Radicus has been holding my hand so tight. Hindi ko alam kung hindi niya namamalayan o ayaw lang talaga niyang makawala ako. We went out of the garden right after I played piano with Ethan. We waited for the countdown for the New Year.
Thaddeus is beside his father na mukhang malalim ang pinag-uusapan. Kami naman ni Radicus ay nasa likod. Batid kong pilit nitong hinuhuli ang mga mata ko. I just don't know what's wrong with me! I just felt..insecure all of a sudden. Buong buhay ko parati akong may kaagaw sa pamilya, bakit pakiramdam ko pati kay Radicus ay gayun din. This started because of that painting with a CMR!
"Just got freshen up and I'm ready for the countdown, wait, where's Ross?" Ethan suddenly appeared beside me. Mukha itong bagong ligo. He is in a cardigan shorts and a black vneck top.
Naramdaman ko ang paggapang ng kamay ni Radicus sa aking baywang. Napatingin ako dito. Our eyes met.
"Ross left. Hindi naman siya dito nakatira Ethan. How about you?" Radicus answered. Ethan didn't answer. He left us with a boyish grin before turning his back. Inakbayan nito ang daddy ni Radicus.
Radicus kissed my head.
"Do we have a problem?" His voice sends shivers. Masyadong malambing. I cannot put a word in it. My heart reacts easily. I am loving the feeling.
"Huh?" Maang ko.
"I don't like the way you and Ethan got closer earlier. I'll push away my jealousy towards my cousin. Just tell me..may problema ba tayo?"
"W-wala naman. Pagod lang siguro ako." I said.
"Gusto mong umakyat na tayo sa kwarto or wait for the fireworks?"
"I want to watch the fireworks please." I answered. I heard him sigh. His forehead is still knotted. Tumuwid ako ng tayo para abutin ang noo nito. I then hug his waist. His arm wrapped around my shoulder. We are this intimate. So far. Just this far. I wonder in his six years with his ex, how intimate they were?
"Happy New Year Maya!!" Ethan greeted me. He was about to hug and kiss my cheek when Radicus blocked his way.
"Sabi ko nga apir lang e." Ethan said as he reached me and gave me a high five. He winked at me na hindi na nakita ni Radicus. I greeted him back.
"Happy New Year Maya." Thaddeus said. It was a simple greeting but Radicus glared at his brother. I intertwined my fingers in his.
"I just don't get it. Ikaw ang binabati nila where in fact ako ang kamag-anak nila. They are seriously hitting on you." Radicus said. Natawa ako sa sinabi nito.
"Happy New Year po tito. " bati ko sa daddy nito. Niyakap ako nito but Radicus did not let go of my hand.
"Happy New Year iha. And to you my son, hindi mawawala si Maya dito sa mansyon. Bakit kung makakapit ka riyan ay para kang aagwan?" Tito teased Rad.
"Happy New Year dad. It's really not my fault that we have some womanizers here." He answered.
"Heard that! Hindi ako womanizer!" Thaddeus said.
I sat infront of a bar counter habang hinihintay si Radicus na kumuha ng makakain ko. I actually insisted and told him na busog pa ako dahil naparami ako ng kain sa bahay namin but he's not convinced.
"You drink?" Thaddeus suddenly appeared. He's holding a wine glass and even offered me but I declined.
"Radicus likes good girls. We are indeed totally opposites." I nodded. Kung ganoon, pareho kami ng attitude ni cmr? Why did I even assume that cmr is his ex? Gut-feels.
"Mag-iinuman kami mamaya. I made a tradition na kapag kumpleto kami, me, dad and Rad, nag-iinuman kami. You should have known we don't have our mom with us now. So, basically, we are all men, and we get drunk."
"I understand. Hindi ko naman siya pinagbabawalan. "
Thaddeus nodded.
"I see. You are a bit different to his ex. Marie doesn't like Rad drinking or smoking."
I gasped upon hearing the name. It was the first time someone mentioned it. Ngayon hindi na siya basta-bastang ex. She has a name. Marie. I can imagine her as this modest type woman. Someone who will be needing a knight in shining armor. Mas lalo atang lumala ang nararamdaman ko.
"What's with the serious topic?" Ethan came. Sumandal ito sa table at matamang nakatingin sa akin. I timidly smiled at him just to hide my sudden change of aura.
"I'm just telling her about Rad's vices. Baka maturn-off" Thaddeus said.
"Hindi naman. Wala naman kasi talaga sa akin iyon. Basta moderate consumption lang."
"I kind of like you. You can play piano and sing well. That's enough for me to like you." Ethan said straight to my eyes. I heard Thaddeus laughed.
