"No, I don't like to picture life without you." Harry stands to take his belt that has been bothering him off. A simple question has now turned into a heart to heart conversation with him, one of my many favorites we've had so far. With my legs crossed on his bed, he joins me back, "sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't come back for you, but it's hard." he pulls himself back and brings his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them to keep them in place, "why are you asking?"
"Just wondering." I softly reply with a smile, "do you ever think about what life would be like if I weren't around at all?"
"What do you mean?" his brows pull together in misunderstanding.
"I mean, if you never came to America and met me; what do you think you'd be doing right now?"
"uh--" he sucks in his lips and looks away in thought, aimlessly looking around the room through his brief hesitation, "I don't know," he shrugs honestly, "and I don't care. Life is good with you in it, that's all I need." he unwraps his arms from his legs and grabs my wrists, pulling me into his chest and hugging me. I connect my arms around his neck as he pulls me in for a kiss and we fall back against the marshmallow like mattress.
He's happy now; happier than I've ever seen him and it's because of me. That dark cloud that has been following him for years is now gone and the once damaged man is now rebuilt into a stronger, more powerful heart. One he thought he lost forever. But it's back and it's permanent; I won't let it go anywhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sound of forceful groans startles me and in a panic, I sit up. I look around the room taking in the strong light of the sun that is irritating my eyes for they haven't adjusted to the brightness yet. I have a slight headache and the sudden interruption of my slumber causing me to sit up so frantically made me feel dizzy. Ripping the blanket from over me, I look around the room with half opened eyes searching for Harry. I hear the groan again and my eyes dart to the bathroom right beside me. I creak open the door to see Harry's arms hugging the toilet, sitting up on his knees as his head is bowed over it waiting for the poison he consumed to scar his throat once more. He looks up at me with sadness and obvious pain and I know he doesn't want me to see him like this but I can't leave. He looks more pale than he did yesterday and he's completely drained of color. He slides his top wrist over his mouth to wipe it and burps swallowing whatever came up with it.
"Don't look---" he immediately turns and throws up in the toilet. His face twists and eyes screw shut as the vodka surges from his gut and out his throat. He spits the excess vomit out and clears his throat and coughs at the burn building around it. I run to him and kneel beside him, gathering his hair as he continues. His grip is so tight on the toilet that if he pulled, I'm almost sure he could break it off. The sound of it clashing into the toilet repeatedly burns my ear drums and I can hear the pain through it. His head hides inside, releasing whatever is left and he falls backs breathlessly. His back is against the wall and his legs are spread open. His head looks as if it's going to fall off of his neck and he can't seem to keep it in place.
I crawl between his open legs while his eyes remain shut and I reach for the baby wipes on the counter. He opens them and watches me wrap it around my index and I begin to wipe the sides of his mouth.
"Are you okay?" he doesn't reply and allows me to care for him just like I want to. I grip his chin and turn his head so that he's facing me and I continue to dab away what was left behind. Weakly, his eyes begin to roll back and he has no control over his body. He only had one bottle with him last night, how many did he have before that? He couldn't have had a lot since he drove to the park without a scratch on him, but whatever he did really messed him up. The bathroom reeks of vomit and vodka and though his face is almost cleaned, some of it got into his hair and his skin smells of it too.
"You need to shower." I'm trying my best not to scrunch my face in disgust due to the smell of him but it's becoming unbearable.
"I don't want to." he mumbles taking a deep breath. I feel horrible. I wonder how long he was throwing up. This morning he was fine but now he seems so weak and defeated.
"You have to." I stand opening the closet taking out a towel and placing it on the counter beside the sink, "take your clothes off. Can you do that?" I watch him struggle to pick himself up and just seeing him fail to makes me sad. I hurry to him to help him and he stumbles into my arms.
Harry's POV:
Everything is blurry and I can't see shit. I can't even stand straight and I feel like a fucking child. She looks worried, like always, and helps me up. I know she isn't doing this to be "nice" I know she still loves me, obviously that's why she let me stay here with her. I love her and have missed her so much I didn't think she'd take me back so quickly or easily. I guess drinking last night was the smartest thing I could've done because it lead her to me.
"Lean back," she presses me back on the sink and her tiny hands lifts the orange sweater for it's hem off of me and tosses it in the hamper. My palms are gripped around the edges so I don't fall over and at this point I just might, "take your pants off." she doesn't even look at me before she turns the water on. Is she mad? Of course she is, she should be. I yelled at her last night and she almost left me because I told her to leave. Why the fuck would I tell her to when all I wanted was to have her? It was the alcohol speaking, not me. I'm sure she knew that. She know's me better then that.
I'm completely stripped of my clothes and she shows no emotion or reaction when she grabs my hand to lead me into her teal colored walk in shower.
"Come in with me?" I pull her into me but she pushes back.
"Just, please wash up? I'll make you coffee and bring you some clothes. If you need anything just call me, alright?" her big brown eyes look worn out and I must have woken her up since her voice is low. I stressed her out and made her look the way she does. She still looks beautiful, but the weighing depression I had put her through is showing. I want to kiss the pain away but I know it won't be enough.
