Arjun's pov:
My eyelashes faintly battled against the eyelids as I tried to blink my eyes open. My muscles felt so weak. I couldn't move. From the overpowering smell of the medicines, I realised that I was occupying myself on the pale blue coloured hospital bed. As I tried to move my hands, I couldn't ; it stung - pain from my veins that were holding the needles of the IV . Also an tormenting pain was shooting through my elbows; The accident;
Glimpses of the last night's accident came as a flash before my eyes.
Where is Neha?? Our baby? Are they okay?
While I attempted to get up from the bed , a doctor in his white attire walked in followed by my mom.
As I struggled to move, the doctor came forward ,stood by my bed and cautioned me, "Arjun, you need rest for a couple of days , please don't strain yourself.. "
That didn't enter into my sick brain. All I needed now was to know about Neha."She is okay!" , we're the words I was dying to hear.
Gaining a little composure, I tried to speak, " D.. Do.. Doctor.. My wife ...our baby..Are they safe? , I have to see her...", I shouted out as I tried to pull away the iv needles off my wrist.
Seeing me turn out vigorous, my mom came running towards me and tried to pacify me, " Arjun calm down..., Neha is safe !!.", she yelled out embracing me by my shoulders. "She is in the ICU undergoing some medication, you can see her in a while. ", she assured. Taking a seat near me in the bed she promised that Neha was alright and started ruffling her fingers through my hair.
Inbetween staring the ceiling walls and glancing those pale white curtains of the hospital cubicle that were mildly fluttering now and then, my thoughts were just hovering around the accident. Though my mom was sitting by my side and assuring that everything was alright , I couldn't relax myself. I wanted to see her. I badly wanted to witness myself that she was alright. Every tissue of me was aching to see her. It's been hours they kept on telling these ICU stories. Little by little I was losing my patience. Even those heavy tranquilizers failed to put me to sleep. Half drowsy due to the doses of injections and half awaken with the thoughts to see my love, I was facing a very bad time in my life.
Somehow I dozed ,in that half asleep and half awaken state for what it seemed like hours until I felt a pricking pain through my nerves. When I blinked my lashes open, a nurse was standing by my bed post , applying some antiseptic to the scars .She carefully removed the iv needles that were finding residence on my veins and rubbed that portion of my skin with cotton. After injecting another dose of some medicine , she left , leaving that confined hospital room empty.
A soundful wail from the adjacent room made me anxious . Neha! -My innerself warned. My eyes roamed around the room and noticed that my mom was also not there. With no further delay , I myself decided to go and check out what was happening outside. Slowly I got up from the bed and walked towards the exit of the room. Pushing away the door , I stepped out of the room , the nurse came from nowhere and tried to stop me. But nothing is gonna stop me from seeing her.
My ankle and knee throbbed in pain, somehow limping through the walkway , I attained my position in front of the ICU. I peeped inside through the small glass vent of the ICU. I could see Neha lying there amidst of so many wires that crisscrossed across her body with some unique machines displaying few zigzag lines here and there. An oxygen mask covered her nostrils and mouth; probably she must be breathing artificially. I didn't fail to notice her head, her legs, her arms that were gauzed up in bandages. My heart squeezed in pain seeing such a sight. Tears flooded through my orbs , there was no little courage left in me to see her lay there motionless amidst of all those medical instruments.
Tearfilled, I stumbled across the door iteslf. My mom and dad ran towards me and supported me by my shoulders and guided me into the ICU.
There was waiting the biggest shock of my life. There are no words to explain the pain and sorrow I was go going through... Needless to say, I couldnt believe that we had lost our baby. Our little love whom I fell in love with from the minute I knew that it was breathing inside her was no more.. And my love is laying still unaware of anything that happened to her. She was into coma still fighting for her life.
How unlucky I am.. I was waiting to hold our little love in my arms which won't happen anymore.. How could someone's life turn out to a tragic one over a single night...The pain was endurable and the truth was piercing like needles, It's me who killed the baby!
And my love she is suffering through all this tormenting pain because of me...
The accident, it happened because of me..
"If I had been careful while riding, this wouldn't have happened.. Oh my God what have I done to them ", I shouted my soul out and weeped aloud holding Neha's hand.
As my mom tried to soothe me. I heard my father's words, " This is why I have been warning you Arjun.. See what your racing has brought to you".He was right..
"I have lost..... lost..lost my life.. I'm a big loser..", I shouted out in the pain, the agony, the guilt and everything.
My mom scolded him that it is not the right place or right time to talk about this and asked him to wait outside. He left the room without saying anything.
Clinging to my mom's shoulders, I weeped grieving for my love.
