Readers, If you don't start voting, I'll start crying now.
Please vote and comment.
love,
lillyalbela.
That night I couldn't sleep. I laid in my bed wide awake going over and over again at the moment Salman and I shared. Half of my heart wanted Salman to come back and finish what we started and the other half of me wanted him to stand in front of me and explain why he left, when he said he'll wait for me in the balcony.
I was also worried about what Shahbaz had meant. I was telling myself again and again that I'll go and talk to him in the morning and tell him that I liked him just as a friend. The thought of him liking me as more than a friend was too depressing and I didn't wanted to think about it. If it turned out that Shahbaz had feelings for me, it would be a disaster. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I laid the whole night praying that it wasn't what I was dreading the most, that Shahbaz loved me.
It was 7:00 am when I jumped out of my bed, deciding to take a shower before I went to talk to Shahbaz. I took a quick shower and wore lilac Shalwer and Kameez. I combed my hair not bothering to dry them and throwing the dupatta over my shoulder, I exited the room. Shahbaz and Aunty Maria were both staying in the guest rooms downstairs adjacent to Dad's study room. Dad was still in his room sleeping. I knocked on Shahbaz's door and waited patiently for him to open the door. I rehearsed what I had to tell him in my head, repeatedly. After five minutes of knocking I realized he was not in his room. I turned the door's knob slightly and sure enough, it was unlocked and Shahbaz was not inside.
Groaning I went back into my room and decided to talk to him after school and with that I started getting ready for the school.
I came back home tired and sweaty at 1:25 pm. When I entered the main gate I saw Shahbaz standing in the lawn talking on the phone, he seemed so happy about something. When he saw me he said something over the phone and ended the call. He walked towards me , smirking.
" Hey princess, I'm glad you came. " I raised my eyebrows at the princess and said,
" What's there to be happy about? I come home everyday." I said like a matter of fact.
" Yes but today everyone awaits you." Shahbaz said like I was supposed to know something. I gave him a questioning look before saying,
"Shahbaz I need to talk to you about last night." I said.
" Even I need to talk to you, Neha about so many things. But hell, who has the time..." Shahbaz was saying and he was cut off by the door opening and Mom's voice saying,
" Honey? What are you doing outside, come on in. We have a surprise for you." I turned around and saw that she was not in her casual clothes. She was wearing silk's shalwer kameez and had a good amount of makeup on. I was so confused that I blurted out,
" What the hell is going on here?" I heard Shahbaz chuckle beside me and I turned to glare at him.
" Shahbaz, I need you to tell me what's going on!" I said in a stern voice. What Shahbaz did next took me off guard. He kept a hand on the small of my back and pulled me to him whispering,
" Just exactly what we wanted. We are getting engage, Neha." Shahbaz whispered huskily and all I wanted to do was puke on his face.
" What are you talking about." I said trying to myself from his deathly grip. He let go of me and smirked,
" Let's go inside Neha, our family awaits for us there." He said before taking my hand and leading me to the entrance.My mind was all blurred from what he had said and they were going round and round in my head and I felt dizzy.
Princess...Hell, who has the time.... Just exactly what we wanted. We are getting engaged.
Suddenly coming to my senses I yanked my hand from his hold. He looked at me taken aback. We were already in the main hall and what I saw there shocked me. The 12 seater dining table was filled with so many different types of sweets and desserts and decorated so well with flowers. I noticed that even Dad was dressed up in his new Boss's suit.
Aunty Maria was sitting on one of the chair talking loudly over the phone and telling whoever was on the other side of the phone to come here as soon as possible, that Shahbaz was getting married. I took a sharp breath before I walked towards my parents who seemed so happy. Last time I saw them dressed up this nicely was on the day of my top three ceremony.I ignored the confused Shahbaz that was seemingly hurt due to me yanking my hand.
" Dad..." Dad looked at me and smiled. It was then that I realized it had been so long since I last saw him actually smile. Even he looked so happy about this. They had arranged my engagement over the time frame of 5 hours.
" Come here honey." Dad said as he stood up from the chair opening his arms. I ran towards him and hugged him. The moment I hugged him I broke into a fist of sobs.
" What's going on in here Dad?" I demanded trying to control my sobs.
" Love, there is nothing to worry about..."
Love. I realized Dad had not been this loving since the robbery with me.
" Shahbaz is a very good young man. Your mother and I both approve of him. He's the best match for you, sweetheart. You don't have to worry about anything." NO, no, no. Oh no, I was not going to get engaged to him. Not now, not ever.
" But Dad you didn't even ask me. "I said pulling back from him.
" Yes we didn't because he's so perfect. I didn't see any reason that you will not want to marry him. He's one of a guy, baby." My Dad's loving words were sickening me.
