Chapter 53.
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"No matter how many times you read it, it's still going to say the same thing."
"Huh?" the word croaked from my throat as I looked up at Jordan as he walked in before my eyes followed his back to the book in my hands. I cleared my throat. "Oh..." I ran my eyes over the paragraph I had been reading for the past hour and realised I had not actually read a word of it. I had not taken a word in, I was halfway through the book and I had no idea what it was about.
I swallowed as I closed the book and looked at the bed.
He didn't look like himself, his skin looked drained, like he was the victim in a vampire movie. His head was wrapped in bandage and there were tubes everywhere from his nose to his wrist. He looked so vulnerable. His hands were cold when I touched them, they were never cold before. His hair was longer, and he had stubble growing.
A few days ago everyone stayed around here. Now it was just me, David and their mother. Clyde and everyone else had a mess to clean up. David was at the loft right now, I think. His mother was here more than he was. She looked older, much older than she did the last time I saw her, understandably. She doesn't look too messed up, she was trying to look like she was alright, but I could tell that she was terrified. First Anna and now...
I shook my head. He wasn't going to die. He was going to wake up.
The beeps from his heart monitor were the only thing that actually showed that he was still here. I chose not to think about anything other than the fact that he was still alive. So he had to wake up soon.
I might have been being naïve, but I couldn't deal with any other possibility.
The fact that Declan was dead didn't matter much to me right now.
"Alex?" I looked up as Jordan shook my shoulder. I forgot he was there. "Did you hear anything I just said?"
I gave him a look not even trying to hide how tired I was. I really wasn't in the mood for any type of social interaction, even with him. I just wanted to stay here, talk to and watch Sergio until he woke up. I didn't want to talk with anyone. It was so much work...
He gave a sigh shaking his head. He sounded frustrated even though he was trying to hide it. I could tell he was hiding something more.
"What?" I asked softly.
"Come get some lunch with me."
"I'm not hungry." I mumbled.
"You need to eat. I'm not leaving until you do." He said. "We're getting lunch." he said.
I frowned looking back at Sergio. I got up placing my book on the food stand before I followed Jordan out of the room.
We made our way to the cafeteria in silence and he bought food before he handed me a pie. I looked at it before I shook my head.
"I'm really not hungry." I mumbled.
"You are. When was the last time you ate?" he asked. I shrugged glancing at the massive clock that hung on the wall across the room.
"Don't you have a lecture right now?"
"Same as you." He replied.
I shook my head.
"You can't just stop going to school."
"I'll just do this semester next year." I mumbled. "Uh... Thanks for lunch... I'm going back, see you later." I took the pie so he would be quiet about my eating habits, though I had no intention of actually eating it. I just wasn't hungry. He followed me.
I walked into the elevator because I didn't have the energy for stairs again.
"You can't just drop everything, Alexander." He said turning to me once we were inside the elevator. We were alone.
"I'm not. I'm... putting it on pause." I said, "Look, I just can't do this right now, okay?"
"You have to. You don't have a choice. You have to keep living, he won't hate you for it." he said.
"I can't." I snapped. "I can't." I repeated in a mumbled as I turned to the mirror and shut my eyes as my hands gripped the railing.
I couldn't act like I was alright, I had done that before but this was too much added to that. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't usually deal with emotions. I just moved by things. My parents' deaths, James, Ezra. I moved by it and I felt okay, or I thought I did. I was never really okay. I knew that now.
"Alexander, look at me." Jordan's voice was serious. I looked up slowly, I could see him behind me in the mirror as he placed his hands on my shoulders, "I came to see you earlier and the doctor was speaking to Kent and his mom. Alex..." He looked pained as he drifted, "The doctors... they don't think he's going to wake up." he whispered.
I stared at him blankly.
"I am so sorry... but you have to try to keep living..." he said.
My hands tightened on the bar as the elevator came to a halt. I was mad at him. How could he believe that? And didn't he understand that I couldn't lose anyone else?
"He'll be fine." I said.
