The Red Necklace

Chapter 23

The reality of what exactly I had done was trying to sink in but I refused to absorb it just now. I couldn't be weak at this moment.

I had the right to live my life the way I wanted.

Mom and Dad were forcing me into marrying someone I didn't wanted to. I didn't know what exactly Islam said about this and I could care less right now. I had to save my baby. I felt a lump form in my throat and I gulped rapidly to clear my throat. It was only a week before Shahbaz was supposed to come back and Salman knew it perfectly and yet he didn't come back.

I promise to come back after 2 months...

Then why didn't you? I was seething in anger and I felt my insides boil yet all I was able to do was glare at the rolling buildings that were passing by as the car headed to the train station.

I want to make you mine, Neha.

As if by a reflex action, I felt my hands forming fists on my sides. Was Salman trying to get in my pants? Did I meant just that to him? One of his hook ups?

Neha I'm sorry, but he looks like a total fake. I shut my eyes close and threw my head back on the seat.

Was I being naive all along? Naive. My eyes snapped open.

You're so naive, I remembered Salman say.

He thought I was naive and gullible and that's why he thought tricking me and taking me to the bed would not be a problem. I felt my heart stop beating for a moment. I felt my eyes blur due to the fresh tears but these tears were due to the anger I felt on myself, on Salman.

It couldn't be that.Salman loved me. He loved me. Didn't he?

Well then, why didn't he come back?

Because he's fake. And it's not his fault a girl was so desperately throwing herself on him. He did what you let him do, A voice within me was saying.

How could he do this? Was he really never coming back? Was I was just another hook up for him? He just enjoyed me in the bed like he enjoyed those call girls, the only difference being, I was not a call girl. And yet I threw myself at him like I was nothing. I wanted to kill myself in that moment and the only thing that was stopping me from jumping from the car was my baby. I couldn't kill my own child, like Salman had killed me.

It was amazing how this whole time I was in denial and now within the span of few minutes , everything was as clear to me as crystal. I had run away from my house and now I was homeless with no where to go and all that for one man. For a robber who I hopelessly loved and thought loved me back. But now it hit me and it hit me hard. Salman was fake. He was not coming back.After all, he was a robber. So he did what was expected of him. He robbed me and then ran away.

" Here you are, Weetop Station. " The driver said pulling the car to the drive way. I came out of the trance I was in and looked around. It was as busy and crowded as ever with people rushing here and there. Nobody seemed to notice the presence of a disloyal girl who had abandoned her mother in the middle of the road. I hopped out of the car and paid the driver 5 bucks.

I covered my face with my dupatta to avoid any acquaintances. I moved towards the ticket counter and waited in the line looking no where but down to avoid any unnecessary eye contact. The man next to me shifted and I was facing the man on the counter. I stared at him blankly and realized I had no idea where I was heading to. " Yes Ma'am? " The man asked behind the counter.

" Umm... " I was completely lost, having no idea of my destination.

I thought of a place that was as far away from here as possible. I didn't wanted to be caught by my parents ever. I knew exactly what I had done and I knew no matter how much my parents loved me they would never want to see my face again.

I had to go somewhere where no body could ever find me. Instantly I knew where I had to go. " Jilajit hill station. " I said in a small voice. The man gave me a ticket and I paid him 75 bucks.

There were fifteen minutes before the train left and I decided to sit in the train.

I thought about home.By now Mom would have reached home and set Ruqaiya off. Then she would have called Dad with trembling voice and told him about what I had done. Dad would have panicked instantly and told Mom that he'll be home soon and that not to worry. Mom would then have sat on the sofa and cried in the lounge.

The train took off and I sighed letting out the breath I was holding for so long. I looked from the window and saw there were some cops inspecting the man behind the ticket counter.My heart skipped a beat and I pressed my face on the window to see more. I saw the man shrug behind the counter at something the cop was asking him. And then what I saw broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces. Beside the cops stood my Dad with a photograph in his hand. He looked so tired and worn but most of all he looked ashamed.

The train picked up speed and soon I lost the sight of them. I laid back in my seat and stared in front of me blankly. What exactly had I done?

My vision blurred and this time I couldn't help but to put my face in my hands and cry. I cried silently for all that I had done. I cried for my parents and for myself. I cried because Salman didn't come back. I cried because he broke his promise. I cried for my baby that would now be an illegitimate child. Now my baby will never have a father. I cried for hours and hours until I fell asleep on my seat. Two girls were also sitting beside me but none of them dared to intrude my privacy, for which I was grateful.

I woke up and realized I had slept the whole way to Jalajit hill and there were only five hours left to reach our destination. I opened my bag and took out a pen and a scribbling pad. There were so many things that I wanted to jot down and I was sure that once I transferred it on a piece of paper I would feel a lot better.I kept the pen on the pad and thought. And then started scribbling. I felt my eyes blur as I wrote and made lines with lines. There was a moment when it got so unbearable that I wanted nothing but to cry as loudly as possible, but I kept it inside me.

Once I was done I stared at it and was amazed at how exactly it mirrored my every single emotion.I read it once again and it somehow managed to make me feel as miserable as ever...

Oh glimmering hearts of lovers in the sky,

Oh blooming flowers of roses in the night,

Oh thudding beat of my heart in my side,

Oh trembling words of anxiety on the call,

Oh warm tears making a streak-like line.

Will you take the oath to say?

I was as fair as a lover could be,it was him who didn't wanted my love.

I was as innocent as a flower could be,It was him who doubted the pureness of my love.

My heartbeat was as wild from listening to his voice as it could get,

It was him who was ruthless for not tendering to my love.

My state was as miserable from the anxiousness as it could get,

It was him who even at that time thought my words were inane.

My eyes were as sore from the burning sensation as they could get,

It was his eyes which were blind folded, disabling him to see anything.

And once again, I broke into a fist of silent tears.