11/24/17

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11/24/17, 7 am

I woke up early so I'll just continue this now.

Alex told me everything. When he first arrived at the school Ruby was so helpful, so approachable. She also was interested in his thesis topic and had some knowledge about precolonial beliefs, so she was able to contribute. She was married, and he thought it was understood that they were just colleagues and friends.

But then one day she told him that her husband was cheating on her, and she felt lonely and empty. He felt bad for her and started spending more time with her. They would go out for dinner or to dance, since they both enjoyed dancing. He thought he was being a good friend.

And then one day, they went back to his place, and were sitting on the couch drinking wine.  She was physically demonstrative anyway, hugging and touching people, so he didn't think too much of it when she leaned against him and touched his face. Then she kissed his mouth. And he let her. He was tipsy, and flattered by the attention. They had sex.

They had sex again the next day, and on several occasions after that. He understood that she was going to leave her husband for him.

Then one day Ruby just blew him off, as if there had been nothing between them. He realized she was hiding their affair from her husband and had no intention of leaving him. He had already felt guilty about cheating, and now he found out it didn't even mean anything. He felt like a conquest. And he was - he heard later from someone that she goes through men, that she's actually the cheating one or at least she gives her husband a run for his money. He felt like he'd been duped.

So now they have to still work together, and it is awkward. Then after months of treating him just like the other professors, Ruby started coming on to him again recently. He didn't reciprocate, and she got upset. He thinks that she noticed him being more attentive to me, even though he tried to hide it, and got competitive.

The whole thing is sick. I feel sick. I mean, it's not like I thought he was a virgin. He probably even told me or at least hinted he wasn't. But to hear him talk about having sex with another woman, someone I know, and in an extramarital affair... it's a bit much. I have to see these people in a while.

My goodbye last night with Alex was awkward. I felt so strange about the whole thing that I didn't really want to ride with him, but it was the best option. He seemed to notice my reticence and didn't try to kiss me on the mouth when he dropped me off. He didn't even get out to open my door, just touched put his hand over mine for a moment when we stopped, and then moved it back to the gear shifter. He just sat there without saying anything as I got out, and as usual waited until I was all the way inside before he drove off.

I feel very confused and upset. I wish Alex had told me this sooner. But also I feel bad for him. He was ill-used.

And I don't have any nice words for Ruby.

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