"Alex –"
I shoved his hands from my shoulders as I turned around and glared at him.
"Don't come back here if you can't be positive. He'll be alright." I said.
I walked away from him before he could say anything. I felt a knot fill my throat as I made my way down the hall and my eyes began pounding like they usual did but I had not cried since we brought him in. I walked back into Sergio's hospital room and sat back down where I had before.
I felt like everything was weighing down on me and I couldn't handle it all anymore.
I pushed myself from my seat and leaned over Sergio. I stared at him for a few seconds willing his eyes to open but that didn't happen. I shut my eyes as I brushed my lips against his for little more than a second and then walked out of his room.
I had not left his room for anything more than the bathroom for the past couple of weeks. Sixteen days. The only reason I washed up was because I figured being unhygienic would hurt him since I never left him. It was weird leaving the hospital.
I walked out of the hospital parking lot and caught a taxi before I let it drive me to my house.
"You alright, Kid?" The taxi guy seemed like he was trying to be polite about the way I looked. I looked like shit, I knew that.
"Yeah. How much?" I reached for my wallet but stopped as my hand touched something hard and cold. I pulled the object from my pocket and stared at it.
The doctors had given his watch to Clyde when we got to the hospital.
I studied it before I stopped when the taxi driver cleared his throat.
"Oh uh... can we go somewhere else?"
"Sure." He said giving me an odd stare.
I redirected him to Sergio's house before I paid and thanked him as I climbed out of his taxi. I made my way into the house without knocking and no one said a word as I passed them. I looked towards the kitchen, usually the first place I would go but I didn't want to see anyone and I knew Kent was with Sergio's mother.
I walked over to Sergio's office and was surprised to find it unlocked.
I pushed the door open and Ben jumped.
"Alex... I... I was –" He shook his head with a sigh, "I was snoopning."
I gave a tight attempt at a smile at his honesty. I walked in and realised he had been going through the drawer I had last time.
"You found the envelopes?"
"You knew these were here?" He asked lifting it out of the drawer. I noticed an envelope with his name on it on the table, he looked down, "I uh... I was looking for some statements, I found them but then I found a snow globe..." And then he began looking for other random things. It was amusing; Ben's a kid at heart.
"What does it say?" I asked picking up the envelope with 'Benjamin' scribbled across it. He pretty much snatched it back and put the others on the table.
"I don't know. I really want to see what's in it but... I wouldn't want him pissed at me." he mumbled.
I shook my head taking the one with my name on. I looked at the envelope in my hands, curious about what was in it but also afraid. What would he put in envelopes addressed to the people he was close to? It felt like I knew, but I refused to think it.
"Uh... he won't mind." I tore my envelope open – well, not mine, but yeah.
I pulled out a letter as I heard Ben's tear open.
I felt my heart sink as I read the 'Dear Alex' on the top but I forced myself to keep reading.
'There could be two reasons you're reading this. The first is you've somehow got the key to my office and you are now invading my privacy, in which case I will kill you if I find you –' I smiled, 'The second is you've feely walked into my office because it's impossible for me to be mad at you or anyone because I'm not around anymore.' I stopped. He predicted this? 'I write or update these letters every couple of months or when I have time to. I guess with losing Anna and then getting into this I've realised there are no final words like in a movie. You don't get to say anything. You're just gone. I want everyone to know what I thought about them, in case my lucky streak suddenly ends. Even I'm surprised I've survived this long. So if I got hit, I hope you're not too sad. I expected it.' I frowned. I looked at Ben, his eyes were glossy as they ran over his letter. I looked back down at the one in my hand. 'I can't believe we're together. I can't believe I have you. You've been driving me insane since I met you. Not since we met. I met you when you were unconscious on my couch; I thought you were handsome.' I gave a laugh, 'Seriously though, I hope this letter isn't too soppy. I don't want to ruin my bad image, I have a feeling that's half of the reason you love me. I know you do, well... I hope you do...' He's an idiot even on paper. I chuckled. It was strained. The more I read of this letter the tighter my chest got. I didn't want to read it, it sounded like he was saying goodbye, but I wanted to know what was in it. 'I've never felt like this about anyone or anything, it's honestly freaking me out but I like it. Everyone always tells me I'm really lucky. I didn't think I was that lucky, and then I met you. People like me don't usually get to feel what I feel for you. We don't deserve it. We don't get to be this happy about someone. But I am. And I get to be with you. I'm so grateful for that. I hope you know I love you, even if I never got the guts to say it. Pretty pathetic, I've been part of shoot outs in gang wars but I cannot say three words.' I chocked on my tears as I laughed, 'I hope you're happy. I hope you find someone that feels the same way I do about you – I hope it's not Ben. No, seriously, you two could be really good friends but a relationship more than that won't work out... And it would be weird.' I rolled my eyes before wiping them with my sleeve. Ben was cool but no. He wasn't Sergio... 'Don't be too sad if I'm gone. I've never been happier than I am right now and I doubt that will change. Stay out of trouble. I love you, Alexander.'
