Arriving at the hospital, my tranquil state of mind and my optimism about my impending delivery diminished to say the least. My labor progressed quickly and my pain levels sky rocketed. Lindsey never left my side, perched over the edge of my hospital bed, at my beck and call every second. Even though I had only been in advanced labor a short while I could immediately tell something wasn't right. I just felt, well, funny. I'd never given birth before, so I suppose I had no actual way of knowing what I was supposed to be feeling but I'll just call it mother's intuition.
Before I knew it my fears were confirmed and my doctor was stepping in to monitor me closely. We discussed the reality of a c-section and though I preferred the option of a natural birth I gave my consent for whichever decision was best for my babies. I was assured that my physician would do everything he could to bring my boys into the world naturally.
I remember Lindsey counting my breaths, though I paid little attention as I could hardly focus on anything. I also remember making a mental note to have a word with whomever told me that childbirth felt more like 'pressure' than actual pain because, well, they were bold faced liars. Before I knew it I was ready to push, a small army of staff gathering in my room ready to assist me, Lindsey still my side, whispering words of encouragement and comfort. The door to my room opened again as I saw two small incubators being wheeled in. I looked at Lindsey for an answer, wide eyed and frightened as I knew he'd been listening a little closer than I.
"Just a precaution, angel," he assured me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "You're doing great, they're going to be fine."
I held his eye contact, almost afraid to look away but sure that if I stayed lost in his steely blue gaze everything would somehow be okay.
"Okay, Miss Nicks," the doctor began to instruct me, "give me another big push, I think the little guys are ready to make an appearance."
I gave it everything I had, and just when I thought I couldn't go on anymore I heard a cry. The sweetest, tiniest little cry my ears had ever heard. The doctor held up the most perfect little boy I'd ever seen and I immediately burst into tears. He was placed on my chest and covered in a blanket for our few seconds of togetherness, calming almost immediately as he made contact with my skin. I felt Lindsey kiss my forehead and tell me that he was perfect, completely unashamed of the tears that he was now shedding.
In that moment, I became a mother. I'd never known a love like that before the most perfect little boy was presented to me, a product of my love with Lindsey giving me the greatest love I'd ever known in a son. I'm not sure if it was 2 seconds or two hours, because in that moment, with Lindsey by my side, time stood still. I was wrecked back to reality as the baby was lifted from my chest and taken to be examined by a team of nurses as I craned my neck to see, becoming extremely aware of how dizzy and tired I was at that moment. His features were so delicate and I didn't want to ever take my eyes off of him, with his ten perfect little fingers and his ten tiny little toes. I knew he was going to be handsome like his daddy, for whom he was a dead ringer, and if that little boy was never out of arm's length away from me it would be too soon.
"Stevie? Steph!" Lindsey finally snapped me out of it. "You okay?"
I nodded my head that I was, still slightly loopy.
"One more baby," he told me. "He wants to meet his Mama too," he smiled.
I was so exhausted I wasn't sure how I was going to manage a second delivery but my doctor assured me that the most difficult part was over. "Let's hurry up and get this little guy out," he told me, stern faced as he whispered something to the nurse who began exited the room in a quick fashion. I pushed again, unsure of where my second burst of strength came from, and in only a few more minutes I heard the second healthy cry of another baby boy. He took was placed on my chest, his perfect little features so similar but yet so different from his brothers. The two were the perfect combination of both Lindsey and I, and I couldn't find a single flaw between them. I softly traced his little cheek with my finger, looking up at Lindsey, who had a stunned shock on his face. The room spun a bit and everything went blurry. I could see his mouth moving as he was trying to speak to me but my ears were ringing and the room went to grey.
