~flashback~
"He's a great guy," a smile exposing a thousand shades of happiness steals Alan's lips as he melts to the taste of the chocolate cake Liam and I made him for his birthday, "he's really good for you--and I'm not just saying that because he baked me a cake," chocolate fudge is smeared on his teeth and I laugh. His birthday is tomorrow and my mom, Liam, and I baked him a small cake this morning, just a little sample for tomorrow's gigantic one. His love for literature and poetry inspired the decor on it and his favorite Edgar Allan Poe quote is written across it in fancy manuscript.
"You think so?" leaning over the counter I bring the cup of iced tea to my lips and he nods with confidence and honesty--honesty because he doesn't know the truth.
"Oh yeah!" he wipes his chocolate fingers on his denim jeans staining it while swallowing the rest, "from what I see, he treats you great."
"Yeah." I fake a smile screaming behind it for an escape. The makeup and useless online tips of bruise removal do little justice for me, but he doesn't notice and neither does my mom.
Distant chatting between Liam and my mom are heard as they bring in last minute groceries for tomorrows party. Liam's loud Timberland boots press against the ground and he enters the kitchen carrying four bags in each hand effortlessly. His navy blue t-shirt is tight around his body, hugging his stomach and muscles while his jeans fall slightly exposing his boxers waist line. He's wearing the watch I gave him for his birthday around his hand; the hand that causes endless cries and sleepless nights for me, and the screen is still cracked from that night.
"I thought you were going to buy small things?" Alan grabs the bags from his wifes's hands and kisses her through a smile, a smile I wish I could bare.
"Yeah but everything looked great and I thought why not!?" Liam joins her for a laugh and the tight feeling in my chest increases when his hand wraps around my waist. I want to push him away as he kisses my neck but the outcome will damage me more.
"Okay, everybody out!" my mother shoo's us away and grabs Alan's wrist to kick him out, "out, out, out! I'm going to make a surprise."
"I'll help you take everything out of the bags." Liam offers bending down to pick one up.
"It's alright dear," she places her tiny hand on his cheeks with thanks, "I can do it. You kids go and occupy yourselves until dinner is ready." Alan licks the chocolate off his fingers, causing my mom to cringe. She hates when he does that, she such a germaphobe and demands that he goes upstairs to wash up, "that's disgusting," she gags and he swipes his wet finger across her cheek and her heavy gasp of disgust causes him to throw his head back in a fit of laughter as she curses him out, "just leave!" irritation fills her voice and Alan is enjoying every second of it.
I show a small smile towards my parents--the most sincere one I've shown in a long time and it feels good to give one without faking it. Liams brutal hand grabs mine leading me upstairs into my room and every step up is heavy and hesitant.
"Can't we stay downstairs?" my voice is little and I'm trying not to sound so worried and afraid. I don't want to be alone with him, I don't want to be anywhere with him that doesn't involve other people being around because he always ends up doing the same thing.
"No." his familiar tone is back and he pushes the door open and shuts it behind him. He's only nice and smiling when my parents are around and that's the worst part. I sit on my bed and play it cool as he leans against my table across from me and watches me.
"What?"
"Did you forget to put makeup on?" he narrows his eyes examining my face.
"No. You hit me so hard it's kind of difficult to cover it up." his brows pull together due to my 'harsh' tone of voice and he pulls himself away from the table with authority.
"No one asked you to get an attitude. It was just a question."
"No one asked you to hit me, but you did it anyway." I stand with intentions to grab my hairband from my small basket and he grabs my wrist pulling me to him.
I think it's just my fault. I always provoke him instead of staying quiet like I should; I know better than to anger him but I do it anyway, and who get's hurt? Me.
His long rough fingers grabs my jaw forcing me to face him. His face twists in a psychotic way and his eyes are shooting bullet at me--a look I'm far too familiar with, "don't make me do the same with the other one." he growls with threat bending my arm behind my back so that I don't move.
I hate going through this everyday. I hate that I have to waste money on makeup to cover up the marks he leaves behind, I hate that I have to fake smiles and laughter just to cover up something I'm ashamed of. Why can't I be with someone who truly loves me? Why can't I be with someone who will never hit me no matter how upset I make them? Why do I have to be with someone who treats me like a punching bag? Why? Because I let him and don't do anything about it. No matter how many times I try to get away he comes back and finds me. No matter how many times he apologizes he always ends up doing the same thing and I'm tired; I'm tired of being afraid, I'm tired of being bruised, and I'm tired of feeling useless and empty because of the man who claims to love me.
I slap his chest weakly to try and get away and his fingers leave my jaw to wrap around my other wrist to keep me from hitting him anymore. A sudden confidence fills me and I push him away but not hard enough for him to let me go. Within seconds, his hand unwraps from around my wrist and connects with my face. The sound of the impact claps through the room like a whip being cracked as my head snaps to the right. His grip around my other arm is the only thing keeping me up while the sting suffocates my cheek.
