Leroy Sanchez is literally my bae right now *in love**heart eyes* Btw, the song 'Man of the Year' by Leroy Sanchez (my bae) is perfect for Law. Well.. before this chapter. Yeah.. But you can still listen to it while reading this but at the same time, I don't recommend it.
You'll get what I mean after you read the chapter.
Also, I really recommended you listen the song I inserted in while reading this. Its 'Let You Go' by Leroy Sanchez (yes, my bae again) and its very perfect for this chapter!
P.s - Don't kill me after this
Chapter 34 - I Already Lost Him
I lay there, gazing at every feature on his face. My hand unconsciously flew to touch strands of his hair and aimlessly play with it- braiding it with small locks of his tousled jet black hair.
I found myself smiling as I realize how peaceful Law looked sleeping.
Law mumbles something incoherently under his breath, fussing around a bit with his hand as he accidentally swats my hand away. When he slapped my hand, his steel gray eyes snap open and a look of panic crosses over his expression. When Law sees me chuckling, his concerned look washes away and is replaced by a sleepy happy smile.
"Morning, sleepyhead." I tease, tapping his cheek.
Law grunts and grabs hold of my hand and proceeds to cuddle into it. "Go back to sleep, babe." Law rasps with a hint of sleepy huskiness in his tone. "Its still early. Its only 6."
"Its 6 in the evening, Law."
Law scowls at me through the gaps of my fingers before yawning and rubbing his eyes. He stretches, his arm landing right on my face. When I grunt, Law laughs in amusement. As revenge, I push him over the edge of the wide couch where he goes toppling down- all tangled up in blankets and pillows. Law lets out a small yelp while he was at it.
"Dammit, Ava. You don't have to go and make my ass sore. If you wanted to make it sore, you could have spanked it. I wouldn't mind but I'd prefer doing it to you." Law shamelessly smirks and winks at me.
My face heats up and I toss a pillow at him to which he swiftly dodge very easily. "Shut your trap, Law." I roll my eyes as Law starts laughing heartily again. I'm like his personal entertainer. "How is it that you can make dirty comments right after waking up? It wonders me sometimes."
Law grins smugly at me. "Well, it does take a lot of work to be this perfect, sweetheart."
I snort at the comment. "Okay then, Mr. Perfect. Since you're so perfect, can you please get back to the normal Law? I'd like him now, thank you. My brief time with you was pleasant but I prefer my normal Law."
"But this is the normal me."
"Were you high in your dream just now?"
"Probably."
I raise a brow at him and he just shrugs as if silently saying 'I swear I don't know anything, so don't ask me'. Then, we were both quiet- just looking at each other. I let out a small laugh as I realize how often we would stare at one another like its no big deal- like the other is a rare beautiful masterpiece.
Law reaches for my hand and grazes his thumb over my healed knuckles. He smiles. "I should really learn to be thankful."
I frown at him. "What do you mean?"
"Cause I'm so thankful that you're here with me and not with some other scum."
I roll my eyes. "Again with the cheesiness, I see."
"Hey, nothing wrong with a bit of-" His sentence was cut off when his phone suddenly blared to life. A small frown appears on Law's face as he glances over his shoulder and take his phone. He looks at the screen for a while before sighing. "Its Sierra. I'll answer for a minute."
My heart sinks when Law got up to answer her- his hand slowly slipping away from my fingers and my heart breaking even more at the thought. He's slowly getting away from me.
I sit up on the couch, watching Law walk away with the phone pressed into his ear and muttering a few words into the phone. I notice his short responses, his slight eye rolls of annoyance but most of all- the small smile that appeared on his lips for a brief second.
I wince at the pang of my heart as his back faces me. Its only been two weeks since he agreed to get to know Sierra and I'm already messed up. Law's been going on 'dates' with Sierra and he's grown comfortable although he denies it but I can see it in his eyes. Now he does it without much of a fight and hesitation. He's probably getting tired of it- that he has to get used to her being around to replace me.
