I woke several times in the night to a wiggly Luca and a coughing Matty. By 3am Lindsey was exhausted and starting to run a fever himself. I slipped out of the bed I was sharing with Luca, careful not to wake him and replacing my body with some pillows, handed him his stuffed elephant as he barely even stirred.
I took Matty from Lindsey, who honestly looked like hell at this point, moaning slightly as he rolled over in exhaustion. I stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower, Matty clinging to me with his arms around my neck and his head lay on my shoulder while he sniffled. I took his now sweaty pajamas off and gave him a dose of children's medication, motioning for Lindsey in the other room without waking Luca and put him into a cold shower with Matty to break their fevers.
We were always able to be amicable towards each other around the boys but I still felt some remaining tension between the two of us from our fight. When I looked into his eyes, though, and watched him father our children, it was obvious to me that we were still deeply in love with each other. I bit my nails slightly, lost in thought, hoping this last fight was just a bump in the road for us. I was pulled out of my thought by Lindsey calling my name and I peeked around the corner, seeing Matty reaching for me to get out.
"He's cooled off, see if his temps down, I'll be out in a minute," Lindsey told me.
I took Matty once he was rinsed off and wrapped him in a fluffy, warm towel, giving him a dose of medication and changing him into new pajamas. I grabbed a blanket and pulled him close, kissing my little prince on the forehead. He had grown so much but he was still my baby boy, as he leaned against me I rocked him slightly, his eyes heavy, as he finally fell asleep.
I heard the shower turn off and Lindsey emerged, looking awful. I got up from where I sat with Matty and rummaged around under the bathroom sink, producing a few pills for Lindsey who quickly took them and dried his hair, then reaching for Matty, who gripped my shirt tightly.
"He's fine," I whispered, "but you guys take the bed."
Lindsey didn't fight me, kissing me softly on the cheek and Matteo on the crown of the head.
Lindsey lay down and closed his eyes as I rocked Matty in the dark room until he was finally completely out. I gently climbed into bed, softly laying my sleeping baby down, noticing that Lindsey was still awake. I smiled gently at him.
"How you feeling?" I asked sympathetically.
"I'll be fine," he told me, scooting closer to Matty and I. "I shouldn't have lost it down there," he told me, looking and Matty and running his fingers through our son's baby curls. "Nevermind the fact that he overheard, I feel terrible enough about that," he nodded to the boys. "But I truly didn't mean what I said to you, Angel."
Though we had mastered the art of fighting many years ago, the world of apologies was generally speaking new territory for us.
"I didn't mean any of it either, Linds. I don't know why I even said those things to you." Tears were forming in my eyes.
He redirected his focus, looking up at me. "I'm sorry. I really am. There's no excuse for me to act that way towards you in any situation and your demos are really fantastic."
I leaned up on my elbows, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "I'm sorry too, Lindsey. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did either."
We lay there for a few moments not saying much, and eventually I heard Luca rustle around and get up, walking over to my side of the bed and climbing in and over me, wishing to be near his brother, and quickly falling back asleep. Though it was against my better judgement I let them be, knowing that Luca likely already had their germs to begin with.
Lindsey reached his arm out towards me, lightly resting it on my knee. I looked at my little family, lightly rubbing Luca's back.
"Please don't give up on us, Linds," I barely choked out. "I can't stand to lose you again. I know it's not always easy, with me or trying to juggle all of this but I love you, Lindsey. Tell me we can keep working through all of our issues."
He squeezed my leg, then moving his hand up to wipe my tears.
"Look at me," he kissed my hand. "I'm not perfect either, you know. I've made some big mistakes and I'm nothing short of lucky that you're willing to forgive me. But I'm not going anywhere, Steph. I'm not leaving you and I'm not leaving these two little wild men," he smiled. "Get some sleep, Mama Bear, I'll be here in the morning and they'll be awake before we know it."
We still had some work to do but we had made so much progress with our relationship and I fell asleep hoping and praying that everything between us would continue to be okay.
