Two years later
It's a Tuesday morning and it's dawn and I have just offered my Fajr and am standing by the window sipping on the strong black tea staring outside at the picturesque waterfall that I still find amazingly breathtaking. Jalajit has become my home now. And it's people my family. I live in Bilal bhai's house who have rented me the upstairs portion. Bilal has a wife but no kids so it wasn't difficult at all to rent out the part of their house which was in no use to them.
Bilal is the same man who's heart I had broken on the very first day here by not praising his soup. It turned out that he was the owner of that little restaurant called Delicious Delights and he served his customer by himself to make sure his customers were satisfied. When he saw me the next day he was just plain cross. He wouldn't talk to me and told me to not come here again because I had highly insulted his food. Not only because I didn't drink the soup but because apparently I had paid two bucks more than the soup cost. He thought that I would rather pay extra to get rid of his food then drink it.
So yeah.
It had taken a great deal of convincing from my side that I was really sick and I just couldn't drink it. To prove my point I had to drink 2 huge bowls of his soup before his wounded ego was slightly aided. Then I asked him where I could find the manager of that restaurant. He looked taken a back and then had told me that he owned it , there was no manager in there. I had told him that I was looking for a work to do to feed myself. He had asked me about my family and I had stayed quiet which he had respected and had not asked further. I was really grateful for that and for once thought he actually had some sense and feelings.
He had asked me what kind of work I could do. I had told him anything that's honorable. He had asked me if I could cook. I had said yes. He had said he would try me out and then decide because he couldn't take someone who had no experience and ruin his reputation. I did understand and was really worried about the decision he would make although I had no doubt on my ability to cook the best food but if I would be able to reach up to his standard was all my worries.
Next day He took me to the kitchen in the back and I was given a chance to prove my abilities and work my magic. And that was what I did. I cooked lamb with raisin's fried rice and sauce. I also dared to make the tomato soup Mama used to make back home. When I was done I was lead outside the kitchen and was told to wait there. After about what felt like forever but which was only half an hour Bilal had come out and my heartbeat quickened when I noticed he was furious. But on closer notice I had realized he had tears in his eyes. He had stood in front of me and his lips had quivered when he spoke.
" Where were you this whole time ji? This restaurant needed you for as long as I can remember. I try everyday to please the customers with my talking and try to make them believe the food is as good as I say. But really ji, I don't think we ever had hands who could make so much in such less time and that tastes so heavenly. Please ji , you have to work for me sister. " He had said. Although I was probably his daughter's age he had opted to call me sister for reasons unknown.
So I had been working for him ever since. When he found about my pregnancy, let's just say it was a grueling situation. His mind was not ready to even consider that a girl like me, who prayed five times and then prayed Tahajaad in addition, who fasted in odd days and never lied about anything, who covered her face with a veil could be pregnant prior to marriage.
His wife Sana, who had become like an elder sister to me had asked me about it and I had told her that I was ditched. Nothing else. She had stared at me for a long while and then had said one thing, " Sometimes Allah does strange things to bring His man on a straight path." This sentence echoed for a long while in my ears and I found myself thinking that how right Sana was.
The day Bilal found out, I was five months pregnant. I wan in the restaurant's kitchen cooking when suddenly I had a fierce pain in my stomach that had me doubled over. Bilal bhai had come rushing towards me and had given me a day off and had brought me home. The pain had subsided by then and Bilal bhai had insisted that I stayed downstairs for a while ,while Sana made tea for us. The bump on my abdomen was quiet clear but due to the loose dresses I wore Bilal bhai had not noticed it, apparently. Although he did once mentioned that I was putting on weight because I was getting the free parcels from Delicious Delights.
Sana passed me my tea and sat beside me. Just as I was about to sip on my tea the excruciating pain rose again and it was so damn killing that I couldn't balance the tea and it fell. It took two more minutes for the pain to subsidize and that whole two minutes Both Sana and Bilal bhai rushed here and there thinking of ways to help me, both unaware of the true reason. Although I had seen in Sana's eyes that she knew. After all she was a woman.
Bilal bhai grabbed his car's key and Sana brought some pills along a warm cup of milk. Bilal bhai told me we had to see the doctor. I said no to both of them. I couldn't take pills as it might harm my baby and I couldn't go to the doctor with Bilal bhai because.. well because I was afraid of what he would think of me.
Bilal bhai was persistent and he was almost shouting at me telling me I had to see the doctor. I told him I can't go. He asked me why. I told him I was going to my room.
" Is there something you are hiding from us Neha? " Sana had asked. When I saw her expression, I knew I could hide no more. It's time you give up this lie and tell us everything or else I'll have to do that for you, Sana's eyes had said. I had felt my legs get tied and I couldn't move. I closed my eyes and asked Allah for help.
