Lovely readers, this is the second last chapter of TRN. Hopefully there'll be an epilogue after the 37th chapter..... Wohoooo!!!! :) :) :* :D
And this chapter is dedicated to swayinstyle for the cover :* Thank you bunch :) :*
Enjoy reading and don't forget to vote and comment :*
Happy reading,
love,
lillyalbela.
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The next day before I left for the hospital to see Bilal Bhai and Sana, I again prayed 2 raka'a nawafil ; this time seeking strength for the decision I had made. After I was done praying I picked Fatima up and kept her in my lap. She looked at me with huge innocent eyes and my eyes stung. I kissed her on her wet lips and said, " Fatima... your mother... is a very bad person. But she loves you. She loves you like she loves nothing in the world. I'm sorry I have to do this honey, but really, you'll never miss me. I promise you. Your Dad... your Dada will make sure of that. He loves you so much Fatima, just like I love you. You know why? Because your Maam and Dada... they both love each other very much. And that's why they love you just the same. I've not only given you your share of love but also your Dada's. And now your Dada will give you your share of love as well as mine. Just... never judge your mother Fatima. Just never judge me. Please. I love you my love... I swear to my Allah I love you so much. " I said crying and hugged her tightly. " I hope that one day you will understand that what your mother did was something that was for once... right. " I said still hugging her. I wiped my tears and with a strength that was not in me before the nawafil , I took Fatima outside the house.
I was locking the door when a car honked. I turned around and was surprised to see Raza there. He was in his car and had honked to get my attention. I raised my eyebrows and taking the key out of the keyhole I walked towards the car.
" Assalamualikum. " Raza said trying to sound good in the morning but all I was able to focus on was the huge bruise on his chin that went down to his jaw. It must be very painful because it surely looked painful.
" Walikumasalam. "
" Come sit. I'm going to the hospital, I'll take you there. " Raza said lowering the window.
" No it's okay... "
"I didn't ask you Neha ji... I said come sit. Come on I won't like you taking a cab to the hospital. " I sighed and nodded hesitantly. After yesterdays event even talking with Raza seemed like some sin. I could not help but look around afraid that Salman would come out of somewhere and beat the crap out of Raza. Alhamdullilah, nothing of that sort happened and Raza was safe through out the way. And quiet. Not that I wanted him to say anything. In fact I didn't mind him staying quiet forever. I feel really bad for Raza but I couldn't help to bring out any romantic emotions for him.
I got out of the car and Raza went to find somewhere to park. I hurried my way inside the hospital and when I went in Bilal Bhai's room I was surprised to see everyone there.By everyone I mean Uncle Kamran, Tanya and Aqil bhai and of course Sana and Bilal Bhai. I greeted them all and in an instant Fatima was taken from me by Aqil bhai. Tanya then took her from Aqil bhai and after kissing her dozens she passed her to Uncle Kamran. I sat beside Bilal bhai and Alhamdullilah he looked so much better than yesterday. I noticed Sana was quieter than usual... maybe she knew about the restaurant being bankrupt.
" Bilal Bhai... " I said aloud and everyone looked at me. " There is a good news... " I said and waited for his expression to change. And change they did but they became more dull as if he believed there could be no news that could overdo the effect of the news of his restaurant getting bankrupt.
" You might just wanna hear it. " I said smiling. I was amazed on my courageous self , that even though I knew that today I was going to be taken from me the one precious thing I possessed, I was hear smiling and trying to make others happy.
"What is it? " Sana asked noticing the mischievous glint in my eyes.
" The thing is... " I got up from the chair and walked closer to Bilal bhai and Sana; who was sitting on a small apace beside Bilal bhai. " Salman ji paid the loan." I said and suddenly the room was so silent that I could actually hear the wind blowing outside. Or maybe the wind was blowing louder than usual but anyhow, I could hear it.
I looked from Bilal bhai to Sana and then at Uncle Kamran. They all were frowning at me. Deeply. I flickered my eyes to Tanya and Aqil Bhai who were staring at me as if they wanted me to elaborate. Aqil Bhai had a cup of tea in his hand and he held it like he was posing for a photograph with a tea in hand. But actually he was just thinking about what I had said and had forgotten to either put the cup back or drink the tea.
