*clears throat* hi...
******warning bb's; sadness and mentioned self hate :( if you're easily triggered or triggered in any way then just skip it please i love you so much
p.s.: i love you very much dont' forget that ! i'm always here to talk <3
It's been only a few days since Mia had freaked out and she was feeling highly neglected. It seemed like absolutely no one wanted to talk to her or see her in general. She texted everyone she knew to she if she could talk to any of them, since she isn't feeling the best, and people would blatantly ignore her (aka Taehyung and Jungkook), or tell her that they were busy.
After Taehyung's birthday, she has been feeling out of place and on edge. She was happy that they were in a good place once again but the feeling also scared her very much so.
Taehyung had become so close to her in such little time and that was extremely nerve-wrecking. When she met Yoongi, they were friends first and dated two years afterward. She always believed that she would want to meet someone and know a lot about them before committing to them. But, not knowing Taehyung fully had excited Mia. She felt adrenaline rush through her every time she saw Taehyung. She even knew that, by his reputation, he wasn't good for her and that he was going to most likely break her heart, but she didn't care.
She doesn't really mind that she had fallen for him but a lot weighs on her shoulders. In a selfish way, she doesn't know how to deal with how Taehyung handles his problems. He always runs away. He's afraid of love and doesn't want to accept it and it truly hurts Mia. All she wants to do is to express how much she feels for him but she also wonders if he'll even believe her. Guaranteed, she even questioned herself if she truly loved him but she remembers the elated feeling she has when she simply thinks of him and also the fact that she just wants him to be happy; with or without her.
Since she figures he is afraid of love , she doubts that he does; or basically isn't capable of loving her. It sounds kind of rude but she wouldn't put it past him. Once her dad had left, she has had a hard time letting men in her life. But the relationship with her mom had always made up of all the neglect that she could've felt once growing up. When Yoongi came along, she truly fell in love with him. She prayed and dreamed of being with him for so long. He always reassured her about his love he had for her without her even asking. She felt so much warmth when she was with him and it was so comforting. So when he left, it absolutely broke her. She didn't feel like herself. Maybe that's why she got involved with Taehyung so quickly?...No! Stop it. You're overthinking again, Mia thought.
Sometimes when she was alone, she tried to comprehend how her life changed in very little time. The guy she was in love with just left her when he never gave any signs, or at least thought he didn't, that he didn't want to be with her. She learned to deal with seeing him everyday without telling him she loved him but then Taehyung came along and changed everything.
She did things she never thought she would do. She would've have never thought she would be involved with an affair whatsoever. She's not that type of person. But, she just let herself see past the problem to focus on the silver lining; which was always Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung.
He was different than any guy she had met; a fuckboy at first, sure but still...he was still such a good person inside and he just didn't know it.
Mia's love for Taehyung had evolved quickly but it's still growing. He has his faults but so does she. She was uncharacteristically jealous towards someone but she can't help but worry. Taehyung was and still is one of the most handsomest guys in school; he could get any girl he wanted. In conclusion, why would he want to be with her? It's a cliche insecurity, sure, but she has been discouraging herself ever since she found about Nina.
She shook her head to stop the overwhelming negative thoughts and plugged her earphones into her phone to put on her soothing music, which is ironically filled with songs about unrequited love or in a sense of leaving something important behind. She always thought that music can always say what she feels without her having to say a damn thing. She wishes she could just play a song when someone asks what's wrong but people like communication, apparently.
Her thoughts drift back to Taehyung and his handsomely unique being. He was mesmerizing with everything he does, and she couldn't believe it that someone like him...was so intrigued with her. She's just a girl with boy issues; shes nothing special, she thought.
Her phone vibrated and saw that Taehyung messaged her.
baby
hey...i was wondering if we could talk
Mia's heart dropped. She inhaled, waiting for the worst to happen.
my mia
sure, where at?
baby
is your house, okay?
"Yeah so you can leave once you're done and I won't make such a big scene in public," Mia croaked out loud already feeling the lump forming in her throat.
my mia
yeah, it should be fine, ma's at work so you can come over whenever
baby
okay, i'll be there in 20.