"You call us your brother and sister right? Then tell us Neha." Sana had said keeping a hand on my shoulder.
" Lady, she's sick, what do you want her to tell you. I tell you you are really growing old. " Bilal had said shaking his head, his car's keys still in his hands adamant on taking me to the clinic.
Sana ignored Bilal and looked straight into my eyes. I knew I was trapped and I could no further hide this. I felt tears fill in my eyes as I ducked my head down. I broke into a fist right there.
" For Allah's sake Sana what have you done now? " Bilal bhai had said and came to stand in front of me.
" Sister she's crazy, just ignore her. I know you are hiding nothing. " Bilal had said to console me.
" Billal Bhai , I... I'm so sorry. But I should have told you earlier." I had said sobbing and he stared at me confused.
" I'm expecting." I had said merely in a whisper, averting his gaze.
" You what? " He had said after a moment.
I said nothing.
" How can you get pregnant. " Bilal bhai had asked.
" Bilal!" Sana had said and Billal had realized what kind of question he had just asked.
" Neha, how is that possible, sister? " Bilal had asked rephrasing it.
I stayed silent.
" Sister ji, you have to tell us this! " Bilal bhai had said and for the very first time I had felt terrified of him. I looked at Sana for help and she understood. She came forward and whispered something to Bilal bhai. He was reluctant at first but then shaking his head and throwing the keys on the floor went and literally threw himself on the sofa. Sana took me upstairs and told me to rest. Just when she was leaving, like an afterthought, she turned to me and asked me.
" Neha, where is he? " I had felt the unshed tears threatening to spill.
" I don't know. He... ditched me. " I had said and had felt the real essence of my revelation. It was like for the first time I had actually believed this. Salman had ditched me.
And then Sana had said, " Sometimes Allah does strange things to bring His man back to the straight path."
That whole day I stayed in my room and heard the husband and wife bicker over me. Bilal bhai shouted and said he couldn't believe that I was so gullible. He said if he ever saw that bastard; Salman, he will make sure he is dead. I heard him ask Sana if I was married or not. Sana's reply was muffled and I couldn't make up what she said.
Next day Bilal bhai told me I should take off from work. I told him that we can't afford that kind of luxury. He promised to give me a month off before the month of my delivery. From that day Sana started to take care of my food and made sure I ate proper and healthy. Once in the car he asked me if I was married. Or if I was ever married.
I had stayed quiet.
" Neha, do you not think of me as your brother? " Bilal bhai had asked.
" Bilal bhai, it's not that. " I had said.
"Then I insist you tell me. " He said and I saw a fatherly glint in his eyes.
" No. " I said and repeated it looking into his eyes. " No." Bilal bhai nodded in understanding.
" What a pig. " He had loathed and I had hated myself for feeling angry at Bilal bhai for saying such thing for Salman. I said nothing in his defense though, just stared outside of the window to the blurring trees.
When my baby girl was born I had no doubt and named her Fatima. Someone who had prayed for me when I was highly wronged. Fatima was so beautiful that she took my breath away every time I looked at her. I performed my Namaaz keeping her beside me and made Dhikr like I was lulling her. It actually seemed to help so instead of singing her English lullabies I recited Qur'an for her. I prayed for her in my every prayer, more than anything in the world I asked Allah to show her the straight path and that He never let her go astray. I do that in all of the five prayers that I never miss, but my late night Tahajjad's prayers are confined to one thing. Or rather one man. Salman. I cry every day in Tahajjad for his well being and that he is also shown a straight path like I have been.
On Fatima's first birthday, I had called home. Of course I had said nothing, just stayed quiet and heard Mom's voice. It was still the very same.
" Hello? " Mom had said.
" Who's there? " And then grunting something she had smacked the phone down. I never dared to call again afraid she'll get suspicious. But at least I knew She was okay, and hopefully Dad was also okay.
The first words that Fatima had uttered were not Mama or Ma or Mam. No, not even close. They were Dada. The first word she had ever uttered were Dada. Dad. Her Dad who would probably never know she existed or even if he did, wouldn't give a damn.
Fatima was now fifteen months and had recently started to walk. Bilal loved Fatima so dearly that sometimes to the outsiders it seemed like Fatima and I were both siblings and Bilal and Sana our parents. Bilal gave a feast on the occasion of Fatima starting to walk in Delicious Delights and fussed a great deal about how I was not cooking and he was scared the food would not be as amazing as it usually was. He had his one of his relative coming from America and apparently he was also invited to our small family reunion in which only Sana, Tanya; the Branch Commissioner's daughter who had become one of my very close friend, her husband Aqil , Bilal and I was invited. I didn't like the idea of some outsiders intruding as I was now not going to unveil in front of a complete stranger.