Soon, he'll be moving on and I'll be left still in love.
Law turns around, tucking the phone into his jean pocket and grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch. "Where're you going?" I ask as he leans down to peck my lips with a soft smile. I tried my best to hide the sadness and disappointment in my tone.
"To meet with Sierra. She ordered me to get out and take her somewhere because she's bored." Law strokes my cheek and kisses my forehead. "Won't be long. I'm still trying to scare her away, don't worry. We'll be back to who we were soon. I'm still here for you, love." I don't think so. "You can do what you want while I'm out. See you, babe."
And just like that, he left. Then the inevitable dawned upon me.
Am I slowly losing you?
**
I stare hopelessly at the ground, my legs swinging limply by the edge of the roof of the very tall building- the bustling city floors under me. I exhale, fog forming before disappearing.
"Ava?"
I blink a few times and press the button on my earpiece. "Yeah, Noah?" There was a silent pause for a few moments.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm not." I reply but my tiny voice failed me.
"I know you're crying, pumpkin. I can hear it from here through the earpiece." I could hear Noah's calm breaths from the other side. "May I hear what's going through your mind right now that's got you crying?" More silence. Noah sighs with a small chuckle but there was a hint of sadness in it. "Its the boy, isn't it?"
I laugh dryly, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. "Ha, surprise, surprise." I grit my teeth. "I'm not even going to deny it anymore."
"How long has it been going on?"
"A month."
A month since he accepted to get to know her.
Noah remained quiet but I could imagine his pained expression with his eyes closed as he clenches his fist. "Do you want me to inform Jack about this although he already knows? He deserves to know that you're incapable of this task right now."
I shake my head. "No, don't pull me away from this task. I'll do it but you can tell Jack about it. He deserves to know as my legal guardian after Dad."
"Stay strong, pumpkin. For yourself and especially the boy- your father would have killed him if he saw you crying over him."
I find myself smiling at the thought. Yeah, he definitely would without hesitation. Even if that boy happens to be his best friends's son.
I get up and walk away from the edge towards the door on the roof. "I got the data."
"You already stole it?"
"Why else would I be wasting my time on the roof crying?"
"Makes sense." I hear Noah mumble a few things, probably at Adam and his fingers tapping on the desk. "Nothing happened, right?" My silence gave him his answer. "If its all done, you can get back now. We need The Theater's information right now. We'll send Nikolas and Elijah over to pick you up. Just make sure you get down from there safely now. They should be realizing that the folder has been stolen by now."
I stare at the folder regarding The Theater's alliances in my hands and sure enough like Noah said, there was an alarm and a huge commotion going on in the building under me.
I press a finger onto the button. "Yeah, they just found out. Going out now. I'll contact you as soon as I'm on ground."
I hang up and stretch for a bit before getting ready in a running stance, the commotion downstairs getting louder than ever. Then when the doors open, I instantly sprinted off, shouts and yells coming from behind me until I reach the ledge where I jump off- away from the building with bullets whizzing pass me.
I fall freely for a few moments until I land with a roll on the roof of the opposite building and did the same again on the other building, slowly descending with each building. I don't even bother about the people who're chasing me- they've probably given up when they lost sight of me three buildings down.
At about ten buildings away from the building I was originally on, I turn around and confirmed my suspicions- they've stopped following me. I chuckle to myself before looking at the night sky and walking to the door on the roof. I made my way downstairs and when I reached the lobby of the hotel, I did a poker face as I made my way out- the receptionist raising a brow at me as if saying 'Where did she came from?'.
I twirl the folder on my finger, balancing it while humming a slow melody to myself. This folder would be the key to our strategy, we need information about their connections.
The stars in the late night sky were twinkling back at me, causing me to smile. For a quick moment, I forget about my problems- I forget about Law. I just want to pretend that everything's alright and that we are back to who we were, back to when Sierra was never in the picture.
