Oli's POV
Light begun filling up the room as the sun started to rise in the early hours of the morning. For hours I couldn't switch off my mind as a load of unwanted thoughts kept running through my head like a broken record. I've shuffled, I've twisted and turned all night but I couldn't get myself to switch off and stop. For once I just wanted to be a normal human being and sleep but my fucked up body couldn't even do that.
My mind was gradually eating away at me and I'd refuse to sleep. I couldn't sleep, how could I when my body was afraid of the demons and horrors which waited for me to fall under its spell and take me alive. Sleep is just a cousin of death and the nightmares were it's henchmen. The second you let your guard down and fall under it's slumber they creep into your mind and take over your body and soul and there's nothing you can do but hope for a miracle to save you from this nightmare.
I lent my trembling body against the wall while my teeth grinded against each other. It was a nasty habit of mine but it's been two days since I last had a fix for Tom's sake, but shamefully I'm beginning to lose it. My body was starting to go into comedown mode and I was definitely nowhere prepared for that to happen nor would I let it.
In the mean time, I chose to try a different approach to distract myself and flickered my eyes to the beautiful boy lying in bed next to me. He was lying on his stomach facing me with his hands tucked underneath the pillow. His face sunken into the sheets as he slept peacefully, occasionally letting little sounds slip from his parted lips. I smile to myself at his unknown cuteness.
I often watch Josh sleep; I find it rather fascinating and sometimes even calming. I'm still unsure of how someone so stunning and innocent can have this much of an effect on me. He was just a kid. But there was something about him which always made me come back to him. No matter how many times I left with no intention on seeing him again, I always find myself coming back for more and its so bloody frustrating because I have no idea why.
I clench my jaw harshly at the frustration and overwhelming feeling of needing a fix. My eyes fix themselves on Josh as I tried to ignore the anger and nagging voice in my head for what my body so desperately screamed out for the most. Both of my hands were clenched into balls of fists and my body began to shake more fiercely as I did everything I could to hold back my addiction.
But I was feeling myself slipping and any minute now I knew I would snap and the ugly monster which desperately craved the hardcore drugs wouldn't be so pleasant to be around. Not like, i'm pleasant to be around anyway, but from craving a fix this bad it could turn ugly.
I didn't want to risk Josh waking up and witnessing me like this, I would never forgive myself if I hurt him. This is the one state I'd never want him to find me in.
A low unexpected growl of frustration slip past my lips, my entire body shook and suddenly I was breathless and only had one thing on my mind. Cocaine. I slipped. I needed to leave. Now.
I carefully climb over Josh's sleeping body so I wouldn't wake him up and quickly got dressed. I slipped on my shoes and I hurriedly crept over to the door but as soon as my hand reaches for the handle, a sleepy voice stops me from taking my exit.
"Oli?"
I jump back from the door and spin around at the husky morning voice which called my name. My heart racing in fear and wide paranoid eyes set themselves on a very cute sleepy looking Josh.
Shit, he woke up. Fuck, how am I'm going to explain this to him?
He props himself up on his elbows and rubs the sleep from his eyes before looking back at me concernedly.
"Why are you leaving?" he asks yet again in the husky voice I find myself liking quite a lot.
"I have to go." I said bluntly.
I couldn't stand still. I kept shifting around, my eyes darting all around the room; my hands kept intertwining and fiddling around with each individual finger. I needed to get a fix as soon as possible before I went insane.
"You said you'll stay." He whispered.
"And I did. Now I must go." I said maybe a little too harshly when I see the expression on Josh's face fall, but I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him. I had to get out of here fast.
I really didn't want him to see me when I so badly craved a fix. I didn't become a very nice person and I wasn't the best at controlling my anger when I felt so on edge either. Accidents often happen and I definitely didn't want Josh to feel the back of my hand when I lose control or worse.
"Ow!" he hisses when he tries sitting up in bed. His nose scrunches up as he visibly felt pain down below which was all down to me.
I send him an apologetic glance. I may have gone a bit over board with him last night. I was extremely rough and aggressive with him than I intended to. I had a lot of frustration and aggravation built up inside me over the last two weeks that I just went all out when I got my hands on him last night.
We ended up fucking most of the night and he so willing allowed me to do as I pleased to his body. So of course this morning he must be feeling sore.
I felt guilty for being selfish and not caring about his well being when we fucked last night, so I walk over to the bed and crouch down so I was level with him. I place my hand on his shoulder to comfort him and gave him a small forced smile.
"Oli... What's wrong?" he stares worriedly at me with those beautiful crystal blue eyes which made me feel weird inside. What the fuck? That's never happened before...
