin before repeating my original question. "So what time are we leaving?"
Tyler stepped to the side and turned around, leaning against the counter right beside me. I kept my gaze glued to the refrigerator on the other side of the kitchen, using all my willpower to stop my eyes from straying to admire his bare chest.
Our shoulders brushed and I wondered, for a brief moment, if Tyler ever spent time overthinking and overanalysing my actions the way I did with his. He looked at his imaginary watch, pressing a finger on his chin and giving me an exaggerated, thoughtful look.
"Hmm, an hour? I need a shower because thanks to you, I smell like I've taken a plunge into a can of beer," He joked.
I threw my head back and laughed like a little kid, giggling when he playfully bumped his shoulders against mine. Tyler snatched the final marshmallow out of my fingers and shoved it into his mouth before stalking away, leaving me stranded in the kitchen with a racing heart and clammy palms.
**
"And how did that make you feel?"
Tyler and I sat opposite Dr Jillian, so close together that his right leg was plastered against my left thigh. The heat from his body should have chased away the numbing pain in my chest but his face was contorted with agony, and that alone was enough to make a limbs heavy with dead weight.
After his shower, we drove to my house so that I could throw on my own clothes and grab my coat before we set off again. Right now, as we waited for his response, I stared out of the window, letting my eyes trace every grey cloud that invaded the blue sky, foreshadowing the incoming rainy weather.
Beside me, Tyler gulped, struggling to keep his voice strong.
"Well, how else do you think I'd feel after finding out that my only sister was now terminally ill? It's not everyday you're given a three months' notice that your twin is going to freaking die!"
Dr Jillian seemed unfazed by his harsh tone, but I couldn't help but shudder. Tyler felt my body stiffen but he was too absorbed in his misery to notice that his words wore shredding me from the inside.
"You tell me," She replied calmly, turning her gaze to me even though he question was directed at Tyler.
I knew that she had been shooting me secret glances, here and there, between each question because my hands trembled as she made him dig up fresh, painful memories.
Tyler sighed heavily, placing his elbows onto his thighs and leaning forward to bury his head into his hands.
"It was the worst day of my life. I mean, ever since her diagnosis bad shit was happening all the damn time but that day in particular was gut-wrenching. Just being told to make the most of the time I had left with her...I-It killed me, it really did." His voice shook like he was standing in a tightrope and on the verge of falling off.
I positioned my other hand on his knee and traced soothing patterns to comfort him.
"What was the worst thing you remember about that day?" Dr Jillian pressed him to continue.
"I-I was the one who had to break the news to her." Tyler paused and clamped his hand over the one I had on his knees. Turning my hand over, his fingers wove through mine as he choked, "Taylor was already torn, but when I told her what the doctor had said, she fell apart. It was like her fighting spirit died out and...and..."
He broke off, his voice thick with emotion and a boulder lodged itself in my throat. Loping an arm around his shoulder, I pulled his deflated body to mine so that I was bearing his weight.
"Take your time," Dr Jillian's voice was warm and soft.
Tyler nodded, breathing deeply for a few seconds.
"There was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do to help her. So like a stupid kid, I started crying when all she wanted that day was for somebody to be strong for her.' He stopped abruptly, turning his head away from us so we couldn't see his broken expression. "She was always the stronger one out of the two of us."
Tyler's voice had dwindled to a mere whisper and he leaned against me, resting his head on my shoulder. With the hand I had wrapped around his neck, I played with the long hair just above his nape, wishing I could do more to comfort him when he was in this much agony.
By the time the hour was up, Tyler had surprisingly composed himself and was breathing evenly which was fantastic considering his previous ragged breaths. I, on the hand, had my arms clamped beneath my armpits to conceal the tremors that quaked through me.
My throat was scratchy and my chest was impossibly tight. We thanked Dr Jillian and I began to usher Tyler out of the room, clutching his hand when I felt a hand clamp my shoulder.
"Ashley, do you mind staying behind for a second?"
The confusion on Tyler's face made my chest lurch with fear. I nodded, gesturing at him to wait for me outside before I clicked the door shut and took a seat opposite Dr Jillian.
"We have a few matters to discuss," She announced in her soft voice.
Confused, I straightened my shoulders. "Yeah, like what exactly?"
"It seems to me that your decision to stop our sessions hasn't really done much to help you."