I felt numb as I read the last two sentences. It was goodbye, it felt like it. But it can't be...
"Alex, it's alright." I shook my head clenching my fist as Ben walked over to me.
The paper crumbled in my hand and the top bent slightly making my eyes catch more writing on the back. I turned it over. Numbers?
The safe password?
Why...?
"Safe." I wiped my eyes trying to stop crying.
"What?"
"There's a safe here." I put the letter down.
"A safe? In here? But... wait..." Ben looked at his letter, "It's says he left everyone a gift... I'm confused... Is it in the safe?" He looked at me. I raised my brows.
I shrugged and began banging on the walls. Ben followed my lead until he hit a hollow-sounding spot.
"This is a brick house." he said.
"Can't be more than a one-brick wall if it sounds like that." I tried to kick the wall but Ben shoved me back before he did it and it caved.
I coughed as dust surrounded us while the plaster and bricks fell onto the carpet and into the open space in front of the safe's door.
"How did I never know this was here?" He mumbled shocked.
I pulled the watch out of my pocket as I stepped up to the door. How would he be able to get anything into this safe without breaking the wall every time? I looked up. His room was above this. Maybe he had a second opening from there... In which case... we broke the wall for no reason...
I entered the codes into the safe before we heard the door unlock and looked at each other.
"I hope these aren't dead bodies." he said smirking.
"Shut up." I muttered pushing the safe open. "It's dark." I mumbled walking inside. I froze. Please don't let this be something bad. It didn't smell bad, hopefully that strikes out dead bodies.
"No shit, where's the light switch?" I heard Ben as he followed me inside.
I heard his hand bumping against the wall. I wasn't going to follow his lead, we had no idea what was against the walls.
"Hey, Ben." I pulled my phone out and turned the flash light on aiming it towards where Ben's hand movements had been coming from.
"Get that shit away from my eyes!" He snapped.
"Oops." I smirked and even though he couldn't see my face I guess he knew because he flipped me off before he turned back around.
We found the switch a few steps from where we were before he turned the lights on and turned to me.
"Holy shit."
I turned around and my jaw dropped a little. There was money. Everywhere.
"What the hell?" Ben mumbled as he lifted a stack.
I turned the letter in my hand around and looked at the code before I looked at the writing beneath it.
'It's from work. It's for the guys. Just let Clyde handle it.' I smiled looking up. All of this is for his gang members? Sweet.
"Where did this come from? I thought everything we made went into bank accounts."
"Bank accounts?" I asked. Oh. They're evading tax...
"What the fuck?" We heard Clyde's shocked voice from outside.
I followed Ben as he made his way to the door.
"Ben, have you seen Alexander? Jordan and I can't find him. He might be doing something stup –" I stepped out of the safe and Clyde stopped. He looked at me. He was quiet.
"What?" Ben asked.
"Alex..."
I felt the page slip from my hand as I looked down feeling myself break.
No.
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