"Your hand is shaking." He whispers, glancing down at my hand on his shoulder which indeed shaking. I quickly pull it away from him hoping he wouldn't question me about it more. I clench my jaw and my teeth start grinding against each other once again. Fuck, I should have just left when I had the chance, now he's going to be asking annoying questions which don't concern him and I'm going to get angry and upset him.
I frowned and took in a deep breath to hold back my anger the best I could.
"Please, talk to me." he pleads and I let out a heavy sigh. He more or less knows I'm a drug addict, I might as well tell him what's going on. What's the worse that can happen? He hasn't judged me about it before... So he might be cool about it and just let me go.
I stared back at him and hesitated before giving in and sighing in defeat.
"I-I need a fix." I murmur shamefully, ducking my head to avoid his judgmental eye contact.
"Uh, well, I do have some of your weed left over from the other night, if that helps?" he offers sweetly but it wasn't enough. And I wasn't in the mood to thank him for his kind gesture either.
"No. I need something stronger." I hissed.
"Oh." was all he said before the room went dead silent.
I had to get out of here but I knew Josh wouldn't let me leave so easily now he knew what I craved. He was so anti drugs even though he knew I was involved with them and that I even managed to persuade him into smoking weed himself he still was against the whole thing.
I had to find something to distract him, something which will keep his mind off me and preoccupied on something else. Then an idea suddenly popped into my head as I saw him sit uncomfortably in his bed.
"I'll run you a bath." I say softly and scoop him up in my arms and he lets out a little squeal from the unexpected movement. He wraps his arms around my neck and I carry him to the bathroom.
Josh's POV
Oli sets me down on my feet in the bathroom and I reluctantly untangle my arms from around his neck. I was in a lot of pain down below from the abuse my body received last night and all my muscles ached immensely. I didn't once complain though, I sense that he really needed it last night so I kept myself from speaking up and telling him to take it easy because I didn't want him to think I wasn't good enough for him, and that I couldn't take what he had to offer.
I know it was stupid and I'm paying for it now but I wanted him to know that he can always rely on me. I'm always gonna be here however he wants me.
I watch him closely as he walks over to the bath tub and turn on the taps and holds his hand under the running water until it was the right temperature for me.
He stands up straight and turns to face me.
"Be right back." He says before leaving the room.
I don't question him and just lean my head against the tile wall because every limb was literally aching from the never ending actives of last night and just watched the water fill the tub.
When Oli returns, the room had become a lot more hot and steamy but my attention fell to the bottle of salt he had in his hand which had me pulling a face in confusion.
"Why do you need salt?" I question concernedly.
"Salt baths are the best for these kinds of sores. Trust me J, you'll feel loads better after."
"O-okay." I nod and I let him pour the salt into the bath and mix it in with the warm water.
When he was done and turned off the running taps he comes back over to me and grabs the hem on my t-shirt and I willing let him pull it over my head. His dark under circle eyes run over my chest as he drops my shirt to the floor. His shaky finger tips traced over the numerous dark purple hickeys he left on my skin only hours ago. His touch alone had me shivering all over making goose bumps rise on my skin, regardless of the fact the room was hot and stuffy from the hot water.
Out of nowhere, he grabs my chin between his thumb and fore finger and pulls my mouth up to his as he forcefully pushes his lips onto mine. Despite how off guard and forceful it started out to be, we instantly fall into a heavy aggressive kiss and I just instantly melted into him. His tongue pushes it's way past my sensitive lips and fights for his power almost immediately. He shoves me hard against the tile wall which causes me to grunt in pain into his mouth but it doesn't stop him from kissing me though. My fingers knit themselves into his hair as I begin to lose myself in the heat of the moment not caring where this will lead to.
Oli's hands grip unkindly at my hips and pull my lower half closer to his. A hand slides up at the back of one of my thighs and he hooks my leg around his waist and begins grinding himself forcefully into me. Oh God, he feels so good against me, especially when he's needy like this.
Every inch of my body screamed pain but I didn't care, I forced myself to ignore it. I wanted to have him again in anyway that I could. If that resulted in not being able to walk for a week, then so be it. It'll be worth it.
I understood now when he said he craved a fix. He was being so damn rough with me in every way possible and I knew he had no idea that he was even being this aggressive. But I left him to it, still wanting every part of him.
I wanted him to crave me as much as I craved him. I wanted to be his drug like he was slowly becoming mine. I wanted to be his light to his darkness. He didn't need to turn to drugs for whatever reason, there's so much more to life if only he would let me in and show him that life can be beautiful if given the chance. I wanted to be his own personal dose of heroine and I wanted him to obsess over me clean and freely.