I finished my tea and closing the window shut, kept the cup back on the small wooden table. I bent to the bed and kissed my princess who was still sleeping soundly. The day passed by in a blur , Bilal bhai took me and Fatima to the restaurant and I cooked while the rest of the staff played with Fatima. Fatima really enjoyed coming into the kitchen and watch her Mom cook.
Within no time it was time for the little union. Bilal took us home to get ready and then brought us back along with Sana. Tanya came a while after and then everyone started waiting for this VIP. Fatima was playing and trying to make Aqil understand something in her incomprehensible words. Sana Tanya and I was busy talking about how Tanya should stay here and convince Aqil to not move to Australia , like he was planning to. Even Tanya didn't wanted to go and all three of us were throwing menacing glares at Aqil every now and then. Aqil was visibly ignoring us and was pretending not hear a word we were saying against him. Bilal was busy with the staff in the kitchen making sure the food was perfect.
I was wearing a balck Shalwer Kameez which had black beads all over. On top of that I had thrown a huge Shawl and a scarf around my head that also made up my veil. I had undone the veil for a while as the VIP was yet not here.
Suddenly Bilal burst through the kitchen's door and with a beam of a smile said, " He's here ji ! "
I quickly did my veil and looked at the door where Bilal was gesturing. He had closed the front door and hung ' closed ' board there so only those who were invited could come in through kitchen's door. The man who emerged from the door was a man of average height with tanned skin and gray eyes. Bilal introduced him as Raza Naseer. He was a shy man , I could tell the way his eyes refused to meet any of the girls in the room. He sat beside Aqil bhai and Bilal bhai and talked through the whole time about America and how it was always skyscraper and elevators and books and burgers and trains. He complained about the fresh air and peace that was always missing there and that he had come here to find. I noticed he stole number of glances at me through perplexed vision. The meal was served and Bilal knew me too well to take out my veil in the presence of a stranger so he took Raza and Aqil bhai to a corner table so that we ladies would have some privacy. I sat Fatima on my lap as I tried to make her eat some of the delicious chocolate roll while I served myself with Lasagna.
After the dinner Bilal brought a huge cake and waiters came in who smiled in my direction and decorated the table with toys and balloons and candle. Now Fatima was getting comfortable with Bilal's guest, Raza who seemingly was opening up a bit more while playing with Fatima. I guess kids did that to you. One could never keep a façade long enough with kids. It was time for Fatima to cut the cake and to help her with it. Raza handed me Fatima and I took her in my arms. We cut the cake and everyone cheered. I cut the slice and placed it in Fatima's mouth and kissed her. And I was instantly reminded of Salman. It was the moment, in any normal condition a girl would celebrate with her husband. But I was grateful for what I had. Everyone presented Fatima with a gift but right now she was only focusing on getting one thing in her hand, the knife with which she had cut the cake. I gave the knife to Bilal and told him to take it back to the kitchen. When Fatima saw him taking that knife away she started crying and kicking me.
" No Fatima, it's not a toy. " I told her but she was not listening. Raza came up to me and said,
" Here, give her to me. " He didn't wait for me to extend Fatima to him, instead he just took her. Fatima started crying harder and Raza took her outside to show her the stars that would sooth her. At about 11:00 pm we all decided to head home. Fatima was still in Raza's arms, sleeping.
" You must be tired holding her, give her to me. " I said.
" You know, you are a nice jester. " Raza amused.
" Excuse me? " I asked frowning.
" You really think I would get tired holding a baby?
" No really, I insist. And besides she weighs more than you think. "
" Really it's okay. " Raza said giving me a million dollars smile that would have charmed any other girl but as sinful as it is, I was once again reminded of Salman. I let him hold Fatima the whole way back home. Apparently he was staying with us. Well with Bilal and Sana to be more precise.
I bid my Salam to Sana and Bilal Bhai before taking Fatima upstairs with me. I laid Fatima down on my bed and kept two pillows on either side of her. Kissing her once on the lips I went to the bathroom to change.
I changed into simple shalwer kameez and made ablution. Then I laid beside Fatima pulling her closer to me and covered both of us with covers and whispering some verses from Holy Qura'an fell asleep. I woke up and squinted my eyes in the dark to look at the time. It was 2:00 am.
Time for Tahajjad.