I press a finger to my earpiece. "Safely down."
Noah's gruff response came from the other side. "Good. I'm tracking your location right now. Turn the right corner and you should see the two brothers by the sidewalk in a black van littered with graffiti."
I hum in response and make my way down the pathway. I kick a small pebble on the way, all the while pushing the folder safely into the bag I brought with me. I look around, noticing the corner that Noah had asked me to turn to.
But as I turned the corner, my heart felt like it was glass and was thrown at a brick wall, smashing into tiny pieces.
There, in front of my eyes, was Law laughing hand in hand with a grinning Sierra.
I couldn't stop the tears that spilled from my eyes, I let them drop. My hands were trembling, my lips quivering and my mind going haywire.
I'd scare her off, he said.
Don't worry, he said.
I won't leave you, he fucking said.
My legs felt like it had a mind of its own as I bolted in the opposite direction of where I was supposed to go before he could notice that I was there, watching the scene unfold right in front me. My heart was screaming, my whole body protesting and demanding I go back to Law and get the answers out of him.
Get him to say that he was just acting. Get him to say that he was laughing at a lame joke she said. Get him to say that he was just being his smiley self.
But I knew that smile on his face- Law was smiling genuinely.
He looked happy.
"Ava, where are you going?!" Noah ask, his voice in panic.
I scream in reply. "I'm getting fucking away!"
My feet pounded on the gravel path, pushing pass people and shoving others out of my way, just to get away- Noah's frantic voice ringing in my ears. The voices in my head were getting louder, tears streaming down my face, my conscious screaming in agony.
But only voice dimmed the others by a mile- the soft painful whispering of my heart.
I already lost him from the start.
**
One month and two weeks since it started.
I stand there, Law's voice fading in my head although he was right there in front of me. I look up, looking at the man I knew I was in love with- who once loved me.
This isn't Law.
The Law that I met and dated doesn't have such a fake interest in his eyes towards me.
"Ava, you okay?" Law asks, cocking his head to the side and examining me.
I blink, shaking my head from the horrid thoughts. "Oh, its nothing. I'm fine." Law nods and shrugs before going back to his phone, fucking SMILING at the process. Judging by his expression and how his eyes lit up, I'm guessing that he's texting Sierra.
The Law I knew would have pestered me into telling him what's on my mind.
Law suddenly stands up. I jump a bit before taking hold of his sweater sleeve. "Hold on. Where are you going?"
Law's steel eyes flicker to me, a certain coldness in his eyes. The same coldness he had in them when I first met him and he didn't know me.
Even his eyes no longer recognize me in his heart.
"Somewhere."
My heart breaks even more. He no longer calls me his usual pet names. He no longer tells me where he's going. He no longer assures me.
I don't even know who this is in front of me.
"But I thought you said we would spend time together today." I make an attempt to fake a smile, secretly glad that I was amazing at lying. Is everything he says now is a total lie? Fake promises to give me false hope?
If it is, its not fucking working.
Law looks away for a moment before his cold gray eyes shift back to me. Never have I thought I would be at the receiving end of his emotionless stare.
Because you believed that he loved you.
"Its something urgent. It won't be long. I'll be back soon."
That's what he's been doing more and more often. Making excuses.
I smile, loosening my grip on his sleeve and let my hand fall to my side. "Be safe."
Law smiles and presses his lips to my forehead- even his kiss is like a stranger. "I'll be back. I promise." I watch as he left in his car, his phone already pressed to his ear even before he got to it- his tone being the exact same tone he used to use on me when I was with him. The loving voice.
And its directed towards her.
Oh yeah, want to know something?
He didn't come back.
**
I let my body do the work.
Punch after punch I landed on the punching bag, gritting my teeth so hard the whole time. I was screaming internally, heart already in pieces. My knuckles were bleeding again, trailing down my arms and dripping onto the floor, pooling at my feet- reflecting how fucked up I looked right now.
