Listen to 'I can say' by Olivia Millerschin, for this chapter. Video above.
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I roll around in my comfy bed.
BED!?
My whole body shoots up and I find myself staring at my room, in my bed. Phew. Wait! How did I get here in the first place?
I look down and I'm still in my clothes from yesterday night. On my bedside table the is 100, 50, 20, 5, $175. Must be from babysitting.
I walk down the stairs and am greeted by the smell of my mums bacon and eggs.
"Hey mum." I say, hugging my mum and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Good morning sleeping beauty. How did you sleep?" My mum smiles and hugs me back.
"It was...okay." I shrug. "How did I get home?"
My mum smiles and giggles. "Ahh. That beautiful boy, Drake, is it? He brought you to bed and tucked you in." She says returning to her cooking.
"Oh. Okay. I'm gonna go to the skate park. Okay?" I say walking out of the room.
"You aren't hungry?"
"Umm...not really." I shrug walking up the stairs.
I throw my grey hoodie over my head, black jeans and my light grey beanie. I tie my converse up. I put on my white helmet over my beanie and put my knee and arm pads on and grab my grey skateboard, tucking it under my arm.
"Bye mum." I call.
"Be back by five. I love you."
"Love you too!" I skate down to the park. It's about a ten minute walk but a seven minute ride so not that long.
I do a few ollies on my way and I go pretty high as well.
I started skating when I was ten and my cousins showed me this skatepark. I normally go to take my mind off things.
My sisters skate too but can't do as many tricks as I can. I know I'm not good at everything. I know I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm far from perfect but skating kind of makes me feel like I actually can do something properly.
When I get to the park I start off by doing a few kickturns then I do a one-eighty and a kickflip. I almost lost my board when it was spinning but I quickly recovered.
After a while of skating I stop for a rest.
My eyes fly out of their sockets when I see a set of beautiful blue eyes on me.
I make my way towards Drake with my mouth still gaping open. "W-what are you doing here?" I look down and see he has and skateboard of his own with a skull and fire on it.
He's wearing a white shirt (per usual) with a blue and green shirt over the top. It's button down but it's not buttoned up and the sleeves are rolled up.
It doesn't look like one of those fancy smancy tops, in fact it looks worn out. He has black baggy jeans on and he has a grey helmet on his head and knee and shoulder pads.
"And a nice hello to you as well." He says teasingly. "I came to skate." He shrugs.
"How long have you been..."
"About ten minutes." He shrugs.
"You know you could've told me to move. I wouldn't have minded." I say placing a hand on my hip.
"Yeah. I could've. Or I could just watch you skate. Your really good." He nods. "When did you learn all those tricks."
"Self taught." I say adjusting my knee pads.
"Cool. Could you teach me how to do a kickflip?"
I ponder on the question. I could teach him but do I want to teach him?
"You're lucky I'm feeling generous today." I say spinning on my heel and walking back to the ramp with Drake following behind me.
"Okay. So you know how to do an ollie?" He nods his head. "So, it is basically an ollie where you kick the heelside edge of the skateboard while you jump, so it flips around in the air before you land. Got it?"
"Yep. But can you show me?"
"Sure." I say. I get to the edge of the ramp and skate down. When I get to the opposite end I turn and do a kickflip. When I reach Drake again I turn and do a double kickflip. It's easy for me because I have a lot of muscle in my thigh. Or that's what my gym teacher says. At the other end I do a hardflip which is the intermediate level kickflip. I stop when I get back to the other side where Drake it.
"Show off." He mumbles.
I roll my eyes. "Your turn. Think you can do it? Have you tried before?"
"Yeah. I've tried." He shrugs.
"Maybe we shouldn't do it on the ramp. We'll start on the fl-"
"No. It's okay. I can do it on the ramp." He nods.
"Are you sure?" I ask uncertainly.
"Positive."
I nod and cross my arms over my chest with my board under my left foot. "When your ready." He drops and when he get to the end he does a perfect kickflip. I smile but just as he lands, his ankle bends and he falls.
I gasp and drop down with my board fast and race to him. I stop my board with the nose of it and let it slide of as I rush to tend to Drake.
"You douche! I said to start on the floor." I say kneeling down and check his ankle.
"I'm great thanks for asking." He winces and I shake my head.
"Take your shoe off." I order.
He looks confused but I look him dead in the eye and he obeys.
