( HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE MONSTERS )
THE PINE BARRENS,
NEW JERSEY
WHARTON STATE FOREST
[ ☾]
Something is running through the forest towards an SUV and large tent. A generator is supplying power to the tent. Inside the tent, a Man and Woman in sleeping bags on a double bed are watching television. The Woman uses the remote to turn the television off.
"Good night, sweetie." The Man turns off his bedside lamp and turns on his iPod.
Recording on iPod: This is Nature Sounds' "Sounds of Nature," Volume 4, "Soothing Seas."
The Man, still asleep in his sleeping bag, is now hanging upside down high up in a tree. "What the hell? Leanne!" The Man sees something moving in the tree above him. "No. No. Stay away. Leanne!" The Man screams as something begins to eat him alive. Bits of flesh, clothing and his iPod drop to the ground.
Recording on iPod: This is Nature Sounds' "The Sounds of Nature."
SUPERNATURAL
FLASHBACK
MOTEL ROOM
[ ☾]
"Is there something you guys want to tell me?" Sam asks.
Elena looks over at Dean. "I wanted to tell you, Sam. I just didn't know the right time." She says.
"How could you do this to me?" Sam asks.
"For the record," Dean starts. "You two weren't even together."
"Shut up Dean." Sam says, then turns to Elena. "How long has this been going on?"
"Just for a couple of months." Elena says.
Sam shakes his head. "I can't believe this. With my own brother?!" He yells. Dean steps towards Sam.
"You need to calm down, Sam." Dean says.
Sam pushes Dean hard. "Screw you!" He yells. Dean rears back and punches Sam in the face.
"Stop it!" Elena yells; she now has tears in her eyes. Sam looks over at her angrily and leaves the room. Elena follows him and Dean tries to follow, but she stops him. "Sam wait!"
Sam whirls around to face her. "I want you to break up with him." He says, eyes glistening.
"Sam..." Elena says softly.
"Do you have any idea what I go through, Elena?" Sam asks. "Every time I open my eyes, I see freakin Lucifer everywhere I go! Now you and Dean are together? Do you realize how screwed up that is? I need you Elena!"
Tears begin flowing from Elena's eyes. "Alright!" She yells. "I'm gonna help you through this, okay?"
"If you really want to help me, you'll do it." Sam says and walks away. Elena watches him go and goes back inside her room.
Dean is standing and is pacing the room. He turns when Elena walks in. "I shouldn't have punched him." Dean says.
"Sit down." Elena says and Dean obeys. "Let me see your hand."
Dean places his hand in hers and looks at her hand. He loved how tiny and dainty her hands looked like in his. Elena continued to examine his knuckles.
"He's right. Sam." Elena says as she runs Dean's knuckles. "I was stupid enough to date brothers."
"You're not stupid." Dean says as Elena looks at him.
Elena lets go of his hand. "You're not listening to me, Dean. We can't do this to Sam." She says.
"You're breaking up with me?" Dean asks as he gets up and Elena begins softly crying again.
"Were we ever together?" Elena asks. "We haven't even had our first real date. It's better this way."
"Better for us, or better for Sam?" Dean asks.
"We're done." Elena says sadly. "I'm sorry."
"Well I'm sorry too." Dean says as he leaves the Motel Room."
PRESENT DAY
HAMMONTON, NEW JERSEY
OLD HOUSE
[ ☾]
Sam comes down the stairs. Dean is standing at a fuse box. "Did you strip enough wire?" Sam asks.
"Yes, I stripped enough wire." Dean says.
"All right." Sam attaches cables to the stripped wires. Electricity crackles and the lights come on.
"See? Told you." Dean says.
Sam and Dean have been a little bitter towards each other because of Elena. At this moment, she decided to forget everything that happened between them and sometimes pretended they weren't around.
Dean was angry, but soon gave up on it after realizing that he had to win her back. Sam was just happy that Dean and Elena weren't dating. Bobby enters the house. Sam and Elena take a seat at a table, Dean and Bobby stand around it.