I gasp loudly when Oli bites down harshly on my lower lip and tugs it between his teeth causing me to whimper in pain. He lets go instantly and pulls back letting us finally breathe for some air. I couldn't help but taste a copper like flavour in my mouth and my hand goes to inspect my lips. When I pull my hand back, blood droplets appear on the tops of my fingers.
Shit, he made me bleed.
I run my tongue over my bottom lip, licking up the evidence of the assault he just made on my body. My eyes flicker up to meet his and he was staring back at me with wide concern eyes which held a mixture of lust and fear and I knew this was over.
"Bath with me?" I suggest breathlessly, hoping he would like the idea of joining me in the bath and forget this little accident. I didn't want him to leave knowing he hurt me.
His hands drop to his sides and he steps back away from me and shakes his head.
"I need to go."
He pushes past me and heads for the bathroom door and I panic, not wanting him to go.
"C-can I see you later?" I panic, having a horrible feeling in my chest that if I let him go like this then he would do another disappearing act again.
"Will you be up for it? I'm not sure your body can handle me right now. You should rest." He tells me making my heart sink in sadness.
He doesn't want your company Josh, you're nothing to him if he can't fuck you.
"I'm sure I'll feel fine after this bath, you said so yourself." I pleaded.
"Alright." He shrugs and my heart drops at how unenthusiastic he sounded.
What did I do wrong?
"I finish work at 8." I tell him so he could be pick me up but it only seemed to anger him.
Oli lets out a growl and stomps his way back over to me and a rush of anxiety fills my body. I step back in fear but my body hits into the cool tile wall behind me. Oli cornered me in and then grabs the waistband of my boxers and yanks them down my legs so I was now standing completely naked and vulnerable in front of him.
I don't dare move. I wasn't sure what to expect from him when he was craving... but I can't imagine anything good. Shit, I should have just let him leave now he's angry with me. Without a word he scoops me up in his arms again and sets me down in the bath tub gently. I hiss loudly when my sensitive body hits the hot salty water and I cling to him as all my muscles tense up.
Oli then takes me by surprise when his hand grabs the back of my head and pulls me forcefully towards him. He places his lips to my forehead and lightly places a sweet kiss which I didn't expect from him at all, leaving me startled and cared for. His mood swings were unreal and impossible to keep up with.
"See you later." He whispers against my forehead before standing up and leaving me alone in the bath.
~~
As soon as I walked into work Alex sees me struggling and follows after me into the changing rooms.
"Oh no you didn't!" he sassed when he saw me awkwardly walk in here. The salt bath worked wonders but I was still a little sore and it hurt to walk sometimes.
"What happened to 'That twat can go fuck himself' huh, lover boy?" Alex mimics, wanting to know the juicy gossip between Oli and I which makes me roll my eyes at him. It was only days ago that I was in here ranting to him about how much I didn't want to see Oli again and how much I hated him. So much for that.
"Well, I sort of changed my mind." I blush and start putting my things in my work locker.
"Your hopeless you know that right? I just hope you know what you're doing with this guy. I don't want him using you."
"Don't worry Alex, I know what I'm doing." I smile. I hope.
Alex leans his back against the lockers as I start to change into my work uniform.
"The D that good?" he asks curiously with that cheeky look I know all too well. He's such a girl when it comes to gossip, I swear to god.
"Unbelievable." I truthfully say and we both burst out laughing.
"Even better than mine?" He asks in curiosity.
"Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but yes, even better than yours." I confirm and he pouts angrily which makes me laugh at him in response.
We had a one night stand many months ago before I was even with Dan. Alex was pissed off with Jack over something and I was sad and horny and it just kind of happened one night. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship but it only made us become closer friends and no one knows about it but us. Not even Oli could find out that information. This was top BFF stuff.
Alex is the bestest friend you could ask for really. He was never afraid to speak his mind and way too overly confident at invading your personal space, yet he would always have your back in a fight no matter what. And not to mention he's gay as fuck and understands me a lot more than Max does. Not that Max is a bad best friend, he;s great, it's just Alex gets it because he's gay himself and very comfortable with it which it so much easier for me to talk to him about things where Max lacks.
"Jesus, he sure likes to leave his mark on you, doesn't he?" Alex points out shockingly as he stares at my bare chest which was covered in scratches and dark purple love bites.
I glance down at my chest and quickly pull my work shirt over mt head, feeling uneasy with Alex seeing Oli's dominance in the bedroom and what he's capable of. I didn't want him to start questioning me.
