You never know what life will throw at you. You never know if you will be prepared. When you lose the one you love you can never truly expect it, you can never really understand, and you can never properly get over it. Months and years would pass, but that hole in my heart would always be there. The biggest love of all was gone, forever, and I had to learn to move on from that, however hard it would be.
We shared a dream together since we were seven years old, and how lucky we were to take the steps on that pathway side by side, until the very end. He was truly one of a kind, and little Teddy was so much like his father. A goofy smile, a loving nature, and the sweetest soul you could meet.
Ever since he was little he only had one dream too, to follow in the footsteps of his father, to keep his memory alive, and keep me strong. He never wanted Sami's flame to die out, for people to forget the name Sami Zayn was never going to happen, not on Teddy's watch.
As soon as he left I was gone too, I couldn't face the long road without him, I had a weak heart and I wasn't prepared. I parted ways with the company, and carried on with my new life, until little Teddy turned everything on its head - he was to be a wrestler.
Alongside some of the most supportive figures in my life, he learnt, and he trained. He trained and trained until his body just gave up, he wanted to perfect his craft, recreate his father, be the second best wrestler people would ever see.
Time passed and whilst we never healed, the wrestling hole in me certainly did. Just twenty years old and my little soldier got signed to finish what he started. A dream he was simply destined for, it was in his bones, and he was beyond deserving of it. A contract with NXT was what he earned himself, and a debut match against one of the very best the company had ever seen, Tyler Bate. A seasoned and experienced professional, no mother could ever want anymore for their son.
Just how I always had done I sewed up Teddy's pants, finishing off the lace black pattern on the hem. I went to turn the machine off when Teddy came downstairs, resting on the tights a series of flags and some red material. Without saying a word I knew what his expectations were, and I was easily going to fulfil it. A single tear rolled down my cheek as he came by my side and kissed me softly. "I'm going to make him proud mum, we've got to be strong." I nodded wiping under my eye, and turning the machine on, slowly creating the same masterpiece twenty years later, making sure everything was perfect.
You always worry as a mother that your child might not be safe, and I knew first hand the dangers that were side by side with professional wrestling. I had been invited backstage that night by head coach Finn. A close family friend, my husband's best friend, a mentor for Teddy, and a constant shoulder to cry on. "I love you mum, forever and always," Teddy smiled, kissing my cheek as his theme tune began.
Everything about him screamed out his dad. His mannerisms, his smile, his pop, but nothing could prepare you for the chants of the crowd. 'Ole' rang through the arena in memory of Sami, as Teddy kicked and flicked his way down to the ring for the very first time.
Since the very last day he held his dad's hand the two of us had been building up to thie very moment. Of course I wished Sami could be hear, alive and well, inspired and proud, but life had its cruelties, and some horrible cards that it dealt you. His music stopped as my heart raced in my chest as the bell rang. I felt Finn reach down and grab my hand, squeezing it softly and reassuringly.
Teddy whipped Tyler into the corner, standing back and taking a huge intake of breath. Anyone who followed Sami knew what was coming, I just hoped he was watching from high up above. You always hope that you will be able to raise a good son, a kind and sensitive boy, a charm you can call your own, but not once did I imagine I'd raise the spitting image of my love. He had everything you could imagine, honesty, love, confidence, but most of all, he was accepting and caring to anyone, no matter what.
"Go on Ted," I whispered as he ran forwards and struck Tyler with the Helluva Kick, nailing it just like I knew he would. I clapped and cheered in the back as he got the three count. He jumped up as his arm was raised.
"Here is your winner, Teddy Zayn!" Even his name had such a flow like his dad's, as he climbed up to the top rope and kissed his hand, then placing it on the Canadian flag on his tights. He pointed up high to the sky, as I noticed his breathing quicken, clearly trying to hold back the tears.
"Come." Finn dragged me down to the top of the ramp, pushing me forwards so everyone could see me. "Go on, I know you want to." I turned around and kissed his cheek, then ran down the ramp and slid into the ring.
"You've not lost it mum," Teddy teased, pulling me into him for a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, catching a little glance at my wedding ring. I twisted it around slightly, until I felt Teddy pull away from me. "I hope I've made him proud mum."
"You've made him proud beyond belief, it's like watching your father when he was your age, a bundle of energy and a true talent. I love you." He leaned forwards and pecked my cheek then pointed upwards one more time. I sighed, copying him, kissing my ring and then smiling up to the sky. "I miss you," I whispered in the hope he might just hear, wishing his figure could have been beside me, experiencing this incredible moment in Teddy's life.