Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 94

Is it a punishment that everything I've been fighting for is being taken away from me? Is this some sort of lesson from God? Or a consequences to my careless and appalling past? No one understands how much I love and need Aleevonne, no one understands the pain I feel when she's gone or being forced away from me. They all assume I'm a criminal in disguise but my heart is weak. It's fucking weak without her. I didn't move half away across the world to have the one relevant thing in my life part from me, I came to have the girl I've fallen deeply and insanely madly in love with. I live to see her smile and hear her voice, I wake up every morning anxious to feel her lips against mine and to feel those tiny fingers trace every tattoo on my body while I hug her like it's going to be the last time I ever do. But as the days comes to a close, she moves farther and farther away from me.

Am I that much of a fuck up? Have I failed my duties so much as a boyfriend that her family can't stand me? I've done everything for her, I've fought so hard for her but none of it seems to matter anymore. She has only been with me for five months, but I've been in love with her for two years. I know she means much more to me than I do to her but I'm not letting her go. Call me possessive and obsessive, I don't care. I can't fathom the thought of living the rest of my life without her in it. I'm not young or stupid, I know what I want and I want her to be with me until the day I die. I want her to have my children, I want her to be my wife and wear my ring on her finger with pride but everyone is destroying it piece by piece.

What I did to Louis last night is nothing compared to what my hands are actually capable of. For Alee's sake, I didn't kill him. That last breath he inhaled before I released his neck made me realize that if I did kill him, I'd lose her forever and no worthless asshole will be the cause of my life sentence. I limited what I did to him, I didn't necessary break him completely, but I did what I've been waiting so long to do. He provoked me, he begged me to kill him with his slick plans and invasion of my relationship, but that little voice in the back my head; that little, tiny, almost inaudible voice hiding behind the massive Devilish one, told me to let him go. He went into her room and was seconds away from doing what Blake did and I'll be dammed if I let that shit happen. If he thinks for a second that he's going to have her, he's sadly mistaken because the next time he even comes in contact with her, it will be the last time he ever makes a decision again. Because regret or not, I will fucking kill him.

I'm calm though. I'm containing everything and restraining my anger and loath to not worry her. I know she thinks I don't care, she told me and I can see the sadness in her eyes but I can't let her know what I did. She saw the scratches and cuts on my neck and though I tried to avoid her questioning, she kept asking. I hate lying to her. I hate having to cover up shit and hide things but he won't bother her again. My threats were clear to Louis. I told him what I'd do next time he tried something, he got my message and he better have tattoo'd that shit in his head because all of it was true. And if he's smart, he will stay away from her.

I was painted with his blood last night. Every thread of my shirt was covered in it and my fists were stained with it. I had to shower and wash everything before she saw and I can't be the cause of her fear and worry increasing. The best part of last night, aside from bashing Louis' head against the concrete and hearing him beg me to stop, was coming home to see her in my bed. Her small, warm yet gorgeous body cuddled underneath my blanket was the highlight of my night. I woke her and she asked where I was but I dismissed it by rubbing her stomach. She loves when I do that and I knew that would put her back to sleep. This is what I want. This is what I want to come home to every single day. I want to wake up beside her and fall asleep with her beside me. I want her to live with me and I know she wants to but she's just scared of what her parents will do. She claims she's too young, but fuck that. I'll figure out a way to convince her because I'd rather live with just her than with anyone else.