Not knowing on what someone wants to truly say to your face is terrifying, especially when it's someone you deeply care for. Mia gripped her phone and cried silently with her knees to her chest. She wasn't sobbing but she just had a few tears slip as she muttered,
"God, you're so stupid Mia. Stupid, stupid, stupid..."
Once she got herself together she cleaned her room and picked up things around the house. She played her playlist loudly, slightly swaying her hips to the soothing music.
She heard a knock at the door once she grabbed her phone to change the song and she felt instant worry. Maybe it's nothing...or maybe its the end but just answer the damn door, she thought to herself.
Taehyung was feeling conflicted since the incident. Of course he was upset at how irrational his girl was being, but she really hit him where it hurt.
"No one wants you here anyway"
Those words were stuck on a loop in his head and he's tried so hard to convince himself that Mia didn't mean it. He knew she was being jealous but Mia didn't need to be jealous of Hay. He wants to be with Mia, was that so hard to understand? He has never tried so hard just to be with someone. If any of this happened while he was just trying to sleep with someone, he would've already said 'fuck it' and left.
He's came close to just giving up on their relationship, obviously. He's had the feeling of wanting to run away multiple times because he was so used to be the one hurting others and Mia didn't deserve any of that. Now, Mia has been hurting him without even realizing it. In a sick way, he wants to stay because he knows he deserves it. He also wants to stay because he wants to get through this with Mia and be with her finally. He just hoped Mia wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
Being told that you're not wanted opened a lot of memories he was trying to not hold onto. He always hoped to hear "I never want to let you go" by someone that he loves but he heard her say the complete opposite.
He figured he could have a talk with Mia and finally tell her how he feels and just hope for the best. If the whole thing ends up in flames then at least he tried. He has to try...even if the voice in his head tells him to just give up all the time.
Mia opened the door to meet Taehyung face to face. Mia was wearing a simple white tee with black cotton shorts; and she was beautiful. Her long hair flowed over her shoulders in a messy way and she simply took his breath away. Her eyes were filled with wonder and guilt. Her lips looked so soft that Taehyung wanted to do nothing but grab her face and press his lips against hers. But, since he needed to talk without any distractions, he decided against it.
"Hey," Taehyung breathed, looking down at his shoes while feeling nauseous. He wasn't ready for this to end.
"Hi," Mia said while conjuring a tight smile upon her face, "you want to come in?" She stepped to the side to let him in. He stepped inside and felt out of place. He has actually never been inside and it looked really nice. The living room was consisted of warm colors with the kitchen, which was right behind the front room, consisting the color maroon all around. There was a small staircase to his right side and he assumed thats where Mia's room was.
While Taehyung was gazing at the interior of her home, she cleared her throat, "Do you want to go to my room?" She was clearly nervous but she just wanted to get it over with. Once he leaves, she can cry in her pillow or something.
"Yeah, sure."
Mia grabbed her phone and turned off her playlist which saddened Taehyung since the playlist was softening his nerves and helping him gather what he needed to say. They enter Mia's room which was a beautiful night blue with art and books all over the place. Instead of a bluetooth speaker, Mia had a genuine radio that contained a CD slot on her bedside table which Taehyung thought was very cool since no one really had those anymore. He saw a familiar CD laying next to the huge device and he smiled.
"I really loved this album," he smiled softly, tresuring the moment when Mia gave it to him for Christmas. He remembers playing it for the first time in his car when he was truly missing her before his birthday. There were so many songs on that album that consisted all of the things he wanted to tell Mia. They were all alluring and elegant; just like her.
Mia sat on her bed and looked over to what album he was talking about and blushed, "I-I'm glad. It's my favorite." Mia felt small since she feared of saying anything. She didn't want to mess anything up anymore. She just wants everything to be better.
Taehyung looked over at her and smiled, "Mind if I put it on?"
Mia couldn't promise that it was going to start from the beginning since she was listening to it the night before and stopped it at some point during the night.