His ankle has swelled up and is bruising really badly. I touch the area and he immediately hisses and pulls his foot back.
"Shit! Thank fuckin' hurt like a bitch." He swears and throws his head back in pain.
I look at him before looking back at his ankle. "Try standing on it." I say.
"What? That will kill." He complains.
"I need to see how bad the sprain is. If you can stand on it it will be a two grade sprain but if you can't without my help it's a three grade." I grab his bicep and pull him up.
He wobbles a little and I hold on to him for another thirty seconds before letting go carefully.
He stands perfectly fine. He looks up to me and smiles proudly.
I scoff. "You're meant to put weight on it, you know?"
He frowns. "Oh man." His weight shifts from his good foot to his bad foot. "Ah mother fucker!" He winces and falls off balance.
My arms shoot out to stabilise him. "You okay?"
"No. It's bloody killing me." He shuts his eyes tightly, his muscles tense.
"That's what you get for not being careful." I say dryly.
"You see. Normal people would be 'Aww. You poor thing.' And you are blaming this all on me." He says his voice cracking.
"Yes, but those people wouldn't know the first thing about helping you. I, on the other hand, know what you did wrong and know how to help." I smirk knowing that I'm right. "I'm letting go."
I slowly let go of him and this time he's a little more balanced but still wobbly.
"Is your mum home?" I ask.
"No. She's at my brothers soccer practice and won't be back till late."
"You got a key?" I question.
"Yeah."
I help Drake get to his house and let me tell you it is not easy. The big oaf weighs a ton and he's not really using his foot at all.
"You need to use your foot." I advised. "I can't carry you all the way." He moans and then slowly applies weight on his ankle.
Our boards are back at the skatepark. No doubt someone will steal them.
I texted my mum saying that I have to help Drake and I'll probably be late for dinner. She said that she was just gonna say she has to go to a friend of hers. Somehow her friends broke her butt when she fell down the stairs at her house and my mums having dinner at her house.
"Key." I say with my hand open. Drake pulls the key out of his pocket and I unlock the door.
His house is similar to mine because they are semi detracted houses.
The space is not to small but cosy. The walls are painted a cream colour and have some photo frames hung up.
One in particular is different from the rest. There is a family but unlike the rest this one has a man in the picture. There is a woman as well and three kids. One kid, a boy; looks to be around ten and there is another boy but a baby. A girl is standing next to the older boy, his arm swung over her shoulder. She smiles slyly at the camera: obviously hiding something. The family looks so happy. The older boy has crystal blue eyes and messy brown hair. I recognise that face anywhere. Drake.
Drakes eyes follow where mine are looking and he laughs. "That's the only picture we have of my dad. Mum kind of...got rid of the rest."
I look at him and frown.
"But like I said before; he wasn't much of a father figure." He shakes it off. "C'mon. I'll show you the kitchen."
He sits down on a wooden chair and I prop his foot up on it another with a pillow underneath it.
I go to get an ice pack from the freezer and a tea towel and I wrap the ice pack in the tea towel.
I put the frozen object on Drakes ankle. "Hold it on the area. It'll reduce the swelling and make it a little more comfortable for you." I say. "Where is the first aid kit?"
"Over there." He points to a cabinet under the sink. I jog to the sink then open the cupboard and pull out the kit. I jog back to Drake and take a seat next to him. I pull out a bandage and special sticky tape as well as a safely pin.
"How come your so good at this?" Drake asks. I look up and find him staring at me. I blush and look back down avoiding eye contact.
"Umm. You're not the only one that has hurt yourself skating." I say slyly.
"How'd it happen?"
"I was skating when I was fourteen-"
"All alone?"
"Yes. Anyway, I was skating and I tried to do a kickflip. I did it a few times but then my jeans got caught on the nose of the board and I fell on my arms as well as twisting my ankle.
"The damage to my arm was pretty bad and I have a scar. It's about a ruler length long. 28 centimetres.
"I had to look on my phone to find instructions on what to do because my parents were overseas for work and my sisters were at friends.
"I put disinfectant on my arm and got it all cleaned up then I worked on my ankle and did some research on how to tell if your ankle is sprained cause I knew that it wasn't going to be the last time that happens."
My eyes close shut at the memory. I remember feeling so alone and helpless. I remember the pain I was in but I didn't shed a tear because I knew that I would be weak if I did. I felt so vulnerable and lost and even though I just hurt myself mildly it just, I couldn't compare the feelings I felt at being fourteen. I was miserable.
