When I woke up the fluorescent lights were no longer glaring into my eyes and the room was absent of its previous chaos. I was disoriented to say the least, but I thought I had just blinked for a minute. I looked around in the dark, silent room which contained only myself and a sleeping Lindsey curled up next to me, hair a mess and mouth slightly agape as his head rested slightly on the side of the oversized chair in the room. He woke as soon as I stirred, greeting me with a gentle kiss on the forehead and a soft, "Hey there, Mama."
He peeked briefly out the door to quietly signal someone and returned to my side.
"Just letting them know you're awake," he told me. "How you feeling," he lightly brushed a stray hair away from my face.
"Where are the babies?" I asked immediately, only truly realizing how weak I felt when I attempted to speak.
Lindsey smiled sincerely at me. "they're in the nursery, they're just fine, Angel. They're perfect. You did such a good job," he reassured me. "It's you that gave us a little scare," he told me.
I had blacked out after birth, the result of a combination of sheer exhaustion and a significant amount of blood loss. It had only been a few hours, but my heart aches from missing the first tender moments of life with my boys.
I was thoroughly examined and instructed to take it easy, the medical staff advising me that I would be moved back to the maternity ward within the hour and would slowly regain my strength over the next days- and that I was going to need it. Left to ourselves again I had a million questions for Lindsey, primarily about the location of our boys.
"They're in the nursery. They'll bring them to us when you're moved back to the maternity ward," he assured me, sitting casually on the edge of my bed.
"But you didn't stay with them? Have you checked on them?" My concern was likely evident on my face, but I just had to know they were okay.
Lindsey remained calm. "Don't worry," he assured me, "I've checked in on them. They're just keeping them warm in the nursery, I promise they're both doing fine. They're so tiny and so perfect. They have your nose and your chin and the smallest little feet. I can't get over how flawless they are," he beamed. "It's you that I was worried about," he confessed.
"I'm just tired," I admitted, defeated. "Did you- did you name them? Did you take care of everything? Have they been fed yet?"
"I didn't do anything without you," he told me, and somehow I felt a little better. "And I'm sure they'll have you feed them as soon as we're down there."
I nodded in agreement, antsy to go. Only minutes later I was taken to the second floor and situated in a room large enough to accommodate both Lindsey and I as well as two tiny hospital cribs. I cried all over again when the boys were brought in and I held them each in my arms, and so did Lindsey. I made some space for him on my bed, folding myself gently into his arms as we each held one of our children.
"This is Luca," I told him gently but confidently, unable to take my eyes off of his tiny little nose. "I think it just fits him perfectly. Don't you think so, baby boy," I asked playfully. He snuggled closer into my chest. "I'll take that as a yes," I told Lindsey, who gently rubbed my arm. "Your name is Luca, sweetheart. I love you so much, Luca," I cooed to him, kissing him gently on the top of his head and lightly running my fingers over his soft hair.
"Here you go," Lindsey whispered, lay with your brother." Lindsey gently lay the baby he was holding onto me and then positioned himself protectively around the three of us. "And your name is Matteo, little one." he said softly, his finger lovingly tracing a tiny little check.
"Hi baby Matty," I chimed in softly. "I'm your Mama."
My heart had never before been so full. All the other times in my life in which I thought I had it all seemed so insignificant in this moment. Nothing in the world mattered to me more than the love surrounding me right now. No amount of fame or fortune, parting or luxury, would ever compare to my little family.
The boys slept gently next to each other, used to being in such close proximity and content for the time being dozing on my chest under a soft blanket. I watched them sleep like it was the most entertaining thing I'd ever experience, the most beautiful artwork I'd ever seen- and it was.
Eventually they woke, still groggy but most definitely hungry. I carefully fed them one at a time while Lindsey held the other, rocking him back and forth and changing them before settling them into their respective cribs for the night.
He pulled a small folder off of the nightstand and handed it to me with a pen and I completed their birth certificates, automatically handing them to Lindsey for his signature. He studied my face and looked at the paperwork signing the certificates and crawling into bed with me, visibly emotional again.
"What's wrong?" I asked as he buried his face in my hair and wrapped me in his arms.
"We hadn't really talked about it," he told me. "And you named them Buckingham."
"Of course I did, Lindsey," I told him, turning his chin gently so that he was facing me. "You're their daddy," I told him, looking deep into his eyes. "And I want them to know it."