Fatima, who was in Sana's hands looked around alarmed at the sudden silence and then started crying. As if her crying broke the spell and everyone spoke up. At once.
" What?" " Did you sell the control? " Oh Neha! " " Who's Salman ? " I can't believe this... " Tanya, Bilal bhai, Sana, Uncle Kamran and Aqil bhai all said respectively. I looked at them and I suddenly wanted to laugh. But I knew that they weren't over reacting... I mean only I knew why Salman paid the loan without any interest. If I was in their place, I would've been just as shocked. So I didn't.
" You heard me Tanya. The loan has been paid. And no Bilal bhai, I didn't sell the control... actually he gave you a loan... just like you had asked for and Uncle... Salman is .... "
Someone to whom I'm giving Fatima to.
" Umm he's... " Aqil bhai saved me from the embarrassment I was creating for myself by taking so long and said,
" Uncle, don't you remember Salman? Those three men that had showed up on Neha's engagement." Aqil Bhai said and Uncle Kamran nodded slowly as he remembered. Aqil bhai turned to me and said, "And really Neha... wow! I mean Alhamdullilah ... that's a hell of a news! " Aqil bhai said excitedly.
" Oh Neha... " Sana said as she got up and hugged me. I hugged her tightly and she sobbed on my shoulders. She whispered in my ear and I think no one heard her. Or at least I prayed no one did.
"You have a lot of explanation to do Neha. " Sana said and I shut my eyes tightly.
I do, I owe an explanation to everyone but I have no idea on earth on how I'll do it. When we pulled back and looked at each other I realized we both were crying. " Thank you. " Sana said squeezing my hands gently.
When I looked at Bilal Bhai he was staring at me confused although there was a hint of a suppressed smile on his face. " Neha... what did you do? " Bilal bhai asked and I smiled reassuringly at him.
" I didn't have to do anything. He is a very nice person, when I told him about your heart attack he felt bad for keeping that condition to sell the control and so he gave the loan. " I said and hoped everyone would believe me.
" Seems like a good chap... but an awful businessman. " Uncle Kamran said and I nodded.
" He's such a life saver Neha. I owe him so much. Oh my Allah how would I ever pay him back for his mercy ji. " Bilal bhai said and I noticed he had tears in his eyes.
" Now, now Bilal, Allah has given you a reason to celebrate , don't bring in the tears. " Uncle Kamran said and hugged Bilal bhai.
Just then the door opened and in came Raza. When I looked at him my smile faded. Raza was all red and he was scowling. When his eyes fell on me the creases on his forehead eased. He tried to smile but it didn't reach his eyes.
" What's the matter? " I asked reaching to him.
" Nothing..." Raza said brushing his hair with his hand.
" What happened to you Raza? " Uncle Kamran said and I noticed Bilal bhai was also frowning as he wiped away his tears.
" I'll have to go back. " Raza said and I stared at him dumbly. He'll have to go back... back where?
" What do you mean Raza? " Uncle Kamran said coming to stand in front of him.
" Uncle there's been a mishap in the company I work and they need me there. Like right now. " I gulped as the things registered in my head. We were supposed to get married in a time span of four days and he was needed in America right now. Would he be back until the wedding then?
"It'll probably take months to solve the issue and it'll be impossible for me to come back until everything is resolved there. "
Probably not.
So what happens to the wedding? Would it be postponed?
" Raza... but the wedding... " Uncle Kamran started and Raza nodded.
" I know Uncle, I've told them I can't travel immediately and have talked them into letting me stay here for a day longer. If you can bring the wedding earlier then we'll both travel to America immediately after the wedding. " Raza suggested and I wanted to shake my head violently but I couldn't even bring myself to blink, let alone say something.
" Actually you're right... but... there's so much still left to do Raza and one day it's just too short. " Uncle Kamran said.
" Uncle, we have no other option. And it's better to wed them earlier then delaying. " Aqil bhai said and I stared at him helplessly.
" But what about their passports? " Uncle Kamran sounded like even he didn't wanted to wed me to Raza. Wait. Where did that come from? No scratch that. I did not not wanted to wed Raza.
" Uncle, I've arranged for that already. " Raza said and Uncle Kamran finally gave up.