"I am a fan of yours, it's my honor to play the piece with you." I said.
"Oh. You might like me too somehow, kasi fan kita. There may be a chance.."
"Not all of your fans Rios. Not Maya." Radicus came. Inilagay nito sa harap ko ang isang plato na naglalaman ng iba't ibang pagkain.
"Eat, baby." He said. Someone whistled. I think it's Thaddeus?
"Anong oras ka uuwi?" Rad asked him again.
"I won't. Mag-iinuman pa tayo." Ethan answered.
"Your manager wouldn't like it if you get late tomorrow for your mall tours and photoshoots. You must be responsible on your chosen field Rios." Radicus said.
"I know. Pati ba naman kayo tinetext ni tanda for my schedules? Seriously? Don't I have my right to take a pleasure of this time?
"It was long gone when you've chosen to entertain millions of girls Rios." Thaddeus said.
Ethan looked at me as if pleading to help him. Napangiti ako sa kanya. We are of the same age kaya siguro naiintidihan ko ang nararamdaman nito sa paghihigpit ng dalawa. Well, people of my same age wants freedom which I get a lot dahil wala naman akong mga magulang na nariyan para limitahan ako but I haven't enjoyed it so far. Now when I met Radicus.
I didn't know na naubos ko ang ibinigay ni Radicus na pagkain. Naaliw ako sa pangungulit ng magkapatid kay Ethan. Ethan the whole time frowned. I badly want his autograph. Sana payagan ako ni Radicus.
"Tired?" Rad asked. Hinatid ako nito sa kwarto niya. I thought I'll be sleeping to the guest room dahil nakakahiya naman sa daddy nila but he said his dad was even the one who asked him to bring me to Rad's room.
"Are you sure na okay lang na di-dito ako sa kwarto mo?"
"Naiilang ka? I can sleep in the guest room if--"
I immediately shook my head.
"Hindi. I mean, hindi ba nakakahiya kay tito?"
He didn't answer. He smirked. Lumapit ito sa akin at niyakap ako. My head leaned on his hard chest. I sniff his scent. He smells so good.
"For a fact. Thaddeus even accidentally brought his girl inside dad's room once when dad was away and dad didn't even mind. Lumipat lang si dad ng room nang malaman iyon. He was disgusted with his own son. I guess, ako, pwede kong dalhin ang babaeng mahal ko sa sarili kong kwarto and dad..won't mind because compared to Thaddeus, I am a more descent man."
Nag-angat ako ng ulo. He leaned and gave me a smack on my lips.
"Mag-uusap tayo." He said. Kumunot ang noo ko.
"Mag-iinuman pa kayo hindi ba?"
"I'll pass. They can manage without me."
"Oh no. Pagbigyan mo na sila. Thaddeus asked permissiom from me earlier. Pumayag naman ako. You go. I'll wait here."
"Baka pagbalik ko tulog ka na." He said.
"Isn't it what am I supposed to do?" Tanong ko. Hinalikan ako nito sa ilong. It tickles.
"I want to cuddle with you. "
"Then I'll wait till you finish. I'll be awake. I promise." Nagkatitigan lang kami. He didn't answer. I pouted. He sighed
"I'll be back later. Rest. " He said. He kissed my forehead and my nape.
"If you ever want to shower, you can wear any of my shirts." Tumango nalang ako bilang pag-ayon.
Nang mawala na sa paningin ko si Radicus ay awtomatikong nabalik ang tingin ko sa painting sa pader. That painting with a cmr initials. So M might be standing for Marie. Thaddeus calls her on her second name. She must be close to Rad's family.
Sabagay, six years isn't a joke. I'm sure this Marie knows a lot about Radicus. Why am I like this? Napahiga na lang ako sa kama. Stop it! Stop Maya!
I wore Rad's white plain shirt and my boyshorts. I tried making myself busy of texting Prim and mom. I greeted dad a happy new year again. He didn't reply back magmula kaninang umaga na batiin ko siya. Mabigat ang loob ko dahil sa totoo lang nakakatampo na ang pagtrato ni dad. I want us be back at old times. We were once close that's why I learned to play piano. For him.
Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako. Nagising lang ako nang makarinig ng kalauskos at pagbukas ng pinto. I checked on my phone for the time. It's already 3am. Bumukas ang banyo at lumabas ang liwanag mula rito kasabay nito ay si Radicus naka plain gray pajama at walang pang-itaas. I swallowed while looking how firm his body is.
"Sorry. Nagising ba kita?"