______________________________________
Taking a seat near her in the hospital bed , I was silently gazing her features. It's been the sixth day I was waiting for her to wake up. But she stayed still. Her soft fingers failed to move.. Her eyelids failed to flutter.. Her lips failed to mumble any words..she stayed idle..
"Neha... ", I whispered into her ears.There wasn't any response from her. It was yet another day she didn't respond to me. Slightly placing my head across her chest, I felt her heartbeats. Feeling her heartbeats was the only happiness that lasted for me.
Tears dropped down my orbs as I uttered, "I miss you, Wake up soon Neha... ", caressing her face with my fingers I bent forward and kissed her forehead.
That has become my daily routine to converse with her. But the sadness is, she doesn't talk back.
Eighth day, as usual I was gazing her ravishing face that were half hidden under the band aids. Not only that my thoughts were seriously revolving around, how will I face her when she wakes up.. How will I tell her that I killed our baby.. Already the guilt was killing me to death. In the mean time suddenly I saw her eyelids fluttering slowly.
"Oh my God ,she is getting back..", I shouted out for the doctor. After eight whole days she finally opened her eyes.
"Arjun.. ",she mumbled her first words in a feeble tone.
"Are you okay Arjun...our baby..?",her next words came out in a weak voice.
I walked closer to her, and took her hands in mine and kissed them passionately. Though I didn't know what will I answer her, inner-self I was thanking to God for giving my life back to me. Only I knew, how hellish these eight days were..
Neha's pov:
I wish it would have been an worst nightmare, But.. No, it wasn't , the reality was much painful. Our little love was no more alive. My womb that carried our love was empty now.. Everytime my hands reached for my now flattened belly, I would remember the days when we enjoyed the movement of our baby inside the little bump. Everytime I think of it ,my eyes would drip in tears ,silent tears flow down my cheek as I breakdown. My muscles tremble and I collapse right away ,everything darkens and I pass into the oblivion of unconsciousness .
Those were the worst days of my life. My sadness had no boundaries , I wasn't able to take in what was happening in my life. I was wracked to the hospital bed for nearly two months. Thanks to my family who were giving me a lot of physical as well as mental support during this time. Though I got discharged from the hospital, my survival wasn't that easy for the next few months ; my spine injury was not allowing me to stand on my own legs. I needed someone's shoulders to support me. Arjun and his mom were taking good care of me all through this .
But things were not the same between me and Arjun. We were going through an emotional crisis. Supporting me in his shoulders he would take me for small walks in the lawn, but our walks were silent all the time. Both of us were dying inside due to the guilt. That incident shook our lives apart. And we were not ready to talk it out. Every attempt I tried to open up to Arjun, it failed. Initially I myself was crying for hours, days and weeks ; Most of the times I used to shut in my room, never wanting to face anyone. Whenever I was alone I would question God, and blamed him for this disastrous accident, "Why did you punish the little one? Why did you take our kid?". But he never answered my questions. Then I answer myself, if I hadn't asked him to take me out for that night ride ,nothing would've happened. It was my fault..
That was the most difficult phase of our lives. Done with crying ; the tears, the pain, the grief and now it was the period of frustration and depression. It's not only me who was going through all this but also Arjun. His bike keys went to the trash and he wasn't ready to touch his bike again. Both of us needed solace from each other, but we were lost in our mind and soul. After all ,we couldn't be each others support in this struggle. He was called for so many races inbetween, he just ignored them. I was not in a position to convince him too. Only time should decide our fate.
People say,"Time is a healer" and yes it's true, it took a lot of time but slowly I could come out of it. At last I was able to divert my mind towards concentrating back on my work . I really owe a big-time to Abhay. From the day he returned back to India, everything was changing at home . He was bringing back the josh of the house. Though everything was coming back to normalcy , Arjun was not ready to come out of the clutches of his guilt. He was unreasonably worrying and tormenting himself each and every day. He didn't talk much, he spent most of the time at work, our conversations were very little , whenever I tried to speak to him, he asked for some time to recover from it. All I felt was a vaccum space between us ; it's only the darkness that prevailed in our serene relationship. Hope he gets back to reality soon; Waiting for the day when our love rekindles !!
On that morning , I was sitting idle on the living room couch, got lost in my own reverie , thats when I felt someone caressing my hair, I turned to my side to see maa*(Arjun's mom) sitting by my side.
"Worrying about Arjun, Isn't it? ", she asked holding my hands. Maa knows everything that was going on between me and Arjun.
I nodded my head slightly ;unable to control my emotions, the next moment I collapsed on to her shoulders and bursted into tears. As I sobbed unceasingly, she held me in her embrace and fondled my hair.
