The road is empty and the sky is pitch black. My headlights are the only lights guiding me and giving me vision through the dark. I have to drive carefully since I only have my permit. I could get in a lot of trouble if I get caught by the police and Alan would never be able to trust me again. In a way, I'm glad Harry is 'missing' because now I have a reason to see him. I know it was my choice to walk out but it's not that easy to just walk back in. That'll just show a sign of weakness if I throw myself in his arms after two days.
I'm hoping he isn't at the bar because it's midnight and he'll most probably be drunk, and I can't handle him when he is. He turns into a whole different person and it's that person I don't like being greeted by. So many thoughts are going through my head causing me to worry even more. Liam could be there, Louis could be there; so many things could happen in a matter of minutes with them three in the room. I don't know if Louis and Liam know each other. Harry never mentioned them together but he did say he grew up with both of them, so maybe they do. It's sad, actually. All of his 'friends' have turned their backs against him and they are the ones who messed him up.
My sight catches a huge cabin like bar with flashing blue letters that read "Blue Cabin." I'm beginning to shake from my nerves because I don't know what to expect. I pull up in the parking lot and look for his car. I can't see it anywhere and for a Thursday night, it's pretty crowded. I park inbetween two pick up trucks and hop out of Alans car. I look ridiculous, not that it actually matters, but sweatpants and a tank top with an unzipped hoodie and sneakers isn't really appealing. I hug myself with both the keys and my phone in my hands and I hurry in the bar. A man just arrives at the same time as me and holds the door open. I thank the man with the black beard and buzz cut and walk in.
The strong smell of alcohol and sweaty men hits me almost causing me to fall over. It's digusting and I can feel the insides of my nose burning. A group of guys are playing pool on the left, chugging down beer and chanting, another group is dancing with some girls in short skirts and extremely low cut shirts. Their heels are probably higher than their actual height. I look to the stools and a few women and men are having, what it looks like, normal conversations with each other. The seat Harry was in last time I came here is occupied by an older gentlemen. He's not really associating himself with anyone, only minding his business and having a chat with the bartender. My eyes dart from corner to corner, every square inch of this large bar holding intoxicated flesh and possible criminals and I feel a sudden fear strike in me. I need to hurry up and find him so I can get out of here. All these guys are watching me and I know if Harry saw this, all of those men who would be half alive. Maybe he's in the bathroom. As I walk to towards the little hall, a petit women, fairly tall with long red hair and brown eyes bumps into me.
"Sorry, doll!" her country accent somewhat lightens up the mood. She giggles balancing herself. Her lipstick is painted perfectly on her arched and plump lips, "well now," she looks at me up and down holding a strong smile, "are you lost?"
"Um," my worried eyes survey the room one last time for him, "sort of, I'm looking for my boyfriend."
My boyfriend.
"Well," she laughs, "there are plently of boyfriends here to choose from. You want that guy over there?" she stands beside me and points to the man with the broad chest and muscle shirt, "or that guy right there?" she points to a gentlemen with his black hair gelled back wearing a polo shirt, "or..." she smirks at me, "that man over there?" her long pink painted finger points to him. He's wearing denim jeans with a grey long sleeve shirt, his hair styled high in a quiff and just as I look into his eyes, his meet mine, "you like him?" she laughs to me, "Louis. He's one fine boy." I'm guessing she has slept with him since I could practically see the memory play in her eyes.
I despise Louis. He's a horrible and vile person and he disgusts me. My heart is beating out of my chest as I quickly turn away from him, "no, that's not him. I need to go." my voice trembles and I push passed all the men crowed in this now so tiny bar. I look up to see Louis dropping his pool stick and excusing himself while he makes his way over to me. I can hear myself breathing even through the music and laughter. I need to get out of here now before anything happens and I have a feeling something will.
"Whoa, whoa darlin'!" Louis jumps in front of me and blocks the door. I step back watching his wicked lips form into a devious smirk, "nice seeing you here, again." he scans my body up and down and licks his menacing lips. I watch him carefully and step far away from his reach, "now now," he shakes his head, "don't be scared. I won't hurt you. I just want to buy you drink. Want a drink?"
In response, I shake my head. I cross my arms over my chest and shiver at the cold wind bleeding through the open window. My eyes are missiles looking back and forth from Louis to the other entrance and he catches on. He looks insane and obviously the bags under his eyes tell me he has had way too much to drink. I can practically spell the whiskey off his breath.
"Man," he whispers slowly shaking his head, "of all the girls Harry fucked with, you turned out to be the one he decided to keep. Funny." he chuckles stepping closer to me, "want to know what's funny? He just left with another girl. You look so worried, love." he shakes his head like he feels bad for me, "just another player in his game, that's all."
