I applied a final coat of mascara, thinking over the last few days. Things had continued to just get better and better for Lindsey and I. Confined quarters like the ones that we were in did seem to bring out any lingering issues between the two of us, but we worked through them in what I would consider to be a fairly successful manner.
The boys stayed with us for a few days, eventually retuning to Italy with my mother so that we could get back in the groove of things and finish the album. I missed them, there was no doubt about that, but Lindsey and I clearly needed some time to ourselves.
The album, well, that's another topic entirely. Lindsey and I weren't able to separate work and relationship very well- never had been, but I'd been optimistic that we would be able to turn over a new leaf in that department. I was wrong. And what I realize now is that we don't necessarily have to. The artists in us are what make us- well, us. Taking that away or stifling that creativity in either of us would lead to disaster, and had in the past. But even though we did both feel strongly about everything we did, we had learned to soften ourselves in our criticisms and our off the cuff remarks- I'll go ahead and chalk that up to having kids. After we left the studio, even if I wanted to rip him a new one, I didn't. And we were learning how to talk through things, a step that we had previously never even contemplated.
We had all agreed to take the evening off, everyone going about their own ways, and Lindsey had asked me to dinner. He was so charming and whether or not I want to admit it, I was nothing short of smitten with him lately. I had always been in love with him but something was just different this time.
I heard a knock on the door to our room and was a bit startled, thinking everyone was already gone for the evening. I opened it to find Lindsey, dressed for dinner, with a bouquet of flowers for me, hair still wet from the shower and looking so handsome it made me instantly weak in the knees.
"Hey," he put his hands into his pockets, almost unsure of himself. "You look great."
"Thanks," I blushed, unsure of why I was so suddenly so shy in front of a man who has seen me go through childbirth. "You too."
I grabbed my bag and joined him, enjoying the ride through the quiet countryside before we arrived at a small bistro for a casual but delicious meal. We talked about everything under the sun, though I carefully steered the conversation away from our relationship as well as the boys any time they came up- which was often. I did want to talk to him about both topics, but I knew this wasn't the place. We eventually paid the check and decided to retire to the pool outside of the chateau with a bottle of wine, knowing better than to get overly friendly with one another in public.
Returning to the house Lindsey opened a bottle of wine while I lit a few candles on the patio, relaxing into an over sized longer. He quickly joined me, one arm wrapping around my shoulders as I relaxed into him, our bodies always fitting together so perfectly.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," I began timidly, unsure of why I was suddenly so nervous.
"Mmm? What's that?" He wasn't at all on edge, taking another sip of red wine and holding me close under the stars.
"I've been doing research on preschools for the boys, I've had Karen gather information on all the options and I've narrowed it down to two that I think would be best for our needs and now I'd like us to go and tour them together before we pick one out."
"That's fine," he responded nonchalantly, running his fingers through my hair as I spoke. "Where are they, anywhere I'm familiar with?" He referenced his newfound knowledge of Paderno with all the time he's been spending there over the past years.
"Well, yes, actually. Lindsey," I turned to look at him, "they're in California. I want the boys and I to move back to the Malibu. They need to be close to you, and so do I."
I looked at him, waiting for a response and I swear that the biggest, most genuine smile I'd ever seen slowly spread across his face. He leaned in to kiss me. "I'd love that." He kissed me. "I love you." He kissed me again.
"I love you too, Linds," I smiled. Unable to contain any of my emotions.
"Move in with me," he stared at me once again, this time trying to read the emotions on my face, likely holding his breath that I wouldn't lash out at his genuine suggestion.
I had grown though, and so had we as a couple. We had worked out the bulk of our issues over the last couple years, mainly the last months and our time confined to this house. I loved him, the kids wanted to spend more time with him and he was clearly willing to do anything for is. But was it too soon? Would it be too much too quickly? I was fully intending to live in my Malibu home and gradually adjust the boys to the new location, and adjust myself to my permanent proximity to Lindsey. But why? I didn't have an answer for that. I suppose it would be the safe thing to do, but nothing about my love for him was safe. It was always this crazy, maddening all consuming force. So why tempt fate with the possibility of any number of things going awry. And why refuse to let myself be happy?
"Steph," he questioned me. "What do you say, Angel? Let's all move into the big house together. I've almost got all of the work done on it, all of the changes that you wanted to make when you were pregnant," he smiled. "It's always been our house. The boys know it as home, and I've never been able to live there knowing you weren't with me."
That much was true. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I noticed the house we purchased while I was expecting the boys turn into the home I'd always dreamed of.
"Okay," I said slowly at first. "Okay, let's live together."
He let out a small cheer, throwing his fist into the air as if he'd just won some sort of sporting event, making me smile at the sight of the spectacle. And then he kissed me, and I knew I'd made the right decision.
