Julianne's POV
A week goes by, and Holden is still acting weird. He's letting literally everything slide, and basically letting us do whatever we want.
Normally it would be amazing but this just feels so, so wrong.
Gage still talks to me in the hallway and in Holden's class, but hasn't said a single word about what happened with his brother.
And my crush is getting even deeper the more times we talk.
We walk into the house after school and Tate throws his book bag down in the middle of the floor.
"Tate, can you pick it up, please?" Holden asks tiredly as he sets his own book bag on the table.
"No thanks, Tate says in a bored tone as he walks into the kitchen.
Holden looks at him, but sighs in defeat as he goes to get Tate's book bag and puts it on the table next to his.
"Why are you being so mean to him?" I whisper, and Tate shakes his head at me.
"Stop, Julianne," he says in a weird tone as he watches Holden with frustration and something else. Sadness, maybe?
After a long moment of Tate simply watching our brother open his book bag and get out a folder to grade, he goes to the pantry and gets out a bag of BBQ chips.
He sits on the counter and starts to eat the chips, obnoxiously crushing them and making crumbs scatter on the floor. He's making such a mess, that Holden finally looks up from grading with a disgusted look.
"What is with you? Clean up the mess, dude."
"That's your job," Tate sneers as he jumps down onto the floor and stomps all over the crumbs.
Holden just looks at him with a blank expression as he goes back to his grading, and Tate's jaw drops for just a second before he masks it to indifferent.
Tate puts the bag of chips on the counter and simply goes to our room, shutting the door.
I sit next to Holden and work on my homework, and after a while he gets up from the table and cleans up the chip mess.
~*~
We eat dinner in complete silence, with Tate watching Holden like a hawk. I'm not sure why but as the silent dinner goes on, Tate is looking more and more pissed.
"Will you guys help me with the dishes?" Holden asks as he stands up walks over to the garbage can, scraping the rest of his hamburger helper into the trash.
I immediately get up and start clearing, but Tate sits in his spot and simply stares at Holden. It takes Holden a minute to notice, but when he does he raises his eyebrows.
"What is going on with you?"
Tate laughs an EXTREMELY dangerous laugh as he shakes his head in exasperation. "What's wrong with me?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" He screams so loudly, I drop my plate and it shatters once it crashes to the floor.
Holden looks between me and Tate, unsure of which crazy to address first.
Holden decides to focus on me first. "Step around it and go grab shoes. I'll clean it up," he says gently as he focuses on cleaning up the broken glass and not our brother.
Tate watches in complete astonishment while Holden cleans up the plate, and it isn't until Holden stands back up and stares at Tate does he speak again.
"What is it going to take, Holden?" Tate asks as he finally stands up and walks over to him.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Holden snaps.
"What do I need to do, huh?"
"What do you need to do? You could help out around this damn house like I've asked a hundred times!"
Tate shakes his head and blows out a frustrated breath. "Maybe I should just grab her and shove her to the ground. Would THAT make you react?"
Holden looks at him in stunned silence for a minute before he shakes his head in confusion. "What?"
"STOP BEING A DAMN ZOMBIE!!!!! WE NEED YOU!" Tate screams so loudly, I jump again.
But Holden doesn't even flinch.
Tate's face crumples up in pain at the completely lost look in Holden's eyes and he starts to cry. "I've been an asshole ALL WEEK! You've let me get away with EVERYTHING! You don't smile. You don't joke around. WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO TO GET YOU TO COME BACK TO US?!?!"
Holden finally flinches slightly, but you can tell that he still isn't getting it.
Tate blows out a frustrated breath and swipes at a tear. "I'M SORRY THAT SHE'S GONE! I KNOW THAT YOU LOVED HER! BUT WE'RE STILL HERE AND WE NEED YOU!"
Holden blinks multiple times in quick succession as Tate continues to cry.
"We've always been alone. We've always done whatever we've wanted. And then we got YOU and you're bossy as hell and I've HATED IT! But I don't want to raise myself anymore. WE NEED YOU TO COME BACK, HOLDEN! YOU'RE ALL WE HAVE."
Holden's chin literally starts to quiver slightly and hope fills my chest for the first time since Chippy died.
"You're just gone. It's like you died with her. What about us? You just exist now and we're back to being alone?" Tate asks as his tears flow faster and his breathing quickens.
Holden shakes his head as he looks down at the ground. "I....." he stops and takes a big breath.
"YOU SEE? I'M POURING MY DAMN HEART OUT AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" Tate screams. He picks up Holden's folder with papers he hasn't finished grading and throws it against the wall, making the papers spill everywhere.
