I improved continually over the course of the next few days, and the doctor was pleased with my progress. After begging and pleading to be sent home, the doctor finally relented, placing me on strict bedrest. Any and all physical activity was absolutely prohibited until further notice, he told me, and my doctors appointments with the obstetrician would have to increase in frequency. I was trying to hold out to 37 weeks, full term for twins, and I was determined to make it. The world is hard enough as it is, I thought, I wanted to give my littles plenty of time in my close protection.
Lindsey gathered my things and brought the car to the front of the hospital as I was pushed outside in a wheelchair by an attending nurse. He helped me into the vehicle, bucking my safety belt around my ever growing midsection and kissing me gently.
To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I obviously cared about the health of the boys, and that would always come first, but it suddenly became so real to me in that hospital that they would be here shortly. When the doctor talked to me about an emergency c-section, I couldn't help but to worry that the only ones who weren't ready were the babies. I wasn't ready. Sure, I had the nursery ready and stacks of diapers and bottles ready to go- but I wasn't ready. What do I know about having two tiny babies depend on me for everything? And I was going to be outnumbered.
Not only that but what about Lindsey? The way he has been looking at me lately kinda scares me a bit. He's so googley eyed and smiley. I have this underlying fear that he's suppressing his emotions. I mean, I know I'm not supposed to be stressed right now but I also don't want him to keep it bottled up until he just explodes some night at 4am when we have two tiny, hungry little boys in our house screaming their lungs out for no reason. We bought a house, we have a car, there's a nursery set up in the next room- but both of us know that playing a happy family is a dangerous rode. We both have explosive tempers and our relationship is anything but subtle. The love is always there, but putting a proverbial fresh coat of paint on it won't fix the structural issues. He thinks I need his pity right now he's wrong, and I hope that he knows I'm sincerely happy with where we are- just being us.
We arrive back to the house and Lindsey has cleared out all of the visitors- and I'm grateful. I'm so exhausted and I just want to lay down in my own bed. I've been on restricted duty for a couple days and I'm already about to bounce off the walls. At least when I'm here I'll have access to my library and my journals- and nobody will be drawing my blood in the early hours of the morning.
"Straight to bed, missy," Lindsey tells me as he walks step by step with me as if he were afraid I would suddenly shatter into a million pieces.
"I've got it from here," I promise him, sending him to retrieve the rest of our belongings from the car.
The car, I laugh to myself a bit as I change into a nightgown and wash my face. Lindsey went out and bought a car. To keep here. It made sense, really, but it still made me chuckle a bit. We would need a way to get around with the boys in tow and it wasn't feasible to be calling a car and loading and unloading car seats every five minutes. So there it was, in my driveway, our family sedan. Times had sure changed for Lindsey and I, and I must say that he jumped into the deep end with me with both feet. I got into bed, laying back into my familiar plush pillows and pulling the covers over my legs as there was still a chill in the air.
Lindsey unloaded our belongings and took a quick shower, changing into a pair of pajama pants and joining me in bed for a movie. He had moved a TV into my bedroom, and even though I hate the idea of TV in the bedroom, a girl can only do so much sitting while she's in bedrest- besides, it was mostly for Lindsey's entertainment.
"Steph," He wrapped his arms around me, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head, and leaning closer to my ear to whisper the question I least expected to hear. "Marry me?"
My head was spinning. "Lindsey, I-" I was so shocked and so overwhelmed. The words were tumbling out of me before I knew what was happening.
"No."