That's impossible, Harry would never do that. I know he's lying, he has to be. He's just saying that to fuck with me and make things worse between Harry and I. My mind is used to things like this, my ears have heard these types of lies so many times before that it alerts me telling me it's not true. He said it so confidently, but how does he even know I'm here looking for him? It doesn't matter because I know Harry, he wouldn't do that me.
"Don't fret, he's not worth it anyway." his somewhat threatening and stiff stance has now relaxed, "want a drink?" he steps away from the door and walks to the bar, "c'mon, have a drink me with." he bobs his head towards the direction of the bar and without looking to see if I'm following, he continues.
He must be crazy if he actually think's I'm going to sit with him. Who does he think he is? Without wasting another second, I open the door and bolt out the bar. I run as fast I can to the truck and once I set myself inside, a wave of safety hits me. I'm so worried about him, he could be anywhere. For all I know he could be in jail for fighting and knowing him, it's probably true. I turn the ignition on and grab the passenger seat to keep me steady as I turn and look out the back window to leave. Just as I turn the wheel, I see the bar door open and Louis step out. He's looking around very upset. I drive away and through my rear view mirror I see him push away a man who is trying to enter, and he disappears into the bar.
Now back on the road, I speed down not caring if I get caught. Tears are running down my face beacuse of how worried I am. This is a big city full of dangerous people and I know Harry can defend for himself but Philadelphia isn't the safest place to roam after midnight. Criminals and villains lerk the streets preying on solo wonders. I need to think of all the places he could be. If he were home, Anne would've called me, is he with Conor or Niall? Maybe he is! I pick up my phone and dial Conor's number, holding it to my ear as it rings.
"Hello?" he groans. For a split second I forgot it's one AM and I feel bad for waking him.
"Conor? Hi, it's Alee." I don't want to sound worried or upset, so I'm trying to pull off my normal voice.
"Hey? You alright? It's passed midnight, what's wrong?"
"Have you seen Harry? Or talked to him recently?"
"No?" he says, "I haven't seen him since yesterday, why?"
"Just wondering," I bit my lip to hold my cries and I can feel my hope fading, "sorry to wake you." I quickly hang up. I know it's rude of me just to close the line that way but I don't have time to lose. My tears are falling on my phone and the fear is beginning to build.
"Hello!?" Niall's tone is the complete opposite from Conor's.
"Hey, Niall."
"Al! What's up babe? You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to know if you've seen Harry..."
"Harry?" he repeats, "no, I haven't seen him since yesterday."
Conor said that too. What happened yesterday?
"What did you guys do?" I ask taking an exit.
"Just hung out at Conor's house. But, I haven't seen him since. Why you ask?"
One day after our break up and he's already hanging out with friends? Has he gotten over me that fast?
"Oh, nothing. But thanks anyway, goodnight."
"Wait, are you sure?" concern washes over his tone.
"Yeah," I giggle behind my cries. My eyes catch the park lights beside me and the swings are swaying with the win--
"Park!"
"What?" Niall says confused.
"Nothing, nothing! Goodnight!"
The park, he's probably at the park. His special place that he took me too, of course! Why didn't I think of that before? I speed down the highway and make a turn that leads to the place where he first confessed his feelings for me. Right when I pull up, I see his black Range Rover and I swear, I've never been so relieved in my life. I park the car and jump out and begin to run down the concrete path to where the huge tree is placed in the middle of the field. The breeze is slicing through my hair as it flows in the wind and my feet pick up it's speed from how happy I am. I come to a hard halt when I see Harry sitting against the tree, alone and not with the girl Louis said he left with. The small park lights protected with black bars shine over him. I see him bring a bottle to his lips and tilt his head back, consuming whatever is inside.
I walk over the grass as quietly as possible making my way to him. His one knee is bent and he's resting his elbow on it, tugging at his hair and shaking his head. I hate seeing him this way.
"Harry?" I whisper with caution.
He doesn't turn and only shakes his head more. He probably drank so much that the alcohol muted him. His eyes are shut and his cheeks are wet. He brings the bottle to his lips and takes a big swig. My heart is suffocating watching him break this way.
Cautiously, I bend down right beside him as his eyes remain shut, "Harry?" once I say his name, his eyes shoot open and he turns me to me.
"Fuck!" he jumps back and I flinch away from his startled reaction. His wide green blood shot eyes watch me attentively, blinking a few times as if he isn't sure if I'm real or not. I sit up on my knees with tears running down my cheek and he drops the bottle.
"Alee?" he whispers. I stand and walk the four feet to him and fall back on my knees before him. We're now face to face and the smell of vodka is plastered on his lips. He moves closer to me and slowly brings his hand to my cheek. He cups it and runs his thumb over my lips, just like he has always done.
"I was so worried." I murmur as his other hand holds my cheek.
"You're back." his voice is filled with disbelief and shock. He probably thought I left him forever. That's why he's destroying himself because I heartlessly walk out on him. His brace is gone and the gauze Alan said he had is not in sight. Without saying aything else, he brings my face to his and kisses me.