"What do you mean?"
She wove her fingers together and gave me a pointed look. "I've been observing you for the past hour and it doesn't seem like you've improved very much these past months. Nothing has changed Ashley."
"Shouldn't you be focusing on Tyler?" I snapped, annoyed that she was wasting her time on me when Tyler was the one she should have been observing. "You are being paid to listen and pay attention to him, after all."
She remained unaffected by my sharp tone and I felt annoyed that she could control her facial expressions carefully, choosing when to give me a glimpse of the thoughts that swirled behind that brain of hers.
"I know that," Dr Jillian said slowly. "But that doesn't mean I don't notice your hand tremors, which must mean you're still having your recurring nightmares."
The blood in my veins hardened into ice, frozen and cold along each nerve ending. I breathed out slowly and tried to escape using my curls but the weight of her patient eyes unnerved me.
"I don't," I croaked in a pathetically small voice. The flicker of disbelief behind her brown eyes made me clear my throat. "I mean, I don't have nightmares."
Dr Jillian stayed silent for a few seconds, eyeing me with an impassive expression. I began to pick at my cuticles, panicking when my nail accidentally punctured my skin. Blood began to well up around my nail and I hissed when pain shot up my thumb. She scrutinised my reaction when I popped my thumb into my mouth and I reminded myself to keep my face devoid of all emotions - even pain.
"I think you should greatly consider making an appointment with me," She stood up and reached for the phone on her desk. "I can give Jackie a call right now so she can book you in."
Bolting upright, I jumped out of my seat and clenched my fists to conceal my trembling fingers.
"No, please don't."
Dr Jillian turned around, giving me an unconvinced look. She smiled, shaking her head as if I was being silly.
"Do you want me to call your mother? I'm sure she can persuade you more than I can. But it's really for the best. You're struggling but won't accept any help Ashley and I can't see why you're torturing yourself like this."
Her words made me stagger back, and I almost stumbled over the sofa set. Startled by the lengths she was willing to go to, my blood began to boil with fury.
"I'm an adult!" I retorted harshly. "My mother doesn't have a say anymore and you can't force me!"
She put the phone down and turned around, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Ashley, I'm not forcing you to make an appointment, I'm just asking you to make the right decision to accept the help I can give you. I just want to help you dear."
"And I just want you to piss off and stop prying into my business! I'm not your client anymore so stop acting like I am!" I snapped.
Brown eyes regarded me, patient and understanding but I wasn't ready to unravel my terror to her. I didn't want to talk about my nightmares because that would make them feel even more real.
I just wanted to forget them.
I drew in a deep breath, curling my hands around the cool, metal handle and yanked the door open.
"You have my number," She said loudly, trying to get her soft voice to travel to the corridor but the door had already slammed shut.
When I stormed out of the office, Tyler was leaning against the wall with his head turned to the ceiling. His arms were crossed against his chest and for a split second I was terrified he had heard everything.
"What did she have to say to you?" He asked, curiosity lacing his voice. "I heard shouting."
Exhaling sharply, all the anger inside me dissolved into exhaustion and I sighed heavily.
"It was nothing," I pressed the elevator button frantically with shaking hands, eager to escape this wretched building. "Nothing for you to worry about."
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[A/N: Hey, I've had a killer headache all day and I've been putting off uploading this chapter since yesterday just because I couldn't be bothered to reread and edit it.
Umm, besides that, I've been having a tough time with my depression and my doctor wasn't too understanding about it but he gave me this form to fill out so he can refer me to proper professionals but I don't know if I can handle my parents finding out.
I'm in a really, really dark place lately, but enough of my problems. How are you?
Next chapter: "Theoretically, We're Making Out"...and I'll tell you right now it's a good one ;)
[Edit: I'd say for each chapter from here on out was a pleasure to right, literally. I love the latter half of this book so much. I mean, the beginning was slow and tardy but that was because there's a lot of background knowledge and hatred and deep shit between Tyler and Ashley but now...well now, the fun starts haha.]
Vote, comment and fan. It takes a lot of time and effort to right these chapters, considering the state I'm in. I don't even leave my bed to eat anymore. Fuck.
I love you for giving me a purpose when I can't find a reason to like the person I am on the inside. Thank you. Sorry about the long A/N. If you read it all, I really do love you. Drop me a message.
Till next time.
- Kaddy]