" Dad you should have asked me first. " I said stubbornly, tears flowing from my eyes.
" No I shouldn't have. You are my daughter and I get to decide the good and the bad for you." Dad said strictly.
" Yes , but you promised me that you'll let me complete my studies. Why are you rushing into things, Dad. I'm only nineteen yet." I said and saw how Dad was trying to control his anger in front of Aunty Maria and Shahbaz.
" That's the best age for a girl to get married, when she is young. I was married to your Dad at the age of 17." Mom said as if it was something that would console me.
" But mom..." I was cut abruptly by Dad,
" No ifs and buts, Neha. We have decided that your engagement ceremony will be held the day after tomorrow and your wedding will be after three months. The sooner you accept this the better.
" Dad said before picking a sweet from the table and putting it in my mouth.
" It's for your good." Dad said before pecking me on my forehead. I went in my room and locked the door behind me. I was getting engaged in one day and married in three months.
Now this was something that I had never planned. I felt like a looser. What the hell was I thinking all this time. That Mom and Dad will be overjoyed by hearing that I was in love with a robber and marry me to him.
It's for your good.
Oh Dad, only if you knew what was good for me. I always thought that one day I'll try to explain by giving some reasoning and logic to my parents that what Salman actually meant to me. But before that day came, they had arranged my wedding with my childhood friend. I took a sharp breath, remembering Shahbaz's words.
I just knew it that these feelings are mutual.
No, it wasn't you idiot! I seethed in anger.
I sat on the floor of my room, my head in my hands, crying. There were several knocks on the door but I didn't bother opening the door. I felt too miserable to get up and walk towards my bed. I cried myself to sleep on the floor. I don't know what time it was when I woke up next. My head was throbbing due to all the crying I had done. I laid there and just like that my eyes filled with unshed tears again. I started sobbing and the pain in my head got worse.
" Neha, open the door." It was my Mom. She sounded concern.
As if.
" Open the door Neha!" Mom said again this time a little bit loudly.
I got up and wiping the tears from my face I opened the door. Mom looked at me and gasped. My state was really not something I wanted anyone to see. Mom came in and closed the door behind her. I stood like a statue not saying anything.
" Neha, don't you like Shahbaz?" Mom asked seemingly confused. What in earth gave her the idea that I liked Shahbaz . And then I knew it. It was Shahbaz who had the rumor that I liked him and now my parents were adamant on marrying me to him.
" Mom, I like him. But as a friend. I can not imagine marrying him. It's just not right. I don't like him like that." I said my eyes welling up with fresh tears.
" Dear, you will eventually like him like that. He is a very nice man and to top all that , he loves you. " Mom said smiling. She thought this all was not a big. She thought her daughter was any ordinary girl generally scared of the marriage concept. She had no idea why I didn't... why I couldn't marry Shahbaz. Marrying Shahbaz would not only kill me but it will also end up killing my soul. I loved Salman too much and it hurts too much to even think about it.
" I will never like him. I will never be able to accept him as my husband. I just can't do that." I said sitting on my bed wiping the warm tears with the back of my hand.
" You will... in fact, you will have to. You have no other option Neha. And just look at how much your Dad is happy about all this. Did you know that your Dad invited them here in the first place. Now that I think about it, I can put all the puzzle together. Just put the two and two together Neha. Can't you see it? The robbery, your Dad's reserved behavior , he inviting Maria from America and now this wedding. Now I know it, your Dad has been worried about you all along. He have been so worried that what if someone finds out that some robbers were in your room when you were all alone in the. Who will give the guarantee of your pureness then. No one. Everyone will question about your pureness and then no one will marry you. That's why your Dad wants to marry you. And Shahbaz is the best choice. It's for your best Neha." I stared back at Mom not giving any reaction to anything that she was saying.
Out of all the people I thought my Mom would know what was best for me. But even she didn't. So Dad was intent on marrying me to Sahbaz because he was insecure about people raising questions on my purity. I wanted to laugh at all that. At the mess I had created. But all I could do was silently cry. Mom left the room satisfied that I had not committed a suicide.
Yet.
I stayed in my room the whole day skipping lunch and dinner. I stayed awake the whole night waiting for Salman to come. But he didn't. At 4: 00 am I had made up my mind that I will go to his and tell him about the engagement. He loved me, he surely will not let this engagement happen. I knew he loved me.
I was all ready to leave for school at 7:45. Coming out of my room I decided not to talk with anyone and just leave the house. But my lucky stars were not with me today so I was stopped by Dad just as I was exiting the house.
" Where are you going Neha? " I turned around to look at Dad , he was still in his sleeping clothes. It was already 8:00 am and he was usually getting ready for his work by now but today it looked like he was not in a mood to go for work.
