Karen eventually left me with my thoughts, allowing Christine to take over as the voice of reason when she returned from the store. Few people in this world could truly understand the complexities of my relationship with Lindsey over the years but Chris was absolutely able to relate.
I gave her the recap on what had happened and was actually met with somewhat of a stunned silence.
"Listen, love," she began. "You and that man have always had an extremely complex relationship and frankly unless it involves me or the band I like to stay out of it, but enough is enough. You have to think about the babies now, and how this will effect them. Isn't that why you have him that ultimatum when you were pregnant?"
I nodded my head yes. "There's no question whether or not he will be here for the boys, I told her, I just don't knew where I stand with him."
"Oh for crying out loud, Stevie, just ask him!"
I nodded my head, still feeling somewhat used. I had hurt him, there was no question. Had he turned to this woman for comfort after I broke his heart or had he wanted her to be there all along? I knew I never wanted my boys to experience the pain that I was going through again and I decided that for their sake, Lindsey was hands off. He could father them all he wanted but it when it came to he and I, I wasn't going to sit idly by while he did whatever he wished and then flew back to his family. I wasn't going to act like nothing was wrong.
I went through the motions the rest of the day, unsure if I was going to break down into tears at a moments notice. Christine could tell I was fragile, giving me an extra hand and not bringing up the topic again. I threw myself into taking care of Luca and Matty, assuring myself that channeling all of my energy into them would make the pain go away. It didn't, but at least I was going to be the best mother I could be.
He called that night to check on us, like he always did. We could both feel the tension on the line, and I could hear the lump in his throat as he addressed me, knowing that we were both well aware of the truth about the previous evening. I congratulated him on a fantastic performance and let him know I sat with the boys and watched him on TV. I think he was proud that they say it, even if they didn't comprehend it.
"I'm ready to come back, are you okay with that," he asked me.
I noticed that he didn't refer to this as 'home.'
I stated that I was, that his boys had grown so much and that I would never keep them apart.
He didn't say much to that, both of us ignoring the elephant in the room but knowing we'd have no choice but to address it when he was here.
He told me he'd fly over tomorrow, declining my offer to send Karen to the airport and telling me he'd just take a cab.
"Christine's here," I told him. "She's been here for a few days, but she will probably head out when you get back.
"She doesn't need to leave because I will be there, Stevie. We can all handle this like adults. Maybe she can keep the kids tomorrow night and you and I can go out for a few hours?"
"Yeah," I told him, "Maybe that will work. We'll talk about it when you get here."
"Alright. Well I have to get up early to make that flight. Goodnight, sweetheart. Kiss the boys for me."
The term of endearment broke my heart even more, knowing there was someone else who was likely receiving the same sentiment from him.
"Goodnight, Linds."
And with that, I hang up the phone and lay back into my pillows, as nervous as I'd ever been to see him and knowing that the next hours waiting for his arrival would pass slowly.