"Are you in there Gaskarth? You're not getting paid to slack off and gossip to your friends you know!" a voice shouts through the door which sounded a lot like Hayley's.
Alex huffs in annoyance and rolls his eyes.
"I swear that red head can be a right bitch." He complains before walking out of the changing rooms and leaving me to change into the rest of my uniform in peace.
~~
Okay I admit that I somewhat felt upset when I didn't find Oli standing by my car waiting for me like he usually does. I look around me incase he was approaching from a far but to my disappointment, he was nowhere in sight.
I let out a sigh and climb into the front seat of my car so I wasn't standing out in the cold. He was probably running late, he did say he would see me later, so I guess I'll just wait for him.
After about 20 minutes of a no show, I glance down at my phone in annoyance to see the prick hasn't even bothered to text me to say he's not coming. I click on his name and hold my phone up to my ear as I waited impatiently as it continuously rings.
"Of course you're ignoring me you fucking prick." I curse when I try calling him for the second time. I hang up and type out an angry text message, basically telling him he's an asshole and not to bother coming over at all. I threw my phone onto the seat next to me angrily and drove home ranting to myself about how much of a dick he was.
~~
"Hey, I'm heading out to Chris's if you wanna to come along?" Max offers when I walk through the door.
I pull a face at the offer, I wasn't in the mood to do anything at all. I just wanted to be on my own not to mention how exhausted I was from work. Who would have known, serving pizza's all day could be so tiring.
"Thanks but I'm not in the mood Max, sorry." I say truthfully and take a packet of pot noodle out of the cupboard to have for my dinner.
"Come on Josh, you haven't hung out with us in ages. It's just gonna be me and Chris so you don't have to worry about Dan being there." I scoff at the mention of Dan. As if he really thought I was worried about Dan being there. I didn't care about that arrogant twat anymore.
I sigh and lazily stir my pot noodle around with my folk.
"I'm really tired from work Max, maybe another time."
"Is Oli coming over?" he asks with a hint of spite in his tone.
I turn around to face him and quirk up an eyebrow when I see him with his arms crossed over his chest annoyedly. What is he getting at?
"No. Why?"
"Just checking your not bailing out on your friends so you can get laid." he scolds making my eyes grow wide.
"Are you serious?" I hissed.
"It wouldn't be the first time, Josh." He points out and my mouth drops open. I can't believe what I'm hearing right now and it immediately puts me in an even more of a bad moos.
"Well, it's nice to know what my best mate thinks of me. I thought you were the only one who didn't see me as a slut but thanks for proving me wrong. Have fun at Chris's." I snap angrily and storm off to my room.
"Josh wait, I didn't mean it like that!"
I ignored him shout down the hall to me but I just slam my door shut loudly so he would get the hint to piss off to Chris's. It hurt to hear him say that about me. I wasn't the type of guy who ditched their friends just so I could have sex but obviously Max saw me like that, so I must be...
I climb into bed with my pot noodle, feeling fairly shitty about myself now and not feeling very hungry anymore. I just wanted the bed to swallow me up so with that in mind, I left my pot noodle of the side and sunk into my bed feeling drained. I sighed heavily and turn on my laptop and put on The Walking Dead to play in the background while I felt sorry for myself and drown my sorrows into my pillowcase.
~~
My body wakes as a heat of warmness engulfs me. I hum and stir in my bed and shuffle closer to the sudden welcoming warmth which then wakes me when I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist.
"O-Oli?" I croak my voice full of sleep. I squint my eyes open at the body lying next to me but I'm met with darkness.
"I didn't mean to wake you." He whispers, his fingers combing through my hair.
"Are you okay?" I mumble, closing me eyes again and resting my head on his shoulder. I still wanted to know how he was though, knowing how much of a mess he was this morning.
"Yeah, fine. Sorry I didn't show earlier."
"It's okay," I yawn in response.
"Do you want to have sex?" I ask, knowing that's why he's here. I try to make my body wake up preparing it to be ready for the sexual actives which were soon to come.
"No." He mumbles into my hair startling at his words.
No? That's a first. How much drugs did he consume for him to say no to sex? I was more than concerned but I was far too tired to question it.
"Go back to sleep Sunshine." He whispers into my hair before pulling me closer to him and kissing my head softly. And I'm met with an overwhelming feeling of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach that I've never discovered before.
I try my best to ignore them and nuzzle my face into Oli's warm chest and let out a tired yawn as I feel his arms tighten around me. I instantly relax and allowed the sleep to take over me again knowing I was safe in his arms.