" Okay Beta, but then that means we don't have any time to waist. We all will have to buckle up." Uncle Kamran said and looked at me smiling, just like a loving father would when her daughter's wedding is being discussed. A smile of assurance, that everything will be okay, and no matter what, your father will always be by you. I wanted to smile back at him and I even did but I highly doubt that it reached my eyes.
I wanted to protest on the wedding being called so early but didn't have any idea on what basis to protest on. Everything was still the very same, just the wedding was not going to be four days later. It wasn't like they had changed the groom.
I looked at the clock and my heart sank. I was running out of time. I looked at Tanya who was holding Fatima in one hand and was instructing Aqil bhai about something in a haste. I wanted to take Fatima in a room and hold her in my arms as long as I had the time. But I couldn't, I let others hold her because I knew it was even their last day they had her.
Aqil bhai drove Sana, Bilal bhai, Tanya and me to home. Once dropping us he went to call the wedding arrangers. Uncle Kamran had gone to the printing press for the printing of the wedding cars to invite the guests.
At 2:00 pm Aqil bhai brought the wedding organizers with him and they took the charge and within two hours the whole house was adorned with pink roses. I wanted to tell them to change the flowers' color but the irony was, they didn't have any other flower in their whole shop and apparently Jalajit Hill station grew the most beautiful pink roses.
I mean weren't the pink roses the same where ever you went in the whole world?
Sana sent me to my room and told me to rest as they were arranging for my mahendi tonight and they wanted me to be fresh the whole night. Tanya insisted that she keeps Fatima with her so that she won't disturb me and I couldn't argue. Nodding I came to my room and sat in a corner thinking everything through.
Salman had saved Delicious Delights and then had threatened to take Fatima from me. I was getting married tomorrow and traveling to America that would be like millions of miles away from Fatima. I closed my eyes and tied both of my hands around my legs and shivered.
Something isn't right. I heard a voice from somewhere deep inside me and I shook my head. No. There was nothing wrong, in fact for once I was doing something right. Something that will InshaAllah bring happiness in everyone's life.
Let the waves take you to the best place, the place Allah have chosen for you.
If this is what Allah wants me to do, then I won't back away. I'll stand my grounds no matter even if it would kill me inside.
I turned around and patted the ground under the night stand. I found what I was looking for and brought it to my face. The ring Salman had given me. I stared at it blankly for a while and then kept it on the edge of my bed. I got up and opening my cupboard brought out a dairy. I flicked through the pages until I got to the page I was looking for. I tore the page out of the dairy and folded it. Opening the drawer of my nightstand I found an envelope and kept the folded page in it along with the ring. Sticking it closed I kept the envelope in my bag. I also kept Fatima's toy doll that she literally could not stand to live without. At least she'd have something from back home and something that she didn't need to miss. She'd miss me enough.
There was a knock on the door and in came a beaming Tanya and Sana. I quickly kept the bag in the cupboard and turned around at the door. They both walked in smiling from ears to ears and I noticed they both were holding some very expensive looking dresses in their hands. They both laid them on the bed so that they don't create creases on the dresses. " Neha, come on and have a look at them. Aren't they lovely? " Tanya gushed. I looked at the dress and I had to agree with Tanya.
" Yes, they're. " I said smiling and sitting on the bed next to where they had put the dresses.
" So which one do you like? " Sana asked sitting beside me.
" They're all nice. I don't know. You choose. " I said as I looked away. Tanya and Sana both exchanged looks before they turned their faces towards me. They both were giving me a you-must-be-kidding's look.
" Neha, it's your Mahendi!" Tanya said like she was getting angry. I looked at the dresses and pointed to towards the very first dress that was on top of all the others. It was a salmon color dress with a blouse and a beaded skirt.
" I know right. It's just so amazing! Oh my, you'll look please excuse my vulgarism, ravishing!" Tanya said excitedly and Sana chuckled lightly. I smiled at her and nodded.
" Okay, are you sure you don't wanna look at the others. I mean they might confuse you because really every other dress is more beautiful than the other. Oh my I wonder what Raza bhai would do when he'll see you in this. " Tanya was saying dreamily and my heart skipped a beat. The thought of anyone other than Salman being this intimidated with me was just unsettling. I prayed to Allah that soon I would get over this feelings...
