I am in a box.
No family
No baby
No light
Just darkness
The walls begin to close and I begin to bleed.
It wasn't the walls that would eventually flatten my rib cage to nothing that scared me.
It wasn't the blood that leaked from my nose or rolled down my cheeks from the brim of my eyes either.
It was being alone.
That, was what terrified me.
*
My body jerks away, a cool sweat forms on my forehead and limbs. I slowly sit up, wiping the dream away from my eyes. My body starting to shake with adrenaline. This feeling wouldn't overcome me at any other point then now.
The smell of Jace within the blankets and the familiarity of it settles me down.
He breathes heavily next to me, on the verge of being a snore. I lay back down with a heavy breath of my own.
His breathing stops for a moment, silencing to normal as he's awaken. The shadow of his face staring at mine is the only indication of where his body lay.
"You okay, Em?"
I settle into his raspy voice, giving out a yes.
"Can't sleep?"
"Bad dream" I correct.
"Oh" he hums, wrapping his bare arm around the texture of my T-shirt. He settles his head to my shoulders. His lips kissing my neck once, gently.
"Get some sleep, okay? I'm here"
"Okay"
He's breathes into my neck lightly, passing out much before I even get a chance to close my eyes.
*
My body flutters awake in darkness, light bleeding through beyond the coverage of the pillow that rest over my head. It took hours to get comfortable these days. Sleep had been dreadful.
I sit up, my eyes adjusting to an empty bed, cold with vacancy. The blankets on his side are made, his pillow leaning against the headboard as if he had been up for hours.
A running shower is cut off with the squeaking of the knobs turning off. I sit up silently in bed, waiting for him to come out.
He swings his bathroom door open, a towel attached to his hips, his body beading in the warm water of his shower.
"Oh" his yes meet mine, "Good morning"
"Morning" I reply, watching as he makes his way to his dresser pulling out a pair of darkened jeans.
"I didn't expect you to be up for another few hours, otherwise I would have made you breakfast"
"It's ten o'clock"
He nods, pulling his pants onto him,
"You were tossing and turning all night after the dream you had. I would have expected you to not have gotten enough sleep."
"Did I keep you awake?"
"Don't worry about it" he answers sweetly. Neglecting to pull a shirt onto him. Sitting down next to me in bed, his lips meet my forehead.
"Do you want me to go down and make you breakfast now?"
"That's sweet but, I have to get my stuff around and head home"
He frowns,
"Why?"
I flash my phone to him. Seven missed calls and four texts all saying that I'd better be home before ten thirty or else. Unmanageably it was ten til. Although I was worried, It was only a matter of time before I tell them off.
Jace sighs,
"Your dad doesn't want us together"
"Sure but we're not fifteen anymore, Jace. We're almost adults. We've been forced to grow up even as kids with the job we have. It's not like we aren't ready for this. You know?"
"You don't have to explain it to me. Maybe things will be different with them once she's born?"
I smile lightly, my hand resting to my stomach.
"Why are you so sure it's a girl?"
"Because I want a girl" He admits
"What do you want?"
"I don't care. I'm just ready to have a family."
"Yeah, me too"
I sigh into our conversation, feeling drowsy as I pull myself from the warm blankets, my stomach causing my plain tank top to ride up.
I help myself to a sweatshirt from his closet, slipping it over myself, collecting my things.
"Do you know what you want to name it."
"I do" He states, walking over to me, his hands rest to my hips.
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Let's just see after the appointment."
"Fine" I state simple, kissing him gently, quickly.
"I'll see you around, Norman"
"When will you be back?" He groans.
"Don't know" I stop in the doorway,
"Depends on what my dad has to say now that I'm half an hour late"
"I'll see you at my funeral?"
"Right" I chuckle,
"I love you"
"I love you"
I leave him in his room, trailing down his carpeted stairway out to the driveway to my car. The air winded rather cold today, an anomaly in central California. A break from the heat was a relief.
And although I had made gentle note to stay five over the speed limit, I still managed to ride nearly an hour late to the time I was told to come home. It didn't take much to know I was heading towards a storm in my own home.
I walk through the door, instantaneously making eye contact with my dads angry eyes from the couch. He stares at me in anger.
"Hi dad"
"I told you to be here by ten thirty. Do you not have any god damn sense?"
"I woke up late" It wasn't a lie.
"Why'd you want me home?"
"I'm just trying to understand why you continue to disrespect my rules."
"Because having a curfew is stupid , I'm almost an adult-"
"I'm not talking about a curfew"
"Then what?"
"I told you, you aren't allowed to see that boy anymore. I already am unsure how you managed to slip him to the wedding without an ass beating."
"The boys name is Jace. And honestly, I'm not sure why you don't like him so much. He hasn't done anything!"
"He got you pregnant!"
"Yes dad, five months ago. Leave it be"
"You're making the same mistake your mother and I did, and I'm not just going to shut up and watch!" He shouts.
"What so Lindsey was a mistake to you?"
"That's not what I'm saying"
"That's what you said"
"Stop fucking putting words in my mouth!" He gets mad.
"That's what you said!" I reasonably argue. Only to make him upset.
"God Emily the only mistake was not stopping after one!"
I hesitate, staring at him in shock, my eyes travel to my mom who found herself leaning to the door. I knew she wanted to intervene, she truly did. But she didn't, not a word. Anger builds up inside me. That was what that was, the final straw. The last thing I needed to call it quits.
"Fuck you" I blurt out. My mom gasps, attempting to stand up to my dad. I cut her off before she got far.
"You know you have been nothing but an ignorant idiot since we moved here, you're not my dad anymore. That's not how I see you, not anymore."
"You can't talk to me like that. Not under my roof."
"Then I'm packing my things and leaving. Let me know how that works out for you now that you don't have half of my paycheck every month, by the way. You are an embarrassing excuse for a man. And despite what you say about Jace, he's never going to be this poor of an excuse of a dad. Never."
I rush myself up the stairs, satisfied with having the last word.
I had no plans.
Not where I'd go.
Not where I'd get money.
I had nothing.
But I needed to be out of there, and I needed it today.