"Get off!" I yell through my cries as he covers my mouth to silence me. Muffled screams are held back and no matter how hard I hit him he seems unaffected.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" his anger disappears and his heavy eyes fall with sorrow--fake sorrow, "Alee, I'm so sorry, I love you!" he breaths hugging me tightly expecting me to hug him back. His arms tighten around me as he kisses me begging for my forgiveness and even though I don't forgive him, I know I won't leave him.
~~~
"Aleevonne?" my mom shakes me in attempt to wake me but my body is far to weak to respond, "Aleevonne, dinner is ready." I feel the bed slowly fall and she sits, rubbing my arm up and down and I'm confused. My eyes force themselves open as I try and rid my mind of the horrible dream I had of the memories with Liam--memories I know I could've prevented.
Her belly has gotten bigger and I haven't even noticed how beautiful she has gotten, "what time is it?" I groan with a pounding headache.
"Almost seven. Are you hungry?"
Why is she so calm and nice?
"Not really." my voice is almost gone but hers is full of happiness.
"Alan told me what happened." her fingers remove my side bangs from my forehead and she watches herself carefully. Her peach lips form a straight line and her green eyes seem to be occupied by something I can't really put my finger on.
My eyes still feel sore from all the crying and my throat has gotten worse. His letter is stained with my tears and his t-shirt is spotted with my running makeup. I held it close to me while I cried, taking in his smell which made it even worse but I couldn't let go. It's the same feeling, same shitty and empty feeling I always have when something happens between us but this time it's worse.
"Let's talk about it." her voice is timid and she smiles warmly with understanding.
~~~~~~~~~
Harry's POV:
"Why did you break the window?" Amilia rests on her stomach on top of my body as we lay on my bed. Her body is barely long enough to pass my torso and her long dark hair spreads across her back. My mum is cleaning the shattered glass in the room, disappointed in me that I broke yet another thing in the house. Soon enough, everything will be broken and there won't be anything to fix it. The window is shattered like my heart, my stupid fucking heart that keeps destructing and rebuilding. I wish I didn't have one, maybe everything would be simpler. I wish I couldn't feel or be effected by anything that girl does but every step she takes further away from me stabs a sword through it.
"It was an accident." I lie again to the innocent, clueless girl. I hope one day she finds someone good for her, not someone like me. I don't want her to be with someone who puts her through what I put Alee through, I'd probably kill the guy.
"You woke me up." her tired eyes are struggling to keep themselves open and she pulls her Cinderella sleeves over her hands to keep them warm.
"I know, I'm sorry." I kiss the top of her head and the self hatred adds on.
The pain is killing me, I can't fucking stand it.
"Amilia?" I whisper moving my head to look at her face but she's sound asleep. I need to take her to the room so I can get the fuck out of this house and away from everyone. I cautiously lift my self from the bed so that I don't wake her once more and take her back to her room. Her pink walls and princess sheets adds on to her innocence and I wish I lived in such a happy and magical world like she does. I carefully pull the blanket up to lay her down and she immediately shifts to get comfortable. She's so tiny in her bed, so peaceful and worry free; I envy that.
"Where are you going?" my mum asks tossing the dustpan full of glass into the cardboard box.
"Out." I don't look at her because I want to avoid that disappointed look on her face. The look that tells me how much of a fucked up son I've become.
"Harry!" she calls running out the room with worry, "don't go drinking aga--"
The door slams cutting off her words and the only thing my frustration and resentment towards the world is relying on is the alcohol.
~~~~~~~
Aleevonne's POV:
"He doesn't understand me; he won't choose to understand me." I explain to my mom who seems extremely understanding of the situation. It's shocking, really. She's agreeing with me and telling me she knows how I'm feeling and it's giving me that spark of hope I need.
"Listen," she reaches over to the tissue box on my nightstand and hands me one, "he's very protective over you--"
"That's what I don't understand," I interrupt her, "he always allowed me to go to his house, he never minded me sleeping over there and then suddenly he's this horrible guy whose plan, apparently, is to destroy me! It's ridiculous!" the soft issue wipes away my tears and she remains silent, "he's not protective, he just doesn't want to see me happy." lately my voice has become unfamiliar to me. It's weak and low and carries pain that's far too noticeable but my body won't allow me to fix it because it too has given up.
"That's not it, you know that. He loves you, you're his only child and he wants what's best for you."
"That's why I can't wait for that baby to be born. I'll be the least of his worries and he won't be ruining my life." I can see the hurt in her eyes. Just by the way she's looking down at her bump and rubbing it with a gentle hand tells me my words hurt her.
