23.
I sat on my bed for a very long time, leaning my back against the headboard and un-stretching and stretching my legs after every two minutes. I wanted to think, so many things, but my mind wasn't working. It was stuck on a single thought.
The post ran through my mind several times, I had read it over and over at Expresso. When I got home, I read it again on my laptop. There were lots of pictures there; torn pages of my years old diary, pages that obsessed over my childhood crush on Dale, pictures of me and Aiden in the classroom when he was blowing away dust from my eye, pictures of me and Daniel, me and Derrick, me sitting in Trevor's car.
There were so many pictures. So many cruel words. I wasn't Allyson White anymore, I was the resident slut, the one that trapped all the guys. At least, Anonymous D had made sure that's how people would see me.
How did this person managed to get pages of my diary was beyond me. How did this person managed to make it look like I was kissing Aiden was beyond me as well. But what I couldn't grasp was; why me?
Why was this person posting things about me? This person, who ruined Marley Carson's life was after me now. Why? There was no connection between me and Marley, then why?
The 'why' kept me awake for a very long time.
''What am I gonna do?'' I kept saying to no one in particular.
I remembered the shock that had registered in Derrick's eyes when he had seen the pictures. He probably thought I was a slut as well, after all it looked like I was kissing Aiden. I had walked out of Expresso after seeing the post, by the time I was done Derrick had already left. Lillian had sat beside me as I panicked and Dale had given me that look.
That knowing look I loathed so much.
'Why do you have to interfere?' His bitter words had followed me all the way back home. I was never able to endure Dale's behavior, his brutal honesty. But now, so many people would use those poisonous words. Or maybe worse. How was I going to endure that?
''Ally? Are you not hungry?'' It was mom at my doorway. My books were sitting on my bedside table and I had told her I had load of homework. Upon seeing her standing there, I quickly hid the laptop under my pillow, as if she would find out just by staring at it. With mom there, new insecurities began to cloud my mind. What if she find out? How disappointed would she be?
''I already ate with Lillian.''
''Oh'' she replied, ''I came to let you know that Dale is here, he wants to see you.'' I looked away,
''Can you tell him to leave?'' She looked taken aback, but I averted my eyes and started staring at my reflection in the mirror. Mom sighed but didn't leave, instead she closed the door and sat beside me on the bed,
''Is something wrong? I know there has been a problem between you and Dale for a while. But isn't it time already to resolve your issues?'' Tears were forming in my eyes but I tried hard, really hard to keep in check.
Mom grabbed my hand, ''Ally, what's wrong?''
''I was turning into a bad person, when dad decided to remarry Elizabeth I was turning into a really bad person.'' I found self saying in a shaky voice, mom's hand froze on mine.
''What do you mean?''
''You asked me didn't I? Why I ran away from home?,'' I closed my eyes, remembering how Aiden had closed his when he spilled everything that had happened with Marley, I wondered if it would help me, ''You were right. I ran away. I didn't come here at first because I wanted to.''
A moment of silence passed between us, mom tightened her hand, ''I'm listening'' was all she said.
''Things were good between us. Even when I didn't have any friends, not any good ones, I had dad. He was enough for me. He has always been such a good father to me...he had always done his best to make me live a nice and comfortable life.''
I started saying, recalling my days with him, ''He met Elizabeth when we went out for my last birthday. She was the owner of the restaurant he took me. During that time, dad and Elizabeth realized they were old friends. Before I knew it, she was always hanging around him.''
''Ally...''
I bit my lip and finally opened my eyes, feeling that if I stopped here I would never be able to confess, ''She isn't a bad person, instead she's really kind. Both her and her kids. But the moment she and dad started seeing each other, I knew what would become of them. I knew it and it scared me. I felt as if...as if someone was taking my entire life away from me. And I-I couldn't bear it anymore.''
''Someone mixed peanuts in the cake she was going to eat before the wedding day, knowing she was allergic. Someone cut her wedding dress the morning of the wedding. Someone...didn't want the wedding to happen. That someone was me.''
I heard mom gasp, ''I was turning into a horrible person. Jealousy and hatred were changing me into someone I hated to even look at. That's the reason I left, because I couldn't bear it anymore.'' Just as I said this all I began to see why this had happened to me. It was payback. What goes around comes around. I was being punished for things I had done.
''You hate me right?'' I asked her after gauging her reaction, ''I was so scared that dad would start to hate me. So scared that I had to leave. This was my only option. I'm sorry, in the end I was being selfish.''
