The smile ripped from my face like a plaster which had been superglued on and let to cement for at least a millennium.
My heart was a frozen fire. Even Noah could deal with the floods better than I could right then. In that moment of isolation, I gazed at the pair with my eyes wide and toxic tears pleading for an answer. A reason!
I had known Gwen for less than a year, sure. But that doesn't mean that this psychopath could come into our world and steal her from me. I had only encountered this pervert once at that party and even that was enough for me, he was horrid and evil truly worse than Satan. She was not the kind of innocent wall flower which you would expect to see with such a brute. It was either the roaring fire in my chest or the flames which rose around me but something made me stay at a distance just to endure the torment.
She was looking towards him as his eyes were narrowed, the mark on his face still there after so long – faded of course. You would have to be looking for it to notice it but sure enough he would have that imprint for life. He lowered down to her as if he were a mighty king and she just a peasant. They paused the conversation they were in as he forcefully turned her towards him. All that I could see was his caliginous eyes. His artramentous fucking face!
I counted that he licked his lips twice like some rabid animal whilst eyeing her. I couldn't make out what he was saying but I knew that it was the same unhuman quality which had lead Gwen to become like this. For a moment he stared at her and even though he repulsed me I made sure to stay back before I started a fight; before I could make a scene. Throwing himself at her in an embrace my Guinevere was hesitant to hug back and when she finally did she shuddered. He backed off from her and turned away, she like myself – stood very still watching him walk. Approximately two steps later he looked back over his shoulder and ran the top shaft of teeth over his bottom ones. He looked her up and down then took off down one of the side streets.
I don't even understand what happened.
But it meant that she was now alone. For once no one was around. Literally no one. Just us. I foolishly prided my left leg forward and to no avail did it shift. The last tear fled from my eyes as I stood to see her next move. Gwen turned towards me (not yet noticing me) her eyes red and puffy as if she had been crying. I felt no sympathy for her. Not this time.
She exhaled out and clawed at her head, rolled her lips inward and licked her lips before holding her head upward to the sky; blinking several times. Disallowing herself to laminate. Running her hand on her neck she groaned as if in pain. Steadied herself and then started walking towards me, rubbing her eyes and trying to shake off whatever the hell just happened. Not that I knew of course, but she certainly did.
"Connor?" she choked noticing me. I stepped forward as did she, her eyes lightened and the devilsom smile slithered synthetically back onto her lips. My mouth was held tight and I was scowling but she didn't seem to notice. I walked uneasily as I was now fuming, I wasn't sad and the anger wasn't just that anymore – it was hatred and jealousy. Gwen reached me, "Oh Connor, your early!" she said in a somewhat happy tone, she slung herself at me and burrowed her head into my chest as she hugged me like she did that night at the party. Clinging to me tightly, the way I had dreamt of so many times before. This time though, I didn't hug her back...
Repulsed, I remained still. Disgusted by the filth. "Let go," I breathed nonchalantly.
At first she didn't move. I furrowed my nose. "Gwen. Get off of me. Now." I ordered.
At this, Gwen did.
She studied my eyes, trying to understand me. That would be very difficult giving the current situation. Her chest was rising and falling heavily and she stuttered at her words, "Connor, what's- what have I?"
I scoffed. How could she act so stupid? Did she seriously just happen to forget what she was just doing and who with?
"Please Connor, I-"
"Enough!" I yelled. Seeing her tremble. I took a step back knowing fully well that I didn't want to hurt her even especially when I was in this state. I clenched both fists trying to calm myself, "you don't think I saw?" I questioned half reasonably.
She took a step closer pushing me to take one away. "Oh," she started, "You mean what just happened?"
"Yes, what just bloody happened? And what else has happened huh?"
She ran her hand through her hair looking down and then back to me, "look it's not what you think-"
"Not what I fucking think!? Gwen you and Bullington are what? Shag buddies now?"
Gasping she shook her head franticly, "No! We haven't. I wouldn't want-"
"Then what do you want?!"
"Connor you know what-"
"No I don't god damn know actually Guinevere!" I howled.
Turning away from me she snuffled, "I want you Connor. I always have."
I felt myself heating up, "well it doesn't bloody look that way does it?!" I screamed in her face.
"Bullington is just-"
"Don't you dare tell me that he is just a cocking friend." I hissed spitting at her.
By this point I was leaning over her and she was cowering beneath me. I didn't feel any love towards this filth bag right now and I highly doubt that I ever did. She played me and I foolishly let her win. Now it was my turn to roll the dice. The winner would take it all.
"He's my ex," she whimpered like an injured puppy.