"Don't worry Neha, everything is gonna be alright soon ",she affirmed planting a affirming kiss onto my cheeks.
"We have to do something to change him",she said.
"But maa, he is not ready to hear anything.. He is hurting himself by avoiding everyone",I told her.
"Don't worry dear, We'll do something, I'll talk to Arjun's appa about this", she said and pacified me.
After long thoughts, maa announced that some celebration would change the present sad state of our home. Finally Arjun's appa decided to throw up an party to announce about Abhay's wedding and he insisted that Arjun should take care of all the arrangements. We all believed that this would bring him back alive.
Unable to deny his father's orders he accepted to make all the arrangements and started working towards it. And yes, there were little changes in him during this time. We exchanged opinions regarding arrangements. We were all happy to see him getting back to normal.
The day of party finally arrived, Arjun was busy doing all the needful. He seemed very enthusiastic. The eternal smile on his face ; that I longed to see these many days was so precious. Not only that my eyes bloomed ,seeing his gift on my cupboard. He had bought a beautiful saree for me to wear for the party. My lips twitched into a ecstatic curve seeing his surprise. I felt everything changing. Hugging the saree on to my chest, I smiled like an idiot.
After a tiring day at the party, together we sauntered into our room. As he went to change his attire ,I called him, "Arjun... "
He turned back and stood still looking at my eyes questioningly . "Thanks for the gift",I said to him.
"Hmmm",he replied in a mushy voice.
"Arjun, yet you didn't tell me how did I look in your gift today ", I said pouting my lips.
"Hmm nice",he said bluntly without any reactions.
That second I lost all my patience seeing his waywardness. In rage words came out in a flow ,"Arjun, we need to talk ",I announced .
He turned to his front and paced a few steps forward, then I heard his voice, "Neha, please.... I know where you are up-to, let's not talk about this now", he stated.
And today I was completely not in a mood to listen to him, I was losing my control and patience. I snarled at Arjun," Yes Arjun......, Yes I agree we lost our baby.. And yeah if this continues, I'll lose you too ; already you have stopped touching your bike; stopped talking to everyone . ..Dont you realise that you are behaving very strange..? ", I snapped at him.
"Please understand Arjun , I don't want to lose you too...!", I screamed louder this time and broke down into tears. Weakness swept over my knees as cried out . Unable to make a move, I sat down on the carpeted floor crying my heart out.
Seeing my sobs , Arjun ran towards me. He knelt down and sat in front of me. Cupping my chin, he wiped away my tear beads and mumbled," sorry".
Lacing his fingers through my hairlines he spoke, "Am sorry Neha.., but I couldn't come out of it.
It's all my fault and the guilt kills me everyday.. I couldn't be normal... Give me some time please..",he looked at me pleasingly.
But nothing went through my ears, I was on the peak of temper and nothing could stop me from shouting aloud, "TIME .. TIMEE... TIMEEE.... Enough Arjun, it's been months.. and it's not your fault get that in your sick brain pleasee", I yelled at him with free falling tears from my orbs.
Without letting him speak further,I snapped again " Lost is lost Arjun..
If you keep tormenting yourself like this, will it bring back our baby? ",I asked looking at his watery eyes.
"It's after all a miscarriage, it happens Arjun.. It's not your fault understand that Arjun.. ", I assured him.
"I need you Arjun,
I need your words to strengthen me,
I need your love to relieve myself from the worries ,
I need your solace, I need your love...
I'm nothing without you Arjun.. I need you back as my Arjun ;whom I fell in love with... ",I expressed whatever I felt at that moment.
"I'm sorry ..",he apologized and pulled me forward for a hug. Finally I found my solace ,he wrapped his hands around my back and soothed me with his long fingers. I snuggled onto his chest rubbing all the tears to his shirt. "Sorry, I love you Neha, I love you!!", he mumbled kissing away the tears from my eyes. I saw him straight into his eyes. His eyes revealed more than his words could express. After so many months I felt being at my place, to where I belong.
That twilight night turned out to be a memorable one. He carried me in bridal style to our bed , let me fall on the mattress with a soft bounce. With his warm lips he started giving me delicate touches. We exchanged our love, which we failed to express in the past few months. His kisses become harder and harder and I was unable to resist myself , with my hands I binded him more tighter. My heart fluttered as he drew me closer to him.
I felt the grace of his lips against mine.
He treasured me in his arms and I smiled. It's him; where I find my solace. Our hearts raced as our tounges entwined in the long passionate kiss . It's not only our breaths that mingled at the moment , we too...
He's the only man on earth for me ,
It's him; where my soul belongs!