It was the sign I needed, the gentle push in the right direction and I knew I couldn't hold off any longer. I walked quickly to the edge of my bed and sat down, picking up the receiver of the telephone and dialing the number I knew so well, moving quickly before i had time to change my mind. As the phone rang in my ear, I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, not caring about the time difference. I heard the machine click on and his familiar voice in my ear, instructing me to leave a message. I took a breath, but knowing this wasn't how I wanted to proceed I hung up only a second or two later. Though I knew it was late at night where he was, I also knew that the likelihood of Lindsey to sleep through a ringing phone was next to nothing. I couldn't help but wonder if something, or more accurately, someone, was keeping him preoccupied. I also knew that if he was with another woman I had no room to say anything. I told him to go, I wanted him to find someone that made him happy, or at least that's what I had said.
Laying back into a pile of pillows on my bed I knew better than to let myself be alone right now so I called the next obvious choice.
"Christine. I'm so glad to hear your voice today."
"Hello, love." Her thick British accent wrapped around me like a warm hug from an old friend. "How's life on my side of the pond?"
I smiled. "It's treating me well," or it was until he got back into my head, I thought. "Hey Chris, want to join me for a long weekend?" I asked, coming off more pleading than casual.
"Everything alright over there?" She questioned, reading my nervous emotions immediately.
I gulped loudly, unsure of how to answer.
"I'll be on the next flight to Italy, Nicks." She advised me.
"You're a good friend, Christine," I advised her, grateful for actions. "I'll see you in a few hours."
...
She was a welcome sight as soon as she stepped through my front door, immediately kidding me that I was becoming old and boring as she had awoken me from the nap I lay down for prior to her arrival.
She quickly made herself at home, pouring a glass of wine and automatically handing the me the bottle. I declined, instead making myself a cup of tea, citing that I hadn't been feeling well that morning.
"So once again, I pose the same question- is everything alright," she asked, an eyebrow raised towards me as we walked outside to enjoy the evening and catch up.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Great, really," I lied through my teeth, sitting down on the swinging bench with the oversized cushions and drawing my legs up beside me, making myself comfortable. "What about you," I asked, hating the awkwardness of the forced small talk between two friends, "everything going well?"
"Oh, Cut the crap, Nicks, you're not fooling me."
The statement came out as blunt as I would have expected with her, but nonetheless my eyes widened a bit when she said it. Could she tell?
"What- what do you mean," I brushed it off.
"Oh get off it, you're exhausted, you're queasy and you just turned down a glass of wine," she laughed. "Now come on, who knocked you up? I want all the juicy details on this Italian stud you've apparently been holed up with," she laughed. "And don't even try to deny it, you're already starting to show."
I gulped and looked at my swelling abdomen, placing a hand protectively over my tiny belly. A half a smile broke across my face before I could stop it. I looked up at Christine, who was sitting back and relaxing in the lounge chair across from me. "Well, that's the thing- it's," I paused for a moment, biting my lower lip, "it's Lindsey's."
I swear that at that exact second I was expecting Christine McVie's brain to explode.
"Of course it is," she replied cooly, taking another sip of her wine and barely moving. "Why wouldn't it be. Everyone knows you two can't stay away from each other." She got up and moved over next to me, sitting close when she saw the tears welling in my eyes, and put a protective arm around me. "Congratulations, dear. You're going to be a lovely mother," she almost whispered, pulling me into a hug. "And if you need anything you know I'm right here. "
I nodded my thanks.
"Does he know," she asked, though seeming aware of the answer but giving me the benefit of the doubt.
"No," I responded softly, ashamed of myself and mildly frightened.
She just shook her head. "When's your next appointment?"
"Monday." I replied. "I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time," I couldn't help but to beam. "Chris, please go with me," I asked nervously.
"I will," she replied, "of course I will- but you have to tell him."
I nodded in agreement. "I just want to make sure everything is okay. Once I'm at the end of the first trimester I'll call him," I promised her. "If he even wants anything to do with me," I added softly, not sure that anyone could even hear me.
"He does, honey, he does. You two can't be without each other, no matter how hard you fight it," she told me. Smiling and finishing her glass of wine.