Everyone has their demons, personal traps that they can never shake off. Little reminders of the things that once worse, memories that cannot just disappear at the click of the fingers.
There was always that someone that people would say turned their life around, and I didn't believe it, until I met Dean. The whole meaning of what the world was changed, my perspective changed, my outlook turned to a more positive one, things seemed like they would be alright.
However as he rose to fame, and became a more prominent character on screen, those underlying memories resurfaced. I never asked for it, or wished for it, but they hit me, and they hit me hard.
Slowly over time I lost the strength I'd built up, the momentum I'd gathered, and slowly my life seemed to tumble back down the hill I thought I'd crossed.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never pick up the courage to take the piece of glass that answered so many of my questions and throw it away, instead I found myself doing the complete opposite. I was falling faster than I could have ever imagined, and no one was at the bottom to catch me.
He deserved so much better, so much prettier, smarter, funnier, not me. He was already crazy, he already had so much on his plate, he was so undeserving to have me stack more onto it. He'd thought I'd won, he thought I'd won the war, but ultimately many battles made up the war; which was only just beginning.
Whenever he wasn't home it was like a prime opportunity, I'd run for it as soon as I heard the door slam, and once he came home, I had to plaster the fake smile back onto my face all over again. It was a vicious cycle that wasn't willing to spit me back out.
One night after Raw, Dean had been in a segment with a couple of the women, and I was hurting, bad. I tossed and turned in bed trying to convince myself that he was there with me for a reason, and that there was a purpose for him being beside me.
Ultimately though those apparent feelings set in, and without second thought I found myself sliding out from underneath the duvet and walking through the dark room into the bathroom next door.
I shut the bedroom door making sure not to wake Dean, switching the bright bathroom light on, my eyes falling on it instantly as it glimmered at the light. I sleepily walked over, taking it in my hand, sliding down the wall, moving it across slowly.
Dean's POV
I had no clue what time it was, but all I knew was that I was in the comfort of my own home. I slowly turned around, stretching my arm out expecting to feel Sara beside me, but instead it fell flat onto the white sheet.
I groaned, looking up at the clock seeing it had just passed half three in the morning. I didn't know where she was, but I knew that I wanted to make sure she was alright. I swung my legs around, pulling myself up, feeling an overriding feeling to use the toilet in my lower stomach.
I opened up the door, feeling the bright lights hit me straight away. I bawled my fists up, bringing them up to my eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them, then looked down noticing a small red drop on the tiled floor. I looked over a little more to the right seeing there was another one right by it.
I began to notice a little trail, following it along until it reached the sole of a foot. "Oh god," I whispered, slowly stepping across to the back wall, taking one final deep breath, then noticing Sara on the floor. Her eyes were red and puffy, her pyjamas were dripping red, and her arms were wrecked. "Sara."
Sara's POV
"Sara." I jolted up, looking up at Dean who stared down at me. My tears had only just stopped falling, staining with the blood I'd created on my arm.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, watching him walk over towards me without hesitation and hold me close. "I didn't mean for this to happen." I could already feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks, dropping the glass onto the floor, holding onto Dean's shirt tighter than I ever had before.
"Hey, come on now, I'm here, it's alright." He was here for now, but why would he want to be here forever? I slowly felt him move away, reaching up and grabbing one of the towels, pressing it onto my arm. "What went wrong? What made you do this?"
"I'm scared, you're going to go out into that big world and find someone better than me, more beautiful than me, you're going to replace me." I looked up through my tear stained eyes, watching him shake his head. He cupped my cheek with his spare hand, pressing a soft kiss onto my forehead.
"If I ever wanted to leave you I wouldn't have waited four years to do so. I love you so much it hurts, you're the most beautiful girl in the world Sara, there's always been a reason I chose you." The soft tone in his voice warmed me inside, as he slowly placed his arms around my waist, removing the towel for a matter of seconds, helping me up onto my feet.
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, falling into his body, my legs too weak and tired to carry myself. He led me into the bedroom, sitting me down and stripping my clothes off, grabbing a hoodie and a pair of shorts, helping me into the fresh items.
"I'll be two seconds." I watched him run out of the room and down the stairs, fumbling around in one of the rooms, and then sprint back up.
He walked back in unravelling a bandage from the fold, taking my wrist, and patting the excess blood away before wrapping it up. "I know we've said it before, but you promise this is it don't you? I'll tell you until I'm blue in the face, I'm not going anywhere, never ever." I smiled up at him, watching his eyes intently stare at my scars, making sure they were all cleaned up, then sitting down beside me.
I fell back, pulling him down with me, cuddling into his side, feeling him peck the top of my head. "I'm sorry," I muttered, resting my hand across his chest, turning my bruising arm away from me.
"You don't ever have to apologise, I get it, I do, it hurts and it's a struggle, but I'm not going to let you fight this alone, we'll beat this Sara we always do."
Dean loosely wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up and then twirling me around so his head was resting on the pillow. He grabbed the top corner of the duvet, bringing it across so it covered us both. "Now try and get some sleep gorgeous, you need it now more than ever."
I slowly let my less puffy eyes shut, feeling his comforting grip tighten around me, finding it a whole lot easier to fight away those inner demons, and start walking back up the hill.