I awoke to Karen knocking lightly on my door before peeking into my room. The old hinges squeaked as she attempted to slip in.
"It's alright, I'm up," I mumbled, moving towards the edge of the bed. The sun was barely shining through my windows as I slowly made my way in for a groggy shower. Had I been awake for any other reason I would surely be fuming, I thought. I must really love him.
Once I was ready my belongings were loaded into the back of the waiting car and Christine, Karen and I sat silently as the vehicle whizzed through narrow streets towards the airport. We flew transatlantic, touching down in New York and then continuing to LA. Though the journey had always been a long trip, it felt especially grueling in my current state.
After ending my pervious phone conversation with Lindsey, who was pretty much obligated to stay in LA for rehearsals, I felt guilty. He was trying to be around me for as much of the pregnancy as possible, all the while meeting his prior musical obligations. On every call since then, which were coming in increasingly frequently, he had told me he had missed me. And truthfully, I too missed him dearly. I didn't want to wait another seven weeks before seeing him face to face and more than that I wanted him to know how truly proud of him that I was.
Tomorrow was the opening show on his tour and I wasn't going to miss it for the world. I had immediately called Karen who made arrangements for my travel and I was intending to surprise Lindsey after his first performance. I had Karen make arrangements so that I could sit side stage and watch him without it being a big deal that I was there. I was almost giddy with excitement to see him perform, and just to see him in general.
I would land only a few hours before his show, allowing me some time to rest at my condo and get ready. I slept for most of the flight as I am exhausted most of the time anyway. I chatted with Christine and Karen, had a snack, and before I knew it the aircraft was touching down in Santa Monica.
It felt as if something inside of me had immediately changed. As though someone had flipped a switch as soon as those wheels touched the Californian runway. I mentally psyched myself up a bit. They knew me here- and there was really not much hiding to be done from the press in this town. I was visibly pregnant and very noticeable.
I gathered my purse and pulled my oversized sunglasses over my eyes, and though they did little to mask my identity they were the only privacy I would be offered from this point until I was once again within the confines of my own home. I quickly made my way from the aircraft to the waiting vehicle, followed by Christine and Karen, and we were whisked away to my waiting condo. I didn't say much for the duration of our trip, or even once we entered the front door. It was if I was all the sudden in an unfamiliar place. This wasn't home for me anymore, it was simply a house. I was on edge more than I anticipated being before I booked this little excursion and I was starting to think this was a bad idea.
Christine must have read my emotions, which were likely clearly displayed on my face, and offered a few comforting words. She was right, I thought. I did want to see Lindsey, it was all going to be okay, and so what if the media found out. It wouldn't be the end of the world and I was an adult with nothing to hide.
She was right, I supposed. And though her words were logical my fears were irrational and therefore remained at the forefront of my mind. Above anything, though, I wanted Lindsey know I stood behind him. I wanted him to know that our fight before he left stuck with me and that I meant what I said. I wanted him to know... to know that I love him.
I took a short nap to rest just a bit more from the trip before getting up and beginning to get ready. I was meticulous with my hair and makeup, my appearance flawless in the mirror, and just they style that Lindsey liked it- not too overdone. I pulled my outfit from the garment bag I had brought with me, so thankful for the dress I had ordered from the tailor in Naples. I paired the black, flowing chiffon top with a pair of leggings and knee high boots and stepped back to examine myself in the mirror. Aside from the fact that I was considerably larger than normal in the mid section, I looked remarkably like myself. My chest had grown significantly and I knew that Lindsey wouldn't mind the plunging neckline as clasp the back of my signature moon necklace and let it fall into place just below the double diamond piece that Lindsey had given me to signify our boys.
Christine had elected to go with me, and soon we were on the way to the venue. The show had barely started when we arrived and Christine was immediately distracted by an old friend who she hadn't seen in years as soon as we entered through the back door of the building.
I made my way to the side stage, standing in the shadows and watching in awe as he played a few songs. He was never very talkative, but he commanded attention from the audience none the less. I had always been amazed by his talent, and tonight was no exception. I assumed that we were a little more than halfway through the show as he finished the last riff on a new song and approached the microphone again to speak to the audience. He was sweating yet he continued to give the crowd everything that he had. I moved two steps to the right, coming into the light but remaining outside of the crowd's field of view. He surveyed the theater in front of him, and his eyes eventually wandered sidestage where he caught a glimpse of me, smiling back at him. He immediately did a double take and became lost for words, almost forgetting where he was. I nodded for him to continue, and he knew he likely couldn't rush off the stage unexpectedly, so he greeted me in the most intimate way that he could,
He turned to face me from the center of the stage, locking eyes, and immediately played my namesake song. It spoke more than 10,000 words ever could to me,. I sat my hand on my stomach, attempting to calm my babies who were kicking inside of my like little wild men at the sound of their father's playing and thought that this had to be pretty close to bliss.