A week passed and Raza stayed with us the whole time. In morning Bilal Bhai would take us and Raza to the restaurant. There I would cook and Raza would sometimes sit in the kitchen and sometimes help Bilal Bhai with customers. At night both men would go out and have their time. One Day Bilal Bhai suggested that Sana and I also join them. I found it really odd and refused politely. Bilal Bhai even insisted that I go. I told him I can't hangout with them. That it was not right. Sana tried reasoning it out with me that I will not be alone with him, they would be there with us, it will not be considered wrong at all but I was adamant. I politely refused again. That day even Bilal Bhai didn't hang out with Raza. They stayed back home. I talked with Bilal Bhai and he laughed the matter off and said it had nothing to do with me not going.
But he proved wrong. As it turned out he wanted us to hangout so that I could get to know more about Raza.
It happened two days after my refusal to hangout with them. We had just reached home from the Restaurant and was getting out from the car , Fatima sleeping on the back seat.
" Neha, there is something that we need to talk to you about ji. Please put Fatima to bed and then come down for a while. " Bilal bhai said. I looked into his eyes and my heart fell. I knew where this was going and I hopped I was wrong.
" Sure." I managed to say.
After about an hour I came downstairs. I came to a halt when I noticed Branch Commissioner was sitting along with Tanya, Aqil bhai , Sana and Bilal Bhai.
" Assalamualikum. " I said in a small voice. I heard a muffled 'Walikumasalm' from all of them.
Bilal Bhai and Uncle Kamran got up. Uncle Kamran patted me on my shoulder and told me to sit beside where he was sitting. I sat there and Uncle Kamran and Billal Bhai also sat. I stared at all of them and they all looked like they were here for something important. Like they were here to announce me a death sentence. I gulped and started Dhikr mentally.
" It's so good to see all of you here. " I said to break the unbearable silence.
" Neha, we have come here to talk to you about something very important." Uncle Kamran started. " It's about you of course. I'm going to speak on behalf of everyone who's present here as we all share the same belief. I hope you don't interpret our love and care as intruding. " Uncle Kamran said and paused. I realized he was waiting for me to answer that. I'm unable to say anything so I just node.
" Thanks Beta. I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm going to get straight to the point."
Please Allah no.
I node again.
" This gentleman, Raza, intends to make you his wife.He intends to take you under his Nikkah. He intends to make Fatima her daughter. I'm also a father Neha and trust me when I say I have done my research. He is a gentleman in real words. I have known his family for years and they belong from noble families. Actually Bilal befriended Raza when he was here about four years ago. He came to visit his parents' hometown and he stayed with me. I've known since that he was a real man, just the man you deserve. He's a firm follower of Sunnah. I think he'll make a perfect match with you. WHat do you have to say about this my daughter? " Uncle Kmaran said and I could literally feel my quickened heartbeat.
" Uncle... I... " I shook my head.
I couldn't. Ya Allah I couldn't.
" You don't have to. No one will force you. We are only giving you an option Neha. It's completely your decision. But if as a daughter you ask for my advice, I think there is no better man than Raza, really beta. Look at you, you are only 21, you have a long life ahead of you InshaAllah. One day you will have to marry, so why not now? One day , when Fatima grows up, she's going to question you about her Dad, what would you say then? What would you say when her teachers and fellows will bully her about not having a father. Dear Neha, we have kept you as safe as a bud, but we can't do that forever. This is not only about you but about Fatima as well. We all will respect your decision. Whatever it is. " Uncle Kamran finished with a genuine smile. I stared for a long time on my lap and then nodding I cleared my throat.
" Uncle, all of you means so much to me. You are the closest to what I have as a father. Tanya's like my sister, Bilal Bhai is my brother which I never had. Uncle I respect your concern for me, in fact I really appreciate it. But... I... I can't..." I felt a lump form in my throat and was not able to speak. I felt tears spill and wet my cheeks. " I ... I need some time. " I finished not wanting to say no on their faces. Uncle Kamran nodded and I came back upstairs in my room. Fatima was still sleeping. I sat beside her and cried. I thought of what Uncle Kamran had said, that one day Fatima will have to bear the pain which was in my hands now, I could chose to inflict it in her life or I could save her from the life time embarrassment. I picked her up and hugged her to my chest and cried until I fell asleep.
As usual, I woke up at Tahajjad. That day when I sat in front of Allah, I didn't know what to ask and what not. So I asked for one thing as I cried over and over again in front of the One who was surely listening to me.
" Ya Allah help me! I don't know what to do. Help me Allah! Help me through this!" I cried until I got hiccups. Folding the praying mat I went back to bed and hiccupped every now and then. I looked at Fatima curled up in her mother's embrace and wished more than anything in the world to be with Mama.