I don't notice I was crying until I'm pulled into a tender hug.
I'm hit with the scent of peppermint and I begin to sob into Drakes shirt. He coos me and rubs circles on my back.
Gosh dang it. I'm so weak.
I pull away and fist my hands to wipe the tears off my face. "I-I'm fine." I stutter because of my crying.
"No you're not." Drake grips my shoulders and I tilt my head so I'm facing him. "Why are you crying?"
I bite my lip and look down.
"Look at me Evangeline." He say my full name. His voice is full of concern and worry and softness.
He holds me like I'm the most fragile thing in the world. But I don't look up.
"Evangeline." He repeats. "Look at me."
I oblige. When I met his gaze, I feel drawn into his eyes. The icy blueness generates a feeling like I am being pulled into a lake of frozen emotions. It is like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together to form a whirlpool of apprehension. I can tell by his body language that he is worrying for me, and he's scared of what had happened, he's clueless on my feelings, and those flickering azure orbs confirm my thoughts.
"Why are you crying? What happened?" He asks.
I suddenly get the unruly urge to pour my heart out. I feel like I can trust him. "I felt s-so lost and a-alone." I stutter crying one again. "I f-felt h-helpless and v-vulnerable." Drake pulls me into another embrace and I grip the top of his shirt tightly, crying my heart out.
Drake kisses my head and my heart melts at the action.
"Shhh. It's okay. You're not alone, or helpless or vulnerable. You're strong and caring and beautiful and smart." He coos and I freeze at his words.
Am I those things?
"N-no. I'm not any of those things." I protest.
He brings his lips to my ear and whispers "Yes. Yes you are. You're all of those things and more. Everyone knows it. Everyone but you." He sighs. "Why can't you see that? Your the most amazing person I've ever met."
I furrow my eyebrows. "I..." My phone buzzes next to Drake and he looks at it and gasps.
"Who the hell sent this!?" He yells angrily, but his anger is not directed at me, rather at the person that sent the text.
I pull my phone away from him and read the text.
Unknown: Hey slut! How's my favourite bitch? I really don't care. Hope ur not looking at guys lustfully again. Some of those guys have girlfriends. U should really just do everyone a favour and kill urself. By the way, nice outfit the other day. Who picked it out for you? Your grandma? Oh wait! She's dead. Lol. Bitch.
-A
I breakout into another round of tears and I throw my phone across the island. I run my fingers through my hair and scream at the top of my lungs.
My tears cover my face and my nose grows snotty. "Ahhhhhh! I hate myself! I hate my life! Kill me just kill me now!" My shoulders quiver and my vision is blurry.
"Hey. Don't say that about yourself." Drake says, worry coating his voice like icing on a cake.
I pull at my hair hard. Drake wraps me in an embrace and I thrash around in it.
"Stop! Let me go!" I yell banging on my face.
"Evangeline. Stop please." He pleads.
"Kill me now! Please kill me." I scream, tears falling heavily from my eyes and I know that they're not going to stop.
"Evangeline! P-please stop. Y-you're worrying m-me. P-please." Drake stutters holding me close to him. His chest vibrates and I hear sobs.
I don't stop trashing and kicking and screaming. "I'M WORTHLESS! I'M FAT AND UGLY AND STUPID AND I'M A SLUT!" I cry.
"No you're not. P-please. Why can't you s-see that?" Drakes sobs.
"Let me go! Let me go to die and do everyone a favour!" I scream, my voice muffled by Drakes shirt.
"I'm not letting you go Evangeline. Not now, tomorrow or ever." He promises.
"Yes you will! Everyone does!" My family is never home, I'm all alone and I get bullied but the sad thing is, it's very true what Alison says. Every. Last. Word.
"I'm never leaving you Blossom. Never ever in your wildest dreams will I ever leave you!" He holds me so close to him, I can feel his palpitating heart. It thuds loud in his chest. "Please, please stop." His chin rests on my head as he rubs circles on my back.
"L-let me g-go. Please. Just let me go." I whisper.
"Never. I'll never leave you. I'll always be by your side." His hand finds my own and he intertwines our finger together.
I try to pull away but I can't. He has a strong hold on my hand. I calm down and lean into Drakes hard but soft chest. My eyes shut and I'm swallowed whole by the darkness of sleep.