I'm losing sleep. I do this every day. I injure myself in some way every chance I get. My tears spill the second I remember him.
All because of a boy.
I scream and punch the sandbag as hard as I could, a hole left in its wake. Sand pour out the bag, the canvas slowly sagging limply. I take uncontrolled, shaky breaths and look around at the other punching bags that I have already tore in the past hour- its still not enough to let out the pain.
I look down at my hands that are stained with my own blood. I stare at them for awhile before turning them over to look at my bleeding knuckles- the same knuckles he kissed in apology for not being there. Remembering a past promise on how he won't hurt me.
Ha, guess who's the cause of my injured knuckles now?
I laugh bitterly at the irony- memories of him kissing my knuckles softly to apologize flashing in my mind. I grit my teeth- I don't want to remember.
He cut me too deep.
But before I could even punch the already useless sandbag, muscled arms wrap around my arms and pull my writhing form back.
"Fucking hell, Jack. Let me go!"
"Shh, shh, its okay, sweetie. It'll be alright." Jack whispers into my ear. I freeze when I hear something else coming from him.
Jack was crying.
"Its okay, baby-girl. I'm not letting you go until you've calmed down." Jack sobs, tightening his hold around me. "I don't care if it hurts when I hold you back like this- I just want you to stop, sweetheart." Jack's silent sobs gets louder and his body shakes as he hold me. I find myself crying with him, the fight in me diminishing. "Tell me, sweetheart, tell me everything. Let all the pain across. If you have to punch me to get me to understand, I'll let you. Just let me know, sweetie."
Just like that, I broke down.
Jack catches me in his arms and he hugs me tightly while I lay curled up on the floor, body shaking violently. Jack's tears mix with mine- his fury, his sadness, his pain all shown through his watery eyes.
I clutch his shirt so hard, my nails dig deep into my own palms and drew blood. "It feels the same as when Dad left."
Jack grits his teeth, his hug getting tighter to hold my broken form together. "Hold on, please, sweetheart." He cups my face, wiping the tears away that came on coming back although he was crying himself. "I don't want to see you go back to who you were two years ago when he died."
"I'm sorry." I wail, wrapping my arms around him.
"Don't say you're sorry, sweetheart." Jack strokes my hair. "We're here to fix you."
I shake my head, clenching my fists on Jack's shirt.
Law left me too broken to be fixed.
**
Rain drizzles gently around me, splashing onto the ground as I stood there, hands tucked in the pockets of my jacket.
Tears fall down my face from under the hood of my jacket while I watch Law listen so intently to a story Sierra's telling to him with a bright smile on his face and adoration clear in his gray eyes.
"Ava."
I glance back, Vern shaking her head at me and pulling me away from the sight in the small cafe. Rain comes up to me and dabs her sleeve onto my cheeks to rub the tears away. Rain grip her sleeve harder. "You don't have to, you know."
"I want to." I answer. "I've been preparing this whole time for this moment. I'm not backing down because of a broken heart."
I push Rain's hand away and trudge forward, shaking the image out of my head. I hear Rain and Vern jog after me along with the other members of Vern and Rhiannon's gang.
Our feet splash on the wet gravel, the rain getting heavier just like how my heart's currently sinking deeper and deeper. We continued walking on for about half an hour, my black leather boots getting even more soaked as the rain is now thundering down on us. I stop a distance away from our destination.
The Dante mansion.
"What's the status in there now, Nikolas?" I ask into my earpiece.
I hear Nikolas psychotic laugh, his deep voice resonating. "All quiet like death just passed through."
"You killed them all, didn't you?"
"Yeah, he did!" I hear Elijah's voice call out, probably a few feet away from Nikolas. Nikolas mutters a few curses under his breath. "Yeah, yeah, I snapped all their necks, so what? Sector's clear on the top floor."
