"You're sick," I choked out before pushing my stool away from the table, the legs making a screeching sound that irritated my teeth before fleeing the room, ignoring Luke's calls out to me and flying towards the bathroom.
I sat behind the door, a sobbing pile of mess and tears, rethinking the inspectors words.
"We can't charge a man for murder or manslaughter of an infant, if the infant in question isn't dead."
What sick and twisted human has the audacity the say this to a mother who's grieved her son for over three years, a mother who sat in the ICU with her weak son? A mother who buried her little boy a mere few weeks after giving birth to him?
A mother who watched her daughter grow up, a little girl who always knew there was something missing, a little girl who instinctively always looked for a part of her she couldn't find.
So no officer was going to tell me otherwise.
"Lily?" Luke's voice croaked out. I knew he was sat on the other side of the door, "It's absurd right?"
"It's sick and disgusting for him to even say that," I sniffled, wiping my nose and eyes with the back of my sweater, "I watched them lower his little coffin in to the ground Luke, I've taken you to his grave, he's dead and there isn't a soul on earth who can tell me otherwise. Mark needs to be charged,"
"Lily, open the door a second," he was pleading with me now and the desperation alone was enough for me to flip the latch and let him in. He scurried in quickly, locking the door again before sitting down beside me, "They've been talking since you came in here," he wiped his eyes, clearly distraught, before continuing, "I was seconds behind you, you know? Ready to scream at them and run away, I didn't want to hear it, until they told me,"
"Told you? Told you what?" I frowned, confusing etched in every crevice of my body, "What the hell do they mean 'isn't dead?' they've seen the reports?"
"I'll tell you exactly what they just told me ok baby?" He wrapped his arm tightly around me, cradling me to his chest before starting again, "Before Lucas, before he died, there was a request right? Doctor Martin spoke of it earlier remember?"
"Yeah, Doctor Edwards was a transfer, he had better experience in the monitoring of ICU, they thought it would be better if he took Lucas as he deteriorated, turn off the monitors privately as he struggled. None of us wanted him to suffer or to watch him suffer anymore," I cried, fresh tears escaping as I relived the pain of my final goodbye to my little boy, seeing it again, as he prepared to turn off the support and take my boy away.
"So you didn't see him when he passed?" Luke asked, this time looking me directly in the eyes.
"No Doctor Edwards took him away in his incubator, I couldn't watch him turn off the life support," I shook my head as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.
Luke took my face in between his hands, "Shhh baby it's okay, it's okay,"
"Luke what is all this? I don't understand why they're saying that and I-"
"He didn't turn it off Lily," Luke made sure he had my attention before continuing, "He didn't turn it off,"
•••
I flew out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen quicker than I've ever moved in my life. Skidding back to the kitchen counter and all at once silencing the group that were discussing something or other, "Tell me it isn't true! Tell me that I've not been away from my little boy, unnecessarily for three years!" I was shaking with rage, "TELL ME THAT BASTARD DIDN'T TAKE MY BABY FROM ME!"
I fell to my knees as I was met with complete and utter silence, silence that told me everything I needed to know.
Mark Leronson took my newborn son.
Mark Leronson forced me to keep quiet about my children, to keep Luke in the dark.
Mark Leronson allowed me to think my son was dead for three years, all to one day if needed, use my baby boy against me and Luke as leverage.
"If you are ready, my partner has located Lucas and had taken him to the hospital to be checked over, we'll take you both there now,"
Luke helped me to my feet, the tears were still flowing and the fury still ran through my veins, but I could see my little boy again and in that moment that was all that mattered, "That son of a bitch had better get a justifying sentence for what he's done to me," I spat, waltzing out of the room without another word to anybody.
The drive to the hospital was eerie, either no one knew what to say or they dare not say anything for fear one of us would break and as we arrived no one made a move to leave the car.
We were completely unprepared for this, as much as I wanted to march right in there and wrap him up in my arms, I couldn't. He didn't know me, to him, we were complete and utter strangers, making once hasty move could scare the living life out of him.
The only person he knew was Mark himself and that was the most heartbreaking thing, the man who kidnapped our son, would be the only one that he presently trusted.
"It's gonna take a long time for him to be himself with us, but what matters now is that he is alive," Luke broke the dead silence that was held over the car.
But that wasn't the thought clouding my mind.
"Detective?" I called out, when she nodded I continued, "If I didn't bury my son? W-who did I bury?" Tears gathered as I came to he realisation that Mark had paid a doctor a ridiculous price to forge records of my sons death and to allow him to leave with my five week old son, "Who, if anyone, was in that little coffin?"
"Honey, we're already looking into it," she gripped my hand reassuringly, "For now, the only thing you should think of, is seeing your son. I've been told he's been waiting by the hospital room door all afternoon,"
"He has?" I frowned, not expecting that of a little toddler who didn't know us.
"He's had it tough, but bottom line, he's excited by the idea of finally seeing his real mummy and daddy," she smiled before making shooing motions to us both. It didn't take anymore convincing for us to scurry out and run towards the hospital doors where we were greeted by another detective we'd met this afternoon and Doctor Martin who looked like she'd been crying.
"How is he? Is he okay? Is he healthy? Was he at least cared for by that scumbag?" A million questions left both mine and Luke's mouths the second we met the two.
"He's okay, a little underweight but nothing that can't be fixed don't worry," Doctor Martin wrapped her arms around me tightly, "I just can't believe it, after all these years it's, I'm speechless,"
"Well, I hope they both get what they deserve and some more for what they've done," Luke spat.
"Oh trust me sir, they'll be paying the full price and more, the shame and guilt isn't even the start," the detective nodded his head towards the door and we took the hint that it was time.
Each step towards the door, that we were told by the receptionist that Lucas was in, felt like a never ending trek. Every footstep felt longer than the last, an echo followed each one down the winding corridors that were almost like a maze it seemed like we were walking that long, until we reached the door.
And I froze.
With my hand outstretched and reaching for the handle mid air, my breathing seized to regulate and my heart hammered against my ribcage, "Luke?" My voice was barely above a whisper but he must of heard me because he was by my side, his hand gripping mine tightly, "What if he hates me? Thinks I didn't want him or expected more? I know he's only three, but those feelings are still there or that feeling of loss because he doesn't have that parental attachment. All of that will be there,"
"If that's the case, we've got time for make up for it, to form those bonds and make it right baby," he pressed a quick kiss to my lips before grabbing the door handle and creeping the door open, "Now lets go get our little Lucas and go home together, we can have a family night. Just us and the kids ok? How does that sound?"
I smiled as the tears gathered in my eyes, "Yeah that sounds perfect," and we opened the door.
"Mummy? Daddy?" A little voice called out.
The brightest pair of eyes beamed over at us and I burst into tears, "Hi Lucas, do you know who I am?" I knelt down in front of the chair he sat in, salty tears streaming down my face.
He nodded excitedly, jumping up and into both our arms, "I've been waiting forever and ever for you,"
Muffled sobs in my ears told me Luke was sobbing too, our boy was here and always had been, "We're here now buddy, it took us a long time to find you but we're here now and always will be,"