"I don't want the birth of the baby to make you think it will be okay to push yourself further away from us; from me," her dull tone awakens my eardrums and the sadness behind it aches me, "you will always be my baby, and as much as I love to see you happy, we can't allow ourselves to watch you suffer. That's why I'm allowing him to take care of the situation. He isn't doing it as well as I had hoped, but at least he's trying. He loves you, Alee. I know he's not your real father but he loves you like he is. Don't let this pregnancy mess with your head, this baby won't make us love you any less and no matter how many more children we have, you will always be our first and special munchkin." my tear falls over my smile when she calls me the nickname I haven't heard in years. I feel foolish, but still against them trying to keep us away. I don't want to upset her because if I cause her stress, the baby will too. I just wish we could've talked about it instead of Alan going behind my back telling Harry to leave me. I hate that he thinks he's so bad for me when really, he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"I'm sorry," I sniffle blinking back the tears," I just love him and don't want to leave him."
"Sometimes, letting go will make you stronger. He helped you rebuild your life back, right? So why not continue it on your own? Independence is the best form of self-reconstruction and you don't need to rely on anyone; I raised you better than that. You're your own person you just have to believe in yourself. Harry will move on and so will you." her tone is the complete opposite form Alan's because she understands me. She doesn't agree, but she understands and that's all I need. I need someone to understand my pain and hurt and know what I'm going through and it's something Alan seems to be oblivious to.
She taps my leg and stands, balancing herself as she walks to the door and smiles, "c'mon, dinners ready."
She waits for me to follow her out and when I do, her tiny hand cups my cheek and she kisses the other. I don't remember the last time she kissed me, or even had a heart to heart with me but I loved it. I loved how she allowed me to vent to her and she didn't judge me at all. That's what I need; someone to listen instead of me judging me. I still don't agree with the whole 'I can do without Harry' because I can't.
The three of us sit quietly around the table and he's obviously trying to avoid me and that's fine. I don't care for what he has to say because whatever will come out of his mouth will be against Harry and I don't want to hear it again.
"When can I get my phone back?" I don't mean to sound so annoyed, but I'm so frustrated with him the resentment is consuming me.
"When you learn how to act like an adult." he puts a fork full of rice in his mouth and sips his wine. It's taking everything in my power not to flip this table but I have to behave for my mom.
"Alan," my mom quietly warns him.
"What?" he turns to his wife, "she needs to learn how to act like an adult. She's childish." he harshly insults, "she's naive and once reality slaps her in the face she better not run to me."
"Yeah, you don't need to worry about that." I smile but the venom is ready to bite, "you seem to flatter yourself too much." I scoff and my moms head snaps to look at me and she glares. Now she's going to take his side, great.
"Aleevonne!" she gasps, "don't speak to your father that way." father? She's joking.
"No, it's okay." he smiles sarcastically, "this is how children act. So we must talk and respond the same way to her as if she is one. Maybe then she'll understand." he's speaking to me like I'm some stupid kid and it's literally boiling my blood. He has no right to be so rude and cruel to me when I've done nothing to him. He's in no position to call me names and you know what? Fuck him.
"You know what your problem is?" my fork collides with my plate causing my mom to flinch and he grins.
"Enlighten me." he rests his fist under his chin anticipating my response. He wants to call me names? He wants to ignite the fire? Fine. Two can play at the game.
"You're a heartless old man who doesn't like to see people happy. You think you're so much better and smarter than everyone else because you have a degree in some flimsy frame but guess what? You're no different from anybody else. Harry trusted you with all of his life and you spat on it and stomped it flat because of your paranoia. You always used to compare him to you but he's nothing like you. He makes mistakes, everybody does but he will never make the mistake of leaving me the way you left mom. He actually loves me and fights for me. He protects me more than you have and you call yourself my father? He refuses to let me go because he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to let go of the one good thing in his life just like me and he won't do it because some fuck up told him to!" I yell and my moms eyes grows with shock, "Liam used to beat me constantly and you loved him! You worshipped him and when Harry drinks a couple of beers and fights once or twice he's bad for me? What kind of fucked up world are you living in? He has never hurt me the way Liam did. If anything, he treats me like a queen. He's always checking up on me and guarding me with his life even risking his own and so what if he makes mistakes? I still love him and the one person we both counted on to back us up fails us. And if that's the world you want to live in, a world where mistakes overpowers true love, then I don't want to live in it." I stand with pride; self pride for standing up for myself and they watch me back away. They always see me as weak and incapable for being strong and standing up for myself but today is the day that ends.
"It's a shame you're choosing a guy over your own family." with disappointment, he shakes his head and my mom hangs hers to rubs her belly; as if to be mentally apologizing to it for my behavior.
"You're not family." they both look at me in unison with the same amount of hurt in their eyes and surprisingly, I don't even feel a flicker of regret, "I was stupid to think you actually were."
I feel my shoulders lighten as I finally speak my mind and I dismiss myself from the table. I'm tired of being treated as a child and I'm tired of people trying to ruin my only source of happiness. There is no way in hell I'm leaving Harry and no matter how hard he tries to break us up, he will always fail.
*sorry for the short chapter. my computer shut down and I finished the rest on my iPod. what did you guys think of the flashback with Liam? would you like more of them? please let me know and don't forget to comment and vote! thank you :)*