From: novela-harmon@bethel.edu
Date: Wed, Sep 20, 2017 at 3:02 PM
Subject: Morelia is on
To: grace-k-nelson@bethel.edu
Well, we're still going to Morelia. I did talk to Ruby and she pointed out, no doubt correctly, that the rowdy bunch of students we'd show up with would probably do more harm than good, that there is no place to stay, the last thing they need now is more people who don't know what they're doing, and furthermore the bus is already engaged for Morelia and all the other arrangements made, including nonrefundable deposits.
She didn't discount the possibility of something in the future, when the nonprofits are more organized and might be able to accommodate our group. That sounds somewhat hopeful and more sensible. So I'm going to hold her to that and follow up with her in a while.
She was perfectly nice, but I felt like I didn't particularly like her. I don't know why. I don't dislike that many people. It might be just the fakeness of her look, in which case I feel especially bad because I know it's how Mexican women tend to dress and I'm trying to avoid thinking in terms of cultural superiority. But any woman who has long artificial nails, colored hair, tons of makeup and perfume, ridiculous heels and other examples of unnaturally perfect femininity drives me nuts.
Maybe I take it as a personal criticism. As you know, my nails are barely ever painted, let alone perfectly manicured, I've never colored my hair, and I barely wear makeup. Maybe someone making different choices subconsciously make me wonder if I'm doing it wrong. But I'm usually pretty secure in myself and those decisions, so I don't really think that's it.
If anything, I probably judge her for focusing more on silly shows of outward beauty rather than focusing on more important parts of her life and career. But of course it is her life and she can run it however she wants. I just need to be less judgmental! Also I think I judge her for putting so much emphasis on her looks when she's not that attractive, at least her face (she's short but her body looks like Venus as far as I can tell). But maybe she's insecure about her attractiveness and tries to make up for it this way, in which case I really can't blame her for it.
Sorry for the psychoanalyses. It's just that I usually don't react in this strong negative way to people, at least without a good reason, so I'm trying to figure out why. And I suppose I want to know why so I can either justify myself somehow, or figure out how to remedy it.
In any case, Ruby's going on the trip to Morelia so I should have time to get to know her better and hopefully move past these superficial grievances.
Meeting with Alex, GTG.
Keep praying for Mexico.
Love, me