"DO SOMETHING!" He screams as he picks up the pan of the remaining hamburger helper and throws that against the wall, creating the biggest mess I've ever seen and ruining all of the homework that was ungraded.
And the hole in the wall from the pan is pretty impressive.
Holden looks at the mess in horror, but instead of getting mad he just shakes his head. "Tate, calm down. Please."
"STOP BEING SO DAMN POLITE!" Tate screams as he picks up the wooden spoon that's still on the table and throws it...But he throws it too hard and it starts coming right for me.
Holden steps infront of me before I can react, and the spoon hits him hard on the arm.
"WHAT THE HELL?!? YOU ALMOST HIT HER?!?" Holden screams in anger as he rubs the wounded spot on his arm.
"Finally," Tate whispers as he sniffs and wipes at more tears on his cheek.
"I'm sorry that hit you. I didn't mean it...But...We need you to come back, Holden." Tate sighs as he brings up the bottom of his shirt to mop up his face.
Holden drops his head and closes his eyes again. Tate throws his hands up in exasperation for a second, when Holden whispers so quietly we almost miss it.
"I'm the reason she's dead."
"No, you're not," I say, speaking for the first time. Holden lifts his face until his eyes meet mine.
"When you first called her, you told her Tate and I would drive down to the shop to get it. She refused. Then when she was leaving you asked her to let you take her home. She refused. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. And you aren't the one that murdered her."
Holden's chin quivers again and he sniffs once. "I lost the only person that actually loved me," he whispers again.
"Well that's a really shitty thing to say," Tate snaps, causing Holden to look back at him. "WE LOVE YOU! It's not our fault you left and we didn't know how to reach you. It's not our fault you're the older brother and we've never been able to take care of you. WE LOVE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!"
Something snaps inside of Holden, and he crumples to the ground and starts to cry. Like, actually cry. He sits on the ground and sobs, hugging himself as he rocks back and forth.
Tate and I immediately rush over to him as we sandwich him between us and hold him in a group hug on the floor.
"I was never good enough for dad. Mom was too self-medicated...She......" he sobs, and turns his head into Tate's shoulder.
"Our parents sucked," Tate agrees through his own tears.
"Cook died. Now Chippy...Why do all the adults in our lives that give a shit keep dying?" He cries
It's silent as we let that sink in. "Tate and I are here...We're not adults but we do give a shit," I finally say.
Holden nods as he sniffs and lifts his head off of Tate's shoulder and gently puts his forehead on my forehead.
"I'm so sorry, you guys," he says as more of his tears fall down and splash onto my cheeks.
He moves his head from mine and lets us go, blowing out a huge breath.
"Thank you," he finally says when his tears stop and his breathing calms.
"For what? Destroying the house and bruising the shit outta your arm?" Tate mutters, and Holden winces.
"Yeah, my arm hurts like hell."
"Thanks for blocking it for me," I say as I gently touch the bruise that's already poking out from under his sleeve.
Holden looks down at me and kisses my forehead. "Always."
"So where do we go from here?" Tate asks after a long moment of silence. "Because I wasn't kidding. You're bossy and I actually miss it. You let me sneak out, Holden."
Holden nods as he does the same thing with his shirt as Tate did to wipe at a few stray tears. "I'll remind you of that when I'm spanking your ass the next time you do it," Holden smirks.
"I'm still sad, you guys. I can't just flip a switch and magically be fine. I'm devastated."
"We can deal with sad. But this? We can't live like this, Holden," Tate says as he sweeps his hand over the complete disaster in the corner of the kitchen.
"Shit," Holden sighs when he really takes in how big of a mess we have to clean up.
Quinn walks in and when she sees us on the kitchen floor, simply surveys the scene quietly. Then she sets her bag down and starts walking over to the corner of the kitchen in complete silence to start cleaning.
"Come here, cute lady," Holden says with a small grin, catching Quinn by surprise as she turns around and looks at him.
"What?" She asks.
"Come here......"
She comes over, and gets down on the ground in front of Holden. Holden cups her neck gently and brings her in for a kiss.
"How did you get here?" He asks as he pulls away.
"I walked."
Anger flits across his face for a second before she smirks. "You're back, huh?"
"Did you really walk, Sylvie Marie?"
"No. I drove," she smirks as she leans in for another kiss.
"We're right here," Tate mumbles as they continue kissing, and when they finally pull away I see it.
Holden smiles as he looks at all of us sitting on the floor, and that's when Tate and I both see it.
He's going to be fine....And my guess is he will start being bossy again momentarily.