If no one ever asked me again
About us I'd be okay
It's like stepping out of the haze
Getting pushed right back in
I never expected things to turn out the way they did, no one knew how to talk to me anymore, approach me in a way that they felt was suitable.
But I was alright.
As far as they knew.
Any room I'd be in the whispers would start, the stares would become fixated on me, people begging that I didn't come near them.
I appreciated it, the love I had from everyone, the concern they showed, but people couldn't just make the usual conversation.
How could anyone ask me how I was doing? They knew I was hurting, even if I tried to play it with my mask firmly across my face.
"What's your thoughts on the show tonight?" It was always me, providing a subject everyone felt comfortable with. Everyone could engage in it, forgetting everything that had happened.
It's just like salt poured on a wound
Every word keeps cuttin' through
Say something stupid, something distracting
Or leave it alone and don't say anything
I headed home after yet another long tour, unlocking the door and picking up my mail.
Bills. Sponsors. Fan Mail. A red paper invite.
I tossed everything else aside, twirling the material around to see silver writing written across it. I scanned it a couple of times, my eyes not believing exactly what I was reading.
They were getting married. Six months. That was all they'd been together, the short time they'd managed to get to know each other, learn from each other, and grow to love each other.
But why would I want to go?
He knew I wasn't the same as him, I wasn't as cold hearted and dismissive as him, I had feelings, and I was hurting. Why would I ever want to see the man I loved getting married to another woman.
'Rory Ellis is hereby invited to the wedding of Dean Ambrose and Renee Young.'
Every shadow passing me by
I imagine his outline
And when I go to reach for his hand
I lose my mind
"He's going to look so handsome, I just can't wait." I looked across at Renee, her voice continuously going on about her wedding plans.
I could feel everyone's eyes on me, wanting to make sure I was alright, pleading with Renee to change the subject without trying to make it too obvious.
"You're all coming, aren't you?" All the girls nodded, flashing her wide smiles, watching and waiting to see my response.
Truth was, I had no idea. On one side I wanted to be strong, on the other side I just didn't want to witness what should have been me.
Renee looked around us all, her eyes finally falling on me. "Aurora?" I cringed hearing her call me by my full name, no one else ever called me by that.
"Sure," I muttered feeling Nattie's hand fall over mine under the table in an instant.
She grimaced at me, taken aback by my willingness to attend such an event. "It'll be nice to see you there."
It's just like salt poured on a wound
Every word keeps cuttin' through
It's just like salt poured on a wound
Every word keeps cuttin' through
'The wedding of the century,' or so she claimed, watching her walk down the aisle, one of the worst times of my life.
I sat right at the back, not wanting his family to catch me. His mother loved me, his brother was one of my closest friends, his dad was like my own dad, and since that day I hadn't spoken to them since.
It was arguably the worst experience of my life, sitting through the two of them profess their love for each other and how excited they were for their futures, but I managed it, just.
Their hands laced, turning back to face the witnesses, then began to walk up the aisle. I watched Dean the whole way down, shaking everyone's hands, until his eyes fell on me. "Rory. You came."
"Yeah." He weakly smiled, letting go of Renee to step closer towards me.
"Can we talk a bit later?" He asked, watching Renee become a bit more agitated having to wait. I nodded, offering him a quick smile, following behind the rest of the crowd out of the church.
"Rory, do you wanna ride with us?" I looked up seeing Dana jangle the keys to her car across my face, Alexa and Nia stood behind her.
"Yes please." The four of us headed over to her convertible, driving down to where their reception was being held.
I couldn't stop myself thinking about what Dean wanted to talk about. Good or bad? Happy or sad? There were so many potential outcomes.
I'd barely stepped out of the car once we'd stopped when his suited figure came over to me, pulling me out to a more secluded area of the country house estate. "I can't talk long, Renee will come looking, but I have a couple of things to say."
"Go on," I instructed, leaning myself on the wall.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry that things didn't work out between us, that there has been so much tension between us, that people are walking on eggshells around you, it shouldn't be this way." I smiled over at him hearing the hurt in his voice, none of it was all his fault, he was moving on with his life.
"It's fine Dean, it's all done now, you're happy, and honestly, I couldn't be happier for you as long as you've got a smile on your face." He shifted his weight leaning on the wall, looking right across at me.
"I am happy Rory, but I want you to be happy too. I'll always be there for you, and whenever you need something I'm here, I just want you to be doing alright too."
"I'm getting there Dean, don't worry about me." He stepped up, opening his arms up, pulling me in for a hug, pecking my cheek.
"We best get back in there," he whispered into my ear.
"Yeah," I smiled, walking back off towards the girls, leaving him to go and find his way back to Renee.