When she smiled, I was shocked by her reaction, ''I feel like no matter what I say right now, you won't listen. That's why for now I will let you be.''
''Mom-''
''Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me. I will talk about this matter with you when I feel you're ready enough. For now, I think by saying everything you had pulled off a huge load from your shoulders.''
''Mom'' I wanted to cry. But I didn't, not when she was smiling at me like that.
''Go and talk to Dale, okay? He's been waiting for you.''
I nodded and she tucked strands of hair behind my ear, ''Don't think about what happened for now, let your dad come here and we'll sort it out together. Okay?'' I knew it was inevitable for dad not to know. He was going to find out soon and until then I had to endure more.
After mom left, I followed suit. Dale was waiting outside the house and before approaching him, I already knew he wanted to talk about those pictures.
''Are you okay?'' His asked me the moment he saw me come outside, I was taken aback from his concern.
''Do I look okay?'' He didn't look okay either. I guessed everyone was shocked.
''Dale, how did this person got my diary? Mom said that she gave all my stuff to you when I left. Then how...?''
He glared at me, ''Do you think I did this?''
I pursued my lips, even I wasn't sure what I was saying right now.
''No, but we can't deny the fact that those pages are there, can you?''
He put his hands in his pockets and blew out a breath, ''That's why I came here right now to let you know. Those things had been in our storeroom for a while now. A week ago, I was sorting things out and found your diary-''
''And?''
''I brought it to the school to give to you. I put them in my locker, but when I checked later they were gone.'' Great. Just great.
''And you thought it wasn't important to let me know?''
''My own stuff was gone as well, so I could never image in million years that those pages would end up in that person's hand.'' I rubbed my head, pacing outside the house, trying to breath. Trying to think.
''Everyone is surprised. Specially Derrick and Lillian, everyone is wondering why you are being targeted this time.'' Target...I didn't like the word. Just listening to it made me cringe.
''I am surprised as well. I keep asking myself, why me?''
''But,'' he interrupted, ''now we know at least one thing; Anonymous D, whoever that person is, attends our school.''
* * * *
The moment I had walked into school, I was aware of the stares and whispers, too aware. The looks followed me all the way to the common room. Once I stood at the door, everyone sitting there turned to look at me. A few guys at the pool table sneered. Swallowing and staggering, I left and started making my way to the lockers.
''I never thought she would turned to be like this...''
''Isn't that?''
''Look, it's White. The girl from English.''
''Did you look at the post?''
I closed my eyes and opened my locker, only to find pictures and notes stuffed inside. I didn't look at them, I glared and slammed the door shut as hard as possible. It was hard to breath, it was hard to walk. Suddenly, everything was hard.
''I think we need to talk.'' Carmen's voice interrupted my thoughts. She took me by arm and began to lead me to the classroom. Daniel, Lee, Lillian and Dale everyone was there. They seemed to be arguing among each other and I knew it was because of me.
Carmen turned and crossed her arms over her chest, ''Are you going to tell me what's going on?''
''Carmen-'' Lilian began in a warning tone, but Carmen glanced at her,
''This is between Ally and me,'' she insisted, ''let us talk.''
''I don't know'.' I answered, my voice quiet,
''You don't know? I knew you like Dale a long time ago. Then you started liking Daniel as well-''
''It was a joke!''
''I asked you if there was something between you and Aiden and you said no and now you guys are suddenly kissing?!'' She looked angrier than I had ever seen her. For a moment I couldn't say a word.
''Carmen,'' I began, trying to contain patience in my words, ''Aiden and I are just friends. Do you trust me or do you trust that stupid picture?'' Carmen scoffed,
''Friend? How did you even become friends with him? And, not only him, what about Trevor Jackson huh? You were sitting in his car, I saw you with him that day-''
''You know very well that this person is lying,'' My voice shook as I began, ''you were there when Marley left. Even after that, you trust this person over me? You trust those pictures?'' She looked taken aback when I mentioned Marley. But it didn't faze her.
Instead she looked at me in disbelief, ''You are not the same person anymore Ally. You kept being ''friends' with all these guys and never said a word. But when I hid mine and Daniel's relationship from you, you had to act like a freaking brat and discuss it with my brother. Who do you think you are?''
Who was I? A friend? A selfish person? A slut? When I saw the contempt in her eyes, I realized that if people start to judge us like that, our own judgement for our selves becomes clouded as well. As I saw in Carmen's eyes, I began to lose sight of myself.