I nod, taking mental notes in my head. "Noah?"
I hear a small hum on the other line before the bluetooth gets picked up. "Clear."
"Did you wipe them out solo?"
Noah chuckles. "Is that a surprise?" He asks in amusement. "Jack's also going solo on the floor below me, so both floors are clear."
"What happened to the gang members I assigned to the both of you?"
"I got them to stand ground by the side while we did all the work. Been a while since Jack and I got a good workout."
I roll my eyes. "You call Dante's guards good workout? They're probably the opposite of good."
There was a short pause, indicating that Noah's deep in thought. "Yeah, you're right. They were shit." I could picture Noah making a face at the thought. "No wonder it felt too easy."
"How about you, Adam?"
"Trouble came just now- Dante's right-hand man, but I settled him. He's locked up in the janitor's closet now." I hear fumbling from Adam's line- he's probably wiping the blood filth off his hands with a cloth. I'm guessing the cloth was a piece of fabric he tore from the poor man.
Noah's whine rings. "What? My son got his right-hand man? I wanted to take him- he stole my pen in university."
"That was a long time ago, Dad."
"Yeah, a grudge long overdue." Noah grunts and I cut his line off before rolling my eyes.
I check my watch and start walking to the mansion. "All floors clear. We're going in."
**
Dante vomits his third blood pool onto the floor. I roll my eyes.
"Fucking assholes. You wiped out my whole security system." He wheezes out, the force of Jack's punch having knocked all the wind out of him. Dante chuckles bitterly, a weak smile on his face. "Quite a dirty tactic you did there, heiress. You got me fooled."
I raise a brow in disinterest. "Thanks for the compliment. All we did was use cheese to bring out the rat."
Dante laughs but shuts up when this time, its Noah who punched him in the gut. He wretches for a while before chuckling again.
This guy has some weird humor.
"Using your beyond priceless treasure straight from the Carter estate to lure me out to the underground while you take out my whole system one by one?" Dante smirks at the memory. "Smart bitch." He looks up and smirks at me. "Want information about The Theater, don't you, heiress? Trying to avenge your father's injustice, aren't you? I can tell you everything I know but I'm sure you're still going to beat me up for having done what I did back then."
I narrow my eyes at him.
Dante laughs maniacally. "I don't regret what I did, even if it costed me a legend. What I did was business and The Theater offered me piles of gold for it. All I had to do was get a fool to betray his own 'family'. And that only took me a small portion of what I was offered. Elicio was a dumbass for doing anything for money even if it meant selling out his own 'father'. A slight mistake with the choice of children, I guess- he was the perfect person for my plan."
I could feel the intensity rising at his provocation. I rise my hand to stop everyone from doing anything as they look like they were about puncture his body with a million bullets. Everyone stops and step back, still glaring at Dante although they respected my order.
We're not done with him yet.
"Oh, stopping them from touching me, heiress? Why?" Dante tilts his head to the side. "You need me to tell you everything." I stand up and walk towards him, my vision slowly turning red. "You want every single detail, every single thing that happened in the transaction, don't you? You want to know why it was your father who had to die. You want to know how it truly carried out. You want to know what happened behind the scenes." An evil glint shines in his eyes as he looks up at me. "You want to know where you stand in the blame. Guess what, heiress? You were the main course who triggered the whole thing."
I grit my teeth but still raised my hand to order the others from chopping him to pieces. "Tell me what you know." I hiss.
"Still holding yourself back from hurting me? How about this then?" Dante asks before an evil smirk replaces his expression. "How does it feel being left behind by the boy who threw you away for the girl who belonged to the mob that killed your father?"
That one sentence and I punch him so hard, I could hear a few of ribs breaking.