"Well, isn't this cozy?" Bobby says sarcastically.
"Yeah. Well, Motel 6 just ain't leaving the light on anymore." Sam says.
"Well, I'm taking a page out of Frank Devereaux's Bible on this." Bobby says. "Everybody's out to get you—paranoia is just plain common sense."
"Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold Hot Pockets, cold freaking everything." Dean says. "I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?"
Elena sighs. "You guys got it easy—I'm a girl! We need our hot showers!" She yells.
"How many big mouths are out there, running card traces, like Chet, or hunting us down God knows what ways?" Asks Bobby. "No, now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it." The lights go off and Sam turns on a battery-powered lamp.
"That's just great. This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got Purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third "The World's Screwed" issue in, what, three years? We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already." Dean says.
"Someone's got to do it." Sam says.
"What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?" Asks Dean.
"You think the world wants to end?"
"I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year that, yeah, the whole enchilada woulda offed itself already." Says Dean.
"Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head." Bobby says as Dean takes a beer out of a cooler and lies down on a sofa. "So, what's the guff?" Bobby sits down at the table with Sam and Elena.
"Well, uh, there've been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens—a strange, fast-moving, human-like creature." Elena says.
"Locals even have a name for it." Sam passes a print-out of an internet search to Bobby. It reads "JERSEY Devil REPORTED!" and there is a picture of a creature with wings and webbed feet standing upright on two legs.
"The Jersey Devil? I thought that was just local tall-tale crap." Bobby says.
"The area's history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts gave it bat wings, others horns, a...a tail." Sam shows Bobby another print-out: "And, uh, oh yeah, a horse's head." Sam shows Bobby another print-out.
"Of course, the sketch looks more like a Chewbacca head." Dean says.
"Sounds kind of mixed up."
"Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot." Dean says.
"Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count." Sam passes Bobby a newspaper article.
"'Camping high season harshed by human burrito'?" Bobby asks.
"Yeah. Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen, either." Sam says. "Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks. State troopers—get this—are saying it's a rogue bear."
"Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own piñata?" Dean asks.
"Something's out there in the woods. Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while." Bobby says.
"Okay, Davey Crockett, well, safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit-and-tie dance." Dean says. "We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."
"What the hell's a glamper?" Asks Elena.
"Sam?" Dean says.
"High-end camper. TV, A.C., Wi-Fi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience."
"That's idiotic." Bobby says.
"Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live."
BIGGERSON'S
SIZZLIN' GRILL & BAR
[ ☼ ]
A poster on the wall advertises the new, limited time only "Pepperjack Turdunken Slammer" from $4.99. Sam and Dean are at a table with a Ranger, who is eating a sandwich.
"So, Ranger Evans—" Dean says.
"Oh, uh, you can call me Rick. Ranger Rick."
"Uh, you were the one who found Mitchell Rayburn, correct?" Dean asks.
"The human burrito." Says Rick.
"State police have it down as a bear attack." Sam says.
Rick laughs. "Yeah, I read what the state police says. That was no rogue brown." He says.
"Apparently, some others reported seeing something a little, you know, weirder." Dean says.
"You know, I've been a ranger for 12 years. Tell you the truth, we have no idea what's out there." Rick says. "Big. Lot of trees and whatnot. Tell you this, though. You got to respect Mother Nature. You respect her, or she's gonna string you up, and she'll eat your ass right through the Gore-Tex."
"So you're thinking it's Mother Nature?" Asks Dean.
"See, me and Phil, we've been finding, uh, something's leftovers for weeks–deer remains, badger, missing pets."
"Who's Phil?" Sam asks.!
"Assistant Chief Ranger." Says Rick. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days. He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off."
"But you think maybe your assistant chief ranger might be missing?" Asks Sam.
"I should probably report that."
Sam and Dean notice that Bobby and Elena have entered the restaurant. "Oh. Excuse us. Well, you, uh... enjoy your lunch...Ranger Rick." Dean says. Sam and Dean walk over to them. "So?"