I grab the wall to support me as the cool water washes over my body. It feels fucking amazing but if things weren't so fucked up, she would be in here with me right now.
"Oh," I hear her say behind the glass door, "here's some body wash." I slide it open and her eyes scan me and I know she wants to join me. I should just drag her in but it's way too soon and the last thing I want to do is upset her.
"Kiwi mango?" I half smile leaning against the wall. I feel tired and it's hard to keep my eyes open.
"Yeah, it's all I have." she quietly replies. I don't want her to feel weird around me, it's still me. I'm the same person, nothing has changed. She shouldn't look so...afraid.
"It's fine, baby. Thank you." I take the peach bottle from her hands and she hurries out the room, shutting the door behind her leaving me frozen.
I have so much to tell her; so much shit I have to tell her. My mind is in three different places right now but all I can focus on is her. How am I going to tell her without making her cry? I know she will. I know she'll get emotional and I'm not prepared for it. Seeing her cry shatters my already broken heart into two million pieces more and it's a sight I don't want a visit from.
"Harry?" just as I turn the water off, I see her blurry figure through the glass and I slide the door open.
Aleevonne's POV:
Water drops are falling from his jaw and lips, the tips of his hair and are sliding down his body. He looks amazing and so irresistible but I have to get everything out of the way before we can go back to the normal things. I hand him the towel and he wraps it around his waist, tucking the end into the other to keep it secured as he steps out.
"These are your sweats I had from a while back." I bite my lip holding the clean clothing in my hands and he takes them me. He leans in to kiss my cheek and they flush from his touch. His eyes are still somewhat blood shot but the shower helped a little, adding some color to his face.
My hope is that at the end of the day, everything goes back to normal. I'm aiming way too high and expecting too much in such little time but it's all that I want. I don't want to go on this way, I miss him and even though he did some bad things I know we can work something out. We can't stay apart forever, no way in hell will that happen.
He follows me into the room and I sit back down on the bed holding his hot coffee between my hands waiting for him to get dressed so he can drink it. I watch him drop the towel and slide the sweats up his legs. I didn't have any underwear for him to wear but the outline of him is somewhat showing through the material.
"Wait," I slide my hand while holding the coffee in the other under my pillow and pull out the Rolling Stones shirt he gave me, "wear this."
I keep it under my pillow mostly because I cuddle it at all night pretending he's with me. Pathetic, I know.
"I gave that to you." he says standing in place.
"I know, I want you to wear it." I sit up on my knees as he walks to me. He smiles taking the shirt from me and he puts it on, running his long fingers through his damp washed hair.
"Your mom left about an hour ago." he says sitting beside me.
"Did you talk to her?"
"No," he looks to me, "I woke up to her car door shutting."
I didn't know two days could hurt him so badly. I knew it would for me, but not him. He's so much more stronger than I am, so much more capable of staying in place but all I have seem to have done is destroy him. I don't want to see him like this anymore. I can put everything behind us and move on because we both deserve better; each other.
"Here," I expand my arm with his coffee in hand, "it's coffee. You should drink it."
Taking the mug, he begins to drink the hot liquid, blowing and pursing his lips to take small sips. He traces the rim with his finger as we stay in silence.
"Do you need any--"
"Are you ready to talk--"
We both say in unison and he chuckles, "you first."
"Do you need anything else?" I smile at his features. Man, I can never get enough of his dimples.
"No, baby. I'm fine." my heart swells each time he calls me that. For the first time in four months, the two days he was gone was the first time he didn't call me that and hearing it again puts a smile on my heart.
"What were you going to say?" I tuck my hair behind my ear while he shifts to face me.
"I said are you ready to talk?"
"Are you ready to talk?" I repeat his question and he raises his eyebrows amused.
"I asked you first."
"Are you still hung over?"
"A little, not much. I can cope." he says confidently. He looks ready and aware. As if he's been waitng forever to finally speak and I should probably let him since I've been waiting just as long.
"Am I going to cry again?" I know I will, but I need confirmation.
"Yeah." he whispers looking down at his coffee, "but not for long, I promise. You just have to let me talk and not run away from me again."
"I won't."
"Promise?" he places the mug down on my nightstand and grabs my hand. His is burning due to the cup but it feels nice aroud mine.
"Promise. It's my house, so I can't really run anywhere." I joke and he forces a smile.
"First, do you have Motrin? My head is fucking killing me." he releases me rubbing his temples.
"Yeah, here." I crawl to the other side of my bed where my half drawer is and open it, taking out a bottle of Motrin and giving him two tablets.
"Why do you keep that there?" he tosses them in his mouth and sips the coffee to help it go down.
"I could've gotten you some water." I laugh, "and cramps."
"Oh," he nods. He takes a deep breath and he looks nervous. I don't know what he's going to say and I'm afraid. I don't know myself like I thought I did because I said I would never leave him no matter what and I did. I don't want anything to ruin us forever, "alright. I'll pick up from where I left off then." he clears his throat rubbing his clammy hands over his thighs, "There was more to it..."
*hi guys. I'm so so so sorry for the extremely late update. School is stressing me out and my latop is acting weird again. bUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 505K READS YOURE THE BEST AND I LOVE YOU ALL!!!*