" Yes I'm sure Tanya. " I said and didn't comment on Raza seeing me like this.
" Come on Tanya, we have a lot of preparations to do. " Sana said noticing the change in my mood on the mention of Raza. She understood me so well, sometimes even better than my mother...
Sana looked at me and said, " Neha take some rest and I'll see you over tea at 5:00 pm." She said and gave me a meaningful look. I nodded and they both walked out keeping my Mahendi's dress on a chair in front of the dressing table. I stared at it for a long time and then threw myself back on the bed. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. But as always I didn't succeed and turning on my bed and laying on my stomach I started doing the one thing I was best at, I started crying.
The Mahendi's ceremony was held at home at 8:00 pm. It was 6:00 pm that I came out of my room. Sana had came to my room earlier but I had pretended to be sleeping so she had let me sleep. I went downstairs and found Fatima playing on the floor. Sana was sitting on the sofa and she was on a call with someone. Apparently she was inviting someone to the Mahendi tonight. Probably some of her friends. When she noticed me she excused herself and ended the call.
I picked up Fatima and put the veil on my face.
" Neha? " Sana asked getting up from the sofa. " Where are you going? " She walked towards me and came to stand in front of me.
" I'll be back in half an hour... " I said not looking her in the eyes.
" But where are you going Neha? " Sana asked and I could tell she was getting angry. I looked at her and sighed.
" I'll tell you once I come back Sana. " I said trying to make her drop the matter.
" Why not now ? Why can't you just tell me where you're going Neha? What are you up to? " I looked at her like she had caught me red handed in doing something bad.
" Nothing... " I said.
" Right. So now you're lying to me. What is it Neha? Isn't it something about Salman? " Sana asked and I gulped.
" No Sana... "
" Yes Neha. " Sana said cutting me off. " Of course it's about him. Since he has shown up you're acting like a completely different person. You both were crying when you saw each other at your engagement Neha. Do you think I didn't notice the way you both were looking at each other? I mean for Allah's sake Neha you were even stealing glances at him discreetly. And you say this isn't about him? Tell me Neha, if this really isn't about him then why doesn't your face lights up on the mention of Raza's name? Why can't I see the glow, the glory of a girl who's getting married in a day? You can make everyone believe that Salman was kind enough to give the loan on hearing the news of Bilal's heart attack but not me Neha. You can't fool me. "
" I'm not fooling anyone Sana! " I said looking away and feeling my temper rising.
" Neha, I need an explanation. " I sighed and my eyes flickered to the wall clock. It was getting late, if I didn't show up now, Salman will come here. Along with the courts orders. I had to go now.
" I will explain everything. But now I have to go Sana. I really don't have the time. " I said and turned around to leave.
" But Neha..."
" Please Sana..." I said turning and looking at her. Sana looked like she wanted to protest but she didn't. She nodded reluctantly and I left with Fatima.
I had no idea on what would I tell everyone once giving Fatima to Salman but I think it was my decision to take and I was doing what I thought was right.
Ya Allah please guide me and help me through this... I prayed closing my eyes.
There was a moment when I panicked. I thought about what I was doing and I almost told the cab's driver to pull back but then I didn't. I knew that I was depriving myself of the very vital reason I was living for but still I couldn't bring myself to back off. It was like keeping the most precious treasure you possessed in a well secured bank where there was no risk of damage... No risk of loss. Yes... that was the thing, even though I was losing Fatima I knew in a way I wasn't. Salman loved me so much and no matter whether I was with them or not Salman would make sure Fatima knew her mother and loved her. I knew Salman would do that. Make Fatima love her me. I knew he'd talk to her about me at nights and make her go to sleep. I knew he'd treat her like her princesses.
The cab stopped outside the hotel they were staying in and I gulped. I got out of the cab and told him to wait for me. The driver nodded and I walked in with trembling legs, Fatima in my hands.
When I reached their floor, finding their room wasn't difficult. Because their room's door was opened and I could hear voices of Ali and Fahad.
I found the door was already opened and I walked in. My eyes immediately fell on Salman who was sitting on the sofa. He was staring at the floor and was frowning deeply. Ali and Fahad were both standing on either side of him and were saying something.
" Come on man, we're getting late." Fahad was saying.