"Uh..hindi naman. I haven't gone into deep sleep." I said. Sinuot na nito ang puting shirt na kapareha ng suot ko.
" Tapos na kayo?"
"Dad slept first. He has a meeting tomorrow. Servio, Ethan and Thad are downstairs. Tumakas lang ako."
"Bakit? You should have stayed."
"I don't want to be drunk when I'm with you. And gusto na kasi kitang mayakap."
I smiled at him. Umupo ito sa kama kaya napaupo na rin ako. He fixed my hair a bit and pressed my chin.
"I've been imagining you earlier. How would you look like on my bed. I wasn't even aware of their topic downstairs. I am just so preoccupied of your presence."
Lumapit ako para mayakap ito. I felt him sniffing my hair. He kissed my temple, my cheeks, nose and my lips.
"Now...we have to talk."
"About what?" I asked.
"Do we have a problem?" He asked again. I don't know what made him ask the same question several times. Masyado ba akong halata kanina? Or it's just that Rad has been really observant to me.
"W-wala naman."
"Ahuh. Hindi ganoon ang nakita ko kanina. You must be aware that.. It has been my hobby staring at you kaya nakikita ko agad kung bigla kang malulungkot or sasaya. Now, what's the problem?"
Hindi ako sumagot. I am just not ready to ask him anything about Marie. Kung tutuusin ay napakadali lang. But what exactly do I have to know? Hindi pa ba sapat na six years sila at ako na ngayon? I am getting insane. I don't want this to be a hindrance on our relationship. It's just that..natatakot lang kasi ako. Ang dami kong what ifs na naiisip. Will it be possible that Rad had been over to his 6-year girlfriend?
"Is is about your sister? I did my best to ignore her. I'm sorry if I have done something wrong." Saka lang ako natinag sa pag-iisip.
"Huh? Hindi naman iyon." I said. Come to think of it. I thought ako lang ang nakakaramdam sa ginagawa ni Brittany kanina.
"Was it about my smoking habit? Drinking?"
I appreciate that Rad has been sensitive on this. He doesn't want to let go the issue yet. He's eager to know. I guess all I need is to trust him.
"I'm fine with it. " I answered.
"Then what? May nagawa ba akong mali? Tell me...so I can make it right. So you won't get jealous, so you won't get mad. So you won't think of breaking up with me."
I cupped his face.
"Paranoid. Wala nga. Pagod lang po ako. Don't you know that I am so inlove with you to think of breaking up with you? Baka mabaliw ako." I said. His feature relaxed. He smiled and kissed my palm.
"I am so in love with you too Maya. " He said. Sapat na iyon. Sapat na sapat na para magtiwala sa ibinubuhos na pagmamahal ni Rad. Pwede ko naman sigurong isawalang bahala na ang yumao nitong girlfriend. It will be just me and Rad now. Iyon lang ang dapat kong isipin.
"You are my first boyfriend Rad kaya hindi lang siguro maiwasan na maging paranoid din ako minsan." I said.
"I know. I understand. Thank you for loving me Maya." He started kissing me and I responded.
Nakaluhod si Rad sa kama at ako naman ay nakaupo at nakatingala sa kanya. His hands are cupping my face and tilting my head to deepen the kiss. I grip his shirt. Pakiramdam ko ay tila lilipad ako sa nararamdaman kong init.
Unti-unti ako nitong hiniga. He's now on top of me and we are both panting when he ended the kiss. He was just staring right on my eyes and he leaned down again to kiss me. His kiss trailed down my neck. I am not ready for this but I am loving the feeling. My right shoulder has been exposed. He was kssing it too then back to my neck.
His phone rang. I heard him muttered curses. Inabot nito ang cellphone habang nanatiling nasa leeg ko ang kanyang ulo. Narinig ko ang boses ng isang lalaki.
"Rios. What the f*ck is wrong with you?" Rad asked.
"Bakit gising ka pa?" Rios asked back. Pinigil kong mapangiti. They are so adorable. Rad kissed my neck again bago umayos ng higa. His arm snaked around my waist. Nakahiga ako sa braso nito.
"What do you need?" Rad asked.
"Password." Dinig kong sabi ni Rios. Kumunot ang noo namin ni Rad.
"Ng?" Rad asked.
"Wifi. Pinalitan niyo daw password. Ayaw ibigay ni Thaddeus!" I giggled when I heard it. Oh my God! I thought it was an emergency! Radicus did not answed him. Pinatayan niya ito ng phone at hinagis na lang kung saan saka bumalik sa pagsiksik sa leeg ko.
"Goodnight baby. I love you." I heard him say.