I was a bit uncomfortable when I tried opening my eyes. Napahawak ako sa aking sentido nang maramdaman ang pagkirot nito. I closed my eyes again, breathed in and out. Trying to grasped what happened last night.
Dumilat nalang ako ulit dahil wala naman akong napala. I can't remember anything! Damn liquors!
Napatingala ako. My hand landed on my forehead as I was looking at the ceiling. Kumunot ang noo ko then my eyes widen. Napabalikwas ako ng bangon.
Shit! My ceiling is not color white!
Napadaing ako dahil sa biglang pagkirot ng ulo ko. I am completely lost! I was totally drunk last night to not noticed that I was in a different unit? Or someone brought me here? I am starting to fuckin' freak out!
Geez! I just did not trust that hot bartender right? Now I can remember him! Chase Montecillo?
Nilibot ko ang aking mga mata sa loob ng silid. How can I not notice that this isn't my room? This place is too manly for my taste. Although it looks elegant but I am not into black and white. But it looks familiar. Even the scent of the bed does.
Saka ko lang napansin na iba na ang suot ko. I am wearing a huge gray v-neck shirt and I am just wearing nothing under but my white cotton Victoria's Secret boyshorts. I palmed my face and brushed my hair with my fingers.
I silently cursed. Great! Just great! Ano namang nagawa ko this time? Hindi na talaga ako natuto! Last time I got in a bar, I had a traumatic experience, now this, a one night stand?
My eyes turned teary. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng takot, disappointment sa sarili, frustration sa kung ano na namang opinyon ni daddy once he'll know about my stupidity. And then my eyes landed on a familiar silver band above a glass center table na hindi kalayuan sa kama. Saglit akong natulala doon nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto.
Shit! I almost jumped off the bed and run away the moment I saw Radicus half naked. He is wearing sweat pants, I think his usual jogging attire. He is holding his used black shirt with his right hand as he was pulling off his earphones through his left and I swallowed hard while staring at his sweat dripping down from his head down to his neck, to his chest and before I was able to check his torso I raised my head as he cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry if I barged in, I thought you were still sleeping. " He said.
I got concious of how I possibly look like fresh from having a day dream! Damn it! Napahawak ako sa buong mukha ko. Bahagya kong inayos ang mga takas na buhok na nakaharang sa mukha ko.
Radicus slowly walked and I swallowed again. How can he be that sexy? Was that even legit?! Parang hindi na! I gasped when he was already standing beside me. Nanatili akong nakaupo sa kama habang nakatingala sa kanya. He placed his black iphone and earphone on the top of the table where I saw the silver band.
His sweat is inviting me to follow it's flow. Pakiramdam ko biglang uminit ang paligid kahit pa centralized airconditioned ang kwarto.
My eyes widen when he squated a little para mapantayan ang lebel ng mga mata ko. The way he stares made my knees tremble. He has this playful but serious smirk on his face. I don't have any idea how he can manage to do such.
"Good morning." He said with a husky voice and I swear my heart leaped. Nagwawala na naman ang mga paru-paro sa tiyan ko.
"G-good morning?" I answered. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko! I am not here to waste time. I have to say thank you and leave. Pero hindi ko nagawa.
Umayos na ito ng tayo. Nagulat pa ako nang ipatong nito ang kamay sa aking ulo. He slightly tap my head. Napalunok na naman ako dahil sa nakabalandrang katawan nito.
"I'll take a shower first then I'll cook breakfast before you take med for hangover. Give me just few minutes. Mag-uusap tayo." As we walks towards the comfort room.
"Ah..ano, hindi na! Ano kasi..na-nakakahiya naman sayo. U-uwi nalang ako--" He shut me again by closing the door. Grabe naman!
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang maalala ang sinabi nitong mag-uusap kami.
Oh God! Baka tungkol sa sinabi o' ginawa ko kagabi? Wala naman akong maalala! Damn! Ang tanga lang talaga. I hate myself for being this careless and stupid.
****
I watched Radicus as he faced the stove to cook for breakfast. Nakaupo naman ako sa high stool at pinagsasawa ang mga mata ko sa likod nito. He is wearing dark jeans and gray shirt same as what I am wearing. Hindi naman ako makapagpalit dahil hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang mga gamit ko. Naiilang tuloy ako dahil pakiramdam ko wala akong suot pambaba. This boyshorts sucks.
"You know..you don't really have to do that. Dyan lang naman sa kabila ang unit ko. I can provide myself breakfast--"
Napatigil ako nang humarap ito sa akin. He is definitely breathtaking. Titig lang, ay halos malusaw na ako. He squinted his eyes. His forehead knotted. I pulled the shirt lower. I felt naked all of a sudden.
"Bakit ka nasa bar? " He asked. Napamaang ako sa tanong ito. I wasn't really expecting him to ask about it.
"I..I kind of got bored in my unit kaya naisipan kong lumabas." I said.
"Were you even aware of you alcohol tolerance?" He asked.
"I..No. No idea at all. I'm not use to drinking." I answered. He turned his back. Inayos na nito ang mga pagkain.
I sighed.
"I'm sorry. Sorry talaga. Naabala na naman ata kita kagabi. I didn't know it was you....again.. Although hindi ko maalala kung paanong ikaw..I mean, ang naalala ko si Chase ang kausap ko tapos hindi ko na alam. I'm sorry kung may nagawa man ako o' nasabi sayo kagabi. "
"Hindi mo maalala ang mga sinabi mo and here you are mentioning Chase's name. How come siya naalala mo?" He asked.
I didn't utter any response. I just don't know what to answer! He squinted his eyes again. Mukha siyang naiirita.
