Love, Novela [Completed]

Re: Free but not happy

From: novela-harmon@bethel.edu
Date: Thu, Oct 5, 2017 at 6:31 PM
Subject: Free but not happy
To: grace-k-nelson@bethel.edu

I did it. I broke up with Levi.

I spent several hours crafting emails, deleting them, rewriting, and deleting again. Finally I kept it as short as possible while still giving reasons. Then I said a quick prayer and hit send.

I'm glad I took some time to cool off. It would be immature to break up with him in a moment of anger over an offensive thing - things - he said. But that wasn't the only reason.

One issue is that we do not see eye to eye on some things I am realizing are very important to me. But another is that I am realizing how far I am from being ready for marriage. I am really enjoying the freedom of being single and able to travel and study and soak in all this new knowledge without the responsibilities of a family and being tied to a home in a specific location. I don't want to give that up just yet.

In fact, I'm not even sure what I want. Deep down I always expected that, whatever I studied and however I started out, I'd end up as a homemaker like my mom. I was fine with this. I like kids and I enjoy being home.

But I knew realized how much I can also enjoy being away from home. To be sure, it has its challenges, but so many people never even get one chance like this. I could travel more, go to Europe, get a Master's, learn a third language... there is a whole world of possibilities, literally. And if I get tied down, I shut that door, possibly forever.

I tried to emphasize the last part to Levi and only slightly mention the former. I didn't want him to think that he can rectify the problem. Honestly I'm not even sure if he'll care. I'm sure his pride will be hurt, but I don't know that he was really that attached to me. We didn't have that much time.

Still, somehow when I agreed to start this relationship I never thought I'd be in this position of unilaterally ending it. Dating sucks. (Or courtship, or whatever this was.) I think I'll stay single for a while.

Now I have to tell my mom...

Love, Novela