|🌀|Aonung POV:
⚠️-TW- Self-harm/suicidal thoughts!!
- I finally returned to the first place I ever saw the fish family, the same cave but now in front of me was my angry dad.
Not a view I had never seen before, I sighed to myself as I got closer to him,
' You didn't catch it ' He signed me, and as I nodded, I knew he would know this because every time one of these fishes died, their lantern shut down and lit up again, and when the whole family died their lantern shut off forever,
And he waited until he killed the bigger fish to see if I was going to kill the baby ones. like always.
' They were babies. ' I signed back to him, as he gripped his hand around my arm making me lose my spear, as he pulled me closer to him, I frowned as he used his other hand to sign me,
' They eat baby ilus. ' I pulled my arm away from him and backed away, ' Their monsters ' he signed me again as he placed his arms to his chest.
' How are we better than those monsters if we kill babies too ' I signed him frowning, i saw his eyes widening and in a flash I felt my arm get pulled to the surface, being gripped very tight.
He pulled me until I felt the sand under my feet as I tried to get what the hell was happening, " Dad- stop pulling me! " I snapped in the end as I tried to pull my arm away from his grip he kept me even tighter and finally faced me with cold eyes.
" Aonung, we spoke about this a task is a task, when I command you to kill, you kill, I don't know what's gotten to you but since last I been talking to you, you got soft. weak. " he hissed slowly his words harsher by the end,
I frowned as I felt my head explode, " I'm not fucking weak or soft, I won't kill a family of souls just because you are incompetent at protecting baby ilus, " I hissed back,
" Their predators, that's what they eat, they try to fucking survive like we are trying to do by killing many other fishes and sea animals "
" You're the softie here, Father. " I finally spat as he got even closer to me, his eyes burning with rage at my attitude which he always hated.
" You're going to be the next chief, how are you going to protect you're people if you can't kill anything in your path to do so " he said in a lower serious tone, i sighed and looked at the ground,
"Then I hope you won't be alive to see me become such a disappointing chief, " I said with a matching tone as a big sigh came to my ears, and then when I looked up I saw my father, storming off the sand.
I kicked the sand as he left me there, I dropped myself on the sand and placed my hands on my head trying to cool down the heart and the anger that was growing inside of me,
The same thing. the same fucking story that will end the fucking same. I remember every word he said to me every time I showed pity to any animal, every time I missed my aim with my spear every time I didn't fight good enough to beat him, every time.
" You're weak. "
" You're soft. "
" Such a dissapoiment. "
" How can you call yourself a man? "
" Sometimes I don't know if I even can call you my son. "
I felt my eyes fill, and my anger was growing as words and memories were swirling down in my head, he was my dad and I loved him and I knew he loved me back, but his anger issues. his words sometimes said in anger make me wish I was dead.
I always did my best, I trained myself to do my best for him, to protect maybe one day my future village even tho I don't want that deep inside of me.
I didn't want to do anything from what he made me do, to kill everything in my path for my people, to be an animal in battle, and to always win with honor, i don't want any of that anymore,
I simply don't wanna be myself anymore, or this person my dad wants to create for the village's good and I truly think for the villages only, not mine.
I let myself cry, I let myself scream and kick the sand as I wished this pain inside of me to end, I didn't want to do this anymore even before Neteyam, I just wanted to be happy.
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- It had passed some hours, and it was almost past lunchtime as I got up, red eyes and swore arms as I kept them around me, using my nails to hurt my skin, I finally got up from the sand and punched myself to get the thoughts out of my head and start to go back to my cabin wishing I could forget this day with all costs.
As I eyed the door of my cabin and will open the door I was faced with something I knew I would find,
My mom and dad were at the dining table, looking at me, I sighed to myself deeply as I closed the door behind me,
" Have a seat, Aonung " My mom added as I looked at her, with a big glare on my face as I went slowly and sat down in front of them,
" Would you care to explain to me what happened today? " She began, I sat down looking at the table instead, " I did nothing wrong " I added, as she gave me a cold glare back,
" You said something wrong. " She added, I sighed.
" I haven't, " I said again as I heard my dad talk, " Aonung, I don't like your attitude, and I thought we talked that out some time ago "
I shot a glare at my dad instead, " I don't care if you do or don't, I didn't want to kill some fucking babies, how is that wrong? "
" Stop swearing. Aonung " My mom added, " I won't fucking stop swearing, I am sick of this, I am sick of both of you! " I hissed as I got up slamming my hands to the table,
My mom also got up and went over to me as she pulled my arm making me get closer to her as she forced me to look into her eyes, " Calm yourself. " she hissed at me, I frowned even more,
" I am calm " I hissed back.
" Let him go, Ronal " I heard my dad speak as he sat back down at the table.
" Stop being a brat, and listen to me, " My mom said again as she looked at me, I was taller than her yet I felt my inner child scream in fear, I frowned even more, " I fucking hate you. " I hissed as I pulled my hand away from her almost hitting her while I did so,
*SLAP*
My face moved to the side as she hit me once again, I hissed back as her cold glare never left my eyes, " I fucking, HATE YOU. " I hissed louder she got again closer to me hissing at me with a big frown on her face,
*SLAP!*
She moved my face to the other side.
" Ronal! " My dad shouted, " If you dare to leave your room, you're dead. " she spat as she pulled my arm pushing me towards my room, I hissed again, " FUCKING ASSHOLES! " I finally hissed louder and closed the door of my room behind me.
My chest was heavy, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't fucking breathe, I was alone in my room, I could feel my heart beating in my ears and I couldn't fucking breathe, why can't I fucking breathe...
I let my body drop to the ground I was desperate to breathe, but my body couldn't let air in, my eyes widened, and as I felt tears going down my cheek, and trying to place my hand on my chest, which started to hurt me.
I closed my eyes trying desperately to control myself and breathe again, all I was doing was making me feel worse, I opened my eyes with more tears down my cheeks the first thing I could eye was my lamp.
I grabbed it and opened the small door taking one piece of wood that was inside and wasn't fully burned, and used the tip with the fire on it and placed it down on my inner leg where the old scar of burned skin almost healed, letting it burn me once again.
I started to close my eyes as the fire kept stinging my skin i let my heavy head to the wall behind me and focused on my breathing trying to bring myself to breathe normally.
I started counting...
I started to let my body relax.
I started to feel numb.