''In the end, you think I'm a slut.'' Lillian gasped at the word, Dale looked away from us.
Carmen backed away from me, hatred oozing in her voice, ''Good that you know.'' When she left, it was Daniel who followed her out, before throwing a glare in my direction.
''You probably think the same?'' I asked Lee after they left,
Lee stared at me pointedly, ''I can't believe you are friends with Trevor Jackson. Not only are you his friend, you're also dating him.'' I never expected Lee to say those words, but lately all things happening were expecting.
''Lee, can you not even allow me to explain?''
There was pain in his eyes, pain I had caused, ''Ally, you have no idea how much me and my family have suffered because of my dad and that guy. If you had even a slightest idea, you would've understood.''
''I-''
''I thought we were friends.'' He said in a torn voice, ''I guess I was wrong.''
I didn't stop Lee when he stalked away from me, I just prayed that this would be over. I prayed for someone to delete those damn posts.
I wished that they would come back to me. I knew they wouldn't.
The worst part was; my friends hadn't trusted me. The moment when I needed them the most, they had walked out on me, left me alone to face all this. I had never felt so alone before this moment.
* * * *
''This is the third time, you almost broke the cup.'' Shane reminded me as I did the dishes.
''I'm sorry.'' I replied to him and focused on my work, which was really hard.
It had already been three days since the post went up and I was beginning to feel like life was being sucked out of me slowly. My days at school were getting worse with every passing minute. The rumors were spreading like crazy and I had little courage left to face everyone. There was a new post yesterday that went up on the website and my profile was now filled with hate comments from people I had never even talked to.
Carmen and Daniel were not talking to me, every time they saw me, I could see hate reflecting in their eyes and I began to feel as if every memory we had before was slowly fading away. Lee was the same, and his anger hurt me the most, because it was justified.
''Your shift is finished, you can leave.'' I heard Derrick's voice after a while. I hadn't realized I had been standing alone in the kitchen for the past few minutes. It was the first time in days that Derrick had talked to me directly, let alone looked at me.
''I know'' I said and he turned to leave. Summoning some courage I reached forward and made him stop.
''Did you finally decided to talk to me?'' I demanded, angry that he was still not looking at me.
''I have work to do.''
''The cafe is closing in ten minutes, what work could you have?'' I asked, beseechingly.
''Allyson'' he warned and I just lost it. The frustration that was building up inside of me began to boil out and I forced him to face me, making him turn around and stare at my eyes.
''I thought at least you would trust me, you out of all people. Do you...also think I'm a whore who is trapping all the guys?!'' His eyes flashed at me dangerously,
''I never said a word.'' He growled,
''That's the problem!'' I yelled, ''you won't say a word! What is your problem? You are not the one who has to go through all this!''
He looked away for a brief second and cursed out loud, ''Are you done?''
My lips began to wobble and tears pooled in my eyes, ''Are you angry because I'm Aiden's friend? Or are you angry because the person who drove your sister away is back?''
He grabbed my hand and pushed me away roughly, ''Don't talk about my sister with me. You, who don't even know anything-''
''I know!'' I cried, ''I know, because right now I'm going through the same thing! My friends hate me! Everyone calls me a whore in school! You...you won't even look at me properly! Am I that disgusting to you?''
''Shut up!''
I didn't shut up, instead I kept going on, unable to hold myself back. I hated that expression on his face, I hated how angry he was. Because I was supposed to be the one to show anger, not Derrick or anyone else.
''Did you treated Marley like this as well?'' I asked in a quivering voice, ''did you avoided her like this as well? Maybe that's why she ran away.''
''SHUT UP!'' Derrick roared and banged his hand on the door, making me jump. I closed my eyes upon realizing I had pushed his buttons. For once I didn't regret it.
''It's the truth isn't it?'' I whispered, Derrick stared at me with hurt in his eyes. He closed the distance between us and grabbed my arms, pushing me towards him so that our faces were almost touching. With his fingers digging in my skin and his heated gaze intensifying, he said in low and cruel voice,
''Leave before I lose my mind.''
''Do you want me gone as well? Just like Marley left?'' He didn't reply, instead he let go of my arms, making me stumble and I hit my back against the door.
Before I could say another word, Derrick left.
* * * *
I've been working on cutting down some parts of the future chapters. I don't want this story to drag on for too long. Maybe I'll try to finish it before we reach chapter 30, give or take two.