Dante vomits blood again and I smirk. "You got your suit all bloody, Dante. How sad." I mock although my knuckle wounds have reopened, blood dripping. My knuckles haven't fully healed yet from the punching session I had last week. I snatch his collar and pull his face closer to me, pain crossing over his whole expression. "Now you tell me every single fucking thing you know and I'll let you out of here alive. And be careful, Dante, that's a promise from me to you. I don't forget every promise I make."
Dante coughs, blood spilling from his mouth. He grits his teeth. I look at him with a questionable look before not hesitating to raise my fist for another hard punch- this time to his face. Dante suddenly cries out.
"I'll tell everything!"
I let go of his collar and step back, sitting on the couch I was previously on. "Talk. I give you ten minutes. Leave anything out and I'll be back for your ass but this time, I'll fucking slice it off along with your fucking dick."
Dante whimpers and spills everything.
My heart was a whirlwind of emotions by the time he was finished, my body frozen stiff. Surprisingly, I wasn't crying like I thought I would- I guess I was too tired of crying.
I clench my jaw, getting up while Noah and Jack let Dante fall weakly onto the floor. "Thank you for your cooperation. We'll let you off the hook for now and I'll believe everything you say but if I find any errors, I'm killing you with my own bare hands." I flex my arms. "We'll still have to imprison you though until we're done with this."
Dante suddenly laughs. We frown and look at one another- we weren't expecting this.
Dante looks up and smirks. "That last part is where you're wrong, princess."
On cue, the windows shatter and a horde of bullets and the piercing sound of blaring gunshots ring through the air. Noah roars in pain as a bullet strikes his shoulder and the back of his thigh before cursing out loud. Jack immediately jumps to action.
"Fucking get out! Spread! We'll meet back at the rendezvous spot!"
Everyone instantly disperse, some getting shot at some spots on their body but still moving forward. I bolt out of there, letting loose my gun to shoot the motherfuckers shooting at us who were hiding behind the wall. Everyone were shooting back and escaping at the same time while some helped the others who are down.
I yell out when I get shot in the arm. "Rendezvous spot in two hours! I'll be expecting every single one of you there alive! Don't die on my order!"
"Got it, boss!" Everyone reply in a shout, spreading out into the woods.
The commotion got louder as I dove into the forest at the back of the Dante mansion, whizzing through uprooted trees and trying my best to avoid getting shot from a stray bullet. My heart pounded as rain hit me, the forest a pitch black. I could hear the faint sounds of footsteps, probably the others who are running in the same direction as me, and the sound of bullets. I see a few flashlights moving around from behind me and I urged myself to go faster.
It was like it took forever but I was finally out of the forest and I was heading for the nearest suburb- an abandoned small town of some sort. I look around frantically to at least catch sight of anyone familiar from my alliance to make sure that someone is at least safe but to no avail. I saw no one.
My lips quiver as I run around, eyes darting everywhere. At least one person. One person from The Family. Someone has to be alive- it'll give me hope that the others made it out.
No one.
I run when a long string of bullets hit the wall I was beside to, turning sharp corners as I did so. I hiss and roll into a sitting position behind a building, my hand pressed to the bullet hole in my arm. My head was getting dizzy from the blood loss and the fading hope of my mob surviving was vanishing. I whimper when a bullet hit the ground beside me.
I push myself to run again and I did, going deeper into the small dark town. Rain limited my vision but I trudge forward.
I have to survive for them. I'm not leaving them alone. They've lost my father- they can't lose another leader. They'll be lost without one.
I collapse onto the ground, rain hitting my whole body and leaving me shivering. I grit my teeth and stand up, only to fall back down into a sit. I have to get to the rendezvous point- some of them are probably safely there now. I have to figure out where I am to get there.
I hear footsteps in front of me and I instantly look up with hope flashing in my head- only to focus on a familiar person that got my resolve chipping away all over again.
"Ava?"
I clench my jaw and grit my teeth. Now's not the time. But I know I have to confront him one day or another.
"Law."
**
I'm sorry.
Btw, I cried writing this ;-;