" Salman, it isn't wrong. It's your right to take your daughter. And we even have the court's orders... then what's the matter. " Ali said and Salman stayed quiet. I noticed there was another man in the room who apparently looked like someone from the court. Oh yeah, a lawyer.
" If you're worried about that commissioner so trust me even he wouldn't be able to do anything in front of the court's orders. " The supposedly lawyer was saying. Salman was quiet throughout and he refused to look up. I noticed he was holding some documents in his hands.
I realized I had already started crying and I wiped my face with the back of my hand.
Ali sighed and looked at the door and did a double take when he saw me standing there. Just then Fahad noticed me too and for once he didn't looked at me amused.
" Salman... " Ali said keeping a hand on Salman's shoulder. Salman blinked and looked at him, still frowning. When he noticed his expression he looked at the door and froze. His eyes flickered from me to Fatima and his mouth was a bit ajar. Salman got up and said, " Excuse me. " to the lawyer not looking anywhere but at me.
I looked down and the tears again started to trickle their way down my cheeks. The lawyer nodded briskly and walked out. Ali and Fahad also got the hint and left us three alone in the room. Salman didn't move from his position and neither did I.
Salman stared at me expectantly and I looked down at the floor; crying. After what felt like forever Salman walked towards me and stood an inch away from me. I wiped my tears but didn't look at him.
I fished the envelope from my bag and extended it towards Salman. He looked confused but took the envelope anyway. He was going to open the envelope but I stopped him.
" No Salman... please open it once I'm gone. " I said in a small voice. Salman nodded slowly and kept the envelope on the table.
Salman looked back at me and I held his gaze. He looked like he didn't know anymore of what to do and what not to do. He stared at me but said nothing.
" You know Salman... I'm such an inauspicious... an unfortunate... Allah awarded me with all types of luxuries in my life. He gave me such loving and caring parents but I ruined everything with my very own hands. I broke so many hearts for you... and then Allah broke mine. After loosing you... in fact after loosing everything, I found Allah. I understood that whatever I've done was wrong from the scratch. It was... Haram. " I said daring to look in Salman's eyes. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression. I looked down.
" I repented all my actions, I prayed every night for forgiveness. And after some time Allah gave me Fatima and what else could I do but to think that my prayers have not gone to waist and that Allah have actually forgiven me." I said looking at Fatima in my arms who was staring at me like she was understanding everything." That Fatima is my present from Allah for the sleepless nights I had bared. For the pain I had gone through in that time. Having a baby is in itself is a tough thing and to do that while hiding away from all the praying eyes was... something that still gives me nightmares. " I was confessing things I had never even confessed to myself in daylight. " I left every bad habit and I started veiling properly. I prayed five times a day and made Dhikr whenever I didn't have anything to do. But you know Salman... all this time, there was one thing that I couldn't skip doing. And that was to love you. " I said and once again looked at him. Salman's features visibly softened and he looked all of a sudden torn and tired. " I tried not to... but I could not not love you. " I said giving a one sided shrug.
" You know Salman... I was going to get raped on my very first day here. " I said as the images of that night flashed in my mind and I shivered. Salman was all of a sudden looking at me like he was going to murder that man who had attempted to rape me. " That day I prayed for His forgiveness. I was hand tied to a tree in some deserted field by the waterfall after midnight and I was praying. " I said and I realized I was smiling as the tears trickled down my face.
" Did he... ? " Salman tried to ask but I cut him off.
" No Salman. he didn't. Although I was not in my home's safety, although you were not there to protect me, but Allah was. Salman He was there and He saved me. That man lost his balance in some vines and fell and smacked his head in a miniature of Holy Ka'ba that I had bought the very same day. Can you believe that? " I asked looking in his eyes. I wiped my eyes and changed hands to hold Fatima. Salman just stared at me silently. " I was living happily with the small family I had made and then Raza came along. Everyone said that I should marry him because he's just the right choice for me but I couldn't bring myself to say yes. And I think you know why. " I looked at Salman in the eye and I could tell he was trying to hold back and not pull me in his arms. I looked down once again. " But then I thought about Fatima growing up and not having anyone to call her Dad. So I said yes... but only for Fatima's sake Salman. Only for her sake. " I said through tears." But no matter what the reason was... the thing is that I said yes and I've involved everyone in it and now I'm officially engaged to someone. I... can't... " I said not able to finish my sentence. " You were right in saying that it's you who's left out in this game that I started playing. You don't deserve to be left out Salman. I'm... I'm sorry. For walking in and out of your life like it was some field... I'm sorry. " I said blinking rapidly to clear my blurred vision.