Once Taehyung hit play, the song "Saturn" started playing. Taehyung closed his eyes and sighed.
"Saturn," he opened his eyes," one of my favorites,"
He settled himself on the bed to be slightly in front of Mia and he grabbed her hand softly to rub it with his thumb.
"Mia," he let out an uneven breath, "I...wow this is hard. It shouldn't be, though. I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time and I feel like I need to tell you in person right now." He looked her in the eyes as the song kept on playing.
(literally setting the mood aha im emo ok keep going ily)
"I know we've been through a lot of things in such little time and you may think that this," he gestured to both of them, "isn't worth it anymore but...god damn Mia, my love for you is growing every day. I-" Mia looked confused and simply couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"No...no.." Mia shook her head. She didn't want to hear the words "I love you" because they won't sound real to her. It couldn't be. He was just going to leave. Just like her dad and Yoongi.
"Mia, I fucking love you. You can't tell me how I feel. This is actually pretty difficult to say since I don't think I even deserve to tell you. I don't even deserve you at all. You deserve a good man who won't drag you in an affair. A man who is already stable. A man who will never disappoint you. A man who can promise to always love you. But...I can try to be that man for you."
"Stop it," Mia shook her head once more, not wanting to hear the false hope. The voice in her head keeps screaming that he's lying but Taehyung's voice is so soft, sincere, and telling her the opposite.
Taehyung was getting slightly frustrated, not understanding the fact why Mia can't handle the fact that he loves her. He has been trying and still is, but she still doesn't believe him, "Why can't you just accept the fact that I love you?" He yelled slightly, moving his arms in disbelief.
"Because you're not capable of loving anybody!" She screamed at him, but not knowing who she was truly saying that to. She opened her eyes to see the hurt and confusion fill Taehyung's features. She was instantly filled with regret and sorrow.
"Tae-" The song "Artic" came on while Taehyung interrupted.
"No, I get it. I'm fucked up, right?" He laughed bitterly while she flinched at the hostility, "I have such a hard fucking time loving my own god damn self, so how can I love someone who makes me feel like I'm not that bad of a guy? You're right, Mia. I'm not capable of loving anything or anyone. I'm only capable of fucking everyone over and running away from my problems. Is that all you think of me, Mia? Huh?" He exclaimed while standing up, pacing and grabbing his hair. "Well guess what, Mia? You're not the only one who thinks that. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit, especially me. But," he got on his knees, "I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to be the man I want to be. To be the guy you deserve. I'm finally sure about something and that something is you...why can't you see that?" He was slightly crying and Mia felt so guilty and she wanted all the pain to go away. She didn't care if Taehyung would leave in the future, as long as she had him in that moment then she would happy.
"I'm so sorry, Taehyung," she rushed over to him and hugged him, "I-I'm just scared. I just didn't want you to leave me. I just- you're so important to me, you have no fucking idea. It scares the hell out of me. I guess after my dad and Yoongi, I was just afraid of feeling abandoned by you," she picked up his head so he would look her right in the eyes although he was reluctant at first, "and I love you so much. Do you know how much that scares me? It takes me forever to open up to someone but here you come, changing my life," she laughed slightly while tearing up.
"I'm sorry," he muttered while she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Tae, baby, I want you in my life. We went through some shit that we'll never forget but I wouldn't change it one bit. You're such an amazing guy and I can't wait to be with you," She kissed his cheeks and then looked into his eyes.
"You mean it?" Taehyung sniffled while looking at her lips. She nodded and before she could verbally say it, his lips were placed on top of hers and his hands were already on her, gripping her hips tightly.
"Let me show you how much I love you," Taehyung breathed in her mouth while she agreed since she was planning on doing the same thing to him.
Damn, I love you.
why does this sound like the end? aha it's not ahaaaaaaa
anyway i love you guys so so much!! i feel like i've been so inactive and i've probably lost some readers but its okay.
i hope you love this chapter and please vote and comment bbys
tell me anything you want hehe
i'm so soft for tae and mia holy crap