I grabbed her arm forcing her to look at me, "Exes don't hold hands Guinevere!" I shouted. She went to speak but I wouldn't allow it. "No, it's my turn bitch! You wanna know why I'm early huh?" she gulped hard but didn't answer, this angered me further, "ANSWER ME YOU WHORE!"
"Why?" she cried. Literal tears falling onto me. Smashing as they hit against my frame. I pushed her to the ground and stood like a tyrant as I spoke, "I was going to ask you out." She lifted herself from the floor but remained on the ground. "You were?" she asked in a motionless tone.
"I got out of school early just so that I could surprise you. But no. Instead I found out your fucking dishevled secret. How long have you been hiding this from me then huh!? I bet when we almost kissed on Bonfire night – when you showed me that you actually felt something for me - you were thinking of him too weren't you?! When I opened my heart to you and told you that I love you! What do you even see in him?! He is an abusive woman manipulating monster! A pure fucking wanker! All I've ever done for you is treat you like an angel. I wanted to be with you so much. But clearly I don't know shite all! I tried so hard to do everything by the book. To do everything right. Unlike HIM, I treated you with nothing but shear love and kindness and what do I get in return? You cheat on me with that asshole. You're just a slut! But maybe that's what you like! Maybe that is all that you will ever be!" Steam glistening from my body, twisting from my words.
She lifted herself up, "No-"
"I am not finished," I softened imperceptibly. Wiping the heavy river of sweat from my forehead. "I've done this all wrong. Clearly playing mister nice boy and your prince charming just isn't your cup of FUCKING TEA! Oh no I'll do exactly what he did because that is clearly how I will get you to love me!"
Taking her fragile body in my claws, I spun her around and pulled her to my chest. In one hand I clutched her chest. Squeezing her like a stress ball or some powerless voodoo doll. With the other I groped her in the same place which he had prier. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to have that power over her. Aggressively, I pushed my hand up her skirt ignoring her screaming my name and the heavy breathing followed by tears. I ran up her thigh to where her underwear was and tugged at them as I growled in her ear: she wasn't emotionless like she had been with him. She was screaming.
Gwen was scared. Gwen was scared of me. Gwen was scared of what I had become. "Shhh, Guinevere shhh!" I persisted as I grabbed the flesh on her upper thigh. With the hand on her chest I lifted it to her mouth in an attempt to keep her quiet. It wasn't working. I pushed down on her lips and bit at the skin on one side of her neck as I touched her demonically without thinking.
This wasn't right....
This wasn't me.
I let her go, red demon eyes staring at her. She paced forward weeping like I had just raped her. Maybe if I kept going then I would have eventually. "I'm sorry Gwen," I sobbed, clinging to my head like I were possessed by some evil spirit, "but I-"
Swallowing the guilt which riddled me. I gulped, "Please just tell me... Why do I have to be so nice and care so much for you when all he does is feel you up at some party in front of everyone and yet you still go out with him!? It is not fair!" I felt my body start to shake and tremble under the migraine which had rested on me. I had to sit down. "It's not fair" I shuddered, as I lowered my body to the floor, with my hands around my legs. "It's not fucking fair!" Cradling myself like a baby.
I thought she would run. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if she did. I wouldn't have blamed her for doing so.
Even there on the floor, as I broke down I knew that she was still there. I could feel her eyes on me. Watching my every move. Just in case.
"I," she said, voice breaking. Tilting my head upward I could see her lowering her skirt back down and adjusting herself. Not once did she look me straight in the eye now, not now that she was aware that I was looking at her. She probably felt that I would lash out again. "I would have said yes if you asked me out." Guinevere announced.
Oh shit...
She rubbed harshly at her neck. It wasn't until she pulled her hand away that I could see a bruise. Large and dominant. The colour of molten mercury with specks of burnt charcoal. Oh god, did I do that... "Not now though." She divulged, eyes fixated on the ground.
I could understand. I did understand. Taking in a heavy gulp of air I ignored her statement and instead asked the question which plagued on my mind, "Did I do that to you?" pointing a shaky hand towards her neck. Her eyes widened then she frowned and turned side on so that I couldn't see it. "No," she whispered, "you didn't".
Was it his doing? Did that bastard do that to my Gwen? I got up from the ground. Wanting to reassure her that I was here.
I stretched out my arm, trying to rest my hand on her shoulder. Guinevere flinched. Backing away. "Please, don't touch me." she whispered gently. She brought both hands to her head, pushing back her hair from her eyes, the sleeves of her blazer drooping down. I noticed more marks. More scars and open wounds.
"You have marks everywhere," I whimpered.
She looked to the floor, "I wasn't with him by choice Connor".