" No Ne... "
" No Salman... please let me finish. " I said cutting Salman.
" I know I'm a very bad person... I've always brought bad news for everyone around me, be it my parents or you Salman. I've never made anyone happy, ever... I'm sorry about that too. But I can't break someone's heart anymore. And I won't let you suffer in all this Salman. You were right. I was not being fair but InshaAllah I will. You have been all alone this whole time when I had a whole family to look after me and who had actually loved me as their own. Fatima is my life, but she's your amana too. You can keep her Salman. And I know I won't have to worry about her well being because she'd not be more safe anywhere than with you. Take her Salman.It's not easy for me to say this but maybe this is what Allah wants us to do, maybe my worships were not enough and this is some kind of a delayed kafara for what we did..."I said crying. Salman stared at me helplessly and shook his head.
" Damn you talk too much!" Salman said and chuckled lightly." I don't now what got into me yesterday and I'm really sorry about the bullshit I said. I... How can I take something from you that means so much to you Neha. I can't... I've always wanted you to be happy and if fulfilling your promise makes you that... than be it Neha. You're right...maybe this is some kind of a kafara for the wrongs we've done... for the wrongs I've done by robbing people. Maybe this is right... " Salman said and took Fatima from me. He kissed her on her head and hugged her tightly as if he's life depended on her. He handed her back to me and turned away. " She's your life Neha but she's my soul too. I don't know what will I do without you two...I... just go Neha. " Salman suddenly said in a stern voice.
" What? " I snapped my head towards him. How could he finish everything so quickly. How could I just... go?
" " Salman... "
" Please Neha, just go before I change my mind. Please. " Salman was almost pleading. I heard his voice crack in between. I stood there for a minute but couldn't bring myself to leave. Was I really going to leave Salman here and marry someone else? Was this really the end of my love that started when Salman was robbing my neighbors?
" Salman... I'm going... "
Oh Allah what was I doing? Salman didn't say anything. He stood like an idol his back towards me. Oh Salman, at least look at me once. For the last time...
" Salman I... "
" Leave... " Salman literally growled and I couldn't hold back anymore.
" I love you... " I was trembling badly. Salman froze for a fraction of a moment before he turned around and looked at me. He was crying. Oh Allah He was crying.
Ya Rab please no... Please don't let Salman get hurt because of me...
Salman wiped his tear with one hand and was standing in front of me within a second. He didn't let me say anything nor did he let me protest. He yanked my free arm towards him and hugged me. Fatima was still in my hand and so technically she was also hugging Salman. I heard him sob on my shoulders and I cried loudly on his chest ; letting out all the anguish I'd felt all this time we were away.Salman felt just the same and he smelled the same way too. Oh My Allah, my Salman was crying on my shoulders. What had I done to him... I held him closely afraid that this moment would end and we would apart. Please Ya Rab Help us...
Suddenly Salman let go off me and pushed me and turned around once again.
" If you don't leave now Neha... I swear I won't let you go then. " Salman said in a gruff voice. He was breathing heavily.I turned around and walked out of the room briskly. covering mu mouth with one hand as I cried. When I opened the door I was met with a worried Ali and Fahad. They were looking at me like they wanted to help me but didn't know how.
" Please take care of Salman... " I heard myself cry before I ran down the stairs instead of using the elevator.
I couldn't help but feel that there was something wrong. Something awfully wrong but couldn't place a finger on it.
What does love means to you? Salman's voice echoed in my mind.
Eternity. A lifetime. It means wanting to share your whole life with someone. Not for a day or a week but for eternity. I had told him.
What's eternity? Salman had asked again.
Eternity is as long as we exist. That's our eternity. That had been my reply.
Now the thing was, even though I was marrying Raza I still loved Salman.And I knew I'd continue to love him for the eternity. For as long as I existed. So therefore marrying Raza was wrong.
Very wrong.