"Maybe that's because I was kind of impressed--"
"Impressed? In what way?" He cut me off.
"I mean, he's a good companion--"
"Good companion? " He asked at mas lalong lumalim ang pagkakakunot ng noo nito.
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, siya kasi ang kausap ko buong gabi. He was the one entertaining me. Kakuwentuhan ganon. Ah..he's fun to be with. Sort of. Nawala yung boredom ko. Besides, siya ang nagseserve ng drinks ko kaya siguro naalala ko siya. "I explained.
Why do I have to explain anyway? Ganoon ba kalala ang ginawa ko? Nafufrustrate tuloy ako!
We were silent for a couple of minutes. Pinilit kong iwasan ang tingin nito.
"Eat. Then drink the med para mawala ang hang-over mo." He said. Umalis ito at naiwan akong mag-isa sa mesa.
Hindi naman nagtagal ay bumalik din ito na mukhang naiinis na pumipindot sa phone nito. He's left handed. Kanina ko pa actually narealize. It's cute.
Ipinatong nito ang phone sa mesa at naupo na sa harap ko. Napatitig na naman ako. Everything about him is just so...perfect. I can't even put a word on it but just perfect.
"So..have you enjoyed Chase's bottle skills?" He asked. Nagulat pa ako dahil nagtagal din ang pananahimik nito tapos biglang magtatanong.
"Huh?"
"Nevermind." He said. Napangiti ako. I am starting to feel comfortable.
"Ako na maghuhugas tutal nakikain naman ako." Suggestion ko matapos naming kumain.
Saglit ako nitong tinapunan ng tingin. Napayuko ako.
"Okay." He said.
Hindi ko magawang magconcentrate sa paghuhugas dahil sa presensya nito sa tabi ko. He was leaning on the sink while tapping his phone. Nararamdaman ko ang bawat paglingon na ginagawa nito sa akin.
"Hindi naman ako makakabasag ng pinggan, ka-kaya ko na to." I suddenly uttered.
"Wala naman akong pakealam sa mga plato, breaking it won't hurt anyway. I'm just making sure you won't injure yourself washing dishes. " He said. I got flattered. Lihim akong napangiti.
Radicus and his simple words. I am totally smitten!
His phone rang. Mabilis niya itong sinagot. I heard him mentioning Chase's name.
"Kukunin ko na sana mga gamit ko. Babalik na ako sa unit ko." Paalam ko dito nang makita kong tapos na siyang makipag-usap sa phone.
"Mag-uusap pa tayo." He said.
"A-ano, may nagawa ba talaga akong hindi maganda kagabi? Sorry na. Hindi na mauulit. I didn't know I drunk too much--"
"Yeah. That's why I asked Chase to ban you in Downhill."
"What? Ba-bakit naman?" I asked. Lalo akong kinabahan. Damn it! He just shrugged his shoulder.
"Sit. Mag-uusap tayo." He said. Nagpatinaod nalang ako. I palmed my face. I did horrible things I swear! Kaya niya siguro ako pinaban sa bar na iyon. Nagwala ba ako?
"Sorry. I am so sorry. Magbabayad nalang ako--"
"You know bars are not good for you. Haven't you learned from what happened to you before? Huwag ka ng pupunta sa mga ganoong klase ng lugar Maya."
I nodded.
"Sorry." I said.
I heard him sighed.
"Maya..." tawag nito sa akin. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.
"Wala ka ba talagang naalala sa mga sinabi mo kagabi?"
"W-wala. Meron ba?" He shrugged his shoulder.
"There's nothing that much aside from saying how much you admire a certain guy." He said. He is amaze. I can see it through his eyes.
My lips parted. Oh no! I did not...I did not confess did I? Oh my God! Just tell me I did not!
I remained silent. Damn it! Ano namang sasabihin ko?
"You're hating rejections. But that guy is your exception. You don't like the idea of liking a married guy. Fortunately.... I am not." he said.
Napapikit ako. I silently uttered million curses! So I did confess! Great! Ilang beses pa ba akong mapapahiya ng ganito?
"I...well..I don't know what to say. " I just said.
"So you really like me that much huh?" He asked.
Shit!
Muntik pa akong mahulog sa kinauupuan ko. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Kapag sinabi kong oo malamang irereject na naman ako ng isang ito. I hate it. I hate rejections. Kapag nagdeny ako, magmumukha pa akong sinungaling. I should remind myself not to land at Radicus's place whenever I'm drunk. I gripped my shirt.
"I thought I made it clear to you? to stir clear away Maya." He said calmly.
"I did. Ginagawa ko naman. Look. Huwag mo nalang akong pansinin, I'm sure this attraction will fade anyway. Hayaan..mo nalang. Isipin mo nalang na die hard fan ako. Ganun. " I said.
"Try harder. Real hard Maya." he said. He doesn't sound offensive. More like amazed. There's this hint of smile on his face.
"W-what?"
"Would you like me to confess too Maya? Just to make it fair. I heard your secrets, maybe I should tell mine too. "
I felt shivers on my spine. My heart leaped so fast as he stood up infront of me. He leaned so close to me. We were just inches far away from each other.
My knees tremble. My hands too. Napansin niya siguro ang paglilikot ng mga kamay kong magkasiklop kaya bumaba ang tingin niya dito.
"Mahirap ba talagang umiwas?" He asked. His eyes did not leave mine.
"I am trying." I whispered.
"Trying?"
I nodded.
"So, mahirap nga?" He asked.
"Oo." I answered honestly. What's the point of denying anyway.
"Good." He said. Napanganga ako sa sinabi nito.
He leaned closer.
"Kasi nahihirapan din akong umiwas."