12/05/17

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It's probably 12/05 now. I don't even know what time it is. Late, or early. It's dark. And quiet.

I'll pick up where I left earlier, even though things are so different now.

When I came out of the bathroom after fixing myself up, Alejandro was waiting for me, smiling. He always smiled when he saw me. I tried to remember if he had always smiled when he saw me, smiled when he saw anyone. But I couldn't remember exactly. I just knew that this seemed different than when I first knew him.

He offered me his arm, like a gentleman in a Jane Austen movie, and I took it. It seemed silly, but chivalrous at the same time. He seemed to be getting cornier by the moment, and for some reason I loved it.

He escorted me downstairs, and we ate in the hotel's restaurant. It was nice to not have to go out, after having been out all day. The food was good, and the atmosphere was nice.

Alejandro suggested we stay for the live music starting at 8, and I agreed. He ordered us each another drink. I made sure to sip slowly.

We both adjusted our seating positions to be able to see the artist better. As we did, we ended up closer together, touching slightly.

As the music started, he put his arm around me. For a half second, I almost felt like we were a real couple. What did other people who saw us think? Did they think we were a young married couple on vacation, or a boyfriend and girlfriend out on a date? Certainly no one would have guessed what we really were, and weren't.

But I relaxed against him. We were here. We were together. He loved me. I loved him.

The music was a slow jazz. The sound of it was relaxing, and I felt a pleasant buzz from the combination of the music, the alcohol, and the security of Alejandro's arms around me.

Then he leaned into my ear and murmured, "Let's dance."

I didn't want to break the moment, to risk anything happening to destroy this momentary peace we had, but it wasn't a question. He was already standing up, and pulling me up with him.

He pulled me into him, wrapping his right arm around my back and taking my right hand in his left. He gazed into my eyes as we started to to sway to the music.

It was a surreal feeling. I had danced with him before - many times - but there had always been just that hint of desire, of longing, of attraction. I was never sure if his touches were caresses or just contact incidental to dances. I couldn't tell if his attention was real or my imagination.

But now there was no pretense. His eyes were full of love, of adoration, of hope, of happiness. I realized in that moment that he had no doubt that I would be his, sooner or later. That I was his already, now. And he was only waiting for me to admit it to him, and to myself. He knew it was only a matter of time, a short matter of time. And he was pleased with the thought.

Was I pleased? In that moment there was nothing in the world I could think of that I wanted more than Alejandro. I tried to think of other things - my family, my career, my relationship with Christ - but they all seemed so distant in that moment. Alejandro was so near. I could feel his warmth, smell his cologne, see his loving gaze taking me in. I shut out the other thoughts and rested my head against his shoulder. His hand tightened against my waist, and he kissed the top of my head. I could feel his leg brush against my thighs each time he stepped forward.

It didn't matter what other people thought now. I closed my eyes. There were no other people.

As the song ended, I lifted my head off his chest. The movement brought my face near his, and he didn't hesitate. His other hand dropped to my waist and both his hands encircled me. The kiss was slow but brief. In those few seconds I felt passion in him, even stronger than at the park. It made me feel warm, excited and a little scared.

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