"Well, we took a look at the cadaver—what's left of it. Not a happy camper." Elena says.
"Don't have any stats on a Jersey Devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds—it's too small for a Leviathan." Bobby says. "And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf. And a wendigo don't leave no scraps."
"Hmm. Lunch?" Dean asks
"Starving." Bobby says.
Dean hails a passing waiter. "Hey! Uh, Brandon. We grab a booth?" He asks.
"Hey, uh, douchewad, a hostess will seat you. Do I look like a freaking hostess?" Brandon asks angrily.
"Do you want to look like a hostess?" Dean asks and Brandon walks away.
"That didn't really make sense, what you... said." Sam says.
"What was that?" Dean asks.
"I sure hope we don't get Brandon's section." Bobby says.
Brandon puts a plate down in front of Sam. "Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird." He puts another plate in front of Dean. "TDK slammer to Ken Doll." He puts a plate in front of Elena. "Bacon Cheeseburger for Princess Peach..." He places he last plate in front of Bobby. "And a little heart-smart for creepy uncle."
"What is your problem?" Dean asks.
"You are my problem!" Brandon yells and leaves.
"Oh, Brandon's got his flare all up in a bunch." Bobby says.
"Yeah. There goes his 18%." Sam says.
"Anyway, chief ranger—I don't think he believes in the Jersey Devil." Elena says.
"Oh, oh, by the way, did he seem a little, uh, stoned to you?" Asks Sam.
"Ranger Rick? Yeah. Definitely growing his own on the back 40 and smoking all the profits." Dean says.
"He did seem to think that there was something—
Dean begins talking with mouth full. "Oh, that is good sandwich." He says.
"What the hell did you get?" Bobby asks.
Dean turns a card on the table advertising the special towards Bobby. "New Pepperjack Turducken Slammer—limited time only." He says.
"Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play God like that."
"Hey, don't look at me sideways from that—that Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome." Dean says. "Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds."
"All right, anyways, um... The ranger did seem to think there was something out in Wharton Forest." Sam says
"Well, then I'd say it's safari time." Bobby says.
"She's big-boned!" A Man yells.
"Look at her! You're telling me she's not fat?" Brandon asks him.
"Hey." A Waiter addresses to Brandon.
"Up yours, Mike. Shove it right up yours!" Brandon takes off his apron and leaves the restaurant.
"Well, anyway, back to bigger and better things." Dean continues eating his sandwich.
FOREST
[ ☼ ]
Bobby, Dean, Elena and Sam are walking through the forest. Bobby and Dean are carrying packs and all three have rifles. Bobby stops to look at a tuft of hair on a bush. "Couple of bucks. Head-butting over turf probably. Pretty sure the other fella won." He says.
"I guess I forgot. Before you were a hunter, you were actually a...hunter." Sam says.
"Yeah, well, we shot our dinner when I was a kid." Bobby says.
"You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you." Dean says. "Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know."
"Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer."
"You're talking about Bambi, man." Dean says.
"You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother." Bobby says. They look up at a bloodied arm hanging from a tree.
"Well, looks like we found Phil." Dean says.
Later, Rick arrives in his vehicle. "Special agents. Listen, I got your call. But I'm not sure I got what you were saying." He says. Dean points upwards at the arm. "Hey. I think we found Phil."
"That's what I said." Dean says.
"Uh, I should probably call this in." Rick says.
"Yeah, yeah. Solid move, Rick." Sam says.
As Ranger Rick goes to his vehicle, there is the sound of a creature moving and breathing heavily. "Uh, this is Ranger Evans up at Acher's Point. Come in. Uh, repeat. This is Chief Ranger Evans." He says.
"Chief Ranger, go ahead." A Woman says.
"I have a situation out at Acher's Point." Rick says.
"Ranger, I think we've got company." Elena says.
"Yeah? Who's that?" Something drags Rick off into the trees.
"Ranger!" Sam yells.
[ in the video, ignore the beginning; it's more of an emotional video. the speaking parts in the background are of Sam questioning Elena about Dean ]