" School." I said in a small voice.
" Your engagement is tomorrow , Neha. You'll have to take off from the school for some days. " Dad said and I looked at him in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. I can't stay home and not meet Salman. I had to tell him. I felt a lump grow in my throat.
" Go to your room Neha. " Dad said in a final tone, sitting on the sofa and opening morning's newspaper. I saw Shahbaz come out of his room and look at me. He looked kind of sheepish. Maybe he had realized the deathly mistake he had maid. I glared at him before running upstairs to my bedroom closing the door with a thud. I heard Mom shout for me to come and have breakfast. I sat on the bed crying like a maniac.
I had to do something. But what could I do. Everyone was at home today so I couldn't leave home. Maybe if maybe I could talk Shahbaz into not marrying me, the engagement will be canceled. But to do that I'll have to tell him the real reason as to why I couldn't marry him and that was not possible. I was not going to risk Salman into all this. God knew what Dad was capable of doing with Salman, with his high contacts and friends in police departments.I thought of killing myself several times but I couldn't imagine leaving this world without Salman knowing. Only if Salman was here in front of me, I would kill myself and die peacefully in his arms. I laid on my bed feeling dizzy. I knew I had to eat something because I was getting very weak but I just couldn't bring myself to even think about eating something without throwing up.
Oh Salman , please come to me, I said with trembling lips.
At lunch time there was a knock on the door. I opened it and saw Dad standing there. When I looked at what he was holding I wanted to run away. He held a dress in his hind. It was a light pink shade's blouse with a frilly skirt. It had beads work all over it and in any normal situation I would have loved it. But right now I wanted nothing more than to put it on fire.
" This is your engagement dress. I want you to try it on after dinner. " Dad said. I took the dress from him and kept it on my bed, like it was some dirty ragged piece of cloth. Dad didn't seem to notice it or even if he did, he did his best to hide it.
" I have some decorators decorate the house and they will be coming in to your room as well. Whole house will be decorated with freshly blossomed roses. Now I want you to come downstairs and have a look at the guest list that we have prepared for the ceremony tomorrow. Just check and make sure no body have been missed out." Dad said. I looked at him at saw he was content on what he was doing. Everyone was so blind that none of them could see the pain I was in.
I nodded and dad left.
Sighing I went downstairs and halted. The hall was now filled with so many buckets of pink and white roses and there were dozens of people going here and there, probably the decorators. I saw Mom and Aunty Maria sitting on the sofa both of them had a list in their hands and they were scribbling something on it. When Aunty Maria saw me she smiled and motioned me to sit next to her. Reluctantly I went and sat next to her. She looked at me and said,
" I know this all is new to you. But trust me, Shahbaz and I , we both will love you so much that you will never miss home. " Aunty Maria said and I snapped my head towards her. I gave Mom a questioning look and Mom said,
" Honey, you are going to travel to America after the wedding."
Great, just great. Not only I was getting married to a complete stranger who happened to be my childhood friend, I was also leaving the country I had grown up and lived my whole life in. The country where Salman lived. I felt a shiver pass through my body and thought I was going to faint.
I was growing immune to the shocking news and the tears now didn't threaten to fall every other minute. I was not allowed to go to my room until dinner and was forced to drink a glass of juice and eat a salad's sandwich as I was intent on not eating anything else.
Shahbaz was also lost in some thoughts and tried to dodge my glare every now and then. Even on dinner he looked at anything but me. After dinner when I was going in my room , Dad stopped me and told me to try the dress I was supposed to wear tomorrow.
I went in my room and wore the dress trying not to feel anything. I went to my parents room and saw both of them sitting on their bed talking. When they looked at me they both grew so quiet. I felt my mom's eyes well up with tears and Dad looked at me with so much pride. He stood up from his bed and hugged me.
" You look beautiful, Neha. " I tried to smile but couldn't manage it. I looked at Dad, my eyes hollow, empty without any emotions. I wonder how come my own parents were unable to see how badly I loathed this dress or this wedding as a whole.
I came back in my room when it was already 11:30 pm. Locking the door and turning off the lights I sat on my bed. I looked around the room and saw through the dim light that was coming from the balcony how well was my room decorated with flowers. The whole room felt like a delicious perfume and it was the only thing that didn't make me feel like puking. My bed was also adorned with fresh pink roses and it looked just like a honeymoon bed. Once again a shiver of terror ran through me as I thought about the engagement tomorrow. I stood still on my bed, still in the dress and the tears started to flow freely ,once again.
" Neha..." I froze for a second before blinking and looking up at where the voice had come. I saw Salman coming out of the balcony's door. I looked at him and couldn't believe my eyes.
He was here. Oh, he was here.