The kiss I've missed for two days is now back and I can feel my world rebuilding. His vodka tongue twirles around mine and his plump iced lips hug mine desperately. The grass crunches underneath his knees as he brings our bodies closer. He detaches himself from me, pressing his forehead against mine and wipes my tears away with his thumb as his hands remains cupped on my cheeks.
"I've missed you so much." his voice is almost gone and the pain has never been more evident.
"I'm sorry." my tears splash on the grass and he pulls away from me roughly. His brows pull together and his jaw clenches with anger, backing away from me. I watch him stumble and the small part of my heart that was beginning to rebuild is now crumbling down.
"You fucking left me!" he shouts behind the alcohol in his tone, "you left me! You fucking left!" his rasp echo's throughout the empty field and he kicks the glass bottle into the dark. He tugs at his hair and paces back and forth, shutting his eyes and shaking his head.
"Harry, I'm sorry!" I stand to my feet and hurry to him. I know he doesn't hate me, he's just upset and hurt, like me.
"No!" he backs away from me when I attempt to grab his hand, "you didn't even care! I fucking begged you!" he shouts, "I went on my knees and begged you, Aleevonne and you left!"
"I know I did, and now I'm back. Harry, please calm down!"
I don't want to argue with him over why I left, he know's the exact reason. He should've known I wouldn't have stayed after everything he did. He's drunk, so he's blaming me and that's okay. I'll let him blame me and yell, call me names and curse me out just as long as he comes home and stays safe where he belongs.
"You're back?" he stops and asks calmly, sniffling.
"For now."
"You're back for now? Not forever? If you're not here forever why the fuck are you here anyway? To tell me how disgusting I am and look at me like a monster? Or did you come here to call me a rapist or an animal? Is that why you're here?" the venom in his voice causes tears to reform and fall. He's being bitter, but that's only because he's drunk," If that's the case, Alee, then get the fuck away from me!"
"You don't mean that, Harry." I know he doesn't. Even though it's hurting me, I know it isn't true.
"How do you know what I mean or not? How do you know what I feel, huh? You left me for two days to fucking rot and sucked every life I had in me out!"
"You have to underst--"
"I don't need to understand anything. Leave me alone." he throws his hands up and turns.
I thought coming here would make him happy. He hugged me and kissed me like he used too and now he's blaming me and refusing to look at me. I know I didn't ruin anything between us. He know's it all his fault and even behind his intoxicated words I know he believes it too. I feel hopeless and speechless, I don't know what to say. I can't argue with him or force him to stay because that'll make everything worse. I've missed him so much and I just want him close but now he's the one running away from me.
"Fine." I give up and turn.
"Where are you going?" I hear his footsteps against the grass and I turn.
"You told me to leave you alone, so I'm leaving."
"You're just going to leave like before, is that it? Okay, say no more." he throws his hands up and backs away, "just know I loved you with all my heart and soul. I waited so fucking long to have you and you threw it all away because of my past. I thought you'd be there for me, Alee, just like I was there for you." he's no longer angry, but genuinely hurt.
I cover my face and cry in my hands because I know he's right. He's done everything for me and helped me through all the shit I went through. He fixed me and made me whole again but I couldn't do that for him. He was so strong when I first met him, he never cracked or broke down and as our relationship went on, he slowly began to deform and lose all his strenght. I've made him this way. I broke his heart when this whole time is was only beating for me.
"Don--don't cry." he slurs, "Alee, don't cry." he says again. Suddenly, I feel his hands around my wrists and he pulls them away from my face, "do you still love me?" his grip around me remains and I blink back the tears, "do you?" his eyes widen due to my silence.
"Of course I do."
"Then come back to me." he requests, "I don't want you to leave me again, Aleevonne please, you know I'm not like that anymore. I would never hurt you I love you too much. Please, I love you." his hands release my wrist and he wraps them around my waist, "please?" he whispers kissing my neck. His soft lips move up to my cheek, then back to my lips. after placing a passionate kiss, he pulls away.
Two days wasn't enough for me to fully recover. I know if I go back with him things won't be the same but I don't think I've ever felt so much pain in such a small amount of time. Without him, I'm broken and incomplete. Without him I'm depressed and cry without a pause, I need him. I know I still need time, but time is running out and I can't go another minute without him. I can't leave now and hurt him even more. Two seconds ago he was telling me to go and I know he didn't mean it. He's begging me now to stay with him and if I turn him down again, he probably will give up on me.
"Say something." he breaks me from my thoughts, "I need you to say something."
The smell of his vodka breath breaks against my face as he breaths with anticipation, "let me take you home." I whisper.
"Tell me you love me." he demands with a straight face, "tell me. I want to hear it Aleevonne. I'm not going anywhere until I do."
" I love you." I've waited two days to say it just as he waited two days to hear it. Without hesitation, he kisses me and nothing else is important.
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